Re: Re-do question and Thanks

[Guest guest]

HI Ann,

Yup, I had (and still occasionally do) have anxiety when I do re-dos or

just thinking about the future eating. What I've started doing is when I'm

doing the redo to kind of question the anxiety (like it's another person) -

" so hey there anxiety, whatcha doin' here? How come you so anxious? " And

then I wait for an answer. I try to be really kind to it and figure out

what it's trying to tell me. Here's what it's told me so far:

when eating alone:

- my life will be empty without food. Food is the only thing that gives my

life any fun and enjoyment.

when eating socially

- if I leave stuff on my plate, the host/ess will be hurt and think I

didn't like it. I don't want them to be mad at me.

- I shouldn't waste it (those darn starving kids!)

- oh come on... just a few more bites isn't going to hurt...

- what will I do if I " m not eating? I'll have to join in the conversation

more! Ack!

- I only came to this party/social occasion to eat; no one really wants me

there.

Now I think we can agree that each of these arguments aren't logical or

reasonable - but they sure feel that way sometimes. Anxiety/fear's job is

to keep up a barrier - it's trying to protect you from hurt and pain. Isn't

that sweet? Only it doesn't realize it isn't really helping. So I send it

gratitude and thanks for being so loving that it wants to protect me. I

find once I do that (love and accept it), it dissipates. Because what I'm

really doing is loving and accepting myself. And that is key to this work.

I don't know if my experience helps MA, but know that you aren't alone.

It's a strange thing what our subconscious mind comes up with! God bless it

for being so loving!

I feel for you and your situation in Kuwait. That has to be tough. We're

here for ya!

Sian

On Sat, Apr 14, 2012 at 12:06 PM, Ann <

maryannwilliams922@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. It's nice that you say I

> am brave, I feel stupid at times and not as strong as I thought I was. I

> signed a two year teaching contract here and just finishing up my first

> year, so I could " run " as they call it on my contract, but my over all goal

> was to hopefully teach in Europe. In order to do that I need to stick it

> out one more year to finish my contract and then get my recommendation

> letter in hopes of getting a job in Europe. At times it doesn't feel like

> it's worth it but I keep thinking of the end goal and outcome. Next year

> it will be very hard to come back here. I have had mental wars that are

> still raging about what I am doing and if I am making the right choices

> etc.

>

> I am trying to spin it and use it to my benefit as much as possible an to

> grow from this experience. Sometimes I wonder if I am too much in my head

> here since there is a lot of alone time and isolation at times. I have good

> friends here but we are all going through our own adjustment stuff here.

>

> As in one email, it does feel like an addict, but you can't just stop food

> cold Turkey.

>

> I do exercise 3-5 times a week. It usually doesn't seem to do much but I

> couldn't imagine what I might look like if I stop. It is hard here to do

> things outside for a number of reasons and that is where I usually like to

> exercise. I am trying to get a buddy and do P90x together, maybe that will

> make it more interesting.

>

> Man, if I could find something to replace food that is the million dollar

> question... " what? " food is tricky, it's quick and instantly gratifying and

> also gives you a physical feeling, like fullness or watering taste

> buds...so I have been trying to find a replacement that words as good and

> not having much luck.

>

> Thanks for the cyber hug, I do actually need one

>

> I also had a question about re-do:

> What if while doing a re-do you still feel anxious in the re-do? I always

> feel anxious leaving food on the plate, or even when someone else leaves

> food on their plate. I don't even feel calm about it in a re-do and not

> sure where this comes from. When I eat, especially in social situations I

> feel like I am out of body experience and then I look down and my food is

> gone. Or I feel full but only have a little bit left and I usually make

> myself eat it because I say that is silly to leave so little on your plate

> or that is silly to take home such a small amount. Or I am constantly hung

> up and thinking about food on others plates they left behind......my mom

> was not one to use the " Kids are starving in Africa " line on me growing up

> so I don't know where this is coming from. just thought I would ask to see

> if anyone else had similar issues?

>

> thanks MA

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: insideoutweightloss

> Sent: Monday, April 9, 2012 1:20 PM

> Subject: Re: Feeling down and out

>

>

>

> Hi Ann,

>

> Ditto to all the kudos people are sending your way for upping and moving

> to Kuwait... wow! y'all got guts woman!

