Can you ever really change?

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone-

I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person about 5

or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am still

struggling!

I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet. Open

to suggestions!!

[Guest guest]

I find it difficult to list all the ways I've moved forward.... Not just in the

weight area. In general satisfaction with life. 

One of the big factors for me was to separate the bingeing from the shame. 

[OK, I am in such a writing mood today that I couldn't stop. That's the

executive summary, though--separate the binges from the shame, and you'll be

able to let go of what you no longer need, and grasp the new things you want.

Now feel free to read the rest of it. :-)]

   *****

Realizing that there was something truly positive behind the binge made it

easier to accept myself in the moment. Which made it easier to stop. Which made

it easier to let go of the shame. And the more I let go of the shame and started

accepting myself in spite of the fact that my natural inclination is to turn to

food in times of trouble... the easier it was to let go of food in times of

trouble. 

I'm at the point now where I don't turn to food when things are normal, or when

I have 2-3 balls I'm juggling. But part of me wants to reserve the right to turn

to food when I'm juggling 4-5 balls at the same time.  Or when one of the balls

is really big or heavy! LOL! (I'm feeling ready to let go of that now--so I've

started a second cycle of Full-Filled.)

But part of the problem in letting go of the old behaviors is that I needed to

know I had new behaviors lined up that would work at least as well. Part of

's strategy is knowing what you do to self correct when you've been blown

off course. But these same actions and activities work for renewal when you're

already on course--and help build up your reserves for when life gets crazy.

Crazier.

If you're really struggling with letting go what you have, maybe just give

yourself permission to keep those strategies as long as you need them. Binge if

you need to. Really. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself

afterwards, because you are doing that bingeing for a good reason, deep down.

Lie about it if you have to. Really. Just try to find ways to open up when

you're not in the middle of a binge. Talk to us about what you do that makes you

cringe or feel shame. We'll understand.... Heck, the reason I new 's

podcasts were right for me is that she *also* knows all about eating from the

trash. If she hadn't admitted that in the prologue, I don't know how much faith

I could have put in her.

Not ready to let go of shame? Fine. Don't. But understand that the shame is a

tool you're trying to use to improve yourself. But sometimes a tool that's

perfectly good for one thing (like that away-from motivation) is not as good for

another task (like learning to feel good about yourself). So... if you're not

ready to give up shame, don't. Keep it in your toolbox. But shop around for some

other tools, too. Like... forgiveness. A fine multi-purpose tool. You can use it

on yourself. Use it on others. Use it for actions, and for in-actions. 

Working with will give you a whole host of other tools. Like the success

journal. Are you doing that? What I see in your message is that you're really

focused on the old behaviors that you still have. But has anything changed in

the last few weeks? Like, say, your ability to turn to a group of strangers and

post that you don't want to let go of binges, lying, and shame? I know that for

me that was a HUGE step. Make sure you give yourself credit for it.

About the EFT--I thought it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. But I

tried... and found it really works for me. I tried to get one of my daughters to

try it, because she's often just one big bundle of emotion.... She won't/can't.

She says part of it is that the physical tapping bothers her. But it does seem

to help her to just practice framing the scripts that could be tapped on.

Even though I don't want to let go of binges, I deeply and completely love and

accept myself. 

OK, enough rambling for now. Hope there's something in there that helps!!

>________________________________

>

>To: insideoutweightloss

>Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 5:46 AM

>Subject: Can you ever really change?

>

>

> 

>Hi everyone-

>

>I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person about

5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am still

struggling!

>

>I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

>

>I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet. Open

to suggestions!!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Very well put, !

I just finished my first draft of the program. and I will proudly admit that I

finished cycle in 7 weeks instead of six, I was falling behind on week 5 and I

didn't want to just say " I'm done! " because of what the calendar said. I wanted

to give it my all, and if it took an extra week, then so be it.

Like said, you really have to recognize the positive intent of your

overeating and embrace the process. One of my biggest problems was that I beat

myself up and set unrealistic standard for myself. I didn't allow myself time to

heal, or time for myself, so food was the only gift that I gave to myself.

