Re: Weird Flash of Insight

March 3, 2012

> I've been doing the work, really writing out my thoughts, making lists of

Truths, and learning Oh, so very much, life changing stuff... But today I had an

odd flash of insight:

>

> If eating too much food stopped making me gain weight, I would lose interest

in it.

>

Interesting! So you think you just want the extra weight? Any

insight on why that might be...?

Eldred

--

Raising money for Make-a-Wish! Donation page at http://wam300.org

March 4, 2012

Hi, Eldred

My initial question was: What if overeating stopped working - if eating too much

food no longer made me fat - if I ate and ate and nothing happened ...then what?

I (suddenly) knew that I would lose interest in it. If food stopped making me

fat, I would not eat unless I was actually hungry and " needed " to eat.

My theory is that naturally thin people have not experienced food as fattening.

Suppose we were to put such a person on a highly restrictive diet and tell them

to avoid becoming fat at all costs. The person would gain two new areas of

interest: fat obsession and dieting skills, both of which consume time. The more

skilled a person becomes at dieting and producing fat, the less time available

for learning other skills. In short, dieters become specialists.

I get invited quite often to various social situations but then think about how

fat I am and decline. (I pretend) I don't have any interest or I'll do those

things after I lose weight, but the truth is I don't know how to do them – I

don't have the necessary skills.

I've been dieting practically since I was born, so I was unaware of how much

time has been consumed by it, time that might have been spent learning other

skills. I am not as functional in being social, playing sports or general

recreation as I am at dieting. I didn't learn how to be as social or sporty as

my thinner classmates.

I feel awkward and say that such gatherings are boring, I don't want to be

judged, I don't like people, but the truth is I don't know what to do. I don't

know how to enjoy doing these activities. I obsess about my weight because I'm

really good at it. I stay with what I know how to do. I diet because I

literally don't know have other skills.

Imagine being a world-class tennis player – tennis is your whole life, it's all

you've ever done. One day you wake up and no matter what you do, the ball flies

off into outer space. After a while you'd lose interest in playing tennis. You

would have to find something else to do. If overeating no longer worked to

create the need for dieting, if dieting had no effect, I'd lose interest in it.

I'd have to develop my skills in other areas.

March 6, 2012

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read the post below.

Our dieting skills are so great and took to so long to develop, it is difficult

to imagine being without them! I'll have to think about this further. Thanks

for a great insight!

>

> Hi, Eldred

>

> My initial question was: What if overeating stopped working - if eating too

much food no longer made me fat - if I ate and ate and nothing happened ...then

what? I (suddenly) knew that I would lose interest in it. If food stopped

making me fat, I would not eat unless I was actually hungry and " needed " to eat.

>

> My theory is that naturally thin people have not experienced food as

fattening. Suppose we were to put such a person on a highly restrictive diet

and tell them to avoid becoming fat at all costs. The person would gain two new

areas of interest: fat obsession and dieting skills, both of which consume time.

The more skilled a person becomes at dieting and producing fat, the less time

available for learning other skills. In short, dieters become specialists.

>

> I get invited quite often to various social situations but then think about

how fat I am and decline. (I pretend) I don't have any interest or I'll do those

things after I lose weight, but the truth is I don't know how to do them – I

don't have the necessary skills.

>

> I've been dieting practically since I was born, so I was unaware of how much

time has been consumed by it, time that might have been spent learning other

skills. I am not as functional in being social, playing sports or general

recreation as I am at dieting. I didn't learn how to be as social or sporty as

my thinner classmates.

>

> I feel awkward and say that such gatherings are boring, I don't want to be

judged, I don't like people, but the truth is I don't know what to do. I don't

know how to enjoy doing these activities. I obsess about my weight because I'm

really good at it. I stay with what I know how to do. I diet because I

literally don't know have other skills.

>

> Imagine being a world-class tennis player – tennis is your whole life, it's

all you've ever done. One day you wake up and no matter what you do, the ball

flies off into outer space. After a while you'd lose interest in playing

tennis. You would have to find something else to do. If overeating no longer

worked to create the need for dieting, if dieting had no effect, I'd lose

interest in it. I'd have to develop my skills in other areas.

>

March 6, 2012

So true. Last time I got the weight off I learned a lot more about weight

lifting and clean eating. I have more knowledge than I'll ever use. I just don't

put it into practice as often as I should!

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Tuesday, March 6, 2012 12:19 PM

Subject: Re: Weird Flash of Insight

Â

I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read the post below.

Our dieting skills are so great and took to so long to develop, it is difficult

to imagine being without them! I'll have to think about this further. Thanks

for a great insight!

>

> Hi, Eldred

>

> My initial question was: What if overeating stopped working - if eating too

much food no longer made me fat - if I ate and ate and nothing happened ...then

what? I (suddenly) knew that I would lose interest in it. If food stopped

making me fat, I would not eat unless I was actually hungry and " needed " to eat.

>

> My theory is that naturally thin people have not experienced food as

fattening. Suppose we were to put such a person on a highly restrictive diet

and tell them to avoid becoming fat at all costs. The person would gain two new

areas of interest: fat obsession and dieting skills, both of which consume time.

