Guest guest Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 Warning: This is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. Gut spilling to follow.... I'm older and short. And way, way overweight. I could be two people. Two tall people. I am scared because I have difficulty moving and I've never been in this situation this badly before. I have two teens and I can barely do anything with them. I'm scared because it is imperative that I lose weight. So what do I do... sit. Frozen. not moving. and eat. I work on the computer so I'm always sitting. I listen to Rene - been listening for over a year now. Like and agree with what she says. But. I am getting worse. Hate to sound like such a downer. I'm really an upbeat person. But this weight thing makes me cower in silence and wallow in fear. I am now starting to have panic attacks. I don't know what I hope to gain here. I don't know how joining a group could help. But I am desperate. I am afraid I'm going to die from this. My friends and family love me. They care about me. But I am disgusted with myself. I don't like me much and am certainly not proud of myself. I guess I should have put a warning at the beginning of this post: This is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. It is one filled with fear, self-loathing, despair. I have come to think of myself in the same way I think of my overweight: disgusted. I am a very competent , intelligent, able person. I am a single mom and I have raised two wonderful young ladies. I have survived much trauma, heartache and hard times. I can do just about anything. Except lose weight. Why? Well, I did go back and add the warning. I am lost. Way lost. Help!!! K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2012 Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 Thanks for posting this Kappa. You are not alone. I feel a deep sense of self-loathing at times too. Sometimes it has felt like that was the only thing in my universe. I am trying to let that go though. It is not easy. You are here with friends who understand. Many of us have felt the same way most of our lives. IT is possible though to come to love yourself. I did not say easy, I did not say all the time. It is a journey and sometimes a struggle. Until you learn to love yourself, know that you are loved. That is one way to start. Â Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp Freelance Musician 426 Pinehouse Drive Saskatoon Sk S7K4X5 ________________________________ To: insideoutweightloss Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2012 11:51:45 PM Subject: I am scared. Â Warning: This is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. Gut spilling to follow.... I'm older and short. And way, way overweight. I could be two people. Two tall people. I am scared because I have difficulty moving and I've never been in this situation this badly before. I have two teens and I can barely do anything with them. I'm scared because it is imperative that I lose weight. So what do I do... sit. Frozen. not moving. and eat. I work on the computer so I'm always sitting. I listen to Rene - been listening for over a year now. Like and agree with what she says. But. I am getting worse. Hate to sound like such a downer. I'm really an upbeat person. But this weight thing makes me cower in silence and wallow in fear. I am now starting to have panic attacks. I don't know what I hope to gain here. I don't know how joining a group could help. But I am desperate. I am afraid I'm going to die from this. My friends and family love me. They care about me. But I am disgusted with myself. I don't like me much and am certainly not proud of myself. I guess I should have put a warning at the beginning of this post: This is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. It is one filled with fear, self-loathing, despair. I have come to think of myself in the same way I think of my overweight: disgusted. I am a very competent , intelligent, able person. I am a single mom and I have raised two wonderful young ladies. I have survived much trauma, heartache and hard times. I can do just about anything. Except lose weight. Why? Well, I did go back and add the warning. I am lost. Way lost. Help!!! K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2012 Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 Dear K: Bravo to you for reaching out for help! That's a HUGE step for you, I'm sure. I see so many signs of hope in your message even though you may not. You just need to do some shifting. I get that you have been listening to 's podcasts but have you been doing the exercises? You may want to go back and start from the beginning and give yourself the gift of taking time and delving into the process deeper. Spoiler alert, there is a Gratitude List exercise in there early on and I would do that ASAP. : ) Whenever I'm feeling like I'm falling into the " Hopeless Hole,' I drop to my knees and begin writing everything I have to be grateful for and everything I have accomplished in my life. You sound like you have quite a list and putting it in writing my help you begin the shift from beating up on yourself to accepting, liking and even loving yourself!! That will make your weight loss journey a lot easier and more rewarding. Also, EFT is my go to medicine for panic attacks and anxiety. I suggest you dive into that practice immediately as it will shift you in tremendous ways and help instantly with panic attacks. I live in the NYC area and use it often! : ) You joined a group to remind yourself you are not alone and to get support when you are suffering and to give help to others when you are feeling better. You took a step in the right direction and you can feel better NOW just by doing one of the actions I have described. With love and great hope for you to feel the shift! > Warning: This is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. Gut spilling > to > follow.... > > I'm older and short. And way, way overweight. I could be two people. > Two > tall people. > > I am scared because I have difficulty moving and I've never been in > this > situation this badly before. I have two teens and I can barely do > anything with them. > > I'm scared because it is imperative that I lose weight. So what do I > do... sit. Frozen. not moving. and eat. I work on the computer so I'm > always sitting. > > I listen to Rene - been listening for over a year now. Like and agree > with what she says. But. I am getting worse. > > Hate to sound like such a downer. I'm really an upbeat