Why Women are Crabby...

[Guest guest]

Why Women Are Crabby> > We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or> 10 years old only to find that anything> that came in contact with those tender,> blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to> tears. So came the ridiculously> uncomfortable training bra contraption> that the boys in school would snap until> we had calluses on our backs.> > > > > Next, we get our periods in our early to> mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those> budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we> got the hormone crankies, had to wear> little mattresses between our legs or> insert tubular, packed cotton rods in> places we didn't even know we had.> > > > Our next little rite of passage was having> sex for the first time which was about as> much fun as having a ramrod push your> uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it> right and didn't end up with his little> cart before his horse), leaving us to> wonder what all the fuss was about.> > > > > Then it was off to Motherhood where we> learned to live on dry crackers and water> for a few months so we didn't spend the> entire day leaning over Brother . Of> course, amazing creatures that we are (and> we are), we learned to live with the> growing little angels inside us steadily> kicking our innards night and day making> us wonder if we were preparing to have> Rosemary's Baby.> > > > Our once flat bellies looked like we> swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd> our pants every time we sneezed.. When the> big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed> Nether Regions invariably burst right in> the middle of Woolies and we had to> waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning> in pain all the way to the hospital.> > > > > Then it was huff and puff and beg to die> while theOB???says, 'Please stop> screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar .. Calm down> and push. 'Just one more good push' (more> like 10), warranting a strong,> well-deserved impulse to punch the> %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the> nose for making us cram a wiggling,> mushroom-headed 9 pound bowling ball> through a keyhole.> > > > After that, it was time to raise those> angels only to find that when all that> 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little> darlings morphed into walking, jabbering,> wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking> little poop machines.> > > Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say> more?> > > When the kids are almost grown, we women> hit our voracious sexual prime in our> early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere> around his 18th birthday.> > > > So we progress into the grand finale: 'The> Menopause,' the Grandmother of all> womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance> cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the> aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat> like a hog in January, wash your sheets and> pillowcases daily and bite the head off> anything that moves.> > > > Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more> spiteful than men, when men get off so> easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake:> Being able to pee in the woods without> soaking their socks...> > > So, while I love being a woman,> 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a> tad crabby.

You think women are the 'weaker sex?... Yeah right. Bite me.