Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 Thanks so much all for your words and prayers of encouragement. My son seems to be where Barb's was. He is taller than I am now and there is no shuffling him anywhere. I cannot even really get too near him. He is saying now he will go Friday morning. If he does not, I am determined to follow your advice Barb. It helps a lot to hear you say you have been there, done that . . . and somehow got through it. My friend Liz from Cincinnati got in touch with me coincidentally this evening. I don't know her well, just through another OCD group. Turns out she lives 5 minutes from the ER where we'll go. She said she will bring clothes in if needed. Prayers being answered. Rhonda Re: getting son to Er Hi Rhonda, We had to get police escort to hospital twice. They were actually very good, and " helped " our son decide that he would go in our car, rather than theirs. They followed us to the hospital, to ensure that we got there. Sometimes a third party is needed to help them and you! I know it may sound extreme, and I felt awful the first time. But it is a form of support that you are asking for. If you call in advance and explain your situation, they should have someone on staff trained for such circumstances. If you have access to someone at children's services all the better. With severe OCD it is pretty common that they will not willingly do much of anything that creates anxiety, and entering inpatient treatment would be off the charts. I would expect you will have to make this happen. If you consider it from the point of view of what is the loving thing to do? Get your son in for this treatment, that will hopefully give him his life back, or let him lose this opportunity? Parenting someone with severe OCD often brings impossible situations. We had to hospitalize our son against his will, when he was in a very bad state. It was awful and heartbreaking, but in my heart I knew it was necessary, no matter how much he hated me at the time. This disorder will rarely cooperate, and can take a person to such extremes. Sometimes extreme measures are needed to handle things. Don't get into how it will be when he is there, re showers or clothes or anything else, let them handle that. Remember that with OCD it's always the anticipation of something, and this is as big as it gets! Don't engage in talk about any of it. You need to be firm within yourself and know why you are doing this, and that it is what you need to do. Expect him not to cooperate, and to do or say anything to get you to not make him go. Be neutral and calm no matter what he says or does, remembering that what you are doing is for him to get his life back. I do know how painful this can be. I hope I don't come across as harsh and unsympathetic, I'm anything but. It's just that I've seen too many lives lost to this disorder because of lack of available treatment, so if you have some waiting for you I want you to grab it. Sending you (((((hugs))))) at this difficult time! Barb Canada(where there are no treatment centres for OCD!) Son, 20, OCD, LD Plus > > I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take son into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up all night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this would be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going, said this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every day but one is open today - we better go. > > He said, " I'm too tired. " After talking awhile, seems that he thinks he is going to change his pants before going. I have told him repeatedly he can't go anywhere with his pants looking like that. Now it's backfiring on me. I don't think there's any way he's going to change his pants. I think he knows that too. So I said, " When will you not be too tired? " He said, " I don't know. " > > I offered him $400 if he went, which is what I was offering if he would do a round of ERP for a couple weeks. He looked pleased & happy, but it didn't change his mind. He started worrying about if they would make him take a shower, would he be too tired. What clothes would he wear? I said the ER would give him a gown (he doesn't want any clothes from our house). > > Called back intake at hospital. She said, " You can give him one more day. If he won't come tomorrow, either call children's services to back you up, or call squad directly to transport him to your nearest ER, then hopefully they will transport to Cincinnati. " > > Yuck, I don't want this to be happening. Any advice? > > Rhonda > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 No hugs - it will make me cry some more! The worst part is feeling I must be a miserable failure to not have kept him from this somehow. (Yes, I admit, I feel more sorry for myself than I do for the state he's in!) When I look at you or my friend, who's been to ER 2 or 3 times, or other ladies on this list, I don't think you are miserable failures. Is that one of those thoughts you just have to let sit there until you get bored with it? (pitiful smile) Rhonda Re: getting son to Er Glad your friend was in touch with you Rhonda. I've come to believe these things are not coincidence...keep asking for such friends and support Our son can now acknowledge that he knows I did what I had to and that there was no other way. He will tell you himself there is no reasoning with the OCD, no limit to where it would take him, no boundaries on what he would do to get the OCD needs met. That can lead to some very scary situations. Don't let him know even if you are afraid, it only empowers them. Don't hesitate to pick up the phone and get help, and make sure he knows you won't hesitate. Email me if you want support and/or advise on this, anytime. Come here for support after you get him to the hospital too, you will need to hear more words of support no doubt. More hugs! Barb > > > > I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take son into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up all night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this would be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going, said this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every day but one is open today - we better go. > > > > He said, " I'm too tired. " After talking awhile, seems that he thinks he is going to change his pants before going. I have told him repeatedly he can't go anywhere with his pants looking like that. Now it's backfiring on me. I don't think there's