To -Marie

[Guest guest]

Dear -Marie,

While I do agree that it is good to have a means to find out who is

a butcher, not licensed, or not competent, I still think there is a

certain amount of respect people should pay to one another.

I very much sympathize and empathize with your horrible

implant/explant/hair loss experience. I can do that, because I have

gone through similar things. I would never presume to say you don't

have GOOD REASON to be upset and bitter. Clearly, you have been

going through a total nightmare with your appearance and health.

Over the years, I have been privy to many misunderstandings. In

churches, schools, on forums, (with acquaintances who have shared

with me,) and in my own family. One thing I have learned about

these things - MOST of the time, the problem is not that either side

is evil nor that they are liars.

USUALLY, the problem is in misunderstandings. While I am not saying

your conversations with are untrue, I also feel that perhaps

you and MISUNDERSTOOD EACH OTHER on several levels. In fact, I

can't really argue with you about YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE, because I am

sure you are not lying about what you perceive happened in that

conversation.

Because I know human nature, if I were to ask about the same

conversation, I may get a totally different perception of what took

place. Would she be lying? Probably not. People communicate on

many more levels than just the WORDS they chose to use.

I do know, if your conversations with went the way you

described, and I have no real reason to doubt you - there was

clearly some tension there. I would also venture to say, it was on

BOTH SIDES. And I would also be able to assume that these negative

perceptions most probably were the " cause " that they didn't get back

to you.

With all due respect, -Marie, you are a very intelligent, albeit

opiniated woman. Your posts can be well meaning, but come across as

highly inflammatory and intimidating sometimes. Because I know your

story and experience, and I feel your heart motives are right, I am

not easily offended by you. You have a right to your opinions and

have much to offer. I find your knowlege impressive, your posts

intellectually stimulating and your ideas challenging. I personally

like you VERY VERY MUCH.

However, I think you come across very STRONG and inflammatory in

your posts, so I don't find it hard to believe that you came across

very strongly in your emails to Dr. Feng. I also think your ability

to write and express yourself is excellant to the point that

your " tone " and attitude comes through in the way you word yourself

on paper. Sometimes you come

across very HARSH and your anger comes through.

For some, it is quite intimidating...even hurtful and insulting.

Your demeaner in the written word appears viscious sometimes - even

a little threatening. Perhaps we are misunderstanding you sometimes.

I don't think most medical professionals would find you that

offensive, since many are very curt, to the point and strong in

their opinions themselves. Most have enough self confidence to

handle someone who is a " take charge " person in their own health

care. But, others would maybe get a " red flag " in your demeanor,

seeing you as a " HERE COMES TROUBLE " type patient.

Please don't think I am trying to embarrass or insult you on a

public forum. Too many of us were way too reticent to take charge

of our health care and we trusted TOO MUCH. I am not asking you to

change your mind about what you expect for your health care

providers, nor to be take anything that is dished your way.

What I am saying, is that I think you are coming across too

agressive and perhaps your method of getting/giving information

isn't always coming across in a tactful way.

You are so darn smart, and most of what you are saying is so very

valuable for people to know. I am merely suggesting that you

learn " how to win friends and influence people " a little more, and

be a little more tactful in the way you communicate to others. I

find I get a whole lot further in life, by being KIND and VERY

CAREFUL in how I chose my words. As careful as I am, there are

still medical professionals that " RED FLAG " me, because they can

tell I KNOW TOO MUCH. I have had to LEARN how to get them to do

what I want, say what I need to know, and share with me what I think

I have a right to be a part of. Call it manipulation - or call it

communication skills, but there are ways to get what you want from

others, and we all can learn more about how to handle others.

Anyways, I hope my being frank with you, and expressing myself to

you, does not cause you to feel badly towards me. I really don't

want to hurt you...and I am sort of a " straight from the hip " type

person. If I have something against someone - anyone - I am the type

to GO STRAIGHT to that person and just say what I feel. Hopefully

you won't misunderstand my motives and intents.

As far as Dr. Feng's office - my guess is that they just didn't want

to operate on you and were not willing to bend on THEIR OPINIONS

about anesthesia and/or take the risk of doing something wrong in

your treatment. Right or wrong...that is my guess. The chemistry

was just NOT RIGHT between you and for some reason and you

have every right NOT to use Dr. Feng, and conversely, they have

every right not to call you back. At any rate, there is no doubt

there were some major misunderstandings between you.

My post was not to change your mind or your testimony about YOUR

experience, but merely to state FOR OTHERS benefits, that your

experience is NOT TYPICAL for the rest of us.

You are very welcome about our posting your story on our site. We

are glad to share your story. It is a tragedy of immense proportion

and a perfect example of why we must shop around for the RIGHT

surgeons for OUR OWN particular needs. I did not comment on the

other Dr.s you expressed opinions about, because I do not know them

or have any personal experience with them. Had I had a positive

experience with them, I would not have called you a liar - but would

have handled it the same way. I would have just told MY EXPERIENCE

so others could form their own opinions.

This is a very important forum and my main concern is that women

feel GOOD when being here - not stressed. There is no reason why so

many women with similar conditions and experiences can't find

common ground and love each other and agree to disagree or get

along. I think if everyone is kind, compassionate and CHECKS how

they come across, this can be a real blessing and place of PEACE and

UNDERSTANDING.

Bottom line - I HATE STRIFE and arguing - but I love all of you

ladies, who are my sisters in this implant journey. We have enough

problems without getting into it with each other. All of you are

GOOD PEOPLE and any disagreements do NOT have to be cause for

maliciousness or strife. We may not all agree, but adults can agree

to disagree and still get be kind to one another and not be

intimidating or challenging. I really do care....but if I ever left

this forum, it would not be because I chose " sides " or didn't love

or care...it would simply be because I don't like negativity or

fighting.

Love,

Jeena