Re: getting son to Er

[Guest guest]

Hello,

So sorry you and your son are going through all this. My heart goes out to you.

Maybe he could just go as is - dirty pants, un-showered - whatever he has on.

Tell he can sleep on the way to the hospital and even at the hospital. Chances

are that they wouldn't expect much from him (perhaps not even to take a shower)

in the first few days so he should have plenty of time to rest up. It almost

seems like the more time you give him to think the more he will back track and

start worrying. Wouldn't we all? I wonder if there's way to put the money (ie

his reward for dealing with all this) in his hands, guide him to the car, tell

him take a nap, and then drive like a bat out of hell to get there before he

over-thinks the situation again.

I know that you don't want to actually lie to your son, but maybe making up

some answers to his questions regarding the treatment center might keep him

going and help him get there. You can always beg for forgiveness later or claim

ignorance if it becomes an issue.

Wish I could help more, but know that many of us are thinking about you and your

son.

Best,

Joni

>

> I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take son

into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up all

night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this would

be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going, said

this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every day but

one is open today - we better go.

>

> He said, " I'm too tired. " After talking awhile, seems that he thinks he is

going to change his pants before going. I have told him repeatedly he can't go

anywhere with his pants looking like that. Now it's backfiring on me. I don't

think there's any way he's going to change his pants. I think he knows that too.

So I said, " When will you not be too tired? " He said, " I don't know. "

>

> I offered him $400 if he went, which is what I was offering if he would do a

round of ERP for a couple weeks. He looked pleased & happy, but it didn't change

his mind. He started worrying about if they would make him take a shower, would

he be too tired. What clothes would he wear? I said the ER would give him a gown

(he doesn't want any clothes from our house).

>

> Called back intake at hospital. She said, " You can give him one more day. If

he won't come tomorrow, either call children's services to back you up, or call

squad directly to transport him to your nearest ER, then hopefully they will

transport to Cincinnati. "

>

> Yuck, I don't want this to be happening. Any advice?

>

> Rhonda

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'd take him as is too, dirty pants and all. Just open the front door and say

" let's go! " So just say a bed is open, I've got my keys, let's go, sleep on

the way if you're tired...we're going. He seems a little calm about it ( " too

tired " and other). If he argues about his pants, just say it's best they see

him in those pants since that is part of what they are going to help him with,

etc.

Quick thoughts. Easier said by me then done, lol, I'm not trying to get mine

there. But I do wish you luck and hope you can get him there by tomorrow! I do

wonder at his being calm, maybe because he feels he doesn't think he'll really

go?? Just thinking most will say " no! " they don't want to go....

>

> I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take son

into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up all

night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this would

be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going, said

this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every day but

one is open today - we better go.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Rhonda,

We had to get police escort to hospital twice. They were actually very good,

and " helped " our son decide that he would go in our car, rather than theirs.

They followed us to the hospital, to ensure that we got there.

Sometimes a third party is needed to help them and you! I know it may sound

extreme, and I felt awful the first time. But it is a form of support that you

are asking for. If you call in advance and explain your situation, they should

have someone on staff trained for such circumstances. If you have access to

someone at children's services all the better.

With severe OCD it is pretty common that they will not willingly do much of

anything that creates anxiety, and entering inpatient treatment would be off the

charts. I would expect you will have to make this happen.

If you consider it from the point of view of what is the loving thing to do?

Get your son in for this treatment, that will hopefully give him his life back,

or let him lose this opportunity? Parenting someone with severe OCD often

brings impossible situations.

We had to hospitalize our son against his will, when he was in a very bad state.

It was awful and heartbreaking, but in my heart I knew it was necessary, no

matter how much he hated me at the time. This disorder will rarely cooperate,

and can take a person to such extremes. Sometimes extreme measures are needed

to handle things.

Don't get into how it will be when he is there, re showers or clothes or

anything else, let them handle that. Remember that with OCD it's always the

anticipation of something, and this is as big as it gets! Don't engage in talk

about any of it. You need to be firm within yourself and know why you are doing

this, and that it is what you need to do. Expect him not to cooperate, and to

do or say anything to get you to not make him go. Be neutral and calm no matter

what he says or does, remembering that what you are doing is for him to get his

life back.

I do know how painful this can be. I hope I don't come across as harsh and

unsympathetic, I'm anything but. It's just that I've seen too many lives lost

to this disorder because of lack of available treatment, so if you have some

waiting for you I want you to grab it.

Sending you (((((hugs))))) at this difficult time!

Barb

Canada(where there are no treatment centres for OCD!)

Son, 20, OCD, LD Plus

>

> I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take son

into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up all

night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this would

be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going, said

this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every day but

one is open today - we better go.

>

> He said, " I'm too tired. " After talking awhile, seems that he thinks he is

going to change his pants before going. I have told him repeatedly he can't go

anywhere with his pants looking like that. Now it's backfiring on me. I don't

think there's any way he's going to change his pants. I think he knows that too.

So I said, " When will you not be too tired? " He said, " I don't know. "

>

> I offered him $400 if he went, which is what I was offering if he would do a

round of ERP for a couple weeks. He looked pleased & happy, but it didn't change

his mind. He started worrying about if they would make him take a shower, would

he be too tired. What clothes would he wear? I said the ER would give him a gown

(he doesn't want any clothes from our house).

>

> Called back intake at hospital. She said, " You can give him one more day. If

he won't come tomorrow, either call children's services to back you up, or call

squad directly to transport him to your nearest ER, then hopefully they will

transport to Cincinnati. "

>

> Yuck, I don't want this to be happening. Any advice?

>

> Rhonda

>

>

[Guest guest]

Glad your friend was in touch with you Rhonda. I've come to believe these

things are not coincidence...keep asking for such friends and support

Our son can now acknowledge that he knows I did what I had to and that there was

no other way. He will tell you himself there is no reasoning with the OCD, no

limit to where it would take him, no boundaries on what he would do to get the

OCD needs met. That can lead to some very scary situations.

Don't let him know even if you are afraid, it only empowers them. Don't

hesitate to pick up the phone and get help, and make sure he knows you won't

hesitate. Email me if you want support and/or advise on this, anytime. Come

here for support after you get him to the hospital too, you will need to hear

more words of support no doubt.

More hugs!

Barb

> >

> > I've been on the phone with Children's Hospital - they are ready to take

son into ER " as is " and move into treatment center, based on diagnosis. Son up

all night, since 2 pm yesterday. I approached him after breakfast, said this

would be a great day to go to treatment center. I was very upbeat about going,

said this is a great center, great opportunity. Also, beds are not open every

day but one is open today - we better go.

> >

> > He said, " I'm too tired. " After talking awhile, seems that he thinks he is

going to change his pants before going. I have told him repeatedly he can't go

anywhere with his pants looking like that. Now it's backfiring on me. I don't

think there's any way he's going to change his pants. I think he knows that too.

So I said, " When will you not be too tired? " He said, " I don't know. "

> >

> > I offered him $400 if he went, which is what I was offering if he would do

a round of ERP for a couple weeks. He looked pleased & happy, but it didn't

change his mind. He started worrying about if they would make him take a shower,

would he be too tired. What clothes would he wear? I said the ER would give him

a gown (he doesn't want any clothes from our house).

> >

> > Called back intake at hospital. She said, " You can give him one more day.

If he won't come tomorrow, either call children's services to back you up, or

call squad directly to transport him to your nearest ER, then hopefully they

will transport to Cincinnati. "

> >

> > Yuck, I don't want this to be happening. Any advice?

> >

> > Rhonda

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Well, I think it's an instinct to protect your child at all costs, and when the

answer to " protecting " them, feels like you are throwing them to the

lions(having to send them away to a hospital where they don't want to go)it's

pretty hard to feel " good " about that. But you are doing the right thing, even

if it feels wrong and that you have " failed " . You know, I think sitting with

that feeling WILL help it subside, but I'll warn you, it took me a couple years

It was only 30-40(?) years ago that mothers were blamed as the cause of OCD,

amongst other mental health issues - don't want to turn back the clock!!!

I found the enmeshment and general entanglement that happened with our son led

me to feel responsible too, so I definitely relate. If only you could just stop

accommodating everything, you know that's the answer, all the books tell you so,

but you are powerless to do so. Not that easy, if only!

It's a process, and if you have access to professionals who can help you fast

forward that process, and you can get that for your son, then you are not a

failure you are a " Super Mum " . The longer they live with severe OCD and aren't

turning it around, the more the behaviors become entrenched, so much harder to

move forward, so know that you are preventing this.

With OCD you kind of have to learn how to be unfeeling almost, in the sense that

you have to shut down your natural instincts in order to truly address the OCD,

ie doing the opposite of want you want to do, protect your kid from pain and

suffering - no way around that one with ERP/treatment. At least the treatment,

and suffering that goes with it leads to the way out, and relief, eventually.

Otherwise you are both stuck in the spin cycle going around and around with no

end point - focus on that as you make your way through this - the end goal -

relief = " success " .

Hang in there Rhonda!

Barb

>

> No hugs - it will make me cry some more! The worst part is feeling I must be a

miserable failure to not have kept him from this somehow. (Yes, I admit, I feel

more sorry for myself than I do for the state he's in!) When I look at you or my

friend, who's been to ER 2 or 3 times, or other ladies on this list, I don't

think you are miserable failures. Is that one of those thoughts you just have to

let sit there until you get bored with it? (pitiful smile)

> Rhonda

>

> Re: getting son to Er

>

>

>

> Glad your friend was in touch with you Rhonda. I've come to believe these

things are not coincidence...keep asking for such friends and support

>

> Our son can now acknowledge that he knows I did what I had to and that there

was no other way. He will tell you himself there is no reasoning with the OCD,

no limit to where it would take him, no boundaries on what he would do to get

the OCD needs met. That can lead to some very scary situations.

>

> Don't let him know even if you are afraid, it only empowers them. Don't

hesitate to pick up the phone and get help, and make sure he knows you won't

hesitate. Email me if you want support and/or advise on this, anytime. Come here

for support after you get him to the hospital too, you will need to hear more

words of support no doubt.

>

> More hugs!

> Barb

>

[Guest guest]

Well said. Back at you Jordana!

>

> I think people who have a mental illness and those who love them are the

bravest people there are! We have to deal with issues that we need to keep from

most of the world because of the stigma, while also handling the rest of the

responsibilities of life. Here's to all you brave, caring women!

>

>

> Re: Re: getting son to Er

>

>

>

>

>

> No hugs - it will make me cry some more! The worst part is feeling I must be a

miserable failure to not have kept him from this somehow. (Yes, I admit, I feel

more sorry for myself than I do for the state he's in!) When I look at you or my

friend, who's been to ER 2 or 3 times, or other ladies on this list, I don't

think you are miserable failures. Is that one of those thoughts you just have to

let sit there until you get bored with it? (pitiful smile)

> Rhonda

>