Mothers

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What a responsibility it is to be a mother. the most recent thread seems to

have had a theme running through it of .... my mother .... oh dear. It

seems so many of us have learnt unhealthy ideas from our mothers, or got

other problems. It seems almost universal, or perhaps among people who

perceive that their internal life could be healthier.

I know my mother made a very determined effort not to give me food treats

when I was distressed as a child so as not to have me grow up associating

eating with comfort. However, she also dieted and binged in cycles. When

she dieted she told me that she had been very good in only eating half an

egg and a lettuce leaf that day. I might be exaggerating a bit but not

much. At the same time she was making me eat when I didn't want to. It was

a bit confusing, I was told that to be good I had to eat what I didn't feel

I needed, yet I was shown that eating minimally was good too. I was told

that my mother knew better than me what I needed. I'm not surprised I grew

up out of contact with my needs for food.

I'm also aware now as a mother myself of how hard it can be .... it wasn't

until my daughter hit her teenage years that I really appreciated how much

my parents have put up with me over the years. I know there are things in

her life I could have handled a lot better - thus the cycle continues even

if the issues are different.

This seems like a lot of rambling, I guess the relevant bit for this forum

is looking at how we can move on from the messages from our childhood that

hold us back. I know I had a lot of anger that I seemed stuck with but had

a healing dream that really helped. I dreamt that I was trying to catch a

train which I later understood to represent my journey through life, and my

mother was trying to help by buying my ticket. However she fumbled money,

didn't hear the clerk and because of all this I missed the train. In my

dream I I watched the train depart and jumped up and down on the platform

howling with rage. I felt refreshed and as though I had dropped a great

burden of anger and resentment. I've still had work to do around my

childhood but It is an area I feel relaxed about now and have a very good

relationship with my mother. I've even initiated a conversation with my

mother about a very difficult time when I was binging as an adolescent and

she put chains around the food cupboard and fridge.

So, I'm interested to know what are other mothers here doing to help stop

the family patterns? I know my children have seen me obese and thinner and

back again and accept that I rarely eat the same food as the family. My

daughter was under the impression I have a strange metabilism until I owned

up to binging in secret. Perhaps being open and being prepared to apogise

is part way to finding the answer.

How are other people healing from damaging childhood messages and

experiences? In saying this of course I know that some people had far far

worse abuses than I ever had, I don't want to make out I had a terrible

childhood.

Regards

Jenna