feelings of anger and hatred toward daughter with ocd

[Guest guest]

I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I cannot

cope anymore. The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches anything

and just doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to find her

help but her insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was seeing one

for a year. with no positive ourcome. I am about to run away from her, she is my

responsibilty but after 10 years of having severe anxiety and ocd myself, and

finally getting over it, I am finding it horrible and oppressively miserable to

live with this illness in her. I am hoping her father can put her on his

insurance and we can find some quality cbt therpaist to help and maybe

medication too. At his point I would try ANYTHING. SHe hoards, and recently went

away to my sister's house becuase I couldn't handle it anymore. I HAD to clean

her room as there was old rotting trays of food buried beneath blankets and

pillows. But now she will not open her eyes in the house where her " stash " was

thrown away, including a christmas tree she wouldn't allow me to touch. SHe

walks through the house with her eyes closed. AND will not sleep in her bed, but

only in a tiny space on teh floor in the foyer next to the front door. covered

with towels and a cardboard box for a pillow. TO top it off I Live with MY

parents and my mom has lung cancer, and really doesnt need this stress. I am

probably going to have to move soon. It is just totally overwhelming and I am

having some horribly angry feelings toward HER, even though yes, I know this is

an illness and yes she cannot control it. My father hoards boxes of books and

has the entire dining room filled to the absolute brim with boxes of books. I

should never have raised her around him. I am beating myself up and feel alone,

angry and unhappy.

Thanks so much for listening,

[Guest guest]

,

I am amazed at everything I was coping with, and I can relate, at least to some

degree. I remember when my stepmom was suffering from lung cancer and I was

trying to help her and my dad as much as possible while dealing with my

daughter's breakdowns. And while the effects of my daughter's OCD are not as

pervasive as yours, I still find myself being frustrated and furious with her

and feeling guilty about it. Even though I have a history of severe

anxiety/depression plus definite Asperger's traits, so I should be able to

relate, there are moments when I want to grab her and shake her and scream,

" Stop being so damn immature and selfish! " That's not fair, of course, but I

have those moments.

I have no real advice, except that I would definitely have her evaluated for

medication as soon as possible. I just want to offer virtual hugs and tell you

not to beat yourself up for your feelings. You are coping with more than any

human being should have to (I guess we all are). It's no one's fault, but your

frustration, anger, and even occasional feelings of hatred are probably

perfectly normal reactions. Be kind and compassionate with yourself.

Do you have any support? Is your daughter's dad involved? Do you have friends or

family members or can give you a break or give you a shoulder to lean on? (It

sounds like your sister really came through for you, and that's great.)

Are there any counselors in your area who are savvy with CBT/ERP? I know

insurance is a problem, but some professionals will give you a fee reduction if

they aren't covered by insurance. You might also want to check with your local

government funded mental health center. I used to work for one -- actually three

of them (at different times) (they're called community service boards here in

Virginia). They can be a pain in the butt to deal with, but they often have well

trained professional counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists, and they set

fees on a sliding scale based on your income. Back in the day, when I worked

there, we had some clients paying no more than $5 for a therapy session.

Keeping you in my thoughts.

>

> I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I

cannot cope anymore.

[Guest guest]

, is your dd on meds? Will your insurance at least cover a different MSW

then she saw before? We have had experience with various therapists with an MSW

and they are not all created equally. We have had great ones and truly awful

ones. If it is a different one maybe you can try calling and explaining the

situation and see if they think they can help your dd. How old is your dd?

Please keep hope. It can get better. She needs the proper treatment for that to

happen. Hang in there, Stormy

________________________________

To:

Sent: Sat, July 2, 2011 10:48:45 PM

Subject: feelings of anger and hatred toward daughter with ocd

The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches anything and just

doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to find her help but her

insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was seeing one for a year.

with no positive ourcome.

[Guest guest]

Hi , I think most of us can identify with anger, resentment, even moments of

" hate " towards our kids when they are really sick/OCDing or just the ongoing

daily part of this OCD ordeal!

I know those first years of 's, I had to remind myself - as you said -

that it's the OCD and not *him* etc. But we take it out on them. And I have

apologized to him, telling him it was the OCD I was fed up with, had nothing to

do with him, though I know he felt it was him I was attacking. I remember

during another apology and my saying I was " fed up with OCD " he said to me,

" well how do you think *I* feel?!! " meaning he was more fed up!

