Re: Chapter 3 help

[Guest guest]

Hi Maddi

Eating as punishment sounds like an important insight. There must be more behind

and around that.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Monday, February 13, 2012 12:32:00 AM

Subject: Chapter 3 help

 

As I have been reading chapter 3, I have been having a hard time realizing what

the positive feeling is that I get out of food. I fear not being accepted in

college, and that people will find out all my secrets. But whenever I eat, I

always end up feeling so much worse! Does anyone have suggestions as to how to

identify my positive reward from food? Or even how to stop myself?? Whenever I

overeat, I try to stop myself, but i have this " I don't care anymore " mentality,

almost like I am punishing myself for all my past mistakes!

[Guest guest]

Hi Maddi,

Believe it or not,you're at a great start. I would suggest that you break

everything into smaller parts. For example:

1. Not being accepted in college.

2. Being found out

3. The post binge feelings

4. The " I don't care anymore " attitude.

5. The punishment feeling.

I think the easiest one to explain is #2, the " being found out " or people

finding out your secrets. refers to this as one of our objections to lose

weight. Remember " the fraud " ? Try addressing this issue first. One of my

objections was " the fraud " too. I was scared people would know I'm not in

control of my life, that I am not as confident as I portray myself to be, and

that this would make people dislike me.

Do you feel that you still have objections to losing weight? That could explain

the tug of war inside you and therefore the post-binge feelings that you have.

You want to lose weight but your subconscious is providing you with something

very important and so it won't let you stop eating. Is it protection from being

found out? Is it security for your secrets? Is it acceptance of yourself being

perfectly imperfect?

Journaling helps a lot. Posting here can give you tons of insight. You'll see

how many things you figure out on your own when you are writing your posts. Be

patient and kind to yourself. You will get there.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the input! I will definitely try to look deeper as to why I think I

need to be punished.

Madison

>

> Hi Maddi

>

> Eating as punishment sounds like an important insight. There must be more

behind and around that.

>

>  

> Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

> Freelance Musician

> 426 Pinehouse Drive

> Saskatoon Sk

> S7K4X5

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Monday, February 13, 2012 12:32:00 AM

> Subject: Chapter 3 help

>

>

>  

> As I have been reading chapter 3, I have been having a hard time realizing

what the positive feeling is that I get out of food. I fear not being accepted

in college, and that people will find out all my secrets. But whenever I eat, I

always end up feeling so much worse! Does anyone have suggestions as to how to

identify my positive reward from food? Or even how to stop myself?? Whenever I

overeat, I try to stop myself, but i have this " I don't care anymore " mentality,

almost like I am punishing myself for all my past mistakes!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much!! I will definitely try all of these ideas!

I know that I need to look at what objections I have, but I still can't seem to

figure them out. Do you have any suggestions as how to do this? I realize that I

am getting something positive out of overheating, but when my negative thoughts

out number my positive feelings, I don't understand why I can't stop.

Thanks again!

Maddi

>

> Hi Maddi,

> Believe it or not,you're at a great start. I would suggest that you break

everything into smaller parts. For example:

>

> 1. Not being accepted in college.

> 2. Being found out

> 3. The post binge feelings

> 4. The " I don't care anymore " attitude.

> 5. The punishment feeling.

>

> I think the easiest one to explain is #2, the " being found out " or people

finding out your secrets. refers to this as one of our objections to lose

weight. Remember " the fraud " ? Try addressing this issue first. One of my

objections was " the fraud " too. I was scared people would know I'm not in

control of my life, that I am not as confident as I portray myself to be, and

that this would make people dislike me.

>

> Do you feel that you still have objections to losing weight? That could

explain the tug of war inside you and therefore the post-binge feelings that you

have. You want to lose weight but your subconscious is providing you with

something very important and so it won't let you stop eating. Is it protection

from being found out? Is it security for your secrets? Is it acceptance of

yourself being perfectly imperfect?

>

> Journaling helps a lot. Posting here can give you tons of insight. You'll see

how many things you figure out on your own when you are writing your posts. Be

patient and kind to yourself. You will get there.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

This is really excellent, thanks for posting. During a short period of

practice, I realized that not only do I not recognize my negative feelings, I

ignore the good ones as well. By checking in as you suggest, I noticed that I

often feel proud and happy because I do the right thing...and that even these

emotions cause some trepidation, which is vitally interesting and important to

know. I hadn't recognized that it's feelings in general, both negative and

positive, that are scary to me. Somehow, I've managed to turn off my feelings

in general and live in a consistently subdued state. It's nice to have a method

of finding them again -- especially, as you say, I don't have to react, only

feel. This offers me a great sense of relief. Haha...Just as easily as not

hitting someone, I can be really happy inside and not make a fool of myself.

Thanks so much,

>

> Hi Carlton,

>

> Starting from the end--troweling extra fat over your gut doesn't sound like a

very kind or forgiving way to talk about yourself and your actions. How would

you reframe that if someone else said it?

>

> Ah, feelings. Based on what you shared about various non-food addictions, and

what they led to, I can understand how you'd be afraid to face the feelings. I

can understand how you'd be afraid of a feeling that seemed to feel good but

could lead to hurt. Not just hurting you, but all those around you. 

>

> But keep in mind-- a feeling is a feeling. A thought is a thought. These are

not actions. 

>

> If someone makes me so angry I feel like smacking them, and I allow  myself to

feel the anger--I can process through it. I can look beyond what I'd like to do

to the person, to what I'd like to do about the situation. I can look at what

the person's positive intent was in whatever happened. I can look not just at

what they did to make me angry--I can look at why it is affecting me so

strongly. When I do this, when I take the time to face the emotion, the action I

eventually take tends to be much more positive. If I cut this process short,

well--I don't resort to violence, but I do sometimes resort to lashing out

verbally, in a way that generally reflects more poorly on me than on the other

person.

>

> At an earlier part of this journey, I realized that not only was I eating to

numb the feelings, I couldn't even properly recognize them. I had a sports watch

that I set to beep on the hour. When it beeped, I would take a moment to just

identify my primary feeling at the time.  It was amazingly difficult. My

vocabulary includes a multitude of words to describe a host of feelings in

various shades and colors. I can use these words to properly analyze the

feelings and emotions being described or evoked in a scene from a movie, book,

or play. But to describe my own feelings? Much more difficult. 

>

> I didn't have to do anything about the feeling--just put a name to it. It was

a " safe " place to start when I didn't want to go too deep into the feeling,

where it came from, why, or if I'd be able to come out of the feeling without

falling apart.

>

> Maybe something like that would work for you, until you're ready to go deeper?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Carlton,

 

Wow.  You have a lot going on.  My heart goes out to you navigating how to

make marriage work.  It is really very painful and there are no easy answers.

 

I am praying that you can take care of yourself during this difficult time.

  Livingston

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Friday, February 17, 2012 8:14 AM

Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help

 

Hi.

Thank you. Kindness and compassion like this are the reason I am on this list.

This morning I woke up feeling physically turned on, and this triggered fear,

sadness, and grief. I got up and I felt a bit tired but mostly rested. I was

worried about my old cat when I could not find him right away and then relieved

when he got up.

I got on line and had a chuckle at one of the facebook pictures a friend had

posted. I felt really touched and got a bit teary when I read the message this

is in reply to. I liked the feeling that someone cared enough to reply to my

complaining and whining. I felt valued and loved. That was nice.

Then my wife got up and came into the room. She began talking about taking a job

she found advertised. It is near where her parents live and she talked about

selling this house so she can move there. She would get nearly enough from this

one to buy a house in that small town. I could get an apartment here. I feel

very sad about this, but also that it could be a big relief. It would be

peaceful to live alone. There would be an end to the fighting and the blame and

the shaming. Damn, hard to see the keyboard. I still love her but I am not sure

it is good for us to live together like this. We are disposed to the negative

and always defensive around each other hearing offense and attack everywhere.

I applied for a trucking job that looks promising. I would have to drop all my

school students during the day and maybe some of the evening ones as well. It

pays pretty well. We will see if there is a response. Yesterday I started the

process of applying for a passport. I would need one for hauling to the USA but

if I am living alone I suspect I may have my son with me. I don't know if

would for sure, but I suspect he would want to stay with me in the city over

moving to Tisdale with her. He has friends here and he likes the school here and

is excited about going to this high school in the fall. That means I would not

be taking a long-haul job as I would need to be here for . 

