Re: Mothers

[Guest guest]

Dear Judy,

Speaking from the perspective of one who had a " toxic " mother...

" She decanted herself into me " is a great one to bring to the four

questions.

Love, Carol

> All the emails about mothers and babies have made me start thinking

about

> what parenting might have been like for my mother. I think we were

easy

> children - certainly we wanted to please and behave, and by and

large we

> did. We were brought up to be a certain way ( " knowing right from

wrong " ),

> and we did. Still do. I think my mother got a great deal of

gratification

> from my sister and me.

>

> What did we get? A mixed bag. Many blessings, certainly, but also

anxiety

> and fear. She decanted herself into us.

>

> She was quite extraordinary, my mother. One of eight children in

> turn-of-the-century Montreal, she started working at the age of 11

and

> worked till she was 82. My sister has never worked, and I retired

as soon

> as I could, and now live a life characterized by inertia. We are

both

> chronically troubled about something or other - the " something "

shifts; the

> feeling does not. There's always that vague feeling that

something's wrong,

> or going to go wrong, or threatening our well-being. We live with

furrowed

> brows.

>

> We know this, and we don't like it. Both of our lives, at this

moment, are

> very good; you'd think we'd be content and at peace. We are not.

I worry

> I'll die young or worse, continue to live, but in terrible health.

My

> sister worries she'll go broke. Neither of us has any present cause

for

> concern in these areas. I think we both feel that if we worry about

it

> enough, we'll somehow ward it off. NBL (Not Bloody Likely).

>

> Any help in subjecting this to inquiry would be greatly app

[Guest guest]

I know I am piping in a week late.. Forgive me, I was traveling for work

(blech!).

I read an article in Shape Magazine yeeeears ago about how no matter what,

mothers screw up their daughters.. Either by trying too hard or not

trying hard enough. Obviously not all moms screw up all girls.. but most

do..

It was then that I decided to at least make a go at it so they can make

money writing a book about me.

It's rough.. My two older girls are gaining fat. It seems the word " fat "

means so much more than that yellow/brown jiggly stuff we have in our

bodies.. so how do you talk about it without making it sound like you

mean the person is lazy and unmotivated?

I have at least 50 lbs excess fat on my body. Am I lazy and unmotivated?

I can run half-marathons with relative ease.. deadlift 200 lbs without

dying.. (just don't ask me to do something super human like touch my toes

with straight legs)..

Bah, BAH! I say.

Corinna