During the program I started to get so wrapped up in whether or not I was making

enough positive changes in the shortest amount of time possible that I started

to lose site of all of the little obstacles that I had overcome. So just try to

take a deep breath and think off all the positive changes you've made, however

small they made seem, and continue the exercises and trust that there are more

wonderful breakthroughs to come.

>

> I find it difficult to list all the ways I've moved forward.... Not just in

the weight area. In general satisfaction with life. 

>

> One of the big factors for me was to separate the bingeing from the shame. 

>

> [OK, I am in such a writing mood today that I couldn't stop. That's the

executive summary, though--separate the binges from the shame, and you'll be

able to let go of what you no longer need, and grasp the new things you want.

Now feel free to read the rest of it. :-)]

>

>    *****

>

> Realizing that there was something truly positive behind the binge made it

easier to accept myself in the moment. Which made it easier to stop. Which made

it easier to let go of the shame. And the more I let go of the shame and started

accepting myself in spite of the fact that my natural inclination is to turn to

food in times of trouble... the easier it was to let go of food in times of

trouble. 

>

> I'm at the point now where I don't turn to food when things are normal, or

when I have 2-3 balls I'm juggling. But part of me wants to reserve the right to

turn to food when I'm juggling 4-5 balls at the same time.  Or when one of the

balls is really big or heavy! LOL! (I'm feeling ready to let go of that now--so

I've started a second cycle of Full-Filled.)

>

> But part of the problem in letting go of the old behaviors is that I needed to

know I had new behaviors lined up that would work at least as well. Part of

's strategy is knowing what you do to self correct when you've been blown

off course. But these same actions and activities work for renewal when you're

already on course--and help build up your reserves for when life gets crazy.

Crazier.

>

> If you're really struggling with letting go what you have, maybe just give

yourself permission to keep those strategies as long as you need them. Binge if

you need to. Really. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself

afterwards, because you are doing that bingeing for a good reason, deep down.

>

> Lie about it if you have to. Really. Just try to find ways to open up when

you're not in the middle of a binge. Talk to us about what you do that makes you

cringe or feel shame. We'll understand.... Heck, the reason I new 's

podcasts were right for me is that she *also* knows all about eating from the

trash. If she hadn't admitted that in the prologue, I don't know how much faith

I could have put in her.

>

> Not ready to let go of shame? Fine. Don't. But understand that the shame is a

tool you're trying to use to improve yourself. But sometimes a tool that's

perfectly good for one thing (like that away-from motivation) is not as good for

another task (like learning to feel good about yourself). So... if you're not

ready to give up shame, don't. Keep it in your toolbox. But shop around for some

other tools, too. Like... forgiveness. A fine multi-purpose tool. You can use it

on yourself. Use it on others. Use it for actions, and for in-actions. 

>

> Working with will give you a whole host of other tools. Like the success

journal. Are you doing that? What I see in your message is that you're really

focused on the old behaviors that you still have. But has anything changed in

the last few weeks? Like, say, your ability to turn to a group of strangers and

post that you don't want to let go of binges, lying, and shame? I know that for

me that was a HUGE step. Make sure you give yourself credit for it.

>

> About the EFT--I thought it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. But I

tried... and found it really works for me. I tried to get one of my daughters to

try it, because she's often just one big bundle of emotion.... She won't/can't.

She says part of it is that the physical tapping bothers her. But it does seem

to help her to just practice framing the scripts that could be tapped on.

>

> Even though I don't want to let go of binges, I deeply and completely love and

accept myself. 

>

> OK, enough rambling for now. Hope there's something in there that helps!!

>

>

>

>

>

> >________________________________

> >

> >To: insideoutweightloss

> >Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 5:46 AM

> >Subject: Can you ever really change?

> >

> >

> > 

> >Hi everyone-

> >

> >I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person

about 5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am

still struggling!

> >

> >I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

> >

> >I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet.

Open to suggestions!!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for all your words of encouragement. It gives me the strength to

keep moving forward!

________________________________

To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss >

Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 6:58 AM

Subject: Re: Can you ever really change?

 

I find it difficult to list all the ways I've moved forward.... Not just in the

weight area. In general satisfaction with life. 

One of the big factors for me was to separate the bingeing from the shame. 

[OK, I am in such a writing mood today that I couldn't stop. That's the

executive summary, though--separate the binges from the shame, and you'll be

able to let go of what you no longer need, and grasp the new things you want.

