Re: Spouses not dealing with ocd

[Guest guest]

Time and education.  I don't think my husband really realized how bad things

were for our dd this summer, until he had her for an entire weekend himself. 

He saw things first hand that I usually dealt with.  She currently is needing

reassurance for things (was constantly asking questions, but that has cut way

down, that she needed reassurance for).  He spent the weekend with her, dealt

with her sleep issues, and saw I was not exaggerating and that she could not

control it - she could not just knock it off or cut it out or just stop on her

own and that it was not for attention.  The more time he spends with your son,

the more he will realize what is going on.  A think a lot of dads have a hard

time admitting when something is " wrong " with their child.  Moms tend to accept

it faster so they can help their child.  I am sure he will come around.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 3:24 AM

Subject: Spouses not dealing with ocd

 

My son has just been diagnosed with OCD....quite an unusual form, he has a

compulsion to push his fingers and other objects into his nose and mouth. It was

a very sudden onset, I found it easy to understand this condition as my sister,

aunt and cousin all have it, my husband on the other hand is finding it very

difficult to understand. He gets angry saying things like " its all in his head,

hes attention seeking!!! " or " this has gone too far !! Stop it " .

How does one try to make him understand. I feel like hes also keeping a

distance from my son..has anyone else has experiences like this ....how have you

coped?

Thanks

[Guest guest]

My husband was hugely in denial, partly because he has OCD himself that he

refused to acknowledge.

I found that as I learned, I also made a point of teaching him. He eventually

" got it " .

Having him go in to see our son's therapist helped too. We went in, as a

family, at one point and the therapist explained some things.

BJ

>

> My son has just been diagnosed with OCD....quite an unusual form, he has a

compulsion to push his fingers and other objects into his nose and mouth. It was

a very sudden onset, I found it easy to understand this condition as my sister,

aunt and cousin all have it, my husband on the other hand is finding it very

difficult to understand. He gets angry saying things like " its all in his head,

hes attention seeking!!! " or " this has gone too far !! Stop it " .

> How does one try to make him understand. I feel like hes also keeping a

distance from my son..has anyone else has experiences like this ....how have you

coped?

>

> Thanks

>

[Guest guest]

Being a single parent, didn't have to go thru this. But will your husband go

with you two to the doctor (or therapist, or whoever diagnosed him)? May help

to hear it from someone else.

How old is your son?

Just let your son know that YOU understand and will be there to help him through

this. Would your husband listen to any of your family members? With the

" weirdness " of his OCD (my son had unusual behaviors too), maybe your husband

doesn't get it partly because it's not the " usual " OCD that so many hear about.

Tell him a lot of my son's behaviors couldn't be found in any books either, but

was still OCD!

With the sudden onset, want to ask if you've looked at PANDAS OCD? Had he been

sick or have any type chronic illness?

>

> My son has just been diagnosed with OCD....quite an unusual form, he has a

compulsion to push his fingers and other objects into his nose and mouth. It was

a very sudden onset, I found it easy to understand this condition as my sister,

aunt and cousin all have it, my husband on the other hand is finding it very

difficult to understand. He gets angry saying things like " its all in his head,

hes attention seeking!!! " or " this has gone too far !! Stop it " .

> How does one try to make him understand. I feel like hes also keeping a

distance from my son..has anyone else has experiences like this ....how have you

coped?

>

> Thanks

>

[Guest guest]

Same here. Once I begged dh to take Matt to school for a week (dh was late for

work for a week), and to help him with his homework and showers.....boy that was

an eye opener. He's still a neigh sayer about how much therapy helps. I told

him that he can do whatever he wants with regard to himself, but when it comes

to the kids, I think it's important as their caretakers to do everything we

possibly can. Who knows how things will turn out in the end? We don't have the

luxury of hindsight.

Bonnie

>

> Time and education.  I don't think my husband really realized how bad things

were for our dd this summer, until he had her for an entire weekend himself. 

He saw things first hand that I usually dealt with.  She currently is needing

reassurance for things (was constantly asking questions, but that has cut way

down, that she needed reassurance for).  He spent the weekend with her, dealt

with her sleep issues, and saw I was not exaggerating and that she could not

control it - she could not just knock it off or cut it out or just stop on her

own and that it was not for attention.  The more time he spends with your son,

the more he will realize what is going on.  A think a lot of dads have a hard

time admitting when something is " wrong " with their child.  Moms tend to accept

it faster so they can help their child.  I am sure he will come around.

