Guest guest Posted January 7, 2012 Report Share Posted January 7, 2012 Hi Debbie, hope all things have settled and easier with schools back,we have had nearly a month off and it has been hard, i know my son who is 13 is always more anxious and finds new OCDs and rituals and WORRIES during the holidays, or whenever any routine changes, it makes life v difficult doesnt it...........................was interesting when your son was worried about you going to die, this is one of my sons biggest worries,obsessions, that I will die or someone else in the family, i am on my own with him and it gets very intense, and there is no-one else to take this pressure off, i worry so much for him that he will always be plagued with these thoughts and not be able to enjoy his life,we lost his dad when he was young,and his grandfather recently and this all started then, I have been in hospital myself and this has caused the anxiety to go through the roof, it is hard to do anything new or even travel as the last time on a [plane he was screaming that we were all going to die and the plane was going to crash........I am cringing right now thinking about it because do you know no-one even came to help me calm him down, not even the airline staff,people only stared then looked away, this makes him aggressive and start to shout........I could go on and on about how hard it is, but as your sons mother you know......more than anyone else, and usually we are the only ones that can help get them back and calmed down when they are in these meltdowns, so just want to finish by saying I know and all the other parents here know how hard it is and how heartbreaking it is to have a child who suffers from this awful disorder, and we are all doing the best we can to help our children x > > Right before Christmas I posted a huge vent about my almost 13 year old son who suffers from anxiety/OCD and Aspergers. With the kids being home from school and the hustle & bustle of the holidays, I did not get a chance to really sit down and " digest " the comments from all of you. I want to take this time now to thank all of you who responded and pretty much validated my feelings at the time. I do know I love my son, but it is very hard to like him some (most) days lately. It was a long week off he had from school and then when it was time to return on Tuesday, I had him home and to the doctor with a double ear infection! I will admit, I was bummed he was home that day and was glad he went back Wednesday. I was concerned about whether he would go Wednesday because his new anxiety is he is afraid to not be with my husband or myself because he thinks we are going to die! I asked him why he thought we were going to die and his response was " because you Alzheimers! " Neither my husband or myself have Alzheimers (or any other disease), BUT my mother is in the final stages of it and the kids know she won't be with us for any great length of time.....I actually didn't think we would have her with us this past Christmas, but we did. If we do leave him at home with his siblings and he gets thinking about it, his anxiety increases and then takes it out on his sister! And being 15, she is too stubborn to just walk away and go into her room....instead she will just stay in the spot she is in and almost edges him on! So now we are back to not having them home alone together too much for awhile...again! I am hoping that now that the holidays are over, he will settle back down. I will admit he has been a bit more tolerable this week than last. We had a horrible day one day last week that resulted in my oldest son, who is 20 and away at college, yelling " I can't take this anymore how he treats you; I am not coming home in the summer; I do not want to go to Disney World, take my name off the reservations " (we are going to Disney for 2 weeks in August....somewhat of Christmas present to the family). I know my son was frustrated, but reactions like that do NOT help....in fact it makes it worse for me, not them. My husband will do the same thing....get all pissy at our son and says stupid things (I think them, don't say them...usually! LOL!) and it only makes it harder on me because then I am the one settling him down. They just don't get it no matter how many times I tell them! > > Oh well, I am rambling here....sorry! I was really only intending on saying my thank you! > So again, thank you for those who had comforting words...they did help. > > I hope everyone has a wonderful 2012 filled with less anxiety and other " issues " !! > > Debbie > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Hi Debbie, hope things are better once back in the routine of school days. I probably asked this earlier, is he getting any services - at school or elsewhere - for his Aspergers? Maybe I'm thinking of another, but was thinking your son also had this. Oh, so many children have that fear when their parents go out. I know some get a LOT of phone calls from their child! So sorry about your mother! My mom, who has passed away, had dementia, got guardianship over her. She was in a nursing home her last year. > > Right before Christmas I posted a huge vent about my almost 13 year old son who suffers from anxiety/OCD and Aspergers. With the kids being home from school and the hustle & bustle of the holidays, I did not get a chance to really sit down and " digest " the comments from all of you. I want to take this time now to thank all of you who responded and pretty much validated my feelings at the time. I do know I love my son, but it is very hard to like him some (most) days Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Hi We had a HORRENDOUS night with him Friday night....a nearly 3 hour anxiety episode that left my son, my husband and I drained and unfortunately words were said that were hurtful on all parties...so damn hard. Fortunately our 3 other children were not at home at the time, but unfortunately it started with a confrontation he had with my daughter, which ended with me dropping her off to cheerlead at a basketball game VERY upset. It