Re: One step forward ...

[Guest guest]

Wow! Sounds like you're going thru some of the same things as i am right now.

I don't have an answer, but know you're not alone. Also, those little things you

mentioned - not being included & having your mother disappoint you/your daughter

- don't sound so little to me. They sound hurtful & the exact kind of events

that might make me want to hide away in a food cocoon!

I'm sure others on the list who have been following the program for longer will

have some good advice - which I look forward to hearing, too!

Hugs to you.

Kathy

> Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month

and a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

>

> I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where my

conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

>

> I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself, and

take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

>

> I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just

use a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

>

> I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use

from EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of

my behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in

the towel get over the hump?

>

> Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

>

> Amy

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy:

I'm so sorry you are feeling frustrated and stuck. There is a

solution and that is SELF-FORGIVENESS. I'm sure you've heard of the

saying, " It's not the crime; It's the cover up... " If you ease up on

yourself and self correct, eating an entire pint of ice cream just

becomes a blip in the road. You have a lot going on and it seems

like you got out of whack a bit and created a situation to lose

control somewhere in your life so now you can acknowledge you need to

take care of yourself again! Good for you for catching it and

reaching out for help!

I see these situations as a gift to teach you something about

yourself! Forgiveness is a way I have learned to see that others'

behaviors are not meant to hurt me but rather, highlight areas where I

am vulnerable and need to heal myself. If you are equating taking

care of yourself with not being a likable person, it sounds to me like

you might be self-sabotaging and all those incidents that are creating

that feeling are ways for you to strengthen yourself and learn to love

and accept yourself fully again and let go of what others think about

you. It usually comes back to lightening up on ourselves and putting

away the whip and taking out the feather. Tickle away until you are

back in balance and then keep on playing!!

Much love and light,

> Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after

> a month and a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things

> happened and I really snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt

> completely spent, and eating wise today I came home and downed an

> entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done that before so why

> now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as to why

> the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

>

> I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and

> where my conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people

> more intensely than usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My

> children are at the end of the school year, it's sports season

> complete with traveling teams, and my elderly parents are being

> difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get infantile

> behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

> called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone

> the conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and

> husband, he hung up on me, then called back to tell me how

> controlling I am.

>

> I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of

> myself, and take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I

> am not a likeable person. That by the very setting and modeling of

> good boundaries makes me a b**ch that people can't like. And that

> when the small things like not being invited to a neighbors social

> event, and my mother last minute backing out of attending my

> daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I, who

> I am, is not likeable.

>

> I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I

> could just use a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is

> feeling pretty deep.

>

> I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I

> can use from EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the

> positive intent of my behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this

> moment when I just want to throw in the towel get over the hump?

>

> Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

>

> Amy

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you and Kathy. It does help to know that I'm not alone *and* to be

reminded that I need to forgive myself. In the past couple of day's I've been

trying to focus on loving all that I am, even the ice cream eating part.

I also found it really helpful to read 's response to regarding

feeling like people don't like you. I think this is where my inner conflict

resides:

I feel so peaceful and nurtured when I drop in and listen to me. Asking myself

for my intent in different situations helps me so much and feels so good it's

powerful. At the same time I worry about others perceptions of me and let that

drive my actions.

quoted, " Your reputation is not located in you. It resides in the minds of

others. Therefore, you have no control over it at all. " This blew me away. THIS

is my conflict. I want to listen to myself and have that be my driving force AND

my actions tell me I allow how others see me to drive my actions. On top of that

I don't even really know how others see me. I can only guess.

I am starting to see that this episode provided me with a wonderful gift - one

that may help me to work toward resolving this conflict. I feel like I can in

this moment only open the lid and peak inside, but as of today I am grateful for

being able to do even that.

Thank you all for your light and love. It really helped.

Amy

>

> Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month

and a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

>

> I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where my

conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

>

> I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself, and

take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

>

> I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just

use a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

>

> I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use

from EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of

my behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in

the towel get over the hump?

>

> Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

>

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds to me like your parents aren't easy to deal with. You have to believe

that it's ok for you to take care of you. If you don't, who else will? Everyone

of us has setbacks. Just keep doing the work. It sounds like you're making great

progress.

Take care!

Kim

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Monday, June 11, 2012 6:04 PM

Subject: One step forward ...

 

Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month and

a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where my

conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself, and

take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just use

a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use from

EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of my

behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in the

towel get over the hump?

Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

Amy

[Guest guest]

Hi Amy,

I just wanted you to know that you are not alone with these feelings. I have

always had a strained relationship with my family as well. I always feel like I

disappoint my dad and stepmom and can't ever live up to their expectations. With

my mother, I haven't spoken with her in 2 years. She has always been very flaky

and up and down emotionally. She would do things to me similar what you said

about your dad. She would do, say, or ask something that would benefit her and

if I didn't do or say what she wanted, it was always my fault. I've been hung

up, blamed, and torn down by her for her own insecurities.This has always caused

me to turn to food since it never let me down and it was the one thing I could

control. Also, I've always been a person who has always taken care of everyone

else and ignored myself. This is easy to do when you are a caring person and

people can take advantage of you. I mention all this to you, to let you know

that there are those of us who know how that feels. It's very difficult to

ignore other's opinions and expectations of you. I struggle with it as well.

But, we all have to stick together and just remember our opinions and

expectations of ourselves are the most important. And because you care for

others, means you have a big heart, but you don't HAVE to take care of more than

you can handle. You have to take care of yourself too. You are just as important

as those you care for. And don't forget, we are in this with you.

Good luck to you!

>

> Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month

and a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

>

> I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where my

conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

>

> I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself, and

take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

>

> I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just

use a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

>

> I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use

from EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of

my behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in

the towel get over the hump?

>

> Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

>

> Amy

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you . I so appreciated your reaching out and letting me know I'm not

alone, AND I'm so sorry to hear that you have experienced what I am experiencing

as well.

On a positive note, I've had the following revelation from the past regression

I've had: Deep down, I think I've learned or at least learned to fear that

people don't like me just because I am who I am. This has been an eye opener for

me, because a part of me believes -- really and truly -- that it's not possible

for people to dislike me just because I exist. I am a good and kind person. My

intentions are just. Because of that there is incongruity between my belief in

being unlikeable and my belief that deep down I'm good. This is my task for

healing -- I don't know if it helps you but since we share the crazy parent part

I thought I'd pass it along! :-)

On a different note, I saw your post about your current struggles. First, that's

sucky! Second, bravo to you for being able to be aware through the pain!! You

must have a strong inner core if can actually have awareness about what is

happening and already be in self-correction mode. So well done! AND, you clearly

deserve someone who can see and appreciate that strength.

Hang in there,

Your friend who is pulling for and applauding you!

Amy

> >

> > Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month

and a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

> >

> > I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where

my conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

> >

> > I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself,

and take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

> >

> > I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just

use a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

> >

> > I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use

from EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of

my behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in

the towel get over the hump?

> >

> > Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

> >

> > Amy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Amy and .

Thanks to all who keep posting. I have not been active here lately. I am not

losing weight but not gaining either. Stable is pretty good given the family

stress right now. My oldest son has been causing a lot of drama and we are doing

our best to get him help. I expect this will result in even more anger, and his

rages. That said, business as usual will NOT help. This have to change.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Monday, June 25, 2012 7:02:29 PM

Subject: Re: One step forward ...

 

Thank you . I so appreciated your reaching out and letting me know I'm not

alone, AND I'm so sorry to hear that you have experienced what I am experiencing

as well.

On a positive note, I've had the following revelation from the past regression

I've had: Deep down, I think I've learned or at least learned to fear that

people don't like me just because I am who I am. This has been an eye opener for

me, because a part of me believes -- really and truly -- that it's not possible

for people to dislike me just because I exist. I am a good and kind person. My

intentions are just. Because of that there is incongruity between my belief in

being unlikeable and my belief that deep down I'm good. This is my task for

healing -- I don't know if it helps you but since we share the crazy parent part

I thought I'd pass it along! :-)

On a different note, I saw your post about your current struggles. First, that's

sucky! Second, bravo to you for being able to be aware through the pain!! You

must have a strong inner core if can actually have awareness about what is

happening and already be in self-correction mode. So well done! AND, you clearly

deserve someone who can see and appreciate that strength.

Hang in there,

Your friend who is pulling for and applauding you!

Amy

> >

> > Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month

and a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

> >

> > I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where

my conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

> >

> > I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself,

and take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

> >

> > I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just

use a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

> >

> > I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use

from EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of

my behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in

the towel get over the hump?

> >

> > Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

> >

> > Amy

> >

>