The more skilled a person becomes at dieting and producing fat, the less time

available for learning other skills. In short, dieters become specialists.

>

> I get invited quite often to various social situations but then think about

how fat I am and decline. (I pretend) I don't have any interest or I'll do those

things after I lose weight, but the truth is I don't know how to do them â€“ I

don't have the necessary skills.

>

> I've been dieting practically since I was born, so I was unaware of how much

time has been consumed by it, time that might have been spent learning other

skills. I am not as functional in being social, playing sports or general

recreation as I am at dieting. I didn't learn how to be as social or sporty as

my thinner classmates.

>

> I feel awkward and say that such gatherings are boring, I don't want to be

judged, I don't like people, but the truth is I don't know what to do. I don't

know how to enjoy doing these activities. I obsess about my weight because I'm

really good at it. I stay with what I know how to do. I diet because I

literally don't know have other skills.

>

> Imagine being a world-class tennis player â€“ tennis is your whole life, it's

all you've ever done. One day you wake up and no matter what you do, the ball

flies off into outer space. After a while you'd lose interest in playing

tennis. You would have to find something else to do. If overeating no longer

worked to create the need for dieting, if dieting had no effect, I'd lose

interest in it. I'd have to develop my skills in other areas.

>

March 6, 2012

I have extraordinary dieting skills too..just ask me anything about..well

pretty much any diet, cooking, nutrition etc and I can talk your ear off

about it. I now find myself obsessing about planning, cooking and eating

healthy food. It is driving me bonkers..I just want to be able to choose

food that is pleasurable and healthy for me without even thinking about it.

AAAAAGH! N.

> **

>

> I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read the post

> below. Our dieting skills are so great and took to so long to develop, it

> is difficult to imagine being without them! I'll have to think about this

> further. Thanks for a great insight!

>

> >

> > Hi, Eldred

> >

> > My initial question was: What if overeating stopped working - if eating

> too much food no longer made me fat - if I ate and ate and nothing happened

> ...then what? I (suddenly) knew that I would lose interest in it. If food

> stopped making me fat, I would not eat unless I was actually hungry and

> " needed " to eat.

> >

> > My theory is that naturally thin people have not experienced food as

> fattening. Suppose we were to put such a person on a highly restrictive

> diet and tell them to avoid becoming fat at all costs. The person would

> gain two new areas of interest: fat obsession and dieting skills, both of

> which consume time. The more skilled a person becomes at dieting and

> producing fat, the less time available for learning other skills. In short,

> dieters become specialists.

> >

> > I get invited quite often to various social situations but then think

> about how fat I am and decline. (I pretend) I don't have any interest or

> I'll do those things after I lose weight, but the truth is I don't know how

> to do them – I don't have the necessary skills.

> >

> > I've been dieting practically since I was born, so I was unaware of how

> much time has been consumed by it, time that might have been spent learning

> other skills. I am not as functional in being social, playing sports or

> general recreation as I am at dieting. I didn't learn how to be as social

> or sporty as my thinner classmates.

> >

> > I feel awkward and say that such gatherings are boring, I don't want to

> be judged, I don't like people, but the truth is I don't know what to do. I

> don't know how to enjoy doing these activities. I obsess about my weight

> because I'm really good at it. I stay with what I know how to do. I diet

> because I literally don't know have other skills.

> >

> > Imagine being a world-class tennis player – tennis is your whole life,

> it's all you've ever done. One day you wake up and no matter what you do,

> the ball flies off into outer space. After a while you'd lose interest in

> playing tennis. You would have to find something else to do. If overeating

> no longer worked to create the need for dieting, if dieting had no effect,

> I'd lose interest in it. I'd have to develop my skills in other areas.

> >

>

March 6, 2012

,

What if you set your intention to be relaxed around food?

What if, in addition, every time you have a thought related to obsessing,

planning, cooking, and eating, you thank your subconscious for the positive

intent (providing your body with healthy food) and let your subconscious know

you'll check in when it's the right time. In this kind of situation, I even

invite my subconscious to continue the planning, wondering, thinking--and inform

me of the conclusion when it's the right time for my conscious mind to take

over. It helps when I inform my subconscious when the " right " time will be--like

I might want to know what I'm making for dinner by 4pm, or if I'm ordering lunch

at work, I want to have a clear idea by 10am.

Repeat the next time the thought pops up. Each time, acknowledge that the part

of you that is obsessing is doing this for a positive reason.

I use this technique if I wake up in the night worrying about something--it's

often enough to get me back to sleep--and I really do feel like I have a clearer

answer in the morning. If I have to repeat three times, I generally turn to

EFT--even thought I keep obsessing about this thought, I choose to get a good

night's sleep.

Even though I keep obsessing about meal planning, I choose to be relaxed around

food. (Or whatever script feels right at the time....)

This whole discussion is very interesting--I sometimes feel that I've

transferred my food obsession to an online dieting community obsession. Then I

relax about it, and realize how much it's helping me to move forward in all

areas of life, not just what size jeans I wear.