went downhill from there. He does have an IEP. He is in a classroom part of the time (most) that is a 12:1:1. He does get " counseling " from different teachers. He also sees a therapist on the outside, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what they talk about!! tells me he falls asleep and the therapist checks his email...he has an appt. this week and I am going to be asking some questions! We tried getting some services through our local ARC, they have a wonderful new autism center, however, we were denied because is not " disabled " enough! So we are left out in the cold because you can't use the autism center's programs without being ok'd!! The school counselor is looking into that for us now. It's crazy. Yes, his Aspergers is relatively mild compared to others, but he still has it!! On an up note, my husband and I went out Saturday evening to see another son in a concert-type event and stayed home. I told him I could call him when we got there so he knew we arrived ok, but he said no, I didn't have to do that! And there were no problems between him and his sister. My oldest son who is 20 was home and and my daughter were not even in the same room all night and he was asleep by 7:45...we left at 7:10, so all those factors helped make it a good evening!! I would've NEVER let and Katelyn be home alone with my oldest being there..especially not after Friday night's scene! Debbie > > > > Right before Christmas I posted a huge vent about my almost 13 year old son who suffers from anxiety/OCD and Aspergers. With the kids being home from school and the hustle & bustle of the holidays, I did not get a chance to really sit down and " digest " the comments from all of you. I want to take this time now to thank all of you who responded and pretty much validated my feelings at the time. I do know I love my son, but it is very hard to like him some (most) days > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 This new worry of us dying seems to come and go. I'm sure it all has to do with my Mom's condition....I feel he is going to have a rough time when she finally does pass away. We keep telling him that it will be ok when she dies because she would not want to be living how she is and when she is gone, she will be his guardian angel. My problem is I don't know how to answer him when he says my husband and I are going to die. I don't want to say " no, we are not " because, God forbid, what if something did happen to one of us and we got into an accident and one or both of us die.....he will be scarred for life! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a magic pill our kids took just once and made everything go away and they could lead happy, healthy, " normal " lives?!! Debbie > > > > Right before Christmas I posted a huge vent about my almost 13 year old son who suffers from anxiety/OCD and Aspergers. With the kids being home from school and the hustle & bustle of the holidays, I did not get a chance to really sit down and " digest " the comments from all of you. I want to take this time now to thank all of you who responded and pretty much validated my feelings at the time. I do know I love my son, but it is very hard to like him some (most) days lately. It was a long week off he had from school and then when it was time to return on Tuesday, I had him home and to the doctor with a double ear infection! I will admit, I was bummed he was home that day and was glad he went back Wednesday. I was concerned about whether he would go Wednesday because his new anxiety is he is afraid to not be with my husband or myself because he thinks we are going to die! I asked him why he thought we were going to die and his response was " because you Alzheimers! " Neither my husband or myself have Alzheimers (or any other disease), BUT my mother is in the final stages of it and the kids know she won't be with us for any great length of time.....I actually didn't think we would have her with us this past Christmas, but we did. If we do leave him at home with his siblings and he gets thinking about it, his anxiety increases and then takes it out on his sister! And being 15, she is too stubborn to just walk away and go into her room....instead she will just stay in the spot she is in and almost edges him on! So now we are back to not having them home alone together too much for awhile...again! I am hoping that now that the holidays are over, he will settle back down. I will admit he has been a bit more tolerable this week than last. We had a horrible day one day last week that resulted in my oldest son, who is 20 and away at college, yelling " I can't take this anymore how he treats you; I am not coming home in the summer; I do not want to go to Disney World, take my name off the reservations " (we are going to Disney for 2 weeks in August....somewhat of Christmas present to the family). I know my son was frustrated, but reactions like that do NOT help....in fact it makes it worse for me, not them. My husband will do the same thing....get all pissy at our son and says stupid things (I think them, don't say them...usually! LOL!) and it only makes it harder on me because then I am the one settling him down. They just don't get it no matter how many times I tell them! > > > > Oh well, I am rambling here....sorry! I was really only intending on saying my thank you! > > So again, thank you for those who had comforting words...they did help. > > > > I hope everyone has a wonderful 2012 filled with less anxiety and other " issues " !! > > > > Debbie > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Debbie, I saw your post and wanted to reply...my DD is afraid of dying and death, but not us, just herself! She has never mentioned being afraid we will die; her fear only seems to center around herself. This ties in to her seeming inability to empathize with those around her; she is very self-focused; it's almost as if she spends so much energy worrying about herself dying from her fear of the moment, she has no room for thoughts of anyone else. I can see your 20-year old's point