Now feel free to read the rest of it. :-)]

   *****

Realizing that there was something truly positive behind the binge made it

easier to accept myself in the moment. Which made it easier to stop. Which made

it easier to let go of the shame. And the more I let go of the shame and started

accepting myself in spite of the fact that my natural inclination is to turn to

food in times of trouble... the easier it was to let go of food in times of

trouble. 

I'm at the point now where I don't turn to food when things are normal, or when

I have 2-3 balls I'm juggling. But part of me wants to reserve the right to turn

to food when I'm juggling 4-5 balls at the same time.  Or when one of the balls

is really big or heavy! LOL! (I'm feeling ready to let go of that now--so I've

started a second cycle of Full-Filled.)

But part of the problem in letting go of the old behaviors is that I needed to

know I had new behaviors lined up that would work at least as well. Part of

's strategy is knowing what you do to self correct when you've been blown

off course. But these same actions and activities work for renewal when you're

already on course--and help build up your reserves for when life gets crazy.

Crazier.

If you're really struggling with letting go what you have, maybe just give

yourself permission to keep those strategies as long as you need them. Binge if

you need to. Really. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself

afterwards, because you are doing that bingeing for a good reason, deep down.

Lie about it if you have to. Really. Just try to find ways to open up when

you're not in the middle of a binge. Talk to us about what you do that makes you

cringe or feel shame. We'll understand.... Heck, the reason I new 's

podcasts were right for me is that she *also* knows all about eating from the

trash. If she hadn't admitted that in the prologue, I don't know how much faith

I could have put in her.

Not ready to let go of shame? Fine. Don't. But understand that the shame is a

tool you're trying to use to improve yourself. But sometimes a tool that's

perfectly good for one thing (like that away-from motivation) is not as good for

another task (like learning to feel good about yourself). So... if you're not

ready to give up shame, don't. Keep it in your toolbox. But shop around for some

other tools, too. Like... forgiveness. A fine multi-purpose tool. You can use it

on yourself. Use it on others. Use it for actions, and for in-actions. 

Working with will give you a whole host of other tools. Like the success

journal. Are you doing that? What I see in your message is that you're really

focused on the old behaviors that you still have. But has anything changed in

the last few weeks? Like, say, your ability to turn to a group of strangers and

post that you don't want to let go of binges, lying, and shame? I know that for

me that was a HUGE step. Make sure you give yourself credit for it.

About the EFT--I thought it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. But I

tried... and found it really works for me. I tried to get one of my daughters to

try it, because she's often just one big bundle of emotion.... She won't/can't.

She says part of it is that the physical tapping bothers her. But it does seem

to help her to just practice framing the scripts that could be tapped on.

Even though I don't want to let go of binges, I deeply and completely love and

accept myself. 

OK, enough rambling for now. Hope there's something in there that helps!!

>________________________________

>

>To: insideoutweightloss

>Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 5:46 AM

>Subject: Can you ever really change?

>

>

> 

>Hi everyone-

>

>I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person about

5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am still

struggling!

>

>I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

>

>I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet. Open

to suggestions!!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks ,

I really liked what you said. It was comforting and encouraging. And bravo for

you that you have journeyed to the place you are to be able to say all that.

Finding myself in the middle of all that is talking about- me-grazing all

day long, never really allowing hunger to come in- I find that there are moments

that I have changed my thinking. Small moments. I do need to write them down

in my success journal. Thank you for the encouragement to do that.

>

> Thank you for all your words of encouragement. It gives me the strength

to keep moving forward!

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 6:58 AM

> Subject: Re: Can you ever really change?

>

>

>  

> I find it difficult to list all the ways I've moved forward.... Not just in

the weight area. In general satisfaction with life. 

>

> One of the big factors for me was to separate the bingeing from the shame. 

>

> [OK, I am in such a writing mood today that I couldn't stop. That's the

executive summary, though--separate the binges from the shame, and you'll be

able to let go of what you no longer need, and grasp the new things you want.