person. But > this > weight thing makes me cower in silence and wallow in fear. I am now > starting to have panic attacks. > > I don't know what I hope to gain here. I don't know how joining a > group > could help. But I am desperate. I am afraid I'm going to die from > this. > > My friends and family love me. They care about me. But I am disgusted > with myself. I don't like me much and am certainly not proud of > myself. > > I guess I should have put a warning at the beginning of this post: > This > is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. It is one filled with fear, > self-loathing, despair. I have come to think of myself in the same > way I > think of my overweight: disgusted. > > I am a very competent , intelligent, able person. I am a single mom > and > I have raised two wonderful young ladies. I have survived much trauma, > heartache and hard times. I can do just about anything. Except lose > weight. Why? > > Well, I did go back and add the warning. I am lost. Way lost. Help!!! > > K > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2012 Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 Hi K, Thank you for reaching out - it helps everyone who feels the same way know that they are not alone. I ache for your pain and I think that most who are reading it want to help in some way but may feel helpless ourselves. I know I do. I'm reminded of 's words about the three different levels of help that sometimes we all need to get through tough times. Sometimes all we needs is level one - like a hot bath, a good movie, etc. Or the second level which is meeting with support groups (like this one). But the third level is when things are overwhelming, and that's getting professional help: either a coach or counselor to help you through it. I came to IOWL fairly recently, but after years of counseling and self-reflection, so I've made the leap to the " think like a slender person " relatively easily (with my own struggles), but no way would I have been able to do that without the help of professionals in the last decade or more. I've been where you are and it's painful and I needed help. Perhaps the level 2 support structure of this group will be enough to help you, but I encourage you to also consider counseling if you are feeling so down and discouraged that you are checking out mentally. I also wonder if there might be some physical issues beyond your weight that might be hindering you - apnea, thyroid, etc. Discovering I had apnea about 9 years ago was a turning point as it gave me the energy to tackle all of the issues that come with weight loss. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will remember that the overeating we do to ourselves is not a punishment or something bad - it's the way our subconscious mind is trying to love us and help us. The disgust you feel about yourself is due to the battle between two parts of you that want to love you and help you, but that don't understand one another. The key is getting them to communicate and appreciating both. :-) With faith in you, Sian > Dear K: > > Bravo to you for reaching out for help! That's a HUGE step for you, > I'm sure. I see so many signs of hope in your message even though you > may not. You just need to do some shifting. > > I get that you have been listening to 's podcasts but have you > been doing the exercises? You may want to go back and start from the > beginning and give yourself the gift of taking time and delving into > the process deeper. Spoiler alert, there is a Gratitude List > exercise in there early on and I would do that ASAP. : ) Whenever > I'm feeling like I'm falling into the " Hopeless Hole,' I drop to my > knees and begin writing everything I have to be grateful for and > everything I have accomplished in my life. You sound like you have > quite a list and putting it in writing my help you begin the shift > from beating up on yourself to accepting, liking and even loving > yourself!! That will make your weight loss journey a lot easier and > more rewarding. > > Also, EFT is my go to medicine for panic attacks and anxiety. I > suggest you dive into that practice immediately as it will shift you > in tremendous ways and help instantly with panic attacks. I live in > the NYC area and use it often! : ) > > You joined a group to remind yourself you are not alone and to get > support when you are suffering and to give help to others when you are > feeling better. You took a step in the right direction and you can > feel better NOW just by doing one of the actions I have described. > > With love and great hope for you to feel the shift! > > > > > > > Warning: This is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. Gut spilling > > to > > follow.... > > > > I'm older and short. And way, way overweight. I could be two people. > > Two > > tall people. > > > > I am scared because I have difficulty moving and I've never been in > > this > > situation this badly before. I have two teens and I can barely do > > anything with them. > > > > I'm scared because it is imperative that I lose weight. So what do I > > do... sit. Frozen. not moving. and eat. I work on the computer so I'm > > always sitting. > > > > I listen to Rene - been listening for over a year now. Like and agree > > with what she says. But. I am getting worse. > > > > Hate to sound like such a downer. I'm really an upbeat person. But > > this > > weight thing makes me cower in silence and wallow in fear. I am now > > starting to have panic attacks. > > > > I don't know what I hope to gain here. I don't know how joining a > > group > > could help. But I am desperate. I am afraid I'm going to die from > > this. > > > > My friends and family love me. They care about me. But I am disgusted > > with myself. I don't like me much and am certainly not proud of > > myself. > > > > I guess I should have put a warning at the beginning of this post: > > This > > is not a happy cheerful, hopeful message. It is one filled with fear, > > self-loathing, despair. I have come to think of myself in the same > > way I > > think of my overweight: disgusted. > > > > I am a very competent , intelligent, able person. I am a single mom > > and > > I have raised two wonderful young ladies. I have survived much trauma, > > heartache and hard times. I can do just about anything. Except lose > > weight. Why? > > > > Well, I did go back and add the warning. I am lost. Way lost. Help!!! > > > > K > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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