Finished week 6

[Guest guest]

(Apologies to those of you who saw this on SparkPeople... I felt like sharing it

here, too.)

 

Well, I finished reading Week 6 of Full-Filled, the companion book to the IOWL

podcasts. And my mind is sort of reeling with certain thoughts and realizations.

Reading about the relaxed intent, and some of the Law of Attraction quotes, made

me think back to when I started IOWL, 2.5 years ago. The letting go--the process

of envisioning how it would be OK if I *didn't* get my goal--was very

empowering. The thought that I could have anything I want--if I just feel good

now--was freeing.

I did feel good. I began to feel better about myself in all sorts of ways. I

began to reach for things I'd never considered reaching for. I began to enjoy

little things, like the sight of a flower, a bird soaring overhead, a moment to

sit and enjoy the view... in deeper ways than I'd ever enjoyed them before. It's

not that everything became perfect, or that I always felt good. But my baseline

contentment level went way up....

I learned to feel good now.

But I think I was working so hard on feeling good now, focusing so much on how

it would be OK if I didn't get the goal, that I wasn't actually working towards

it.

Well, I've been working towards the goal of being normal around food. And I

think I've pretty much accomplished that. Not that my eating is perfect--but I

no longer feel like a binge eater. I feel like I overeat... normally.

At work, well, I'm working on a project that is making me very happy--though

fairly nervous, too, because it's a lot of responsibility. And... I am speaking

at a conference next month. 2.5 years ago, I would never have DREAMED of trying

for that--though I would have spent a lot of time complaining that the other

speakers were so bad, I could have done better.

And I've been working towards other goals--like making more opportunities for

music, whether singing or listening. Finishing some knitting projects. Generally

opening up a little more.... Finding my soul's gifts, in fact.

Could it be that I've done enough feeling good NOW that I could start feeling

good TOMORROW, too?? Do I need to go back to the relaxed intent, and hug the

dream a little tighter? Have I focused so much on enjoying the journey that I

forgot I have a destination?

From the beginning, I was struck by how much this program could help me in all

areas of my life. So much that I even set my intent for weight loss to be

slow--trusting to the fact that when enough of the other pieces to the puzzle

were in place, the weight would come off, too. Well, except for the 11lbs I lost

in the first 6 months (which I had gained in the 6 months before), the weight

loss has definitely been slow....

When I think back to the major limiting belief I came up with while reading

Full-Filled--it had to do with not being willing to do what it takes to lose the

last bits. Well, I've been questioning that belief a lot in the last week or

two. It pops up at the strangest moments, like when I find myself packing a

lunch, so I know I have the right amount of the right foods, or when I come home

from a long day at the office and do 45 minutes or more of exercise, when I

usually do 20....

Maybe I am willing?

Maybe I am ready?

I feel like it's taking a risk, writing this out, since... what if I'm not? What

if I " fail " ? What if I stay at this weight? Well--seeing how happy I've been at

this weight for the last 2 years, I imagine that if I don't lose more.... I'll

still be happy.