She just doesn't get it

[Guest guest]

I've been mulling over a conversation I had yesterday with a friend of

mine. She's a neighbor, I've been giving her little girl piano

lessons, we have great conversations about things. I consider her a

good friend. She was over yesterday morning because I'd said I could

really use some practical help, like with dishes and taking out the

trash. And I really, *really* appreciated the hour of help she gave me

with those things.

But part of our conversation left me shaking my head. She said

something along the lines of, " Do you mind having the house dirty, or

maybe it doesn't matter to you? I find that when things are clean, it

gives me a real lift, and it seems to help me think more clearly. " I

managed to not say anything rude in reply. I tried to explain that I

very much minded that the house was filthy and the dishes were piled

up all over the kitchen counters, but that having a clean house was a

luxury I haven't been able to have for some years now. (I didn't

elaborate, but the luxury could be either having enough money to pay

someone to clean it regularly, or having enough energy to clean it

myself.)

Underlying her question seems to be the notion that maybe if the house

is a mess, it's because the person who lives there doesn't really care

what kind of surroundings they live in. If they cared, then they'd

exert themselves to clean things up. They could do it if they wanted

to, they just don't bother. I have a sneaking suspicion that most

people think that when they see my place, and I only heard it out loud

this time because we're comfortable enough with each other to not

censor ourselves so much. But WHO ON EARTH WOULD WANT TO LIVE LIKE

THIS? Maybe some people wouldn't mind, but I'm not one of them! I

don't talk about it or complain about it, because there's not much I

can do about it. And I'm trying to get through life with as much

dignity as I can summon.

Okay, I'm probably over-reacting. Thank you, kind readers, for letting

me vent.

Marcia on

Lafayette, Colorado