In a bad place, but with a breakthrough

[Guest guest]

Hi Group,

So I still can't seem to manage to get myself back on track. I haven't been

eating anything terribly unhealthy, but I have been eating a lot. Pasta mainly.

I've got a lot of school stress, and a big life decision to make. I got into a

PhD program, but I don't know if I want to do it. On the other hand, I'm afraid

that if I don't do it I'll be unemployed and have to move back in with my

mother. This past year doing my Masters has felt like the first time in a very

long time that I was moving forward with my life, and I'm terrified of going

back to how things were before. I'm dealing with a boy issue which is making me

feel incredibly lonely, and I just found out that 'the one who got away' got

engaged. It's now official, all of my exes and men who have been romantically

important to me are engaged or married. One even has a baby. I feel like

everyone is passing me by, like life is passing me by, and I'm stuck not knowing

what to do next or how to fix things.

Of course all of this is making me want to eat. I had a moment today where I was

desperately craving something. I thought I'd put on my shoes and go to the

supermarket and get something. Until I realized I had no idea what that

something was. I wasn't craving ice cream or pizza or chips, I just wanted to

eat. The thought of any actual specific item of food turned me off though. Even

though the desire to eat hasn't gone away, knowing - REALLY knowing, that that

desire is about my emotions and not a food craving, is helping me not eat. Maybe

I can hold on to that realization and it will help me through the next time I

feel like this.

I know this was long. Thanks for anybody who read through it all. Times like

this I'm so grateful for the existence of this group.