Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Thanks Thada for your insight and I will try your suggestion. It is very intriguing. I am aware that I am more successful if I am " reporting " or am " accountable " to someone else. I think I value more what they will think than I think of myself. I know somewhere at my core level, that I am this wonderful person who is doing exactly what I need to be doing, at this moment, to learn what I need to learn. I also know, somewhere at my core level, that it will never, ever be good enough. Those are the two forces that battle it out. When the feeling of being judged or the need to judge myself comes out, I know the wounded child has won the battle. When the feeling of being loved for who I am and the desire to love and accept another for who they are comes out, I know my true self has won the battle. Those opposite beliefs are rooted in my childhood. On the one hand I had a grandmother hundreds of miles away that would stay with us for a month each year. She made me feel loved and special just as I was. However, the rest of the year, I didn't get that. I didn't hear the words I love you. I wasn't made to feel special. I was basically a slave who was emotionally, physically and sexually abused. No wonder there is a wounded child inside that sometimes doesn't recognize her specialness. I am getting there. Therapy has helped. The food though is my friend and comforter of my childhood. It's a hard one to let go of. " Sometimes God allows us to see the miracle. Sometimes God allows us to BE the miracle. " From: insideoutweightloss [mailto:insideoutweightloss ] On Behalf Of Thada Bornstein Sent: Monday, July 16, 2012 8:29 AM To: insideoutweightloss Subject: Re: A rough day Dear , I appreciate your struggle. I noticed one thing you said that made me think I can say something helpful to you. The key phrase you said is that you care more for others than you do for yourself. This makes me think you do not value yourself enough to make the changes you need to make. I know there is no magic key for learning to love and appreciate yourself, but there are several exercises I have read and done that are really helpful. One is by McKenna, in his book, I Can Make you Thin. One way to do the exercise is to stand in front of a mirror and imagine stepping into the body of someone who loves you (such as your best friend) and looking at yourself and seeing and appreciating the wonderful things about yourself that they see in you. That is just one exercise, but I am sure there are more out there. (I haven't yet come across this one in 's podcasts, but maybe there is one). From everything I have read, and says this too, until you learn (and it can be learned) to love yourself and value yourself, the changes you want will not happen. All the best, Thada --------------------------- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 (and Melody), I wonder if it would help to keep a picture of YOU as a child with you, instead of a picture of your friend, or an image of a random child? Then YOU could be the one giving that love, attention, and nurturing to the young you who didn't get it? If you're not ready for that, maybe a picture of your grandmother, or something tangible that would remind you of her, would help shift you into nurturing mode? Thada mentioned a great visualization exercise: " One way to do the exercise is to stand in front of a mirror and imagine stepping into the body of someone who loves you (such as your best friend) and looking at yourself and seeing and appreciating the wonderful things about yourself that they see in you. That is just one exercise, but I am sure there are more out there. (I haven't yet come across this one in 's podcasts, but maybe there is one). " Yes, there is. I can't remember which podcast exactly, but I'd suggest trying 36-38, which deal with self-acceptance. (Variations on the theme come up a couple times.) , you might also want to look at the belief that it will never, ever be good enough. You could tackle it from the limiting belief side, or you could try releasing the feeling through EFT (Even though I know at my core that it will never, ever be good enough, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.) You ARE a wonderful person. You ARE doing exactly what you need to be doing at this moment, to learn what you need to learn. And thank you for bringing it up here--you never know how much your own learning process can help someone else. Not because you're accountable to someone else, but because we're all in it together.... >________________________________ > >To: " insideoutweightloss " <insideoutweightloss > >Sent: Monday, July 16, 2012 7:50 PM >Subject: RE: Re: A rough day > > > >Thanks Thada for your insight and I will try your suggestion. It is very intriguing. I am aware that I am more successful if I am " reporting " or am " accountable " to someone else. I think I value more what they will think than I think of myself. > >I know somewhere at my core level, that I am this wonderful person who is doing exactly what I need to be doing, at this moment, to learn what I need to learn. I also know, somewhere at my core level, that it will never, ever be good enough. Those are the two forces that battle it out. When the feeling of being judged or the need to judge myself comes out, I know the wounded child has won the battle. When the feeling of being loved for who I am and the desire to love and accept another for who they are comes out, I know my true self has won the battle. > >Those opposite beliefs are rooted in my childhood. On the one hand I had a grandmother hundreds of miles away that would stay with us for a month each year. She made me feel loved and special just as I was. However, the rest of the year, I didn't get that. I didn't hear the words I love you. I wasn't made to feel special. I was basically a slave who was emotionally, physically and sexually abused. No wonder there is a wounded child inside that sometimes doesn't recognize her specialness. I am getting there. Therapy has helped. The food though is my friend and comforter of my childhood. It's a hard one to let go of. > > > " Sometimes God allows us to see the miracle. Sometimes God allows us to BE the miracle. " > >From: insideoutweightloss [mailto:insideoutweightloss ] On Behalf Of Thada Bornstein >Sent: Monday, July 16, 2012 8:29 AM >To: insideoutweightloss >Subject: Re: A rough day > >Dear , > >I appreciate your struggle. I noticed one thing you said that made me think I can say something helpful to you. The key phrase you said is that you care more for others than you do for yourself. This makes me think you do not value yourself enough to make the changes you need to make. I know there is no magic key for learning to love and appreciate yourself, but there are several exercises I have read and done that are really helpful. One is by McKenna, in his book, I Can Make you Thin. One way to do the exercise is to stand in front of a mirror and imagine stepping into the body of someone who loves you (such as your best friend) and looking at yourself and seeing and appreciating the wonderful things about yourself that they see in you. That is just one exercise, but I am sure there are more out there. (I haven't yet come across this one in 's podcasts, but maybe there is one). From everything I have read, and says this too, until you >learn (and it can be learned) to love yourself and value yourself, the changes you want will not happen. > >All the best, >Thada >--------------------------- > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 18, 2012 Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 Thanks ! That might be something I will try. I keep a photo of myself and also of my husband as 6 year olds on the fridge. All it has done has made me smile a lot. I still get in the fridge and rummage. Using it the same way I have done with my best friend's little girl picture would be a new way of using it. I think I'll try that. From: insideoutweightloss [mailto:insideoutweightloss ] On Behalf Of Melody Sent: Tuesday, July 17, 2012 3:24 PM To: insideoutweightloss Subject: Re: A rough day Thank you, . I have been visualizing myself as the child & It does help! Melody > > (and Melody), > > I wonder if it would help to keep a picture of YOU as a child with you, instead of a picture of your friend, or an image of a random child? Then YOU could be the one giving that love, attention, and nurturing to the young you who didn't get it? > ***********Mercy*********** Does this look like Spam or Phishing email? http://security.smrcy.com/spam.asp This email contains information which may be PROPRIETARY IN NATURE OR OTHERWISE PROTECTED BY LAW FROM DISCLOSURE and is intended only for the use of the addresses(s) named above. If you have received this email in error, please contact the sender immediately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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