I am really full of turmoil and confusion inside. She threatens to leave from

time to time but if she got a job. she might actually do it. I am ready to

accept that. I have tickets for this performance Friday night and I am actually

wondering if I should take my son to it instead of taking her. The day begins.

Got a cheque to deposit. Better get dressed and ready to go on. I will call a

friend and call my mother today. I hope the day gets better. I feel deeply

deeply sad.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:35:05 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help

 

Hi Carlton,

Starting from the end--troweling extra fat over your gut doesn't sound like a

very kind or forgiving way to talk about yourself and your actions. How would

you reframe that if someone else said it?

Ah, feelings. Based on what you shared about various non-food addictions, and

what they led to, I can understand how you'd be afraid to face the feelings. I

can understand how you'd be afraid of a feeling that seemed to feel good but

could lead to hurt. Not just hurting you, but all those around you. 

But keep in mind-- a feeling is a feeling. A thought is a thought. These are not

actions. 

If someone makes me so angry I feel like smacking them, and I allow  myself to

feel the anger--I can process through it. I can look beyond what I'd like to do

to the person, to what I'd like to do about the situation. I can look at what

the person's positive intent was in whatever happened. I can look not just at

what they did to make me angry--I can look at why it is affecting me so

strongly. When I do this, when I take the time to face the emotion, the action I

eventually take tends to be much more positive. If I cut this process short,

well--I don't resort to violence, but I do sometimes resort to lashing out

verbally, in a way that generally reflects more poorly on me than on the other

person.

At an earlier part of this journey, I realized that not only was I eating to

numb the feelings, I couldn't even properly recognize them. I had a sports watch

that I set to beep on the hour. When it beeped, I would take a moment to just

identify my primary feeling at the time.  It was amazingly difficult. My

vocabulary includes a multitude of words to describe a host of feelings in

various shades and colors. I can use these words to properly analyze the

feelings and emotions being described or evoked in a scene from a movie, book,

or play. But to describe my own feelings? Much more difficult. 

I didn't have to do anything about the feeling--just put a name to it. It was a

" safe " place to start when I didn't want to go too deep into the feeling, where

it came from, why, or if I'd be able to come out of the feeling without falling

apart.

Maybe something like that would work for you, until you're ready to go deeper?

>________________________________

>

>To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

>Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:58 PM

>Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help

>

>

> 

>Hi.

>

>I am finding that I have this deep level terror of my emotions. I am afraid

that if I give in to my feelings I will utterly fall apart. I stuff my face to

stuff down my feelings. I have used other things to blunt, mute, and hide from

my feelings. It is HARD to face feelings when they either hurt or lead to hurt

when they seem to feel good. I fear feelings. I just don't want them. I am just

trying to function and feeling stuff is a threat to that.

>

>On the good side, I managed to survive V. day without eating a whole chocolate

bar. I had my overdose in small steps. I ate about a half dozen small chocolate

hearts at work. I had a couple of Lindt chocolates at the party we went to. I am

sure I did not lose any weight but maybe I did not trowel much extra fat onto my

gut over it.

>

> 

>

>Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

>Freelance Musician

>426 Pinehouse Drive

>Saskatoon Sk

>S7K4X5

>

>

[Guest guest]

Carlton:

I hope you've found some peace and have a better day.

b.

> Carlton,

>

> Wow. You have a lot going on. My heart goes out to you navigating how to

make marriage work. It is really very painful and there are no easy answers.

>

> I am praying that you can take care of yourself during this difficult time.

>

> Livingston

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> Sent: Friday, February 17, 2012 8:14 AM

> Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help

>

>

> Hi.

>

> Thank you. Kindness and compassion like this are the reason I am on this list.

This morning I woke up feeling physically turned on, and this triggered fear,

sadness, and grief. I got up and I felt a bit tired but mostly rested. I was

worried about my old cat when I could not find him right away and then relieved

when he got up.

>

> I got on line and had a chuckle at one of the facebook pictures a friend had

posted. I felt really touched and got a bit teary when I read the message this

is in reply to. I liked the feeling that someone cared enough to reply to my

complaining and whining. I felt valued and loved. That was nice.

>

> Then my wife got up and came into the room. She began talking about taking a

job she found advertised. It is near where her parents live and she talked about

selling this house so she can move there. She would get nearly enough from this

one to buy a house in that small town. I could get an apartment here. I feel

very sad about this, but also that it could be a big relief. It would be

peaceful to live alone. There would be an end to the fighting and the blame and

the shaming. Damn, hard to see the keyboard. I still love her but I am not sure

it is good for us to live together like this. We are disposed to the negative

and always defensive around each other hearing offense and attack everywhere.

>

> I applied for a trucking job that looks promising. I would have to drop all my

school students during the day and maybe some of the evening ones as well. It

pays pretty well. We will see if there is a response. Yesterday I started the

process of applying for a passport. I would need one for hauling to the USA but

if I am living alone I suspect I may have my son with me. I don't know if

would for sure, but I suspect he would want to stay with me in the city over

moving to Tisdale with her. He has friends here and he likes the school here and

is excited about going to this high school in the fall. That means I would not

be taking a long-haul job as I would need to be here for .

>

> I am really full of turmoil and confusion inside. She threatens to leave from

time to time but if she got a job. she might actually do it. I am ready to

accept that. I have tickets for this performance Friday night and I am actually

wondering if I should take my son to it instead of taking her. The day begins.

Got a cheque to deposit. Better get dressed and ready to go on. I will call a

friend and call my mother today. I hope the day gets better. I feel deeply

deeply sad.

>

>

> Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

> Freelance Musician

> 426 Pinehouse Drive

> Saskatoon Sk

> S7K4X5

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> Sent: Thursday, February 16, 2012 11:35:05 PM

> Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help

>

>

> Hi Carlton,

>

> Starting from the end--troweling extra fat over your gut doesn't sound like a

very kind or forgiving way to talk about yourself and your actions. How would

you reframe that if someone else said it?

>

> Ah, feelings. Based on what you shared about various non-food addictions, and

what they led to, I can understand how you'd be afraid to face the feelings. I

can understand how you'd be afraid of a feeling that seemed to feel good but

could lead to hurt. Not just hurting you, but all those around you.

>

> But keep in mind-- a feeling is a feeling. A thought is a thought. These are

not actions.

>

> If someone makes me so angry I feel like smacking them, and I allow myself to

feel the anger--I can process through it. I can look beyond what I'd like to do

to the person, to what I'd like to do about the situation. I can look at what

the person's positive intent was in whatever happened. I can look not just at

what they did to make me angry--I can look at why it is affecting me so

strongly. When I do this, when I take the time to face the emotion, the action I

eventually take tends to be much more positive. If I cut this process short,

well--I don't resort to violence, but I do sometimes resort to lashing out

verbally, in a way that generally reflects more poorly on me than on the other

person.

>

> At an earlier part of this journey, I realized that not only was I eating to

numb the feelings, I couldn't even properly recognize them. I had a sports watch

that I set to beep on the hour. When it beeped, I would take a moment to just

identify my primary feeling at the time. It was amazingly difficult. My

vocabulary includes a multitude of words to describe a host of feelings in

various shades and colors. I can use these words to properly analyze the

feelings and emotions being described or evoked in a scene from a movie, book,

or play. But to describe my own feelings? Much more difficult.

>

> I didn't have to do anything about the feeling--just put a name to it. It was

a " safe " place to start when I didn't want to go too deep into the feeling,

where it came from, why, or if I'd be able to come out of the feeling without

falling apart.

>

> Maybe something like that would work for you, until you're ready to go deeper?

>

>

>

> >________________________________

> >

> >To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> >Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:58 PM

> >Subject: Re: Re: Chapter 3 help

> >

> >

> >

> >Hi.

> >

> >I am finding that I have this deep level terror of my emotions. I am afraid

that if I give in to my feelings I will utterly fall apart. I stuff my face to

stuff down my feelings. I have used other things to blunt, mute, and hide from

my feelings. It is HARD to face feelings when they either hurt or lead to hurt

when they seem to feel good. I fear feelings. I just don't want them. I am just

trying to function and feeling stuff is a threat to that.

> >

> >On the good side, I managed to survive V. day without eating a whole

chocolate bar. I had my overdose in small steps. I ate about a half dozen small

chocolate hearts at work. I had a couple of Lindt chocolates at the party we

went to. I am sure I did not lose any weight but maybe I did not trowel much

extra fat onto my gut over it.

> >

> >

> >

> >Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

> >Freelance Musician

> >426 Pinehouse Drive

> >Saskatoon Sk

> >S7K4X5

> >

> >

>

>