Now feel free to read the rest of it. :-)]

>

>    *****

>

> Realizing that there was something truly positive behind the binge made it

easier to accept myself in the moment. Which made it easier to stop. Which made

it easier to let go of the shame. And the more I let go of the shame and started

accepting myself in spite of the fact that my natural inclination is to turn to

food in times of trouble... the easier it was to let go of food in times of

trouble. 

>

> I'm at the point now where I don't turn to food when things are normal, or

when I have 2-3 balls I'm juggling. But part of me wants to reserve the right to

turn to food when I'm juggling 4-5 balls at the same time.  Or when one of the

balls is really big or heavy! LOL! (I'm feeling ready to let go of that now--so

I've started a second cycle of Full-Filled.)

>

> But part of the problem in letting go of the old behaviors is that I needed to

know I had new behaviors lined up that would work at least as well. Part of

's strategy is knowing what you do to self correct when you've been blown

off course. But these same actions and activities work for renewal when you're

already on course--and help build up your reserves for when life gets crazy.

Crazier.

>

> If you're really struggling with letting go what you have, maybe just give

yourself permission to keep those strategies as long as you need them. Binge if

you need to. Really. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself

afterwards, because you are doing that bingeing for a good reason, deep down.

>

> Lie about it if you have to. Really. Just try to find ways to open up when

you're not in the middle of a binge. Talk to us about what you do that makes you

cringe or feel shame. We'll understand.... Heck, the reason I new 's

podcasts were right for me is that she *also* knows all about eating from the

trash. If she hadn't admitted that in the prologue, I don't know how much faith

I could have put in her.

>

> Not ready to let go of shame? Fine. Don't. But understand that the shame is a

tool you're trying to use to improve yourself. But sometimes a tool that's

perfectly good for one thing (like that away-from motivation) is not as good for

another task (like learning to feel good about yourself). So... if you're not

ready to give up shame, don't. Keep it in your toolbox. But shop around for some

other tools, too. Like... forgiveness. A fine multi-purpose tool. You can use it

on yourself. Use it on others. Use it for actions, and for in-actions. 

>

> Working with will give you a whole host of other tools. Like the success

journal. Are you doing that? What I see in your message is that you're really

focused on the old behaviors that you still have. But has anything changed in

the last few weeks? Like, say, your ability to turn to a group of strangers and

post that you don't want to let go of binges, lying, and shame? I know that for

me that was a HUGE step. Make sure you give yourself credit for it.

>

> About the EFT--I thought it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. But I

tried... and found it really works for me. I tried to get one of my daughters to

try it, because she's often just one big bundle of emotion.... She won't/can't.

She says part of it is that the physical tapping bothers her. But it does seem

to help her to just practice framing the scripts that could be tapped on.

>

> Even though I don't want to let go of binges, I deeply and completely love and

accept myself. 

>

> OK, enough rambling for now. Hope there's something in there that helps!!

>

>

>

> >________________________________

> >

> >To: insideoutweightloss

> >Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 5:46 AM

> >Subject: Can you ever really change?

> >

> >

> > 

> >Hi everyone-

> >

> >I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person

about 5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am

still struggling!

> >

> >I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

> >

> >I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet.

Open to suggestions!!

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

I found it! Thanks . I should have known!

> >

> > Thank you for all your words of encouragement. It gives me the strength

to keep moving forward!

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: <lsageev@>

> > To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> > Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 6:58 AM

> > Subject: Re: Can you ever really change?

> >

> >

> >  

> > I find it difficult to list all the ways I've moved forward.... Not just in

the weight area. In general satisfaction with life. 

> >

> > One of the big factors for me was to separate the bingeing from the shame. 

> >

> > [OK, I am in such a writing mood today that I couldn't stop. That's the

executive summary, though--separate the binges from the shame, and you'll be

able to let go of what you no longer need, and grasp the new things you want.

Now feel free to read the rest of it. :-)]

> >

> >    *****

> >

> > Realizing that there was something truly positive behind the binge made it

easier to accept myself in the moment. Which made it easier to stop. Which made

it easier to let go of the shame. And the more I let go of the shame and started

accepting myself in spite of the fact that my natural inclination is to turn to

food in times of trouble... the easier it was to let go of food in times of

trouble. 

