Re-do question and Thanks

[Guest guest]

Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. It's nice that you say I am

brave, I feel stupid at times and not as strong as I thought I was.  I signed a

two year teaching contract here and just finishing up my first year, so I could

" run " as they call it on my contract, but my over all goal was to hopefully

teach in Europe. In order to do that I need to stick it out one more year to

finish my contract and then get my recommendation letter in hopes of getting a

job in Europe.  At times it doesn't feel like it's worth it but I keep thinking

of the end goal and outcome.  Next year it will be very hard to come back here.

 I have had mental wars that are still raging about what I am doing and if I am

making the right choices etc. 

I am trying to spin it and use it to my benefit as much as possible an to grow

from this experience. Sometimes I wonder if I am too much in my head here since

there is a lot of alone time and isolation at times. I have good friends here

but we are all going through our own adjustment stuff here.  

As in one email, it does feel like an addict, but you can't just stop food cold

Turkey.  

I do exercise 3-5 times a week.  It usually doesn't seem to do much but I

couldn't imagine what I might look like if I stop. It is hard here to do things

outside for a number of reasons and that is where I usually like to exercise.

 I am trying to get a buddy and do P90x together, maybe that will make it more

interesting. 

Man, if I could find something to replace food that is the million dollar

question... " what? "  food is tricky, it's quick and instantly gratifying and

also gives you a physical feeling, like fullness or watering taste buds...so I

have been trying to find a replacement that words as good and not having much

luck.  

Thanks for the cyber hug, I do actually need one

I also had a question about re-do:

What if while doing a re-do you still feel anxious in the re-do?  I always feel

anxious leaving food on the plate, or even when someone else leaves food on

their plate.  I don't even feel calm about it in a re-do and not sure where

this comes from.  When I eat, especially in social situations I feel like I am

out of body experience and then I look down and my food is gone.  Or I feel

full but only have a little bit left and I usually make myself eat it because I

say that is silly to leave so little on your plate or that is silly to take home

such a small amount.  Or I am constantly hung up and thinking about food on

others plates they left behind......my mom was not one to use the " Kids are

starving in Africa " line on me growing up so I don't know where this is coming

from.  just thought I would ask to see if anyone else had similar issues?

thanks MA

________________________________

To: insideoutweightloss

Sent: Monday, April 9, 2012 1:20 PM

Subject: Re: Feeling down and out

 

Hi Ann,

Ditto to all the kudos people are sending your way for upping and moving to

Kuwait... wow! y'all got guts woman!

I may be completely off track (ignore this if it is), but it sounds like you

feel a bit stuck/trapped/lacking freedom at the moment. For how long have you

been in Kuwait? You say that you have to stick out another 2 years, but is there

another option? What would happen if you left? Could you get a job somewhere

else?

I'm not talking about running away or avoiding your feelings or giving in or

anything like that - just about re-evaluating your options and reassuring

yourself there is an option of freedom there. You need to take care of yourself

- where could you do that best? what circumstances do you need to do that and

how can you create those circumstances? Maybe you are trying to tell yourself

something about your current situation...

I only say this cos i was in a similar situation (but not in Kuwait!!) -

committed to doing something and being somewhere for a year but was still hating

it and myself after 3 months and truly felt i could not leave - it was really

quite scary.

I ended up leaving and it was the best thing i could have done. The next best

thing was realising that that was not giving up/failing, but succeeding in

giving myself the best chance to get better and grow stronger and closer to the

person i wanted to be - even in that situation. i just had no chance of doing it

there. (did not sort out eating problems, by the way but improved my life 100%

in every other way from those 3 months!)

Just reminding yourself that you have options can help.

Sending a hug ann! (weird cos i don't know you - but i remember how much i

wanted one! yay for projecting!)

> >

> > What can you replace eating with? If you don't like it where you are,

> but have to stay for 2Â years what things can you do to replace what

> food is giving to you? I think you're brave for taking on such an

> adventure. I know I wouldn't have the guts to do it!

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Ann maryannwilliams922@

> > To: insideoutweightloss

> > Sent: Monday, April 2, 2012 9:55 PM

> > Subject: Feeling down and out

> >

> >

> > Â

> > I bought the book in January and trying to do each week justice and

> now only on week 3. I started having issues with food when I got to

> college and gained 20 pounds the first three months. Ever since then I

> tried to restrict food but ended up binging. It's just so hard and hard

> to explain to others and even myself. I am trying right now not to beat

> myself up and so much and didn't realize how much I did. I was doing

> pretty well and letting myself eat what I wanted and try to get back to

> a healthy relationship with food but then I caught a glimpse of myself

> in the mirror last night and it went down hill from there. I am in a

> tough spot right now. Due to budget cuts I lost my teaching job last

> year so I decided to make an adventure out of it and I took a job

> teaching in Kuwait. I really hate it here but have to fulfill my two

> year contract in order to go somewhere else. Food gives me the

> distraction and comfort to survive this place it seems. As

> > summer nears I am am getting anxious about going back home to see

> friends being heavier than I have ever been. But I also know I can't

> continue on like this and need to learn to love myself. There is such a

> battle that goes on in my head and I don't know how to make it stop or

> quite the noise. I feel my clothes getting tighter and it's a daily

> reminder of how unhappy I am or a constant reminder of how out of

> control I feel and when I feel my new rolls it leads into more self

> beating up. I too also do self-sabatoge and have a hard time finding

> what it is I am so scared of. I think too I get overwhelmed and just

> start to shut down and feel numb and then it's hard to do the work. or

> I start over thinking it and go off on another tangent. I am trying to

> follow the book and do it and hoping i am doing it correctly and it

> works, but not sure I am? I also joined this group a while ago and did

> not post and was a bit scared too, maybe afraid to actually

> > hold myself accountable and fail at something in front of others. I

> am just tired too, tired of thinking of it, tired of dealing with it and

> just makes me feel down and I don't want to feel that way anymore. I

> want to like myself, no, LOVE myself a be happy with me.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >