Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to say to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to see you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So many words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to say without stressing him out. Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset over a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a lake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a calming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling anxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't write a " normal " note. I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a book I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any relief or solace right now. Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to him. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 With my son that was hospitalized for psychosis/bipolar, I called and kept it short, 10 min. tops. No advice, just telling him we are thinking about him and if there is anything he wants to talk about. With letters, I would do the same thing. No advice,support the people who are working with him there, simple talk- info about pets, the weather, sports (if that is his interest). In Wisconsin, the weather and the Packers are always safe conversation:) Even though he may not show it, he may want to know about you (not feelings, just things you like to do). He needs to know that you are doing OK and have confidence/trust in the people who are trying to help him. It must be hard for him to give up his sense of control(albeit dysfunctional) and allow them to help. I hope this helps. > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to say to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to see you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So many words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to say without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset over a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a lake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a calming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling anxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't write a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a book I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any relief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to him. > > Thanks! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 With my son that was hospitalized for psychosis/bipolar, I called and kept it short, 10 min. tops. No advice, just telling him we are thinking about him and if there is anything he wants to talk about. With letters, I would do the same thing. No advice,support the people who are working with him there, simple talk- info about pets, the weather, sports (if that is his interest). In Wisconsin, the weather and the Packers are always safe conversation:) Even though he may not show it, he may want to know about you (not feelings, just things you like to do). He needs to know that you are doing OK and have confidence/trust in the people who are trying to help him. It must be hard for him to give up his sense of control(albeit dysfunctional) and allow them to help. I hope this helps. > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to say to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to see you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So many words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to say without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset over a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a lake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a calming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling anxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't write a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a book I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any relief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to him. > > Thanks! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 Hi , What I can tell you is that getting mail at is HUGE. I wrote daily, so my son would be sure to get something every day. It's hard to be inspirational on a regular basis. I gave up on that early on (he was there for 5 months) and just kept focusing on making sure he felt like he was still part of the family even though he was in WI. He needed to know we loved him and were thinking of him. Here are some of the things I did: - I bought a bunch of funny greeting cards (jokes about farts, adolescent boy humor) and alternated them with: - Postcards of places here where we live or where we had visited (Las Vegas, DisneyLand, etc.) -- my son taped these up on the bulletin board in his room as reminders of home and to show the other kids where he was from. - I forwarded comic books, magazines and catalogs (like The Simpson's, Kid's Discovery, Lego catalogs) that he normally got or I knew he liked. I sent these one at a time, often with just a post-it saying " I love you! " - I sent occasional " care packages " with home-made chocolate chip cookies, Jelly Bellys at Easter, candy bars, chocolates at Xmas, that sort of thing. Best to check with the program director first, as they do have rules depending on what might be a trigger for another patient. I always asked first, and everything I wanted to send was approved. - Card games or other easy to mail " activity-type " things he could use with other kids in the common room or enjoy on his own during down time. I sent quite a few of those small Legos. - Whenever I sent a letter, I also included a photo (something he could put on his bulletin board). Sometimes they were old pictures, him with his brother at Christmas, sometimes new ones of our cat, or relatives who'd come over for dinner, just whatever seemed right at the time. If it was a new pic, I told him what the curcumstances were when it was taken, just so he'd feel like he was still connected to us at home. - DVDs or Wii games (need to be approved first by the program director). - I also had relatives (grandma, uncle, cousins), one of his teachers, and his best friend, write him letters. - I sent a lot of letters detailing what my day was going like.... " I'm sitting here at the dealership waiting for the car to be serviced, then I'm going to Costco, blah, blah, blah " just because I didn't know what to say, but I wanted him to know I was thinking of him while I was doing all these mundane activities. I often wondered as I was making my daily drop at the post office, whether any of this was making a difference, making it worse, or helping in any way. I know it helped ME to feel like we were still connected. When he came home he brought a box stuffed with all the letters, notes, etc., we'd sent him. He told me he just couldn't bear to toss them. He'd saved everything. I know hoarding (=smile=) is part of this, but still....I know it helped him to know we were thinking of him every day. Hope some of this helps, Lee in CA What to write to my son? I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to say to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to see you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So many words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to say without stressing him out. Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset over a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a lake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a calming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling anxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't write a " normal " note. I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a book I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any relief or solace right now. Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to him. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 - YOu are doing the right thing and nothing you can say, write or do will make him see that until he is ready to see it. Right now all of it is a threat to his OCD and his OCD NEEDs the threat to stop so that it is safe. Your son's voice can't even be heard. OCD has taken over. When he has his voice again then anything you write will be fine. Just write him what you feel like writing him - in hindsight anything loving will be seen as support. Don't worry about his response to it. He is not the one responding now, and anything that makes " him " happy right now is actually just making his OCD happy- i.e. let him lie on the stairs at home and pee on himself. What you are doing is the bravest and most loving thing you can do for him. Know that in your heart. I second what everyone has said- enjoy the free time knowing someone else is taking care of him- someone who is not easily tricked by OCD and someone who does not have love to interfere with doing what is right to get rid of the OCD. Treating OCD goes against all your parenting instincts. You see your kid suffering. You want them to stop suffering so you cave in to OCD. It is a tricky and devious disease and manipulates our kids to get what it wants. It sucks them under in an instant, leaving nothing but the shell until war is waged on it. And war sucks, war is hard, people are sad, people get hurt. But something has to be done. You are doing that something and in the end, when all is said and done, he will be glad you did. WE are all rooting for you. I find myself tearful when I read these posts, remembering the 5 years my son was dysfunctional, not eating etc, knowing your pain in a way that only we who have seen the ravages of OCD can. I think I have PTSD from the whole thing. I still feel like my kid is standing in the water with a known fatal undertow, and am just waiting for it to suck him under again, begging him to hold onto his life jacket as he wades out into the water. And he, at 15, dives in leaving the lifejacket behind. So far, the under tow has not taken him all the way out again. I just hope that when it comes, he has his lifejacket ( CBT/ ERP) close enough to him that he can use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 - YOu are doing the right thing and nothing you can say, write or do will make him see that until he is ready to see it. Right now all of it is a threat to his OCD and his OCD NEEDs the threat to stop so that it is safe. Your son's voice can't even be heard. OCD has taken over. When he has his voice again then anything you write will be fine. Just write him what you feel like writing him - in hindsight anything loving will be seen as support. Don't worry about his response to it. He is not the one responding now, and anything that makes " him " happy right now is actually just making his OCD happy- i.e. let him lie on the stairs at home and pee on himself. What you are doing is the bravest and most loving thing you can do for him. Know that in your heart. I second what everyone has said- enjoy the free time knowing someone else is taking care of him- someone who is not easily tricked by OCD and someone who does not have love to interfere with doing what is right to get rid of the OCD. Treating OCD goes against all your parenting instincts. You see your kid suffering. You want them to stop suffering so you cave in to OCD. It is a tricky and devious disease and manipulates our kids to get what it wants. It sucks them under in an instant, leaving nothing but the shell until war is waged on it. And war sucks, war is hard, people are sad, people get hurt. But something has to be done. You are doing that something and in the end, when all is said and done, he will be glad you did. WE are all rooting for you. I find myself tearful when I read these posts, remembering the 5 years my son was dysfunctional, not eating etc, knowing your pain in a way that only we who have seen the ravages of OCD can. I think I have PTSD from the whole thing. I still feel like my kid is standing in the water with a known fatal undertow, and am just waiting for it to suck him under again, begging him to hold onto his life jacket as he wades out into the water. And he, at 15, dives in leaving the lifejacket behind. So far, the under tow has not taken him all the way out again. I just hope that when it comes, he has his lifejacket ( CBT/ ERP) close enough to him that he can use it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks SO much, Lee, that is a huge help!!! These are some excellent ideas and I'm so thankful to you for sharing with me. They said that no food was allowed, but maybe that's a rule that they changed since your son was there, I will double check on that. With the DVDs you sent, how was he able to watch those? I was thinking of getting my son a Kindle so he could download books and audio books to read. He's not a reader, it's difficult for him to concentrate, but I was thinking if he could listen to audio books he might like that. Thanks again! > > Hi , > > What I can tell you is that getting mail at is HUGE. I wrote daily, so my son would be sure to get something every day. It's hard to be inspirational on a regular basis. I gave up on that early on (he was there for 5 months) and just kept focusing on making sure he felt like he was still part of the family even though he was in WI. He needed to know we loved him and were thinking of him. > > Here are some of the things I did: > > - I bought a bunch of funny greeting cards (jokes about farts, adolescent boy humor) and alternated them with: > > - Postcards of places here where we live or where we had visited (Las Vegas, DisneyLand, etc.) -- my son taped these up on the bulletin board in his room as reminders of home and to show the other kids where he was from. > > - I forwarded comic books, magazines and catalogs (like The Simpson's, Kid's Discovery, Lego catalogs) that he normally got or I knew he liked. I sent these one at a time, often with just a post-it saying " I love you! " > > - I sent occasional " care packages " with home-made chocolate chip cookies, Jelly Bellys at Easter, candy bars, chocolates at Xmas, that sort of thing. Best to check with the program director first, as they do have rules depending on what might be a trigger for another patient. I always asked first, and everything I wanted to send was approved. > > - Card games or other easy to mail " activity-type " things he could use with other kids in the common room or enjoy on his own during down time. I sent quite a few of those small Legos. > > - Whenever I sent a letter, I also included a photo (something he could put on his bulletin board). Sometimes they were old pictures, him with his brother at Christmas, sometimes new ones of our cat, or relatives who'd come over for dinner, just whatever seemed right at the time. If it was a new pic, I told him what the curcumstances were when it was taken, just so he'd feel like he was still connected to us at home. > > - DVDs or Wii games (need to be approved first by the program director). > > - I also had relatives (grandma, uncle, cousins), one of his teachers, and his best friend, write him letters. > > - I sent a lot of letters detailing what my day was going like.... " I'm sitting here at the dealership waiting for the car to be serviced, then I'm going to Costco, blah, blah, blah " just because I didn't know what to say, but I wanted him to know I was thinking of him while I was doing all these mundane activities. > > I often wondered as I was making my daily drop at the post office, whether any of this was making a difference, making it worse, or helping in any way. I know it helped ME to feel like we were still connected. When he came home he brought a box stuffed with all the letters, notes, etc., we'd sent him. He told me he just couldn't bear to toss them. He'd saved everything. I know hoarding (=smile=) is part of this, but still....I know it helped him to know we were thinking of him every day. > > Hope some of this helps, > Lee in CA > > What to write to my son? > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to say to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to see you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So many words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to say without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset over a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a lake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a calming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling anxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't write a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a book I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any relief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to him. > > Thanks! