Re: Leaving the comfort zone

[Guest guest]

Dear Jenna ,

Thank you for sharing.

I am sorry to hear you are under so much stress and challenges.

How can we support you , here on this forum?!

From your story - overeating must be such a gift for you - comfort and

relaxation. Gratitude for the part that makes you overeat and forgiveness to

yourself, might help.

For me , food is my refuge when I get very depressed. I really know the feeling

- that food is better than alcohol or hurting my self in another way. Following

's program gave me the " permission " to put myself and my happiness first

and take great care of myself

It seems that some extra self-care and self-love can help you... What can you do

for yourself now? Who can give you the extra support you need right now?

Wishing you a lot of courage and happiness,

Miriam

>

> Hi,

>

> I've been lurking around this list and IOWL for years now, gaining and

> losing a lot. My real difficulty has been eating as a not very effective

> way of coping with stress. Yesterday I was listening to one of 's

> podcasts about preparing to change and the bit about moving out of your

> comfort zone really resonated with me.

>

> I've blamed the stress and the individuals and circumstances for my eating

> too much and yesterday I really took to heart that it is my own

> responsibility to choose what I put in my mouth. I've also feared becoming

> alcoholic or doing other damage to myself if I didn't binge. In fact a CBT

> therapist I was seeing for a while said that while my binging was of

> concern because it bothered me she saw it as quite a mild response to the

> stress I am under. I don't think actually that was a very helpful comment

> and I've used it to validate my choices to overeat.

>

> I have really gone to extremes on this. After Christmas I had 'pulled

> myself together' and lost 7 lbs and then I was admitted as an emergency to

> hospital, stayed for just over a week and lost another 7 possibly more

> pounds due to the experience.

>

> However, my being ill had a very bad effect on my son who is on the

> Autistic spectrum with Asperger's Syndrome. Home life basically fell apart

> and is only just getting back together, my husband has Chronic Fatigue

> syndrome and although very supportive is unwell himself very frequently so

> is literally 'not there' a lot of the time. He also turned to alcohol to

> cope with the family stress but has worked on himself and no longer drinks

> at all.

>

> I discovered to my horror I've put on more than 30 pounds since February

> and I have been very miserable about my increasing fatness, which triggered

> more and more eating ... I'm sure there are others here who know about that.

>

> Yesterday it fell into place - I really cannot blame anyone or thing else.

> Its down to me. I can change, I have changed in other ways before. And as

> for becoming alcoholic - I've seen first hand what that does to a person

> and their family and it really does not tempt me so that's not something

> that is a real risk. When I've been despairing I've entertained suicidal

> thoughts but have had no intention to act on them, I've cut myself a little

> decades ago and don't see the attraction in that so I don't think that not

> eating will lead to other dangerous habits.

>

> I admit to feeling a bit stupid about coming to this understanding so late

> - I've intellectually understood this but not truly owned the feeling.

>

> If anyone got this far - thanks for reading

>

> Jenna

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

Jenna - you listed some great self-correcting techniques here. You must be very

creative. What is your creation fields ?

The 6-weeks online program was great. I have learned a ton.

but the past week - I fell behind and find it hard to pick myself up again and

come back to moderate eating. But I stick to 2 important tools- the hunger diary

and the feel-good list, every night before bed.

How do you keep on track?

>

> Thanks Miriam,

>

> that was a very compassionate post that gave me things to think about and

> gave me a feeling of great support.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Dear Jenna ,

> > Thank you for sharing.

> > I am sorry to hear you are under so much stress and challenges.

> > How can we support you , here on this forum?!

> >

> I don't know. No one has specifically asked me that before. My husband

> suggests good things for me to do and is very suportive and my mother and

> brother care lots and show that they worry but no one has directly asked

> what would help. Listenin' without judgement would be good, and sharing

> other stories so I feel part of a supportive community.

>

> > From your story - overeating must be such a gift for you - comfort and

> > relaxation.

> >

> Actually no ... I have been eating to the point of pain, using food to

> cover up emotions. When I binge its very rarely pleasurable. Maybe the

> first few mouthfuls but after that its not fun.

>

> > Gratitude for the part that makes you overeat and forgiveness to yourself,

> > might help.

> >

> Mmm, definitely forgiveness. I have been very grateful for this habit, as I

> said before I saw it as protecting me from worse self abuse. When I

> practiced awareness of loving myself I would thank my strong body for all

> it has achieved and see my bulges in particular as being part of my

> protection.

>

>

> > For me , food is my refuge when I get very depressed. I really know the

> > feeling - that food is better than alcohol or hurting my self in another

> > way.

> >

> I am sorry to hear of your depression. Is this a big part of your life now?

> Can this group/can I help you? I have lived with some periods of clinical

> depression myself and my OH has bipolar which was undiagnosed for years so

> I have an inkling of how debilitating it can be. Did/does food actually

> help when you get down?

>

> > Following 's program gave me the " permission " to put myself and my

> > happiness first and take great care of myself

> >

>

> That is such a good point. How is it working for you now? How did you find

> 's programme? (sorry, I'm English and spelling it the American way

> feels so wrong ....)

>

> I had an internal dialogue where I used to tell myself that being fatter

> wouldn't help me deal with the situation - while binging of course. Such a

> simple shift in perspective ... I have been listening and hearing this for

> years but not internalised it before. I feel like I'm getting a real shift

> in feeling this time round. Oh I do hope so, I've about 50 pounds I'd like

> not to be carrying for many more years, and I really want for this to be

> the last time I have need of shedding them. I've given my fat clothes away

> three or four times now, swearing I would never be that size again.

>

> > It seems that some extra self-care and self-love can help you... What can

> > you do for yourself now? Who can give you the extra support you need right

> > now?

> >

>

> Um ..... getting a swim in at least once a week, getting sewing and putting

> my creations on ebay, going back to counselling but not the CBT, make music

> and make the effort to go to the playing day next Saturday. Lots of things

> that would be good.

>

> Jenna, sending out warm supportive feelings to everyone here.

>

>

>