I'm New

[Guest guest]

Hi, Just wanted to introduce myself. I am new here, and just joined after

discovering 's podcasts and listening to every one of them. It has been

about three weeks since I have been listening. I download several podcasts and

listen to them at work during the course of the day, while I am working.

I am intrigued by the information, and find myself thinking some new thoughts.

However, I haven't noticed any huge changes in my behavior. I've been eating

fairly healthfully lately, but today I went overboard. I had spaghetti at

lunch, an ice cream on the way home, and several snacks tonight. It was a bad

day all around.

I wonder lots of things, like:

1. Will I ever stop obsessing over food and my weight 24/7, and live a normal

life?

2. Why do I obsess over food and my weight 24/7?

3. Why do so many other women appear to be effortlessly skinny and well put

together, while I am a flat slob who dresses poorly?

4. Why do I constantly buy clothes and jewelry and hoard them for " someday, "

while continuing to look like a slob every day?

5. How do I fix my life so that food is not the only thing I look forward to?

6. Why do I stay up every night until 2 am working on schoolwork (I'm a teacher

in my spare time) and mindlessly surfing the internet, while snacking, when I

have to get up at 7 in the morning to go to my office job?

7. My grandmother was hugely overweight and had issues with food and overeating

(I stayed with her often when I was a kid). Am I doomed to be fat because of

heredity?

8. If I ever get thin, will my fat cells scream to be filled up? Will I

constantly have to battle my physical self?

9. How do I make enough money so I don't need two jobs?

10. What the hell happened to me? Up until age 32 or so, I was relatively thin,

well dressed, and attractive. The difference between myself then and now is

like night and day.

11. I am scared of my lack of control over my eating. If I have an ice cream on

my mind, I cannot NOT get one. My impulse control is very poor. How do I

change into a person that is in control?

12. Being the center of attraction is very painful to me. I avoid wearing

anything new to work because I will have a million people asking me, " Is that

new? Where did you get that? " I love fashion and jewelry, though. How do I

dress the way I want to without attracting unwanted attention?

13. I have been stuck in an unfulfilling job for more than a decade. It is

dragging me down into the gutter. I see no future. I have not had good luck

interviewing for other jobs in the past. Will I ever get a better job that pays

a good salary, enough so that I have a little breathing room?

14. I resent that people treat me differently at different weights. It is so

hurtful that I think it has prompted me to be overweight.

15. My husband is great in some aspects, but he has a selfish side to him. He

doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, and he puts himself first. He is

very much into fitness, and has a physically demanding job. After work every

day he either jogs or lifts weights. This leaves me to make dinner and tend to

the kids. He says he will make dinner. But it ends up being 8 pm at night when

he makes it. How do I get over my resentment toward him for putting himself

first, and leaving me to handle everything while he takes care of his needs?

How can I find it possible to put myself first? Because if my husband and I are

both selfish, then nothing will get done and the kids will not be fed.

And the list goes on and on and on.

Listening to the podcasts helps, but how long will it be before I change my

behavior? Why is it so difficult to change my behavior? Am I doomed to be the

way I am for the rest of my life? I'm a hard worker, and I'm not lazy. Like

many women with weight issues, I am literally working around the clock, handling

large amounts of responsibility and work in every area of my life. I have

constant anxiety about losing my job, being a homeless person, not being able to

pay my bills, losing my husband, having my husband cheat on me, having something

awful happen to my kids, etc.

I am looking forward to participating in this forum. Hopefully I'll be able to

contribute and gain from the experience.

Jasmine