in a reverse way, because my 14 yr old son hopes my DD will move out soon after she graduates next year. However, she'll probably have to live with us during college anyway, but I'm thinking maybe she'll be so busy with school and a job possibly, there won't be time for her to worry or she will only be at home for brief periods of time. I think maybe my sanity will have a chance when they BOTH are moved out! Debbie (too) > > > > > > Right before Christmas I posted a huge vent about my almost 13 year old son who suffers from anxiety/OCD and Aspergers. With the kids being home from school and the hustle & bustle of the holidays, I did not get a chance to really sit down and " digest " the comments from all of you. I want to take this time now to thank all of you who responded and pretty much validated my feelings at the time. I do know I love my son, but it is very hard to like him some (most) days lately. It was a long week off he had from school and then when it was time to return on Tuesday, I had him home and to the doctor with a double ear infection! I will admit, I was bummed he was home that day and was glad he went back Wednesday. I was concerned about whether he would go Wednesday because his new anxiety is he is afraid to not be with my husband or myself because he thinks we are going to die! I asked him why he thought we were going to die and his response was " because you Alzheimers! " Neither my husband or myself have Alzheimers (or any other disease), BUT my mother is in the final stages of it and the kids know she won't be with us for any great length of time.....I actually didn't think we would have her with us this past Christmas, but we did. If we do leave him at home with his siblings and he gets thinking about it, his anxiety increases and then takes it out on his sister! And being 15, she is too stubborn to just walk away and go into her room....instead she will just stay in the spot she is in and almost edges him on! So now we are back to not having them home alone together too much for awhile...again! I am hoping that now that the holidays are over, he will settle back down. I will admit he has been a bit more tolerable this week than last. We had a horrible day one day last week that resulted in my oldest son, who is 20 and away at college, yelling " I can't take this anymore how he treats you; I am not coming home in the summer; I do not want to go to Disney World, take my name off the reservations " (we are going to Disney for 2 weeks in August....somewhat of Christmas present to the family). I know my son was frustrated, but reactions like that do NOT help....in fact it makes it worse for me, not them. My husband will do the same thing....get all pissy at our son and says stupid things (I think them, don't say them...usually! LOL!) and it only makes it harder on me because then I am the one settling him down. They just don't get it no matter how many times I tell them! > > > > > > Oh well, I am rambling here....sorry! I was really only intending on saying my thank you! > > > So again, thank you for those who had comforting words...they did help. > > > > > > I hope everyone has a wonderful 2012 filled with less anxiety and other " issues " !! > > > > > > Debbie > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 still denies it, but years ago he would not step in the room if I was watching anything to do with " death " - Touched by an Angel was a fav TV show, he'd walk in and see it on and turn around. Another time I was watching a documentary type on angels, same thing. Some other times too. But he'll say he didn't, or that didn't have anything to do with him leaving. I'd see the look on his face though! > > When my kids talk about us, or them, dying, I dont say yes and dont say no. I say " We are healthy and do (mention healthy things we do like go to the doc for check ups, get exercise, etc) to stay healthy, so we will be around for awhile! "  That usually helps calm any worries. >  > A while ago we did have a long talk about us and them dying, and we did talk about the " what ifs " . We also talked about how unlikely it would be that the entire family would die and leave just my one OCDer alone. Confronting these fears have helped. But my OCDer (10 yrs old) wont say the word " die " and if she is singing a song (she loves to sing) that says anything like die, dead, kill, etc, she will not sing those words. > Sharon > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 13, 2012 Report Share Posted January 13, 2012 My dd is the same way. She will look through things I have DVRed and if it has kill, die, murder, etc (I like horror movies, mysteries, etc) in the name or description, she asks me why I have to record that. Sharon ________________________________ To: Sent: Tuesday, January 10, 2012 5:50 PM Subject: Re: Huge Vent..Thank you  still denies it, but years ago he would not step in the room if I was watching anything to do with " death " - Touched by an Angel was a fav TV show, he'd walk in and see it on and turn around. Another time I was watching a documentary type on angels, same thing. Some other times too. But he'll say he didn't, or that didn't have anything to do with him leaving. I'd see the look on his face though! > > When my kids talk about us, or them, dying, I dont say yes and dont say no. I say " We are healthy and do (mention healthy things we do like go to the doc for check ups, get exercise, etc) to stay healthy, so we will be around for awhile! "  That usually helps calm any worries. >  > A while ago we did have a long talk about us and them dying, and we did talk about the " what ifs " . We also talked about how unlikely it would be that the entire family would die and leave just my one OCDer alone. Confronting these fears have helped. But my OCDer (10 yrs old) wont say the word " die " and if she is singing a song (she loves to sing) that says anything like die, dead, kill, etc, she will not sing those words. > Sharon > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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