He used to have this thing where he would touch me. He would be going through

some mental, physical OCDing and it would end with his reaching out to touch me.

Like I was the end of it. Over time, I got so jumpy and actually just dreaded

that " touch. " And sometimes said things like " leave me out of your OCD! " real

hatefully. And then feel guilty, and tell him that if he wanted to hug or touch

me un-OCD related it was fine, but told him honestly that I just HATED that OCD

touch and sorry to take it out on him. But, seriously, I would feel *hate* at

that moment he'd touch me, hated being so jumpy, dreading the " touch. " I will

say he seemed to work on that and finally got me out of the loop!

Regarding the MSW and insurance, it's not so much the title/degree of the person

who is treating, but how much experience or knowledge, or skill, they have. So

maybe another MSW could work wonders, where this one hasn't.

Have you ever tried " raging back " when she's raging about her OCD? I know it

doesn't help, but sometimes getting your own vent out may help a little, like

getting me out of his " touching loop " after a while.

As for her now having to walk thru the house with her eyes closed and her little

sleeping spot - as annoying, irritating and insane as it can drive us, try to

just ignore it, step out of HER problem and just " walk around it " - shrug it

off. For example, as would be repeating things, stuck, I just kept on

with what I was doing sometimes, not wanting to get wrapped up in it, so would

ignore - tho I was very aware - and distract myself with TV, book, computer

game, whatever, but was near him so he wouldn't feel so alone in it; but my

concentration was more on what I was doing while was stuck in his

OCDing. It was like I didn't want him to feel alone, so stayed close, but

distracted myself, " just another day of OCD " <shrug> etc.

Hoarding - SIGH! I am STILL trying to clear out my mom's house, where I live.

We lived with her and continue to live here since she died. She hoarded. I

feel, to look around, like I haven't done anything, but really have gotten rid

of LOTS of stuff, there's still just SO MUCH. And, like at this moment, lol,

I'm not working on it, but it is ALWAYS THERE and so much more to get rid of.

How did she do with all this while at your sister's? Did she hold back on her

OCD stuff? Where'd she sleep there? Can be, well, " interesting " to see how they

do away from home.

When my mom was alive, in earlier years she would go visit her relatives 1 or 2

times a summer. And I would throw things away, boxes of it, but arrange things

so that she couldn't tell (hopefully), so yes, spread out the remaining stuff.

So house was cleaner/neater but I felt better. She must have noticed something,

because she once told me not to touch her stuff while she was gone! But, yes,

got rid of more, just tried to arrange/spread out remaining so she couldn't

tell. I empathize with that hoarding stuff! I was dependent on her for a place

for me & sons to live, my income didn't cover our living elsewhere, what with my

debt. (tho even without any debt, still didn't really earn enough to cover

expenses)

Find some time for YOU, some treats/moments for YOU, and just de-stress! Even

if you're thinking about all your problems while you eat chocolate, at least

you're eating chocolate!

single mom, 3 sons

, 22, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

> I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I

cannot cope anymore. The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches

anything and just doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to

find her help but her insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was

seeing one for a year. with no positive ourcome. I am about to run away from

her, she is my responsibilty but after 10 years of having severe anxiety and ocd

[Guest guest]

This was sent to me by accident....

From: sinful2855@...

Sent: Monday, July 04, 2011 9:53 AM

To: lrbaka@...

Subject: It is Hard

There is no other way to say it. You are in a tough place. It is the hardest

thing you and I will ever do. The difficulties will wax and wane, I promise.

However, the worry for your child and the grief for the loss of your dreams,

will always be there. You need a really, really good therapist to get beyond

this, and the most important thing is, you must try to live your own life. You

must " take care of yourself " . What will be, will be. Turn it over to God and

then carry on.

Best wishes,

A fellow mother

> >

> > I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I

cannot cope anymore. The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches

anything and just doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to

find her help but her insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was

seeing one for a year. with no positive ourcome. I am about to run away from

her, she is my responsibilty but after 10 years of having severe anxiety and ocd

>

[Guest guest]

This was sent to me by accident....

From: sinful2855@...

Sent: Monday, July 04, 2011 9:53 AM

To: lrbaka@...

Subject: It is Hard

There is no other way to say it. You are in a tough place. It is the hardest

thing you and I will ever do. The difficulties will wax and wane, I promise.