any way he's going to change his pants. I think he knows that too. So I said, " When will you not be too tired? " He said, " I don't know. " > > > > I offered him $400 if he went, which is what I was offering if he would do a round of ERP for a couple weeks. He looked pleased & happy, but it didn't change his mind. He started worrying about if they would make him take a shower, would he be too tired. What clothes would he wear? I said the ER would give him a gown (he doesn't want any clothes from our house). > > > > Called back intake at hospital. She said, " You can give him one more day. If he won't come tomorrow, either call children's services to back you up, or call squad directly to transport him to your nearest ER, then hopefully they will transport to Cincinnati. " > > > > Yuck, I don't want this to be happening. Any advice? > > > > Rhonda > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 17, 2012 Report Share Posted April 17, 2012 I think people who have a mental illness and those who love them are the bravest people there are! We have to deal with issues that we need to keep from most of the world because of the stigma, while also handling the rest of the responsibilities of life. Here's to all you brave, caring women! Re: Re: getting son to Er No hugs - it will make me cry some more! The worst part is feeling I must be a miserable failure to not have kept him from this somehow. (Yes, I admit, I feel more sorry for myself than I do for the state he's in!) When I look at you or my friend, who's been to ER 2 or 3 times, or other ladies on this list, I don't think you are miserable failures. Is that one of those thoughts you just have to let sit there until you get bored with it? (pitiful smile) Rhonda Re: getting son to Er Glad your friend was in touch with you Rhonda. I've come to believe these things are not coincidence...keep asking for such friends and support Our son can now acknowledge that he knows I did what I had to and that there was no other way. He will tell you himself there is no reasoning with the OCD, no limit to where it would take him, no boundaries on what he would do to get the OCD needs met. That can lead to some very scary situations. Don't let him know even if you are afraid, it only empowers them. Don't hesitate to pick up the phone and get help, and make sure he knows you won't hesitate. Email me if you want support and/or advise on this, anytime. Come here for support after you get him to the hospital too, you will need to hear more words of support no doubt. More hugs! Barb > > > > I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take son into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up all night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this would be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going, said this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every day but one is open today - we better go. > > > > He said, " I'm too tired. " After talking awhile, seems that he thinks he is going to change his pants before going. I have told him repeatedly he can't go anywhere with his pants looking like that. Now it's backfiring on me. I don't think there's any way he's going to change his pants. I think he knows that too. So I said, " When will you not be too tired? " He said, " I don't know. " > > > > I offered him $400 if he went, which is what I was offering if he would do a round of ERP for a couple weeks. He looked pleased & happy, but it didn't change his mind. He started worrying about if they would make him take a shower, would he be too tired. What clothes would he wear? I said the ER would give him a gown (he doesn't want any clothes from our house). > > > > Called back intake at hospital. She said, " You can give him one more day. If he won't come tomorrow, either call children's services to back you up, or call squad directly to transport him to your nearest ER, then hopefully they will transport to Cincinnati. " > > > > Yuck, I don't want this to be happening. Any advice? > > > > Rhonda > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2012 Report Share Posted April 18, 2012 Wonderfully put! I always say that I think I can handle anything life throws at me after dealing with mental health issues with myself and my son! Bravest we are!!!  To: Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 10:43 PM Subject: Re: getting son to Er  Well said. Back at you Jordana! > > I think people who have a mental illness and those who love them are the bravest people there are! We have to deal with issues that we need to keep from most of the world because of the stigma, while also handling the rest of the responsibilities of life. Here's to all you brave, caring women! > > > Re: Re: getting son to Er > > > > > > No hugs - it will make me cry some more! The worst part is feeling I must be a miserable failure to not have kept him from this somehow. (Yes, I admit, I feel more sorry for myself than I do for the state he's in!) When I look at you or my friend, who's been to ER 2 or 3 times, or other ladies on this list, I don't think you are miserable failures. Is that one of those thoughts you just have to let sit there until you get bored with it? (pitiful smile) > Rhonda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 18, 2012 Report Share Posted April 18, 2012 Wonderfully put! I always say that I think I can handle anything life throws at me after dealing with mental health issues with myself and my son! Bravest we are!!!  To: Sent: Tuesday, April 17, 2012 10:43 PM Subject: Re: getting son to Er  Well said. Back at you Jordana! > > I think people who have a mental illness and those who love them are the bravest people there are! We have to deal with issues that we need to keep from most of the world because of the stigma, while also handling the rest of the responsibilities of life. Here's to all you brave, caring women! > > > Re: Re: getting son to Er > > > > > > No hugs - it will make me cry some more! The worst part is feeling I must be a miserable failure to not have kept him from this somehow. (Yes, I admit, I feel more sorry for myself than I do for the state he's in!) When I look at you or my friend, who's been to ER 2 or 3 times, or other ladies on this list, I don't think you are miserable failures. Is that one of those thoughts you just have to let sit there until you get bored with it? (pitiful smile) > Rhonda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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