Bump in the Road

[Guest guest]

Hi.

Bumps and no suspension. My middle son came out to me as gay last night. I have

not told my wife or my mother, both of whom will have a HUGE problem with this.

The firestorm of emotions did not hit me for several hours. I wish I could

sleep. Time to practice acceptance. I can accept and love him no problem. He is

my son and I will always love him and admire and support him. It is me and the

sense that I failed him that is difficult. This will be a fresh load of shame

and blame for me from numerous directions. I don't want to share this news with

any of the people that will pin it all on me.

Now because of old addictive behaviours I expect this will occasion a fresh

weight struggle for me. Eating feels like the safest way to act out in this and

a safety valve for all the pain. It is not. It can kill me. Acceptance of the

reality of life is the only real safe course. I need to get over the drive to

fix, to alter reality to my preference. I need to cope with the shame and blame

tsunami that will sweep over me. I need to have enough acceptance of myself to

rise above that and let it sweep past. The problem is that I already feel

overwhelmed and submerged.

I will do my best and I will try to practice acceptance and self-love and self

care that is appropriate. I have written to some trusted friends that know and

support and care for me. That said I feel very alone even though I am not. I

hurt.

 

Carlton Larsen, Ba, Bgp

Freelance Musician

426 Pinehouse Drive

Saskatoon Sk

S7K4X5