>

> I may be completely off track (ignore this if it is), but it sounds like

> you feel a bit stuck/trapped/lacking freedom at the moment. For how long

> have you been in Kuwait? You say that you have to stick out another 2

> years, but is there another option? What would happen if you left? Could

> you get a job somewhere else?

>

> I'm not talking about running away or avoiding your feelings or giving in

> or anything like that - just about re-evaluating your options and

> reassuring yourself there is an option of freedom there. You need to take

> care of yourself - where could you do that best? what circumstances do you

> need to do that and how can you create those circumstances? Maybe you are

> trying to tell yourself something about your current situation...

>

> I only say this cos i was in a similar situation (but not in Kuwait!!) -

> committed to doing something and being somewhere for a year but was still

> hating it and myself after 3 months and truly felt i could not leave - it

> was really quite scary.

>

> I ended up leaving and it was the best thing i could have done. The next

> best thing was realising that that was not giving up/failing, but

> succeeding in giving myself the best chance to get better and grow stronger

> and closer to the person i wanted to be - even in that situation. i just

> had no chance of doing it there. (did not sort out eating problems, by the

> way but improved my life 100% in every other way from those 3 months!)

>

> Just reminding yourself that you have options can help.

>

> Sending a hug ann! (weird cos i don't know you - but i remember how

> much i wanted one! yay for projecting!)

>

>

> > >

> > > What can you replace eating with? If you don't like it where you are,

> > but have to stay for 2Â years what things can you do to replace what

> > food is giving to you? I think you're brave for taking on such an

> > adventure. I know I wouldn't have the guts to do it!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Ann maryannwilliams922@

> > > To: insideoutweightloss

> > > Sent: Monday, April 2, 2012 9:55 PM

> > > Subject: Feeling down and out

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > > I bought the book in January and trying to do each week justice and

> > now only on week 3. I started having issues with food when I got to

> > college and gained 20 pounds the first three months. Ever since then I

> > tried to restrict food but ended up binging. It's just so hard and hard

> > to explain to others and even myself. I am trying right now not to beat

> > myself up and so much and didn't realize how much I did. I was doing

> > pretty well and letting myself eat what I wanted and try to get back to

> > a healthy relationship with food but then I caught a glimpse of myself

> > in the mirror last night and it went down hill from there. I am in a

> > tough spot right now. Due to budget cuts I lost my teaching job last

> > year so I decided to make an adventure out of it and I took a job

> > teaching in Kuwait. I really hate it here but have to fulfill my two

> > year contract in order to go somewhere else. Food gives me the

> > distraction and comfort to survive this place it seems. As

> > > summer nears I am am getting anxious about going back home to see

> > friends being heavier than I have ever been. But I also know I can't

> > continue on like this and need to learn to love myself. There is such a

> > battle that goes on in my head and I don't know how to make it stop or

> > quite the noise. I feel my clothes getting tighter and it's a daily

> > reminder of how unhappy I am or a constant reminder of how out of

> > control I feel and when I feel my new rolls it leads into more self

> > beating up. I too also do self-sabatoge and have a hard time finding

> > what it is I am so scared of. I think too I get overwhelmed and just

> > start to shut down and feel numb and then it's hard to do the work. or

> > I start over thinking it and go off on another tangent. I am trying to

> > follow the book and do it and hoping i am doing it correctly and it

> > works, but not sure I am? I also joined this group a while ago and did

> > not post and was a bit scared too, maybe afraid to actually

> > > hold myself accountable and fail at something in front of others. I

> > am just tired too, tired of thinking of it, tired of dealing with it and

> > just makes me feel down and I don't want to feel that way anymore. I

> > want to like myself, no, LOVE myself a be happy with me.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Sian, I like the way you use the anxiety as a way to figure out what's going on.

Another option when you recognize anxiety about an issue is to use EFT instead

of the re-do. Both are good tools--but sometimes one is better than the other

for a certain task. (Even though I feel anxious about leaving food on my plate,

I choose to be naturally slender; I deeply and completely love and accept

myself.)

Getting back to the redo, a friend suggested doing something similar, except

instead of seeing yourself doing it in the past. Remember when I was at that

party and stopped eating when I was full? I've used this a couple times

recently, where what I " see " is what I want to have happen, and what I " feel "

is borrowed from an actual memory.