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks SO much, Lee, that is a huge help!!! These are some excellent ideas and I'm so thankful to you for sharing with me. They said that no food was allowed, but maybe that's a rule that they changed since your son was there, I will double check on that. With the DVDs you sent, how was he able to watch those? I was thinking of getting my son a Kindle so he could download books and audio books to read. He's not a reader, it's difficult for him to concentrate, but I was thinking if he could listen to audio books he might like that. Thanks again! > > Hi , > > What I can tell you is that getting mail at is HUGE. I wrote daily, so my son would be sure to get something every day. It's hard to be inspirational on a regular basis. I gave up on that early on (he was there for 5 months) and just kept focusing on making sure he felt like he was still part of the family even though he was in WI. He needed to know we loved him and were thinking of him. > > Here are some of the things I did: > > - I bought a bunch of funny greeting cards (jokes about farts, adolescent boy humor) and alternated them with: > > - Postcards of places here where we live or where we had visited (Las Vegas, DisneyLand, etc.) -- my son taped these up on the bulletin board in his room as reminders of home and to show the other kids where he was from. > > - I forwarded comic books, magazines and catalogs (like The Simpson's, Kid's Discovery, Lego catalogs) that he normally got or I knew he liked. I sent these one at a time, often with just a post-it saying " I love you! " > > - I sent occasional " care packages " with home-made chocolate chip cookies, Jelly Bellys at Easter, candy bars, chocolates at Xmas, that sort of thing. Best to check with the program director first, as they do have rules depending on what might be a trigger for another patient. I always asked first, and everything I wanted to send was approved. > > - Card games or other easy to mail " activity-type " things he could use with other kids in the common room or enjoy on his own during down time. I sent quite a few of those small Legos. > > - Whenever I sent a letter, I also included a photo (something he could put on his bulletin board). Sometimes they were old pictures, him with his brother at Christmas, sometimes new ones of our cat, or relatives who'd come over for dinner, just whatever seemed right at the time. If it was a new pic, I told him what the curcumstances were when it was taken, just so he'd feel like he was still connected to us at home. > > - DVDs or Wii games (need to be approved first by the program director). > > - I also had relatives (grandma, uncle, cousins), one of his teachers, and his best friend, write him letters. > > - I sent a lot of letters detailing what my day was going like.... " I'm sitting here at the dealership waiting for the car to be serviced, then I'm going to Costco, blah, blah, blah " just because I didn't know what to say, but I wanted him to know I was thinking of him while I was doing all these mundane activities. > > I often wondered as I was making my daily drop at the post office, whether any of this was making a difference, making it worse, or helping in any way. I know it helped ME to feel like we were still connected. When he came home he brought a box stuffed with all the letters, notes, etc., we'd sent him. He told me he just couldn't bear to toss them. He'd saved everything. I know hoarding (=smile=) is part of this, but still....I know it helped him to know we were thinking of him every day. > > Hope some of this helps, > Lee in CA > > What to write to my son? > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to say to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to see you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So many words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to say without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset over a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a lake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a calming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling anxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't write a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a book I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any relief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to him. > > Thanks! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Lee, wonderful and very helpful, what you wrote! I would guess making them still feel part of the family is important, and also will help make the transition to coming back home much easier on them and parents. I think " hoarding " all you sent him is sweet, not really different than anyone else saving things in this instance. > > > Hi , > > What I can tell you is that getting mail at is HUGE. I wrote daily, so my son would be sure to get something every day. It's hard to be inspirational on a regular basis. I gave up on that early on (he was there for 5 months) and just kept focusing on making sure he felt like he was still part of the family even though he was in WI. He needed to know we loved him and were thinking of him. > > Here are some of the things I did: > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks so much! Oh my goodness, 5 years, I can not even imagine!! I can totally understand when you say about having PTSD. When we go through something so horrendous like what you, I, and most everyone on this list has, I think it makes an indelible impression on the nervous system. I love your analogy of the undertow and the lifejacket, that is a perfect way to describe it! I think there needs to be a lot more press about OCD and the many ways it can wreak havoc on the mind and body. I am one of I'm sure millions, who was under the common misconception that OCD is all about obsessive hand-washing, cleanliness and orderliness.It is SO much more than what is typically portrayed in the mainstream media. And before my son started exhibiting his severe Tourette's syndrome, I was one of many who thought Tourette's was all about uncontrollable swearing. In the past year I've had to give myself overnight " crash courses " in Tourette's, Lyme disease, and OCD in order to dissect and comprehend what was happening with my son. But there are so many parents who don't have the