Week 1 & 2 - A handful of gummy bears, sushi and an XL t-shirt

August 8, 2012

So I am following 's advice in Fulfilled and connecting with others working

toward a more healthful relationship with food. I am Working through week 1 in

the Fulfilled book (have read through part of week 2) and have already seen a

couple small changes in my eatting habits.

A couple days ago I bought a bag of gummi bears (sugar is my weakness) and

usually I would eat a handful, put them in my desk drawer " for later " and then

five minutes later get another handful. Couple hours later, the bag is empty.

But this time!! A handful was enough to satisfy the craving and when I felt

compelled to go back to the bag, I keyed in on that anxiety that preceeds the

dive into the bag. That was hard. Starting to understand why I am anxious in

those moments is hard too, but my intention is to address it all as it comes up

so that I can move beyond where I am.

Then today I ate sushi for dinner and although I was afraid it wasn't going to

be " enough to hold me " I got a roll with all my fav items (extra extra avocado),

enjoyed it immensly and didn't order anything to " top me off. " I felt satisfied

and almost energized. Usually I'm ready for a nap after I eat:)

The book is really helping me slow down and think about why I want to eat when

I'm not hungry and it also helped me work through kind of a humiliating moment.

I volunteer at church and we have to have matching t-shirts for an upcoming

event. The coordinator called me today to ask for my size - I wanted to say

large but I knew it will be too tight so I asked for an XL. Later I thought

about the shirt again and just cried. I know she only asked for my size because

she had to know, there was no judgement in her question, but I felt humiliated.

I think I feel inadequate, so I eat to feel better, then I feel even more

inadequate. By having to say my size, out loud, to someone who is thin, made me

feel inadequate. I think some of the tears were just frustration - partly at

not having a candy bar in the car to stuff down those feelings and partly

because I refused to give in, get the candy bar, and feel even worse. I counted

that as a victory and bought some lavender bubble bath as a treat.

Anyone else in week 1 or 2? Any tips for quelling the drive to eat sugar? I've

searched previous posts and have seen something called Tapping, but am not

really sure how it works.

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