>________________________________

>

>To: insideoutweightloss

>Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2012 4:49 AM

>Subject: Re: Re: Weird Flash of Insight

>

>I have extraordinary dieting skills too..just ask me anything about..well

>pretty much any diet, cooking, nutrition etc and I can talk your ear off

>about it. I now find myself obsessing about planning, cooking and eating

>healthy food. It is driving me bonkers..I just want to be able to choose

>food that is pleasurable and healthy for me without even thinking about it.

>AAAAAGH! N.

>

>> **

>>

>> I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since I read the post

>> below. Our dieting skills are so great and took to so long to develop, it

>> is difficult to imagine being without them! I'll have to think about this

>> further. Thanks for a great insight!

>>

>> >

>> > Hi, Eldred

>> >

>> > My initial question was: What if overeating stopped working - if eating

>> too much food no longer made me fat - if I ate and ate and nothing happened

>> ...then what? I (suddenly) knew that I would lose interest in it. If food

>> stopped making me fat, I would not eat unless I was actually hungry and

>> " needed " to eat.

>> >...

March 7, 2012

My theory is that I need to develop skills in entirely different areas of life:

those skills that I never got around to developing because I was too busy

becoming an expert at dieting. Otherwise, I will be dependent on the very

skills that keep me where I am right now.

Exercising and eating healthy are thinly disguised dieting skills that, while

appearing positive, are not offering learning experiences capable of moving me

past diet-dependency. I don't think that naturally thin people approach moving

and eating as isolated ideas, rather they engage in activities in which they are

have developed skills, like socializing and having fun, that may naturally

include moving and eating in a healthy manner. If they actually enjoy going to

the gym, because it feels good to use the equipment and to socialize, plus they

enjoy the results, only then would they go. But the naturally thin friends I

know generally engage in recreational activities (golf, tennis, hiking) rather

than formal exercise. True or not, that lifestyle is my target.

Articles that proclaim " How to eat/move like a thin person " appear to me as

rehashed dieting ideas, at least all the ones I've read. I don't think such

articles offer freedom from dieting - because dieting is exactly that: making

decisions on eating or not eating, exercising or not exercising, whatever

activities that develop my already deeply ingrained, expert dieting skills. (I'm

not referring to IOWL, which I have found to be life altering.)

Right now, I'm focused on learning social and recreational skills, as I would

like them to replace my well-developed dieting skills. My hope is that as I

learn " how to " and become more comfortable in these new areas, I will loosen my

dependency on dieting as a way of life. I've got to get better at something

else or I will be doing this forever!

For example, I rarely have guests over because I feel like my house isn't clean

enough, good enough, impressive enough, safe enough... I have never learned to

be comfortable in my own home with other people - for various reasons. Since

the conditions that originally made me feel that way no longer exist, I decided

to approach the skill of having people over regardless of how the place looks

(which is actually okay).

I combined this learning experience with a second one: a friend's invitation to

go biking. I would have previously declined her offer (too busy, not feeling

well) even though I own three bicycles, ha-ha, what a joke… I never ride them,

only plan on riding someday (in order to lose weight). But since I am

determined to gain the skill of recreation, I held my breath and told her, yes,

please come over and we'll go for an easy ride. I specifically said easy ride,

as I do not want to " exercise " ever again.

Then, I did NOT scramble around straightening my house. I labeled it a positive

learning experience and left everything as it was - dog toys scattered

everywhere. Repeat after me: " Those that matter don't care (what you or your

house look like), and those that care, don't matter. " Whew... repeat again,

ha-ha...

I got my shoes on and my bike out. I did not meet my friend outside, as I would

have done; instead I invited her inside, with her bike. I purposefully walked

her through my house, out to my backyard to show her my garden that is in bloom.

Then, we walked back through the house, got on our bikes and went for an easy

ride that lasted nearly an hour because it was so fun. YES, that's recreation -

as opposed to exercise.

My husband laughed when I told him the story, commenting on how the house didn't

explode when my friend came inside.

I am pleased with the experience, as I now want to invite more people over so I

can learn the skill of " having people over " by becoming familiar with it. As a

side effect, I easily cleaned my entire house this morning in happy anticipation

of developing my new skill. It's one baby step in the right direction, but I can

build on that experience. Calling difficult activities 'learning experiences'

allows me to expect a degree of awkwardness, knowing I will be gaining

alternative skills that can set me free and, more importantly, that I can live

through without dieting my way through.

March 7, 2012

I think that's great progress. I used to have to have my house totally clean

when my kids wanted friends over. Note the word kids! I hardly think they cared

whether my house was clean. What was I thinking? I'm gradually getting better,

but I do like things in order when people come over. I don't totally stress if

someone shows up and things aren't perfect anymore. I have a friend who rides

her bike all the time and has asked me to go for 2 or 3 summers. I still haven't

gone. I tell her we need to take a few " easy " rides too, since i haven't ridden

in 10-12 yrs. and I have yet to do it. I'm glad you got it done!

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2012 11:16 AM