Re: Relapse (To everyone who responded)

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone,

Wow. Thank you so much for all of your helpful messages. When I logged on here

and saw all of the support I had, it felt really good.

Now, to address you all… (Look out... a lot of writing is coming your way!)

:

I'm actually usually pretty good about ignoring what most people think – but I

know that I care about what my mom thinks. I always have, even though I have

trouble admitting that to myself. I'm working on being okay with the fact that

she affects me. I know that when I finally let myself admit that I care about

her opinions, I'll be able to let go. That's one of my goals.

You're really right. I shouldn't call a binge a relapse, especially if my intent

beforehand was to only eat two cookies and be fine with it. Calling my mistakes

an " oops " is much less loaded, and I already feel some weight lifted off my

shoulders. Excellent advice.

:

Those comebacks are wonderful. No one has ever suggested that to me before.

Tonight, when I go to work – I might have to use those on some of the bratty

waitresses I work with.

You said, " I'll never get support from one of my sisters for the sexual abuse I

endured as a kid. Therefore, I choose not to go there with her anymore. I get my

support elsewhere. "

I'd been thinking about this a lot lately and your message is helping me come to

terms with an issue I've been having; even though I love my mother and I want

her to be there for me, I don't think she'll be able to. I try to help out

around the house and do nice things for her because she always has a scowl on

her face and always seems so upset about the smallest things. If someone leaves

a dish in the sink overnight, she'll shout, " Ugh! REALLY? " as if someone had

just popped her waterbed or something. How can a person like that possibly

understand the damage she does to other people when she can't even keep it

together over a dish in the sink?

Even though I would love for my mom to be there for me, I realize that I should

look for other outlets until she finds a way to heal herself. I do love her. I

wish she loved herself more. I tried to introduce her to 's podcasts, but

she won't listen to them. I try to get her to take walks with me – but she

really has no interest. I don't think she cares about her health at all anymore.

She's 80 lbs. overweight.

Also, I'll take those hugs, gladly! And send them back as even bigger hugs.

:

I think my body is confused about hunger. Some days I am super hungry and other

days I really don't want much of anything. I get full after a handful of nuts

some days, and other days I can eat 1000 calories in one sitting to be full. I'm

trying to develop a schedule of eating like suggested… where you just eat

three times a day, or whatever… but sometimes I don't want to do that,

physically. I know if I found a schedule that worked for me, though, I wouldn't

have to obsess about it so much. And isn't that the point of IOWL? To not

obsess? To have food not be so important in our lives? I guess that's another

goal I'm going to have to set for myself on this journey.

Jenna:

You said, " My parents have a very strong visual aesthetic value and HATE

fatness. It has always been one of those things they would comment on in a

person. In particular women. "

For me, it's my mom who is very critical of other women. I don't think my dad

notices anything, hah. There's this woman who walks through our neighborhood

regularly, and has for years. She SPEED walks – I think she might be walking at

five miles an hour or something. I've never seen legs move that fast without

running, haha. It's impressive. Anyway, my mom always has the audacity to talk

badly about this woman who she has never actually spoken to in her life. She

says to other people, " Why does she walk that fast? It makes her look really

weird and ridiculous. She must a weirdo. She's too thin. " My mother's intent to

feel better by criticizing someone who is obviously healthier than her is so

apparent. I honestly don't know what's worse: your situation, where your parents

criticized others because they thought they were higher and mightier than

others, or my mother, who is just snide. I wonder what makes someone think

they're entitled to rag on somebody else when they're nowhere near happy

themselves.

You're right. I shouldn't hand my feelings over to my mother and let her control

me. Sometimes when she says mean things I take a couple breaths and try to busy

my hands with something else to release tension. I'm going to do some EFT today

directly addressing her and see if that helps. She's sort of relentless though;

the other day, I was crying in my room. I guess she walked by outside my door

and heard it. She then decided to yell through the house: " KRISSY, ARE YOU

CRYING? " and then she laughed. " WHAT COULD YOU BE CRYING ABOUT? " My brother and

his girlfriend were right downstairs, so they naturally heard her calling me out

on my sadness. I had to wipe my eyes and come out of my room pretending to be

fine. Why would she do that to humiliate me? I don't know. Sadistic stuff. I'll

keep trying to breathe though…

The walk did help. Walking ALWAYS helps me. I am discovering that I need to find

a new outlet though for relaxation – because sometimes I'll end up walking two

or three hours a day. Heh. And half the time it's not really " guilt exercise "

it's just a need to escape for a while and be DOING something at the same time.

I'm just one of those people who likes to move. Always have been. I just have to

make sure I don't kill my knees before I hit 25.

Lori:

You said: " And no matter how much I have learned through texts, studies, self

growth, whatever- my knee jerk reaction is still the same. Feel an emotion- eat.

" Sometimes I can be cognitive and stop it. Most times I can not. "

Have you ever had an instance where you were cognizant of a binge, where you

thought to yourself: " I know I'm binging, and I don't have to binge, I'm not

even hungry, " but you kept doing it? I do that sometimes. It's almost like I've

stepped out of myself and I just watch myself overeat. I am helpless to stop it.

Like I'm in the audience and I'm seeing it on a movie screen. It's so bizarre.

And yes… it is wonderful that this group of people exists and we can all share

in each other's journey.

So, here ends my long response to all of your messages. Know that I am very

grateful for your support, and this has helped me immensely.

Great advice, great people.

Much love,

Krissy