Re: If this were your child

April 25, 2012

My Goodness! I'm a teacher & I'm telling you that this is ridiculous! What a

poor teacher placement for your child....It doesn't sound like the principal

understands it either. Is the school year almost over...? I would insist on

special placement considerationn for next year. If not, I'd escalate your

concern to school administration...

Best of Luck,

>

> Hi all,

>

> I have had a TERRIBLE year with my dd's teacher. She has not cared one bit

about my dd's OCD. The psychologist that tested her said that my dd has the

" emotional " ocd. She wants to please and gets really upset with herself if she

makes any mistakes. Then it turns to guilt and then she has bad thoughts where

she wants to die. (we've dealt with this.)

>

> The teacher has been a MAJOR trigger for my dd's ocd and guilt. This teacher

has not taught my dd all year (she has an IEP with 400 min. of math and still

get's d's and f's consistantly.) I have been in there fighting almost every

month. The therapist has had two meetings with the teacher/resource teacher as

well as the assistant principal and yet the teacher hasn't cared to deal with

any of this.

>

> One of the things this teacher do is have the kids write letters to their

parents and HER stating what they did wrong and that they were sorry that they

did it.

>

> The last time, my dd failed to write her name on the paper she turned in. So

she had to write a letter to me, my husband and the teacher. And she was sorry

and sorry and sorry and so sorry. One of us has to sign the paper. I was so mad

at the teacher for making my daughter do this. I wrote back reminding her that

this feeds into my daughter's guilt that causes her depression to the point she

wants to die because she wants to please and wants to do everything right. I got

no response from the teacher, but my dd thought she saw the teacher and resource

teacher talking about it and the teacher's reply was, " so what?! "

>

> So, today, my dd has brought home yet another paper saying that she failed to

use a certain technique on her math test. (Apparently most of the students

failed to do this as well.) So, she has come home with a note to me, my husband,

and the teacher, stating what she had done, and then apologizing for her failure

to remember. (She has recall issues as part of her auditory processing, etc.)

>

> My first reaction is to not sign it and not let her turn it back in, but then

she might get in trouble for it.

>

> I need to know if I am overreacting to this. Honestly, for a 5th-grade class,

I think this is pretty degrading.

>

> I would appreciate any feedback as I plan on taking it up with the assistant

principal tomorrow, if possible.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Melinda Hall

>

April 25, 2012

Melinda, sorry she's got such a teacher this year!

If the IEP also is covering her OCD, then I would call a meeting and have them

add the accommodation that she doesn't have to write those notes for " mistakes. "

I don't know if that would help, she'd still know she made a " mistake. " Sigh!

My oldest son had a tough 5th grade teacher, and some other years there were

some not my favorite either. I'm pretty plain-spoken and would tell them when I

disagreed with a teacher. Like his 5th grade teacher would give a 0 (zero)

grade for any paper turned in without their name on it. Not to mention that

their work for the week was stapled together, still each sheet had to have the

name at top. Yeah, he forgot a couple times at least. We accepted the 0, but I

would tell him how ridiculous I thought that was (hope no teachers here in this

group require that!).

The math test - did she get the answer right? I had to argue that point with

one of 's (OCD son) teachers one year because he could do the math in his

head but not show the steps. In your dd's case, again, just me in your

situation, I'd tell my child I disagreed with the teacher but sign the paper.

I just feel that if I really DO disagree with a teacher in some way, on

something that is upsetting my child, then it helps child to know I agree with

them, have child not feel at fault or other. Now they had to respect all their

teachers, behave and all, be respectful when talking to them, etc. We had to go

by the rules of the class. With the less fav teachers, I would just empathize

and say at least it's just for one period a day, or just one semester, or the

year will go by fast....

But back to OCD and school -- I'd be calling yet another meeting and tell them

you would like accommodations in her IEP for situations like that. Question --

400 minutes of math -- what is that? each week extra help by the teacher or...??

(Just adding on my son's 5th grade teacher -- in our case, tough in ways but

ended up, overall, one of his best teachers and really one of his all-time

favorites by the end of the year)

Melinda, will be interested to hear how this turns out if you meet with them!

>

> Hi all,

>

> I have had a TERRIBLE year with my dd's teacher. She has not cared one bit

about my dd's OCD. The psychologist that tested her said that my dd has the

" emotional " ocd. She wants to please and gets really upset with herself if she

makes any mistakes. Then it turns to guilt and then she has bad thoughts where

she wants to die. (we've dealt with this.)

