Hello IOWL Friends!

[Guest guest]

Good afternoon to all my new friends. I decided that if you're my new friends,

this will be a rewarding adventure for us! My name is . Just like a lot of

you, I'm a very private person and don't have an outside network of friends or

family to be my support group. I've never participated in an online group. I'm

stepping out of my comfort zone and I feel apprehensive.

My brain and my body are at war with each other. I'm 50 pounds overweight and

have struggled with self acceptance since I was a little girl. I've binged,

purged, overate, gone on commercial programs with success followed by failure,

seen a therapist, had a nutritionist, taken weight loss medications, used

antidepressants, and read countless books. My first memories of seeing a

dietician was when I was 8. My mom took me because " I hated myself and I wanted

to die because I was a fat pig. " That's what I said to myself and my mom when I

was 8! As an adult, that breaks my heart. I can only imagine how my mom must

have felt. As I reflect back to that time of my life, I realize I've had an

unhealthy relationship with food since I was a child. Even at 8, I was a

compulsive overeater.

My intention is to forgive myself for making myself struggle physically and

mentally over my weight/food issues since I was 8 years old. My internal

tug-of-war has exhausted me. I'm done and will not pick up that rope again. I

know the journey will be hard and I will need your encouragement.

I recently found IOWL podcasts by pure coincidence. Why didn't someone tell me

about ?!! After listening to a few podcasts, I knew immediately that

understood my struggle. So I bought her book. Today is my first day and I'm

going to dive in 100%. I even registered for the online class because I know I

need more guidance and support. I feel overwhelmed and need to take it step by

step, one day at a time.

Today I read I need to apply the tools to every situation I encounter. I briefly

thought to myself that over the next 6 weeks, I'll have to go off IOWL for my

42nd birthday, for a vacation to Las Vegas, for my 15th wedding anniversary, and

the list goes on. What an eye-opener. I'm not on a program (like the commercial

ones I've tried); I'm on a mission to change my life. So, yes...I'm going to

give it all I've got while I live my real life. I can't put my life on hold

while I have that party in my mouth (I love that statement!) for the next

special occasion or stressful moment! I'm going to need your help and

encouragement in order to slay the naysayer inside my head.

If you actually read my entire post, I have to say thank you for caring enough

to read my thoughts. I look forward to reading your posts and getting to know

you. I'm excited to have you as my new friends!