Another Newbie (Sort of)

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone! My name is Elisha. I've been listening to the podcasts for

quite a while, and I got the book a few days ago. I've even been on this

group for a while. I think I may have posted a time or two, but more likely

I just thought about it and then didn't actually do it ... story of my life!

All this time I've been trying to go it alone, thinking, " Oh, I don't

really need to reach out to other people, and besides, I have a blog! " And

while it's true that I do blog (mythunderthighs.com, if anyone is

interested), and I'm fairly active in the fitness/weight loss blogging

community, it's not really the same as having a support group. And really,

I've been trying to go it alone my whole life, and how has that worked for

me so far? It really hasn't. Perhaps it's time to try something new, so

here I am.

I'm 31, married, 3yo daughter. I work part time. I live in rural WV. I have

been overweight as long as I can remember. I'm currently in

therapy--started going to marriage counseling, and even though my husband

and I have a stronger relationship now, I kept going on my own and keep

digging up more and more issues.

I have the greatest family on the planet: everyone is super supportive and

loving. I actually had the parents and grandparents that always told me I

was beautiful and smart and could do absolutely anything I wanted to do.

Somewhere along the way, though, it became too much, an impossible standard

that I could never live up to, and I stopped trying, or found a way to

sabotage myself before I accomplished whatever it was. Now I sit here and

think to myself that I could have been so much more, and I'm wasting my

life.

I have a pattern of getting very close to a goal and then pulling back. In

2011 I set a goal of running a 5k nonstop. I made it up to running 7

minutes at a time, 4-5 times in a row ... and then I hurt myself and had to

go through months of physical therapy. Did I intentionally hurt myself?

Well, no, of course not, but at the same time, I got injured because I

wasn't taking care of myself like I know I should.

There are soooo many other examples of this I can see in my life, some big

and some little.

It's like I'm afraid of success, of reaching my full potential. That seems

so ridiculous to me! Why would I be afraid of that? But there it is, and

that's the best reasoning I can come up with.

Anyway, that's me. I hope to be more active here, as we all help each other

explore the worlds inside our heads.

Thanks!

Elisha