>

April 25, 2012

Hi! I am a resource room teacher and have 12 year old twins with OCD. My

daughter has a teacher in the school who just doesn't get her, and instead of

just letting things be, she enjoys antagonizing my daughter. What has been

really helpful is that the principal is aware that this teacher is cold and

often cruel, and she is going to call the teacher in and let her know that she

had better shape up. It sounds like you will need the support of the principal

to put an end to this ridiculous letter writing punishment. It is normal for 10

year old children to forget to put their names on papers or not to use a

particular technique on a math test or assignment. To humiliate the child is no

way to teach these things. I can see taking off a couple of points if a child

doesn't show her work on a math test, but I don't see why it requires

apologizing to anyone. As far as not writing her name on a paper, I would make

sure that she has it in her IEP that she will be given prompts by the teacher to

help her remember such things, rather than being punished for not remembering to

do it. Put the onus on the teacher to help your daughter organize herself and

follow directions, rather than on your daughter and that will eliminate a reason

to have her write such letters. If after you meet with the Asst Principal, you

don't get satisfaction that this letter writing punishment will stop, I would

call the head of special ed and say you need a meeting to revise her IEP, and

make sure that modifications are listed that eliminates any punishment like she

has been getting.

If this were your child

Hi all,

I have had a TERRIBLE year with my dd's teacher. She has not cared one bit about

my dd's OCD. The psychologist that tested her said that my dd has the

" emotional " ocd. She wants to please and gets really upset with herself if she

makes any mistakes. Then it turns to guilt and then she has bad thoughts where

she wants to die. (we've dealt with this.)

The teacher has been a MAJOR trigger for my dd's ocd and guilt. This teacher has

not taught my dd all year (she has an IEP with 400 min. of math and still get's

d's and f's consistantly.) I have been in there fighting almost every month. The

therapist has had two meetings with the teacher/resource teacher as well as the

assistant principal and yet the teacher hasn't cared to deal with any of this.

One of the things this teacher do is have the kids write letters to their

parents and HER stating what they did wrong and that they were sorry that they

did it.

The last time, my dd failed to write her name on the paper she turned in. So she

had to write a letter to me, my husband and the teacher. And she was sorry and

sorry and sorry and so sorry. One of us has to sign the paper. I was so mad at

the teacher for making my daughter do this. I wrote back reminding her that this

feeds into my daughter's guilt that causes her depression to the point she wants

to die because she wants to please and wants to do everything right. I got no

response from the teacher, but my dd thought she saw the teacher and resource

teacher talking about it and the teacher's reply was, " so what?! "

So, today, my dd has brought home yet another paper saying that she failed to

use a certain technique on her math test. (Apparently most of the students

failed to do this as well.) So, she has come home with a note to me, my husband,

and the teacher, stating what she had done, and then apologizing for her failure

to remember. (She has recall issues as part of her auditory processing, etc.)

My first reaction is to not sign it and not let her turn it back in, but then

she might get in trouble for it.

I need to know if I am overreacting to this. Honestly, for a 5th-grade class, I

think this is pretty degrading.

I would appreciate any feedback as I plan on taking it up with the assistant

principal tomorrow, if possible.

Thanks,

Melinda Hall

April 25, 2012

Hi Melinda,

I have the same thinking as re IEP and having this kind of thing written

into it. Or if the OCD is addressed in the IEP already, calling a meeting to

address that this is directly affecting that, so the IEP is not being followed.

Pointing out that you have already brought it to the attention of all the

appropriate people.

Don't know how it works at your school, but if you have seen the vice principal

already, I would ask to meet with the principal - good chance he doesn't know,

and he might take more action than any others have.

If you feel the principal is responsive to your concerns, you might ask for a

meeting with the teacher, psychologist, principal, and yourself. Think I would

ask for this meeting regardless of principals responsiveness. Depending, you

might even include your daughter. Make the focus your daughter, her disorder,

and how things manifest at school and how they need to be managed. At minimum

it may be to pave the way for a smoother time next year. I know parents who ask

for such a meeting at the start of every year.

Write out what you want to say, so you can be calm and neutral and not

emotional(or at least will help , or perhaps the psychologist can be the one

to address all of this. Not sure if you have already had a meeting with

everyone at once yet, but this might get everyone on the same page. It is also

about educating the faculty about OCD.

Since you've already had the psychologist speak to the teacher about your

daughter, it sounds to me that she just doesn't care, or maybe believe this is a

disorder. I would stand behind my child, not sign that letter, and further

would write a letter to this teacher that your daughter is no longer to be asked

to write them, and send a copy to the principal.

I think you need to address this directly, doesn't sound like the situation is

going to get better on it's own. Bottom line, you can't make someone care about

your child, but you can hold them accountable for the IEP - it's a legal matter!

Our son has auditory processing deficit as well, and could never remember or

" hear " instructions clearly, so often did the wrong things, forgot, or just

didn't know. Again, this is an IEP issue to be addressed, a child should not be

punished for a disability, but rather assisted and taught strategies to succeed.

I don't think you are overreacting, for the record! I'd be spitting mad if this

was happening to my kid. So, you can now understand my suggestion to write out

what you want to say

Warmly,

Barb

Canada

Son, OCD, LD Plus