Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 It seems that now I've started doing the work and thinking things through, my subconscious keeps offering more up. I had kind of a scary/eye-opening revelation last night. I've been dealing with some health issues lately, and I got the results of my latest tests back yesterday - normal. Medically, there's nothing wrong with me. Still, I keep telling myself there is, that I need more tests, a different doctor, something else to figure out what's going on. Last night I was laying in bed, unable to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about it, and I suddenly had this thought: Do I want to be sick so I don't have to do the work, so I don't have to have another kid, or lose weight, or organize my house, or finish a novel, or meet any other big goal? Am I so afraid of/resistant to this change that I would literally rather be sick? That thought feels both ridiculous and true to me, and that is scary. I'm terrified of all the stuff going on in my head right now, of what I might uncover. I used to think I had it together, if only I could lose weight. Now I'm seeing that there's a lot more to it, a lot more to me than I ever realized. Elisha Sent from my Kindle Fire Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Hypochondria, or any compulsive behavior, is a defense mechanism. It is a way for the brain to avoid what it really doesn't want to avoid. You know the " positive intent " talks about? Bingo! I know it's one of my main issues. What happens if I stop worrying about food ..... or overeating..... or beating myself up for being fat or for being lazy ....... or complaining about knee pains and back pains..... and just plain being sick and tired all the time. If all those things go away, then I will have to deal with the REAL problems. So I just continue to obsess about the food thing. That's a safe known issue. The other issues are scarier. I don't know what those issues are.... that's what makes them scary. Patti > ** > > > It seems that now I've started doing the work and thinking things through, > my subconscious keeps offering more up. I had kind of a scary/eye-opening > revelation last night. > > I've been dealing with some health issues lately, and I got the results of > my latest tests back yesterday - normal. Medically, there's nothing wrong > with me. Still, I keep telling myself there is, that I need more tests, a > different doctor, something else to figure out what's going on. > > Last night I was laying in bed, unable to sleep because I couldn't stop > thinking about it, and I suddenly had this thought: > > Do I want to be sick so I don't have to do the work, so I don't have to > have another kid, or lose weight, or organize my house, or finish a novel, > or meet any other big goal? Am I so afraid of/resistant to this change that > I would literally rather be sick? > > That thought feels both ridiculous and true to me, and that is scary. I'm > terrified of all the stuff going on in my head right now, of what I might > uncover. I used to think I had it together, if only I could lose weight. > Now I'm seeing that there's a lot more to it, a lot more to me than I ever > realized. > > Elisha > > Sent from my Kindle Fire > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Wow........this is scary to think about. I never considered that I might be trying to stay overweight because I am really resistant to and afraid of other changes that I want to make in my life. I guess it's good that this came out for you but I definitely agree that it is a bit discouraging. > > It seems that now I've started doing the work and thinking things through, my subconscious keeps offering more up. I had kind of a scary/eye-opening revelation last night. > > I've been dealing with some health issues lately, and I got the results of my latest tests back yesterday - normal. Medically, there's nothing wrong with me. Still, I keep telling myself there is, that I need more tests, a different doctor, something else to figure out what's going on. > > Last night I was laying in bed, unable to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about it, and I suddenly had this thought: > > Do I want to be sick so I don't have to do the work, so I don't have to have another kid, or lose weight, or organize my house, or finish a novel, or meet any other big goal? Am I so afraid of/resistant to this change that I would literally rather be sick? > > That thought feels both ridiculous and true to me, and that is scary. I'm terrified of all the stuff going on in my head right now, of what I might uncover. I used to think I had it together, if only I could lose weight. Now I'm seeing that there's a lot more to it, a lot more to me than I ever realized. > > Elisha > > Sent from my Kindle Fire > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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