> HI Ann,

>

> Yup, I had (and still occasionally do) have anxiety when I do re-dos or

> just thinking about the future eating. What I've started doing is when I'm

> doing the redo to kind of question the anxiety (like it's another person) -

> " so hey there anxiety, whatcha doin' here? How come you so anxious? " And

> then I wait for an answer. I try to be really kind to it and figure out

> what it's trying to tell me. Here's what it's told me so far:

>

> when eating alone:

> - my life will be empty without food. Food is the only thing that gives my

> life any fun and enjoyment.

>

> when eating socially

> - if I leave stuff on my plate, the host/ess will be hurt and think I

> didn't like it. I don't want them to be mad at me.

> - I shouldn't waste it (those darn starving kids!)

> - oh come on... just a few more bites isn't going to hurt...

> - what will I do if I " m not eating? I'll have to join in the conversation

> more! Ack!

> - I only came to this party/social occasion to eat; no one really wants me

> there.

>

> Now I think we can agree that each of these arguments aren't logical or

> reasonable - but they sure feel that way sometimes. Anxiety/fear's job is

> to keep up a barrier - it's trying to protect you from hurt and pain. Isn't

> that sweet? Only it doesn't realize it isn't really helping. So I send it

> gratitude and thanks for being so loving that it wants to protect me. I

> find once I do that (love and accept it), it dissipates. Because what I'm

> really doing is loving and accepting myself. And that is key to this work.

>

> I don't know if my experience helps MA, but know that you aren't alone.

> It's a strange thing what our subconscious mind comes up with! God bless it

> for being so loving!

>

> I feel for you and your situation in Kuwait. That has to be tough. We're

> here for ya!

>

> Sian

>

>

>

>

>

>

> On Sat, Apr 14, 2012 at 12:06 PM, Ann <

> maryannwilliams922@...> wrote:

>

>> **

>>

>>

>> Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. It's nice that you say I

>> am brave, I feel stupid at times and not as strong as I thought I was. I

>> signed a two year teaching contract here and just finishing up my first

>> year, so I could " run " as they call it on my contract, but my over all goal

>> was to hopefully teach in Europe. In order to do that I need to stick it

>> out one more year to finish my contract and then get my recommendation

>> letter in hopes of getting a job in Europe. At times it doesn't feel like

>> it's worth it but I keep thinking of the end goal and outcome. Next year

>> it will be very hard to come back here. I have had mental wars that are

>> still raging about what I am doing and if I am making the right choices

>> etc.

>>

>> I am trying to spin it and use it to my benefit as much as possible an to

>> grow from this experience. Sometimes I wonder if I am too much in my head

>> here since there is a lot of alone time and isolation at times. I have good

>> friends here but we are all going through our own adjustment stuff here.

>>

>> As in one email, it does feel like an addict, but you can't just stop food

>> cold Turkey.

>>

>> I do exercise 3-5 times a week. It usually doesn't seem to do much but I

>> couldn't imagine what I might look like if I stop. It is hard here to do

>> things outside for a number of reasons and that is where I usually like to

>> exercise. I am trying to get a buddy and do P90x together, maybe that will

>> make it more interesting.

>>

>> Man, if I could find something to replace food that is the million dollar

>> question... " what? " food is tricky, it's quick and instantly gratifying and

>> also gives you a physical feeling, like fullness or watering taste

>> buds...so I have been trying to find a replacement that words as good and

>> not having much luck.

>>

>> Thanks for the cyber hug, I do actually need one

>>

>> I also had a question about re-do:

>> What if while doing a re-do you still feel anxious in the re-do? I always

>> feel anxious leaving food on the plate, or even when someone else leaves

>> food on their plate. I don't even feel calm about it in a re-do and not

>> sure where this comes from. When I eat, especially in social situations I

>> feel like I am out of body experience and then I look down and my food is

>> gone. Or I feel full but only have a little bit left and I usually make

>> myself eat it because I say that is silly to leave so little on your plate

>> or that is silly to take home such a small amount. Or I am constantly hung

>> up and thinking about food on others plates they left behind......my mom

>> was not one to use the " Kids are starving in Africa " line on me growing up

>> so I don't know where this is coming from. just thought I would ask to see

>> if anyone else had similar issues?