> Sharon

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 3:24 AM

> Subject: Spouses not dealing with ocd

>

>

>  

> My son has just been diagnosed with OCD....quite an unusual form, he has a

compulsion to push his fingers and other objects into his nose and mouth. It was

a very sudden onset, I found it easy to understand this condition as my sister,

aunt and cousin all have it, my husband on the other hand is finding it very

difficult to understand. He gets angry saying things like " its all in his head,

hes attention seeking!!! " or " this has gone too far !! Stop it " .

> How does one try to make him understand. I feel like hes also keeping a

distance from my son..has anyone else has experiences like this ....how have you

coped?

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So true.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 3:35 PM

Subject: Re: Spouses not dealing with ocd

 

Same here. Once I begged dh to take Matt to school for a week (dh was late for

work for a week), and to help him with his homework and showers.....boy that was

an eye opener. He's still a neigh sayer about how much therapy helps. I told

him that he can do whatever he wants with regard to himself, but when it comes

to the kids, I think it's important as their caretakers to do everything we

possibly can. Who knows how things will turn out in the end? We don't have the

luxury of hindsight.

Bonnie

>

> Time and education.  I don't think my husband really realized how bad

things were for our dd this summer, until he had her for an entire weekend

himself.  He saw things first hand that I usually dealt with.  She

currently is needing reassurance for things (was constantly asking questions,

but that has cut way down, that she needed reassurance for).  He spent the

weekend with her, dealt with her sleep issues, and saw I was not exaggerating

and that she could not control it - she could not just knock it off or cut it

out or just stop on her own and that it was not for attention.  The more time

he spends with your son, the more he will realize what is going on.  A think

a lot of dads have a hard time admitting when something is " wrong " with their

child.  Moms tend to accept it faster so they can help their child.  I am

sure he will come around.

> Sharon

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Thursday, September 15, 2011 3:24 AM

> Subject: Spouses not dealing with ocd

>

>

>  

> My son has just been diagnosed with OCD....quite an unusual form, he has a

compulsion to push his fingers and other objects into his nose and mouth. It was

a very sudden onset, I found it easy to understand this condition as my sister,

aunt and cousin all have it, my husband on the other hand is finding it very

difficult to understand. He gets angry saying things like " its all in his head,

hes attention seeking!!! " or " this has gone too far !! Stop it " .

> How does one try to make him understand. I feel like hes also keeping a

distance from my son..has anyone else has experiences like this ....how have you

coped?

>

> Thanks

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My husband was the same way. I just kept my husband up to date on dtr appts &

therapy. So he knew what was happening. But it does make you feel stuck in the

middle trying to help your child, and dealing with a spouse that might not be as

understanding or willing to learn. My husband did become more understanding as

time went on. Once we found a dtr experienced with ocd to treat my son, things

got better in the house for everyone. And my ds was able to overcome his

contamination issues.

Sue

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your all replies it really helped reading all of them. On Monday we

have an appointment to see a Psychiatist who will give us a full diagnoisis. My

husband is coming with us which is a start. He has already said he is opposed

to NK taking medication....Im really nervous. People here in Cyprus ( a small

greek island) have not been exposed to these conditions...or they dont talk

about it or understand. There are no support groups for parents with children

with OCD. Im so glad i found this site. Do any of you have any ideas of what

what questions i should ask apart from the PANDAs which i have already put on my

list.

Again thanks to all of you. x

liz

[Guest guest]

Hey Liz, let us know how your appointment goes. So glad your husband is going

along!

If you haven't yet, I would look at the OCD Foundation website to get an idea of

the treatment for it, what all (hopefully) the doctor will talk about.

http://www.ocfoundation.org/causes.aspx

http://www.ocfoundation.org/CBT.aspx

Therapy can be done without medication. But many find medication helps the OCD

itself, plus makes therapy go better. Once NK understands OCD and how it's

treatment (therapy) works and begins it, you and dad will have a better idea if

he could use some help with medication. Even with medication, therapy is still

the *key* to treating it, plus NK will learn the " tools " needed to battle OCD.

Those who have managed to stop medication, or go without, and/or have succeeded

in beating OCD still find the *tools* useful if OCD starts acting up again

later.

If you have problems finding a therapist, there are some really good books about

the treatment (for the children and for the parents) and you can work on it on

your own. We had to do this ourselves, no one near me who treated OCD.

