Self-acceptance

[Guest guest]

Hi again,

Here is another topic I'd love to discuss with everyone.

spends several podcasts on the issue of self-acceptance (including numbers

37-41, I believe). I've spent almost a week listening to podcast 40, in which

she asks us to do two things: 1. Think about our soul's gift and 2. Really let

go of the struggle to unconditionally accept ourselves.

This has proven to be a very interesting journey for me.

Something in the podcast came through for me yesterday (it's amazing how we can

listen to something over and over and still miss details). I heard say

that we should think about the gift we are getting from both the side of us

saying no to self acceptance and the side saying yes. So yesterday I really

thought about it.

What I realized is that for me, both sides want the same thing but they go about

it in very different ways. The side of me saying no is impatient, hostile and

angry. But it wants me to evolve, improve, treat others with more patience and

respect, and it wants me to succeed. These are all terrific goals, but my

delivery is all wrong. It's kind of abusive in its approach.

The side of me saying yes to self acceptance wants all of the above (it wants me

to evolve, improve, treat others with more patience and respect, and it wants me

to succeed). But it uses a gentle, loving, supportive voice.

talks about the tug of war going on between these sides of ourselves and

how we feel stuck but actually there is a conflict going on. The truth is that

these sides both want really good things, things that I want for me.

So how do we get them to work together? I see quite clearly that if I could

teach the no-side of me to use a kinder tone and approach, I'd be getting

somewhere.

I'd love to hear from people who have been successful in figuring this out!

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Is your impatient side afraid that the approach of your gentler side won't work?

If so, you might want to go back to the limiting belief series, and see how you

can start questioning this.

You might also want to have a " chat " with the impatient side about the

importance of showing that same patience and respect towards yourself. 

Does the impatient side need to see results? Maybe you can pick a small,

measurable goal or habit you want to work on. Something that feels right to both

sides. I know that for me, it's really important to take stock every now and

then, because so much of my progress has not been related to the scale. I am not

significantly lighter than I was 4 years ago (though I did lose the 11 pounds I

gained before finding IOWL three years ago!), but I am a different person on so

many other levels. But every now and then my inner Bean Counter just wants to

see the charts, you know? The results. 

I know you saw the self-acceptance issue I'm playing with these days--how do I

push myself to lose 5 more pounds if I accept myself 100%? And if I accept

myself 100%, why do I want to lose 5 more pounds? As I play with this thought

(yes, it really does feel like a mental game sometimes. A word game. How can I

change one letter at a time... LOL!) I keep coming back to the phrase " the

highest expression of you " . I'm not quite at my highest expression of me--though

I'm closer than I was last time I was 5 lbs less. Maybe that's part of what's

holding me back? I don't want to go back to the inner me I was then.

One last comment--I see you completely left aside the aspect of your soul's

gift. Have you given that any thought?

>________________________________

>

>To: insideoutweightloss

>Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2012 8:33 PM

>Subject: Self-acceptance

>

>

> 

>Hi again,

>

>Here is another topic I'd love to discuss with everyone.

>

> spends several podcasts on the issue of self-acceptance (including

numbers 37-41, I believe). I've spent almost a week listening to podcast 40, in

which she asks us to do two things: 1. Think about our soul's gift and 2. Really

let go of the struggle to unconditionally accept ourselves.

>

>This has proven to be a very interesting journey for me.

>

>Something in the podcast came through for me yesterday (it's amazing how we can

listen to something over and over and still miss details). I heard say

that we should think about the gift we are getting from both the side of us

saying no to self acceptance and the side saying yes. So yesterday I really

thought about it.

>

>What I realized is that for me, both sides want the same thing but they go

about it in very different ways. The side of me saying no is impatient, hostile

and angry. But it wants me to evolve, improve, treat others with more patience

and respect, and it wants me to succeed. These are all terrific goals, but my

delivery is all wrong. It's kind of abusive in its approach.

>

>The side of me saying yes to self acceptance wants all of the above (it wants

me to evolve, improve, treat others with more patience and respect, and it wants

me to succeed). But it uses a gentle, loving, supportive voice.

>

> talks about the tug of war going on between these sides of ourselves and

how we feel stuck but actually there is a conflict going on. The truth is that

these sides both want really good things, things that I want for me.

>

>So how do we get them to work together? I see quite clearly that if I could

teach the no-side of me to use a kinder tone and approach, I'd be getting

somewhere.

>

>I'd love to hear from people who have been successful in figuring this out!

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thanks so much for your response to my post about self-acceptance. You brought

up so many wonderful points.

I think going back to the limiting belief series is a great idea, as well as my

need to have a chat with my impatient side.

There is no question that my

impatient side wants to see results. I, like you, am not trying to lose a

significant amount of weight. In fact, if I stay at this weight, I'd be great,

especially if this non-binging path continues (it's been almost

40 days which for me is HUGE). I do my best to give myself credit every

day in a success journal for all the NSV's because there are just so

many. And that helps a lot.  I grapple with your same question, if part

of me wants to lose 6 more pounds,  and I accept myself, why is it so

important to me to lose 6 more pounds? And then is this relaxed intent?

Saying I'm fine now, but I also want to lose? It's a bit confusing. As

you said, it's a mental game...

I want to be the highest expression of myself. And I KNOW very CLEARLY

that this means a person who makes healthy choices that support inner

and outer good feelings. The 6 pounds are somewhat superficial. They

won't make me a better person, parent, daughter, wife, etc. On the

surface, I believe there is some metaphysical trophy I feel I will

receive if I can achieve that weight. But really, like you, I feel I've

changed so much from the sneak eating binger who would make herself sick

in secret and then terrorize herself and her loved ones due to shame

and guilt. I'm so, so happy that me is gone.

It's really helpful to read how you work through these issues as I feel we are

grappling with similar stuff. So thank you for sharing and for trying to help me

figure it all out. I really appreciate it.

About the soul's gift issue, I didn't address it maybe because I feel like this

is one area where I'm quite at peace. I'm a teacher, I teach new immigrants and

in particular I have a human rights program with them, and I LOVE my job. I love

what I do and feel so fulfilled by it, that it's never a question for me. When

I'm with my students, engaged in human rights education, I don't notice time

pass, I am so fully energized, it's great. And I also love being a mom.  I think

the eating issues come from the fact that as a teacher, married to a musician (I

know you are a musician as well, and I play too), we struggle financially and

there just isn't much down time. Food was my " pause " in all the stress. But now

that I have been using other renewal strategies, I really have no urge for food

when I really need a pause.

Sorry for rambling. There is much to share/sift through and I'm being a bit

inarticulate.

Thanks again,