> >

> > I'm at the point now where I don't turn to food when things are normal, or

when I have 2-3 balls I'm juggling. But part of me wants to reserve the right to

turn to food when I'm juggling 4-5 balls at the same time.  Or when one of the

balls is really big or heavy! LOL! (I'm feeling ready to let go of that now--so

I've started a second cycle of Full-Filled.)

> >

> > But part of the problem in letting go of the old behaviors is that I needed

to know I had new behaviors lined up that would work at least as well. Part of

's strategy is knowing what you do to self correct when you've been blown

off course. But these same actions and activities work for renewal when you're

already on course--and help build up your reserves for when life gets crazy.

Crazier.

> >

> > If you're really struggling with letting go what you have, maybe just give

yourself permission to keep those strategies as long as you need them. Binge if

you need to. Really. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself

afterwards, because you are doing that bingeing for a good reason, deep down.

> >

> > Lie about it if you have to. Really. Just try to find ways to open up when

you're not in the middle of a binge. Talk to us about what you do that makes you

cringe or feel shame. We'll understand.... Heck, the reason I new 's

podcasts were right for me is that she *also* knows all about eating from the

trash. If she hadn't admitted that in the prologue, I don't know how much faith

I could have put in her.

> >

> > Not ready to let go of shame? Fine. Don't. But understand that the shame is

a tool you're trying to use to improve yourself. But sometimes a tool that's

perfectly good for one thing (like that away-from motivation) is not as good for

another task (like learning to feel good about yourself). So... if you're not

ready to give up shame, don't. Keep it in your toolbox. But shop around for some

other tools, too. Like... forgiveness. A fine multi-purpose tool. You can use it

on yourself. Use it on others. Use it for actions, and for in-actions. 

> >

> > Working with will give you a whole host of other tools. Like the

success journal. Are you doing that? What I see in your message is that you're

really focused on the old behaviors that you still have. But has anything

changed in the last few weeks? Like, say, your ability to turn to a group of

strangers and post that you don't want to let go of binges, lying, and shame? I

know that for me that was a HUGE step. Make sure you give yourself credit for

it.

> >

> > About the EFT--I thought it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. But I

tried... and found it really works for me. I tried to get one of my daughters to

try it, because she's often just one big bundle of emotion.... She won't/can't.

She says part of it is that the physical tapping bothers her. But it does seem

to help her to just practice framing the scripts that could be tapped on.

> >

> > Even though I don't want to let go of binges, I deeply and completely love

and accept myself. 

> >

> > OK, enough rambling for now. Hope there's something in there that helps!!

> >

> >

> >

> > >________________________________

> > > From: " lauren_elias@ " <lauren_elias@>

> > >To: insideoutweightloss

> > >Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 5:46 AM

> > >Subject: Can you ever really change?

> > >

> > >

> > > 

> > >Hi everyone-

> > >

> > >I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person

about 5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am

still struggling!

> > >

> > >I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

> > >

> > >I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet.

Open to suggestions!!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

And of course you Carollton, Edlred and other men friends on here!

  Livingston

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 5:01 PM

Subject: Re: Can you ever really change?

 

I found it! Thanks . I should have known!

> >

> > Thank you for all your words of encouragement. It gives me the strength

to keep moving forward!

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: <lsageev@>

> > To: " insideoutweightloss "

<insideoutweightloss >

> > Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 6:58 AM

> > Subject: Re: Can you ever really change?

> >

> >

> >  

> > I find it difficult to list all the ways I've moved forward.... Not just in

the weight area. In general satisfaction with life. 

> >

> > One of the big factors for me was to separate the bingeing from the

shame. 

> >

> > [OK, I am in such a writing mood today that I couldn't stop. That's the

executive summary, though--separate the binges from the shame, and you'll be

able to let go of what you no longer need, and grasp the new things you want.

Now feel free to read the rest of it. :-)]

> >

> >    *****

> >

> > Realizing that there was something truly positive behind the binge made it

easier to accept myself in the moment. Which made it easier to stop. Which made

it easier to let go of the shame. And the more I let go of the shame and started

accepting myself in spite of the fact that my natural inclination is to turn to

food in times of trouble... the easier it was to let go of food in times of

trouble. 