time or energy to do that, or they are in denial, or whatever the case may be. I just hate to think of so many kids out there suffering because of the way these illnesses are misportrayed in the media. I hope your son continues to keep his lifejacket by his side as he navigates the sometimes rocky waters of OCD > - > YOu are doing the right thing and nothing you can say, write or do will make him see that until he is ready to see it. Right now all of it is a threat to his OCD and his OCD NEEDs the threat to stop so that it is safe. Your son's voice can't even be heard. OCD has taken over. When he has his voice again then anything you write will be fine. Just write him what you feel like writing him - in hindsight anything loving will be seen as support. Don't worry about his response to it. He is not the one responding now, and anything that makes " him " happy right now is actually just making his OCD happy- i.e. let him lie on the stairs at home and pee on himself. > > What you are doing is the bravest and most loving thing you can do for him. Know that in your heart. I second what everyone has said- enjoy the free time knowing someone else is taking care of him- someone who is not easily tricked by OCD and someone who does not have love to interfere with doing what is right to get rid of the OCD. > > Treating OCD goes against all your parenting instincts. You see your kid suffering. You want them to stop suffering so you cave in to OCD. It is a tricky and devious disease and manipulates our kids to get what it wants. It sucks them under in an instant, leaving nothing but the shell until war is waged on it. And war sucks, war is hard, people are sad, people get hurt. But something has to be done. You are doing that something and in the end, when all is said and done, he will be glad you did. > > WE are all rooting for you. I find myself tearful when I read these posts, remembering the 5 years my son was dysfunctional, not eating etc, knowing your pain in a way that only we who have seen the ravages of OCD can. > I think I have PTSD from the whole thing. I still feel like my kid is standing in the water with a known fatal undertow, and am just waiting for it to suck him under again, begging him to hold onto his life jacket as he wades out into the water. And he, at 15, dives in leaving the lifejacket behind. So far, the under tow has not taken him all the way out again. I just hope that when it comes, he has his lifejacket ( CBT/ ERP) close enough to him that he can use it. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi , My son was able to watch DVDs during the free time in the common room -- the kids would " vote " on what to watch as a group. Staff would keep the DVDs in my son's cubby (where toiletries and other items that need to be signed out are kept) and he would be able to check them out for use when the time was appropriate. Staff had restrictions on what type of DVDs were acceptable (some things might be a trigger for another patient). I remember we sent the 2nd Spiderman movie -- it was popular back then and he wanted something the other kids would vote for. I think a Kindle would be an excellent idea, especially for the audiobook capability. You probably want to pre-load it for him though as he might not have access to download while at . A lot of the kids had iPODs, so we got our son one, too. At that time,the kids weren't allowed internet access, so we had to load it here at home first. Lee What to write to my son? I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to ay to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to ee you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So any words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to ay without stressing him out. Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset ver a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a ake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a alming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling nxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't rite a " normal " note. I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a ook I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any elief or solace right now. Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to im. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Sent from my U.S. Cellular® Android phone lyazdani@... wrote: > >Hi , > >My son was able to watch DVDs during the free time in the common room -- the kids would " vote " on what to watch as a group. Staff would keep the DVDs in my son's cubby (where toiletries and other items that need to be signed out are kept) and he would be able to check them out for use when the time was appropriate. Staff had restrictions on what type of DVDs were acceptable (some things might be a trigger for another patient). I remember we sent the 2nd Spiderman movie -- it was popular back then and he wanted something the other kids would vote for. > >I think a Kindle would be an excellent idea, especially for the audiobook capability. You probably want to pre-load it for him though as he might not have access to download while at . A lot of the kids had iPODs, so we got our son one, too. At that time,the kids weren't allowed internet access, so we had to load it here at home first. > >Lee > > > > > > > What to write to my son? > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to >ay to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to >ee you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So >any words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to >ay without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset >ver a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a >ake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a >alming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling >nxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't >rite a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a >ook I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any >elief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to >im. > > Thanks! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Sent from my U.S. Cellular® Android phone lyazdani@... wrote: > >Hi , > >My son was able to watch DVDs during the free time in the common room -- the kids would " vote " on what to watch as a group. Staff would keep the DVDs in my son's cubby (where toiletries and other items that need to be signed out are kept) and he would be able to check them out for use when the time was appropriate. Staff had restrictions on what type of DVDs were acceptable (some things might be a trigger for another patient). I remember we sent the 2nd Spiderman movie -- it was popular back then and he wanted something the other kids would vote for. > >I think a Kindle would be an excellent idea, especially for the audiobook capability. You probably want to pre-load it for him though as he might not have access to download while at . A lot of the kids had iPODs, so we got our son one, too. At that time,the kids weren't allowed internet access, so we had to load it here at home first. > >Lee > > > > > > > What to write to my son? > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to >ay to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to >ee you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So >any words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to >ay without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset >ver a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a >ake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a >alming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling >nxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't >rite a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a >ook I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any >elief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to >im. > > Thanks! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Sent from my U.S. Cellular® Android phone lyazdani@... wrote: > >Hi , > >My son was able to watch DVDs during the free time in the common room -- the kids would " vote " on what to watch as a group. Staff would keep the DVDs in my son's cubby (where toiletries and other items that need to be signed out are kept) and he would be able to check them out for use when the time was appropriate. Staff had restrictions on what type of DVDs were acceptable (some things might be a trigger for another patient). I remember we sent the 2nd Spiderman movie -- it was popular back then and he wanted something the other kids would vote for. > >I think a Kindle would be an excellent idea, especially for the audiobook capability. You probably want to pre-load it for him though as he might not have access to download while at . A lot of the kids had iPODs, so we got our son one, too. At that time,the kids weren't allowed internet access, so we had to load it here at home first. > >Lee > > > > > > > What to write to my son? > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to >ay to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to >ee you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So >any words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to >ay without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset >ver a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a >ake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a >alming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling >nxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't >rite a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a >ook I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any >elief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to >im. > > Thanks! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks, Lee. Apparently there is a Kindle 4g that they can download stuff from online and there isn't any monthly charge or contract. I have to find out how that works. I was going to send my son's ipod, but he loses things in 2 seconds flat and he already lost his cell phone the first day he was there! Had to run out and get another one right before I left to come home. I figure the Kindle would be a lot harder for him to lose! LOL. > > Hi , > > My son was able to watch DVDs during the free time in the common room -- the kids would " vote " on what to watch as a group. Staff would keep the DVDs in my son's cubby (where toiletries and other items that need to be signed out are kept) and he would be able to check them out for use when the time was appropriate. Staff had restrictions on what type of DVDs were acceptable (some things might be a trigger for another patient). I remember we sent the 2nd Spiderman movie -- it was popular back then and he wanted something the other kids would vote for. > > I think a Kindle would be an excellent idea, especially for the audiobook capability. You probably want to pre-load it for him though as he might not have access to download while at . A lot of the kids had iPODs, so we got our son one, too. At that time,the kids weren't allowed internet access, so we had to load it here at home first. > > Lee > > What to write to my son? > > I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to > ay to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to > ee you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So > any words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what to > ay without stressing him out. > > Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset > ver a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a > ake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a > alming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling > nxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't > rite a " normal " note. > > I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a > ook I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any > elief or solace right now. > > Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to > im. > > Thanks! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 , That sounds great -- I'd definitely get him a Kindle then! Lee What to write to my son? I plan to write my son as often as I can, but I'm in a quandary over what to ay to him right now. Normally, I'd say things like I miss you, can't wait to ee you, etc., but I think that would only make it worse for him right now. So any words (positive or negative) cause him stress so I can't figure out what o ay without stressing him out. Before I left, I picked up a postcard with a beautiful picture of a sunset ver a lake in Wisconsin. I wrote a note on the back telling him that there's a > ake just like the one on the postcard right next to 's and how water is a > alming and peaceful force and he can think of the lake whenever he is feeling nxious. When I talked to him on the phone he was disappointed because I didn't > rite a " normal " note. I went and bought a drawing pad and colored pencils, some magazines, and a ook I dropped off before I left as well, but nothing seems to bring him any elief or solace right now. Would love to hear any suggestions you all might have on what I could write to > im. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2012 Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 I too thought that OCD was about orderliness and hand-washing. I had no idea about the " bad thoughts " component. My daughter suffered for four years with OCD before I even had a clue what the problem was and I had her going to some therapist who obviously didn't have a clue. If my daughter had not started the hand-washing ritual I probably still would not have a clue. I have often thought since finding out her diagnosis if maybe I should be an advocate and go talk about OCD to people and explain what it is. I wonder how many other children/parents suffer in silence because they have no idea what is going on. > > Thanks so much! Oh my goodness, 5 years, I can not even imagine!! I can totally understand when you say about having PTSD. When we go through something so horrendous like what you, I, and most everyone on this list has, I think it makes an indelible impression on the nervous system. > > I love your analogy of the undertow and the lifejacket, that is a perfect way to describe it! > > I think there needs to be a lot more press about OCD and the many ways it can wreak havoc on the mind and body. I am one of I'm sure millions, who was under the common misconception that OCD is all about obsessive hand-washing, cleanliness and orderliness.It is SO much more than what is typically portrayed in the mainstream media. And before my son started exhibiting his severe Tourette's syndrome, I was one of many who thought Tourette's was all about uncontrollable swearing. > > In the past year I've had to give myself overnight " crash courses " in Tourette's, Lyme disease, and OCD in order to dissect and comprehend what was happening with my son. But there are so many parents who don't have the time or energy to do that, or they are in denial, or whatever the case may be. I just hate to think of so many kids out there suffering because of the way these illnesses are misportrayed in the media. > > I hope your son continues to keep his lifejacket by his side as he navigates the sometimes rocky waters of OCD > > > > > > > > - > > YOu are doing the right thing and nothing you can say, write or do will make him see that until he is ready to see it. Right now all of it is a threat to his OCD and his OCD NEEDs the threat to stop so that it is safe. Your son's voice can't even be heard. OCD has taken over. When he has his voice again then anything you write will be fine. Just write him what you feel like writing him - in hindsight anything loving will be seen as support. Don't worry about his response to it. He is not the one responding now, and anything that makes " him " happy right now is actually just making his OCD happy- i.e. let him lie on the stairs at home and pee on himself. > > > > What you are doing is the bravest and most loving thing you can do for him. Know that in your heart. I second what everyone has said- enjoy the free time knowing someone else is taking care of him- someone who is not easily tricked by OCD and someone who does not have love to interfere with doing what is right to get rid of the OCD. > > > > Treating OCD goes against all your parenting instincts. You see your kid suffering. You want them to stop suffering so you cave in to OCD. It is a tricky and devious disease and manipulates our kids to get what it wants. It sucks them under in an instant, leaving nothing but the shell until war is waged on it. And war sucks, war is hard, people are sad, people get hurt. But something has to be done. You are doing that something and in the end, when all is said and done, he will be glad you did. > > > > WE are all rooting for you. I find myself tearful when I read these posts, remembering the 5 years my son was dysfunctional, not eating etc, knowing your pain in a way that only we who have seen the ravages of OCD can. > > I think I have PTSD from the whole thing. I still feel like my kid is standing in the water with a known fatal undertow, and am just waiting for it to suck him under again, begging him to hold onto his life jacket as he wades out into the water. And he, at 15, dives in leaving the lifejacket behind. So far, the under tow has not taken him all the way out again. I just hope that when it comes, he has his lifejacket ( CBT/ ERP) close enough to him that he can use it. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2012 Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 I'm with you, . Had it not been for the fact that my son had Tourette's to begin with, I may have very well been in the same situation as you with your daughter. Because I had already learned that OCD is very common with Tourette's kids, I had my antennae raised watching for signs. From talking to some other 's parents, they told me that when their kids were admitted they were aware of maybe 5 rituals that were outwardly obvious. Then by the time they were discharged, through working with the team there, they had uncovered dozens more rituals that were all in their minds and not outwardly obvious. I've had the same thoughts as you becoming an advocate to educate others about OCD and Tourette's. I'm terrible at public speaking though, so I may just write an article and submit it to my local paper here. Even if it helps one parent or child out there who might be suffering and having no idea of what is going on, it would be well worth it. > I too thought that OCD was about orderliness and hand-washing. I had no idea about the " bad thoughts " component. My daughter suffered for four years with OCD before I even had a clue what the problem was and I had her going to some therapist who obviously didn't have a clue. If my daughter had not started the hand-washing ritual I probably still would not have a clue. I have often thought since finding out her diagnosis if maybe I should be an advocate and go talk about OCD to people and explain what it is. I wonder how many other children/parents suffer in silence because they have no idea what is going on. > > > > > > Thanks so much! Oh my goodness, 5 years, I can not even imagine!! I can totally understand when you say about having PTSD. When we go through something so horrendous like what you, I, and most everyone on this list has, I think it makes an indelible impression on the nervous system. > > > > I love your analogy of the undertow and the lifejacket, that is a perfect way to describe it! > > > > I think there needs to be a lot more press about OCD and the many ways it can wreak havoc on the mind and body. I am one of I'm sure millions, who was under the common misconception that OCD is all about obsessive hand-washing, cleanliness and orderliness.It is SO much more than what is typically portrayed in the mainstream media. And before my son started exhibiting his severe Tourette's syndrome, I was one of many who thought Tourette's was all about uncontrollable swearing. > > > > In the past year I've had to give myself overnight " crash courses " in Tourette's, Lyme disease, and OCD in order to dissect and comprehend what was happening with my son. But there are so many parents who don't have the time or energy to do that, or they are in denial, or whatever the case may be. I just hate to think of so many kids out there suffering because of the way these illnesses are misportrayed in the media. > > > > I hope your son continues to keep his lifejacket by his side as he navigates the sometimes rocky waters of OCD > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > - > > > YOu are doing the right thing and nothing you can say, write or do will make him see that until he is ready to see it. Right now all of it is a threat to his OCD and his OCD NEEDs the threat to stop so that it is safe. Your son's voice can't even be heard. OCD has taken over. When he has his voice again then anything you write will be fine. Just write him what you feel like writing him - in hindsight anything loving will be seen as support. Don't worry about his response to it. He is not the one responding now, and anything that makes " him " happy right now is actually just making his OCD happy- i.e. let him lie on the stairs at home and pee on himself. > > > > > > What you are doing is the bravest and most loving thing you can do for him. Know that in your heart. I second what everyone has said- enjoy the free time knowing someone else is taking care of him- someone who is not easily tricked by OCD and someone who does not have love to interfere with doing what is right to get rid of the OCD. > > > > > > Treating OCD goes against all your parenting instincts. You see your kid suffering. You want them to stop suffering so you cave in to OCD. It is a tricky and devious disease and manipulates our kids to get what it wants. It sucks them under in an instant, leaving nothing but the shell until war is waged on it. And war sucks, war is hard, people are sad, people get hurt. But something has to be done. You are doing that something and in the end, when all is said and done, he will be glad you did. > > > > > > WE are all rooting for you. I find myself tearful when I read these posts, remembering the 5 years my son was dysfunctional, not eating etc, knowing your pain in a way that only we who have seen the ravages of OCD can. > > > I think I have PTSD from the whole thing. I still feel like my kid is standing in the water with a known fatal undertow, and am just waiting for it to suck him under again, begging him to hold onto his life jacket as he wades out into the water. And he, at 15, dives in leaving the lifejacket behind. So far, the under tow has not taken him all the way out again. I just hope that when it comes, he has his lifejacket ( CBT/ ERP) close enough to him that he can use it. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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