However, the worry for your child and the grief for the loss of your dreams,

will always be there. You need a really, really good therapist to get beyond

this, and the most important thing is, you must try to live your own life. You

must " take care of yourself " . What will be, will be. Turn it over to God and

then carry on.

Best wishes,

A fellow mother

> >

> > I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I

cannot cope anymore. The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches

anything and just doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to

find her help but her insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was

seeing one for a year. with no positive ourcome. I am about to run away from

her, she is my responsibilty but after 10 years of having severe anxiety and ocd

>

[Guest guest]

lisa

im in the same situation..but im trying to put him in hospital if i can..u

shouldnt run away but try to put her in hospital where she could get the help..i

did a mistake i should have put my one a long time ago but it was hard for me to

make that decissionbut now it has reached a point where i cant take it any

more..

regards alida

To:

From: mgy23@...

Date: Sun, 3 Jul 2011 03:48:45 +0000

Subject: feelings of anger and hatred toward daughter with ocd

I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I cannot

cope anymore. The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches anything

and just doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to find her

help but her insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was seeing one

for a year. with no positive ourcome. I am about to run away from her, she is my

responsibilty but after 10 years of having severe anxiety and ocd myself, and

finally getting over it, I am finding it horrible and oppressively miserable to

live with this illness in her. I am hoping her father can put her on his

insurance and we can find some quality cbt therpaist to help and maybe

medication too. At his point I would try ANYTHING. SHe hoards, and recently went

away to my sister's house becuase I couldn't handle it anymore. I HAD to clean

her room as there was old rotting trays of food buried beneath blankets and

pillows. But now she will not open her eyes in the house where her " stash " was

thrown away, including a christmas tree she wouldn't allow me to touch. SHe

walks through the house with her eyes closed. AND will not sleep in her bed, but

only in a tiny space on teh floor in the foyer next to the front door. covered

with towels and a cardboard box for a pillow. TO top it off I Live with MY

parents and my mom has lung cancer, and really doesnt need this stress. I am

probably going to have to move soon. It is just totally overwhelming and I am

having some horribly angry feelings toward HER, even though yes, I know this is

an illness and yes she cannot control it. My father hoards boxes of books and

has the entire dining room filled to the absolute brim with boxes of books. I

should never have raised her around him. I am beating myself up and feel alone,

angry and unhappy.

Thanks so much for listening,

[Guest guest]

lisa

im in the same situation..but im trying to put him in hospital if i can..u

shouldnt run away but try to put her in hospital where she could get the help..i

did a mistake i should have put my one a long time ago but it was hard for me to

make that decissionbut now it has reached a point where i cant take it any

more..

regards alida

To:

From: mgy23@...

Date: Sun, 3 Jul 2011 03:48:45 +0000

Subject: feelings of anger and hatred toward daughter with ocd

I am having very bad feelings toward my daughter with OCD. I feel like I cannot

cope anymore. The whole apartment is hers, she rages if anyone touches anything

and just doesn't care much about anyone but herself. I am trying to find her

help but her insurance will not cover anyone but an MSW, and she was seeing one

for a year. with no positive ourcome. I am about to run away from her, she is my

responsibilty but after 10 years of having severe anxiety and ocd myself, and

finally getting over it, I am finding it horrible and oppressively miserable to

live with this illness in her. I am hoping her father can put her on his

insurance and we can find some quality cbt therpaist to help and maybe

medication too. At his point I would try ANYTHING. SHe hoards, and recently went

away to my sister's house becuase I couldn't handle it anymore. I HAD to clean

her room as there was old rotting trays of food buried beneath blankets and

pillows. But now she will not open her eyes in the house where her " stash " was

thrown away, including a christmas tree she wouldn't allow me to touch. SHe

walks through the house with her eyes closed. AND will not sleep in her bed, but

only in a tiny space on teh floor in the foyer next to the front door. covered

with towels and a cardboard box for a pillow. TO top it off I Live with MY

parents and my mom has lung cancer, and really doesnt need this stress. I am

probably going to have to move soon. It is just totally overwhelming and I am

having some horribly angry feelings toward HER, even though yes, I know this is

an illness and yes she cannot control it. My father hoards boxes of books and

has the entire dining room filled to the absolute brim with boxes of books. I

should never have raised her around him. I am beating myself up and feel alone,

angry and unhappy.

Thanks so much for listening,