>>

>> thanks MA

>>

>> ________________________________

>>

>> To: insideoutweightloss

>> Sent: Monday, April 9, 2012 1:20 PM

>> Subject: Re: Feeling down and out

>>

>>

>>

>> Hi Ann,

>>

>> Ditto to all the kudos people are sending your way for upping and moving

>> to Kuwait... wow! y'all got guts woman!

>>

>> I may be completely off track (ignore this if it is), but it sounds like

>> you feel a bit stuck/trapped/lacking freedom at the moment. For how long

>> have you been in Kuwait? You say that you have to stick out another 2

>> years, but is there another option? What would happen if you left? Could

>> you get a job somewhere else?

>>

>> I'm not talking about running away or avoiding your feelings or giving in

>> or anything like that - just about re-evaluating your options and

>> reassuring yourself there is an option of freedom there. You need to take

>> care of yourself - where could you do that best? what circumstances do you

>> need to do that and how can you create those circumstances? Maybe you are

>> trying to tell yourself something about your current situation...

>>

>> I only say this cos i was in a similar situation (but not in Kuwait!!) -

>> committed to doing something and being somewhere for a year but was still

>> hating it and myself after 3 months and truly felt i could not leave - it

>> was really quite scary.

>>

>> I ended up leaving and it was the best thing i could have done. The next

>> best thing was realising that that was not giving up/failing, but

>> succeeding in giving myself the best chance to get better and grow stronger

>> and closer to the person i wanted to be - even in that situation. i just

>> had no chance of doing it there. (did not sort out eating problems, by the

>> way but improved my life 100% in every other way from those 3 months!)

>>

>> Just reminding yourself that you have options can help.

>>

>> Sending a hug ann! (weird cos i don't know you - but i remember how

>> much i wanted one! yay for projecting!)

>>

>>

>>>>

>>>> What can you replace eating with? If you don't like it where you are,

>>> but have to stay for 2� years what things can you do to replace what

>>> food is giving to you? I think you're brave for taking on such an

>>> adventure. I know I wouldn't have the guts to do it!

>>>>

>>>>

>>>>

>>>> ________________________________

>>>> From: Ann maryannwilliams922@

>>>> To: insideoutweightloss

>>>> Sent: Monday, April 2, 2012 9:55 PM

>>>> Subject: Feeling down and out

>>>>

>>>>

>>>> �

>>>> I bought the book in January and trying to do each week justice and

>>> now only on week 3. I started having issues with food when I got to

>>> college and gained 20 pounds the first three months. Ever since then I

>>> tried to restrict food but ended up binging. It's just so hard and hard

>>> to explain to others and even myself. I am trying right now not to beat

>>> myself up and so much and didn't realize how much I did. I was doing

>>> pretty well and letting myself eat what I wanted and try to get back to

>>> a healthy relationship with food but then I caught a glimpse of myself

>>> in the mirror last night and it went down hill from there. I am in a

>>> tough spot right now. Due to budget cuts I lost my teaching job last

>>> year so I decided to make an adventure out of it and I took a job

>>> teaching in Kuwait. I really hate it here but have to fulfill my two

>>> year contract in order to go somewhere else. Food gives me the

>>> distraction and comfort to survive this place it seems. As

>>>> summer nears I am am getting anxious about going back home to see

>>> friends being heavier than I have ever been. But I also know I can't

>>> continue on like this and need to learn to love myself. There is such a

>>> battle that goes on in my head and I don't know how to make it stop or

>>> quite the noise. I feel my clothes getting tighter and it's a daily

>>> reminder of how unhappy I am or a constant reminder of how out of

>>> control I feel and when I feel my new rolls it leads into more self

>>> beating up. I too also do self-sabatoge and have a hard time finding

>>> what it is I am so scared of. I think too I get overwhelmed and just

>>> start to shut down and feel numb and then it's hard to do the work. or

>>> I start over thinking it and go off on another tangent. I am trying to

>>> follow the book and do it and hoping i am doing it correctly and it

>>> works, but not sure I am? I also joined this group a while ago and did

>>> not post and was a bit scared too, maybe afraid to actually

>>>> hold myself accountable and fail at something in front of others. I

>>> am just tired too, tired of thinking of it, tired of dealing with it and

>>> just makes me feel down and I don't want to feel that way anymore. I

>>> want to like myself, no, LOVE myself a be happy with me.

>>>>

>>>>

>>>>

>>>>

>>>>