Re: Re: Bump in the Road

[Guest guest]

Thank you for saying what you did Kelsey. I read this earlier today and didn't

have time to respond. I too, don't want to overstep. This is about your son and

you didn't do anything to " cause " him to be gay. Love him like you did

yesterday, before you knew. Let others think what they want. I think about how

much he must have struggled over telling you the truth about himself. He needs

your support. Things could be so much worse. I'm on Spark People and one of the

first blogs I read today was of a woman telling about losing her son last week

to an overdose. That really puts things in perspective. Don't let your son being

gay give you an excuse to slide into unhealthy habits. Love yourself, love your

son. He's the same person today that he was yesterday.

Please know this is meant in kindness and not in any way as a criticism. You

both deserve to live happy lives being who you are.

Kim

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 11:05 AM

Subject: Re: Bump in the Road

 

I am sorry for your struggle. I have never experienced personally either side of

our situation, but I have many gay friends who have been through it with their

parents.

You state: " Time to practice acceptance. I can accept and love him no problem.

He is my son and I will always love him and admire and support him. It is me and

the sense that I failed him that is difficult. This will be a fresh load of

shame and blame for me from numerous directions. I don't want to share this news

with any of the people that will pin it all on me. "

I guess at the end of the day, it all comes down to the debate and if you

believe that gay men and women are created and turned that way...or born that

way. I believe they are born as they are. You may not. However, I don't think

you can accept him for who he is if you believe that you have done something or

not done something, which has made him gay.....or failed him, as you say. If you

think him being gay is a failure on your part, how can you or anyone accept

that?

But if you take yourself out of this. You raised your son to the best of your

abilities, but now it is about him and not you. I am sure he needs someone to

stand up for him and perhaps that is your purpose....to stand up on his behalf

and support him against all those that will " pin it all on you " . It takes sooooo

much emotional buildup and strength to " come out " ......If you love and support

him, then do so in front of the others. He will never forget it.

I think when you remove yourself from the blame....he is how he is because he

was born that way. And he is doing what he can to make himself known in the

world so as not to feel the shame that our society places on him any longer. He

is trying to live his life despite all that. So, perhaps you need to do the

same. Set your blaming yourself aside because it won't get you anywhere and,

judging by your post, will only send you back to a state of living, eating, and

being that you don't want to be apart of. Support and love him and you will roll

right through this situation and come out feeling as though you have done the

right thing. If you concentrate on what the others think....you won't get

anywhere. Some people don't come around, but a lot of them do with education and

true acceptance. If you don't feel confident in your son and his own ability to

live out his life, then neither will the others.

I hope I haven't over-stepped, but I assume if you post something, you wish to

hear from others. Don't forget to breath and I wish you and your son the best.

>

> Hi.

>

> Bumps and no suspension. My middle son came out to me as gay last night. I

have not told my wife or my mother, both of whom will have a HUGE problem with

this. The firestorm of emotions did not hit me for several hours. I wish I could

sleep. Time to practice acceptance. I can accept and love him no problem. He is

my son and I will always love him and admire and support him. It is me and the

sense that I failed him that is difficult. This will be a fresh load of shame

and blame for me from numerous directions. I don't want to share this news with

any of the people that will pin it all on me.

>

>

> Now because of old addictive behaviours I expect this will occasion a fresh

weight struggle for me. Eating feels like the safest way to act out in this and

a safety valve for all the pain. It is not. It can kill me. Acceptance of the

reality of life is the only real safe course. I need to get over the drive to

fix, to alter reality to my preference. I need to cope with the shame and blame

tsunami that will sweep over me. I need to have enough acceptance of myself to

rise above that and let it sweep past. The problem is that I already feel

overwhelmed and submerged.

>

>

> I will do my best and I will try to practice acceptance and self-love and self

care that is appropriate. I have written to some trusted friends that know and

support and care for me. That said I feel very alone even though I am not. I

hurt.

>

>

>  

> Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

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>

>