Do let us know about the appointment, hope it goes well and that dad is

supportive!

single mom, 3 sons

, 22, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

> Thanks for your all replies it really helped reading all of them. On Monday

we have an appointment to see a Psychiatist who will give us a full diagnoisis.

My husband is coming with us which is a start. He has already said he is

opposed to NK taking medication....Im really nervous. People here in Cyprus ( a

small greek island) have not been exposed to these conditions...or they dont

talk about it or understand. There are no support groups for parents with

children with OCD. Im so glad i found this site. Do any of you have any ideas

of what what questions i should ask apart from the PANDAs which i have already

put on my list.

>

> Again thanks to all of you. x

>

> liz

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks to all and Chris. Will let you know how it goes on Mon. Have a great

weekend x

Liz

[Guest guest]

Good evening everyone

Thought i'd let you know how things went with NK. We got our emergency

appointment with the psychiatrist, but i didnt leave her feeling any better. I

dont know if its because here in Cyprus they still dont understand OCD, but it

felt as though i had diagnosed as she just went along with me. I suggested the

Pandaa...but she looked at me with a blank. YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT PEOPLE IN THE

USA ARE AWARE!! She gave NK a a chart to fill in about what, when why and how

and we have to go back and see her on Thursday.I still feel lost.I looked into

finding support groups here..there are none lol.

Anyway perhaps its time to start looking into the private sector.

Thanks for listening.

Liz

[Guest guest]

I am sorry it did not go better. 

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 12:30 PM

Subject: Re: Spouses not dealing with ocd

 

Good evening everyone

Thought i'd let you know how things went with NK. We got our emergency

appointment with the psychiatrist, but i didnt leave her feeling any better. I

dont know if its because here in Cyprus they still dont understand OCD, but it

felt as though i had diagnosed as she just went along with me. I suggested the

Pandaa...but she looked at me with a blank. YOU ARE SO LUCKY THAT PEOPLE IN THE

USA ARE AWARE!! She gave NK a a chart to fill in about what, when why and how

and we have to go back and see her on Thursday.I still feel lost.I looked into

finding support groups here..there are none lol.

Anyway perhaps its time to start looking into the private sector.

Thanks for listening.

Liz

[Guest guest]

Hi Liz, hate that you experienced that with a psychiatrist.

I don't know what kind of chart she gave you, but you might find some of the

pages in this form (link below) helpful when figuring out what NK goes through.

I found, with my son, that my reading something and asking if it fits was easier

sometimes than expecting him to just tell me about it.

http://www.stlocd.org/handouts/YBOC-Symptom-Checklist.pdf

And these may be helpful for the PANDAS (now to be called PANS) info if you

haven't seen them:

http://www.ocfoundation.org/EO_PANDAS.aspx

http://www.ocfoundation.org/uploadedFiles/MainContent/Find_Help/PANDAS%20Fact%20\

Sheet.pdf

I found this about telephone & online therapy, includes Greece:

http://www.ocdla.com/telephone-online-therapy-ocd-anxiety.html

Keep us updated on how things are going!!

>

> Good evening everyone

>

> Thought i'd let you know how things went with NK. We got our emergency

appointment with the psychiatrist, but i didnt leave her feeling any better. I

dont know if its because here in Cyprus they still dont understand OCD, but it

felt as though i had diagnosed as she just went along with me. I suggested the

Pandaa...but she looked

[Guest guest]

Hi Liz, hate that you experienced that with a psychiatrist.

I don't know what kind of chart she gave you, but you might find some of the

pages in this form (link below) helpful when figuring out what NK goes through.

I found, with my son, that my reading something and asking if it fits was easier

sometimes than expecting him to just tell me about it.

http://www.stlocd.org/handouts/YBOC-Symptom-Checklist.pdf

And these may be helpful for the PANDAS (now to be called PANS) info if you

haven't seen them:

http://www.ocfoundation.org/EO_PANDAS.aspx

http://www.ocfoundation.org/uploadedFiles/MainContent/Find_Help/PANDAS%20Fact%20\

Sheet.pdf

I found this about telephone & online therapy, includes Greece:

http://www.ocdla.com/telephone-online-therapy-ocd-anxiety.html

Keep us updated on how things are going!!

>

> Good evening everyone

>

> Thought i'd let you know how things went with NK. We got our emergency

appointment with the psychiatrist, but i didnt leave her feeling any better. I

dont know if its because here in Cyprus they still dont understand OCD, but it

felt as though i had diagnosed as she just went along with me. I suggested the

Pandaa...but she looked