Thanks and a question for you

[Guest guest]

Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. It's nice that you say I am

brave, I feel stupid at times and not as strong as I thought I was. I signed a

two year teaching contract here and just finishing up my first year, so I could

" run " as they call it on my contract, but my over all goal was to hopefully

teach in Europe. In order to do that I need to stick it out one more year to

finish my contract and then get my recommendation letter in hopes of getting a

job in Europe. At times it doesn't feel like it's worth it but I keep thinking

of the end goal and outcome. Next year it will be very hard to come back here.

I have had mental wars that are still raging about what I am doing and if I am

making the right choices etc.

I am trying to spin it and use it to my benefit as much as possible an to grow

from this experience. Sometimes I wonder if I am too much in my head here since

there is a lot of alone time and isolation at times. I have good friends here

but we are all going through our own adjustment stuff here.

As in one email, it does feel like an addict, but you can't just stop food cold

Turkey.

I do exercise 3-5 times a week. It usually doesn't seem to do much but I

couldn't imagine what I might look like if I stop. It is hard here to do things

outside for a number of reasons and that is where I usually like to exercise. I

am trying to get a buddy and do P90x together, maybe that will make it more

interesting.

Man, if I could find something to replace food that is the million dollar

question... " what? " food is tricky, it's quick and instantly gratifying and also

gives you a physical feeling, like fullness or watering taste buds...so I have

been trying to find a replacement that words as good and not having much luck.

Thanks for the cyber hug, I do actually need one

I also had a question about re-do:

What if while doing a re-do you still feel anxious in the re-do? I always feel

anxious leaving food on the plate, or even when someone else leaves food on

their plate. I don't even feel calm about it in a re-do and not sure where this

comes from. When I eat, especially in social situations I feel like I am out of

body experience and then I look down and my food is gone. Or I feel full but

only have a little bit left and I usually make myself eat it because I say that

is silly to leave so little on your plate or that is silly to take home such a

small amount. Or I am constantly hung up and thinking about food on others

plates they left behind......my mom was not one to use the " Kids are starving in

Africa " line on me growing up so I don't know where this is coming from. just

thought I would ask to see if anyone else had similar issues?

thanks MA