One step forward ...

[Guest guest]

Two steps back. Today I'm really frustrated. Over the weekend, after a month and

a half of a very hectic schedule, two small things happened and I really

snapped. Emotionally I checked out, I felt completely spent, and eating wise

today I came home and downed an entire pint of ice cream. I have *never* done

that before so why now? With all of the progress I've made I am so confused as

to why the huge swing to a behavior I've not had before.

I've been trying to allow myself to think about how I am feeling and where my

conflict is ... I've been taking care of a lot of people more intensely than

usually, and it has taken a lot out of me. My children are at the end of the

school year, it's sports season complete with traveling teams, and my elderly

parents are being difficult and demanding. In return for my efforts, I get

infantile behavior from them complete with temper tantrums. My 81 father even

called me on my birthday, made a demand, when I tried to postpone the

conversation as I was at a birthday event with my children and husband, he hung

up on me, then called back to tell me how controlling I am.

I think my inner worry is that, even though I try to take care of myself, and

take care of others with kindness and compassion, that I am not a likeable

person. That by the very setting and modeling of good boundaries makes me a

b**ch that people can't like. And that when the small things like not being

invited to a neighbors social event, and my mother last minute backing out of

attending my daughter's birthday dinner, that these are confirmations that I,

who I am, is not likeable.

I hate that. So I ate the ice cream. Dang this is hard. I guess I could just use

a ray of light at this moment, because this hole is feeling pretty deep.

I think my question to you all is despite knowing strategies that I can use from

EFT, to re-framing, to dropping inside to identify the positive intent of my

behaviors, how do you, how do I, in this moment when I just want to throw in the

towel get over the hump?

Sorry for blathering. I'm just feeling pretty stuck.

Amy