Re: feelings about how sad and hard this is for parents please...

[Guest guest]

,

Hang in there. You say you are in therapy, but you also sound depressed.  Are

you on any meds?  It's like they say on the airplane, " put on your own oxygen

mask first and then your child's. "   If you do not get help for yourself, you

cannot help her.  I, too, have OCD and have been depressed several times.  Two

years ago when my older dd's OCD was at its worst, I felt like I couldn't take

it any more.  I too got angry because she wouldn't/couldn't listen when we tried

to help her. My husband  works and tends to accommodate to keep the peace

(although he has gotten much better with that), so he blamed me rather than her

OCD when she would rage because I would not accommodate her as much.  I pushed

her to fight back because I have very unpleasant memories of my own worst times

with OCD (20+ years ago), and I was terrified for her.  I left home one night

after my husband and younger dd got back from a trip to Wisconsin to visit his

family because I couldn't deal with her and with his blaming me for not

accommodating her.  He also did not see how awful life had become especially for

younger dd during this time.  When I came back later that night--because my

mind  was so numb that I couldn't even come up with a plan of what to do or

where to go, I realized that I had to get help for myself.  Prior to that, I had

thought, I will feel better when my dd is doing better.  I came to the

conclusion that she could not get better if I did not get better first.

Although it is never easy, it also helps if you can separate the child from the

disorder in your mind.  You are angry at her OCD.  She is angry at you because

that is easier than getting angry enough at the OCD to fight it.  Is it possible

to have any interaction with her that does not involve her OCD?  I cringed that

summer when dd told me that I didn't care about her, all I cared about was her

OCD!  But she had a point.  Every interaction we had had something to do with

her OCD.  I also had to learn to disengage and mentally " go somewhere else " when

she was raging because I could not reason with her and getting angry just stoked

the fire.  It is perfectly normal to mourn the child you didn't get, but do not

give up on the child you have.  Can she visit her dad, or can he come and stay

with her for a day or a weekend while you get away? You would be amazed at how

much difference it can make; just try not to call and check on her.

If your father hoards and you have OCD yourself, there is definitely a genetic

component.  That is definitely true in our family. In fact, I recently came to

the conclusion that family gatherings in my family are so difficult because

everyone brings their own anxiety issues along like a bunch of uninvited

guests!  That does not make it your fault!

, if you want to talk more, feel free to e-mail me offline.  We're all

thinking of you, and you are not alone!

(mom w/OCD, 11 yo dd w/OCD, 8 yo dd w/Tourette's and/or OCD?)

feelings about how sad and hard this is for parents

please...

Can anyone else articulate their feelings about how sad and difficult this

disorder is to live with? I feel beyond alone even though I have therapy myself,

it doesn't help me much with dealing with my daughter. It is an overwhelming

experience, every day I wish for a normal child.  I want a daughter who can

leave the house wihtout a struggle, who doesn't save garbage. and I feel like

it's definitely all my fault, as irrational and stupid as that sounds. How do I

stay strong when every day is a struggle and a fight . I end up NOT talking to

my daughter. .It is just too hard. I want to give up.

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[Guest guest]

, I can so relate to those heartbreaking setbacks, when after tremendous,

hard-won progress, we feel we've hit bottom again. Your daughter is lucky to

have you, with your dedication and perseverance.

Why is your therapist not a fan of CBT?

Steph (17 y/o dd with OCD, depression, anxiety, and Asperger's)

>

> Hi,

>

>

>

> My daughter has just suffered a relapse after a virtually problem-free year.

> For six months, she wouldn't leave the house or go to school. With the help

> of medication/therapy/circumstance she has just completed a happy year at a

> new school.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

Thanks one and all for your warm and thoughtful and replies.

I wrote in my initial posting that my therapist is not a huge fan of CBT.

Maybe I was less than clear: I am in longish term psycho-dynamic therapy

that pre-dated my daughter's OCD with a therapist who works mainly as an

analyst.

All the best,