> >

> > I'm at the point now where I don't turn to food when things are normal, or

when I have 2-3 balls I'm juggling. But part of me wants to reserve the right to

turn to food when I'm juggling 4-5 balls at the same time.  Or when one of

the balls is really big or heavy! LOL! (I'm feeling ready to let go of that

now--so I've started a second cycle of Full-Filled.)

> >

> > But part of the problem in letting go of the old behaviors is that I needed

to know I had new behaviors lined up that would work at least as well. Part of

's strategy is knowing what you do to self correct when you've been blown

off course. But these same actions and activities work for renewal when you're

already on course--and help build up your reserves for when life gets crazy.

Crazier.

> >

> > If you're really struggling with letting go what you have, maybe just give

yourself permission to keep those strategies as long as you need them. Binge if

you need to. Really. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself

afterwards, because you are doing that bingeing for a good reason, deep down.

> >

> > Lie about it if you have to. Really. Just try to find ways to open up when

you're not in the middle of a binge. Talk to us about what you do that makes you

cringe or feel shame. We'll understand.... Heck, the reason I new 's

podcasts were right for me is that she *also* knows all about eating from the

trash. If she hadn't admitted that in the prologue, I don't know how much faith

I could have put in her.

> >

> > Not ready to let go of shame? Fine. Don't. But understand that the shame is

a tool you're trying to use to improve yourself. But sometimes a tool that's

perfectly good for one thing (like that away-from motivation) is not as good for

another task (like learning to feel good about yourself). So... if you're not

ready to give up shame, don't. Keep it in your toolbox. But shop around for some

other tools, too. Like... forgiveness. A fine multi-purpose tool. You can use it

on yourself. Use it on others. Use it for actions, and for in-actions. 

> >

> > Working with will give you a whole host of other tools. Like the

success journal. Are you doing that? What I see in your message is that you're

really focused on the old behaviors that you still have. But has anything

changed in the last few weeks? Like, say, your ability to turn to a group of

strangers and post that you don't want to let go of binges, lying, and shame? I

know that for me that was a HUGE step. Make sure you give yourself credit for

it.

> >

> > About the EFT--I thought it sounded like the stupidest thing ever. But I

tried... and found it really works for me. I tried to get one of my daughters to

try it, because she's often just one big bundle of emotion.... She won't/can't.

She says part of it is that the physical tapping bothers her. But it does seem

to help her to just practice framing the scripts that could be tapped on.

> >

> > Even though I don't want to let go of binges, I deeply and completely love

and accept myself. 

> >

> > OK, enough rambling for now. Hope there's something in there that helps!!

> >

> >

> >

> > >________________________________

> > > From: " lauren_elias@ " <lauren_elias@>

> > >To: insideoutweightloss

> > >Sent: Saturday, May 12, 2012 5:46 AM

> > >Subject: Can you ever really change?

> > >

> > >

> > > 

> > >Hi everyone-

> > >

> > >I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person

about 5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am

still struggling!

> > >

> > >I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

> > >

> > >I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet.

Open to suggestions!!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Thank you for your sharing.

I am also new here , started to work with few month ago, also 33 years

old, lost and gained hundreds of pounds since my teens.

In my experience- the changes are subtle, but then, one day, I look back and see

how far I've came. For me, it is about patience .

I hardly have any patience at all !

I want to see results here and now, in weight loss and everything else in life.

I had multiple diets where I've lost 40 pounds in 2 month... and gained them

back, sooner or later.

So now I work on cultivating patience. To that end, I work on accepting myself

as I am now and forgiving myself for " slip-ups " , for not being perfect.

I found that sharing my deepest shame and guilt about my eating problems helps a

lot too. so welcome here!

Wishing a wonderful path, Miriam

>

> Hi everyone-

>

> I am new to the IOWL group and just started working with in person about

5 or 6 weeks ago. I love her approach and working with her, howver I am still

struggling!

>

> I can't let go of the bingeing, the obsessing, the lying, the shame. It is

horrible. I am 33 and been struggling with this since I was in my teens. It

seems the years fly by and I am still in the same place. I know I want to change

or I wouldnt continue to seek out help and try to get better....yet there is

that part of me, that never seems to want to let the bingeing go. Has anyone

felt like this and been able to move through it? Let me know what works?

>

> I have tried 's tapping method and not sure it has truely helped yet.

Open to suggestions!!

>