Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 I'm sorry that you are going through this. Only you can know what is best for him. I do believe that if it is at all possibly, you shouldn't help him to avoid a place he finds aversive because it reinforces in his mind that it is a place that should be avoided. Can you help him to do self-talk when he is upset with the teacher so that he can sort of erase her meanness from his consciousness? My kids have a teacher who is a bully and has chosen my daughter to target. She uses every chance she can to point out to my daughter that all she needs is a good attitude and that the ostracism that my daughter experiences doesn't exist. The problem is that it exists big time, so this just is hurtful to my daughter. We are lucky in that my kids only have to have this teacher for half a year only for health and every other day for gym, so basically I have taught them to laugh at her ignorance in their minds. I have been lucky in that she is not only mean to my kids, so the administration is involved in making her shape up or else, even though she is tenured. more school troubles Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It feels like absolute torture to him. Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as much as I can from the administrators at this point. I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing that is a perfect fit for him. Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe havens for him. It's really been a tough week for us. Fay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 I'm sorry that you are going through this. Only you can know what is best for him. I do believe that if it is at all possibly, you shouldn't help him to avoid a place he finds aversive because it reinforces in his mind that it is a place that should be avoided. Can you help him to do self-talk when he is upset with the teacher so that he can sort of erase her meanness from his consciousness? My kids have a teacher who is a bully and has chosen my daughter to target. She uses every chance she can to point out to my daughter that all she needs is a good attitude and that the ostracism that my daughter experiences doesn't exist. The problem is that it exists big time, so this just is hurtful to my daughter. We are lucky in that my kids only have to have this teacher for half a year only for health and every other day for gym, so basically I have taught them to laugh at her ignorance in their minds. I have been lucky in that she is not only mean to my kids, so the administration is involved in making her shape up or else, even though she is tenured. more school troubles Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It feels like absolute torture to him. Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as much as I can from the administrators at this point. I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing that is a perfect fit for him. Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe havens for him. It's really been a tough week for us. Fay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 He doesn't find the school aversive. He loves the environment and many of the teachers. He's looking forward to next school year, and expects things to improve since he will probably have some of the better teachers that he's familiar with. As for self-talk, he's too overwhelmed at this point for that to be effective while he's in this teacher's presence. If anything, she's starting to trigger some obsessiveness and compulsions which had previously been under control. Fay > ** > > > I'm sorry that you are going through this. Only you can know what is best > for him. I do believe that if it is at all possibly, you shouldn't help him > to avoid a place he finds aversive because it reinforces in his mind that > it is a place that should be avoided. Can you help him to do self-talk when > he is upset with the teacher so that he can sort of erase her meanness from > his consciousness? My kids have a teacher who is a bully and has chosen my > daughter to target. She uses every chance she can to point out to my > daughter that all she needs is a good attitude and that the ostracism that > my daughter experiences doesn't exist. The problem is that it exists big > time, so this just is hurtful to my daughter. We are lucky in that my kids > only have to have this teacher for half a year only for health and every > other day for gym, so basically I have taught them to laugh at her > ignorance in their minds. I have been lucky in that she is not only mean to > my kids, so the administration is involved in making her shape up or else, > even though she is tenured. > > > more school troubles > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > feels like absolute torture to him. > > Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I > can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just > so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan > on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. > > I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming > school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and > will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The > teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as > much as I can from the administrators at this point. > > I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not > being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break > whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 > weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe > it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. > > This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's > teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. > I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing > that is a perfect fit for him. > > Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable > in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe > havens for him. > > It's really been a tough week for us. > > Fay > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 He doesn't find the school aversive. He loves the environment and many of the teachers. He's looking forward to next school year, and expects things to improve since he will probably have some of the better teachers that he's familiar with. As for self-talk, he's too overwhelmed at this point for that to be effective while he's in this teacher's presence. If anything, she's starting to trigger some obsessiveness and compulsions which had previously been under control. Fay > ** > > > I'm sorry that you are going through this. Only you can know what is best > for him. I do believe that if it is at all possibly, you shouldn't help him > to avoid a place he finds aversive because it reinforces in his mind that > it is a place that should be avoided. Can you help him to do self-talk when > he is upset with the teacher so that he can sort of erase her meanness from > his consciousness? My kids have a teacher who is a bully and has chosen my > daughter to target. She uses every chance she can to point out to my > daughter that all she needs is a good attitude and that the ostracism that > my daughter experiences doesn't exist. The problem is that it exists big > time, so this just is hurtful to my daughter. We are lucky in that my kids > only have to have this teacher for half a year only for health and every > other day for gym, so basically I have taught them to laugh at her > ignorance in their minds. I have been lucky in that she is not only mean to > my kids, so the administration is involved in making her shape up or else, > even though she is tenured. > > > more school troubles > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > feels like absolute torture to him. > > Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I > can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just > so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan > on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. > > I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming > school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and > will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The > teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as > much as I can from the administrators at this point. > > I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not > being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break > whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 > weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe > it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. > > This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's > teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. > I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing > that is a perfect fit for him. > > Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable > in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe > havens for him. > > It's really been a tough week for us. > > Fay > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 Does not sound good. I kept my son out when he was in eighth grade the last 2 weekend b/c he had a breakdown and couldn't function in school. If it is just 3 weeks, I would prob. keep him home but get work from school to do. Also permission from school so you don't have to deal with truancy issue, if that is an issue with private school(?). We have had teachers that have been unworkable. If my son was in a high anxiety state, it was not an option to try to work it out with a rigid teacher. We have always intervened and changed unworkable situations when he was in that state. Now he is in a more managed state, so he can tolerate rigid teachers that prev. triggered anxiety/OCD. I think your son is 12 and at that age and older, leaving the class was not a good option for my son. He was conscious of peer acceptance and didn't want to stand out. Having a good schedule and pre-chosen teachers was the best. Sounds like you have a good plan for next year. > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > feels like absolute torture to him. > > Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I > can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just > so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan > on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. > > I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming > school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and > will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The > teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as > much as I can from the administrators at this point. > > I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not > being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break > whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 > weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe > it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. > > This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's > teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. > I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing > that is a perfect fit for him. > > Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable > in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe > havens for him. > > It's really been a tough week for us. > > Fay > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 Does not sound good. I kept my son out when he was in eighth grade the last 2 weekend b/c he had a breakdown and couldn't function in school. If it is just 3 weeks, I would prob. keep him home but get work from school to do. Also permission from school so you don't have to deal with truancy issue, if that is an issue with private school(?). We have had teachers that have been unworkable. If my son was in a high anxiety state, it was not an option to try to work it out with a rigid teacher. We have always intervened and changed unworkable situations when he was in that state. Now he is in a more managed state, so he can tolerate rigid teachers that prev. triggered anxiety/OCD. I think your son is 12 and at that age and older, leaving the class was not a good option for my son. He was conscious of peer acceptance and didn't want to stand out. Having a good schedule and pre-chosen teachers was the best. Sounds like you have a good plan for next year. > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > feels like absolute torture to him. > > Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I > can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just > so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan > on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. > > I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming > school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and > will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The > teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as > much as I can from the administrators at this point. > > I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not > being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break > whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 > weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe > it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. > > This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's > teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. > I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing > that is a perfect fit for him. > > Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable > in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe > havens for him. > > It's really been a tough week for us. > > Fay > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 That really stinks. It's really sad that the school is allowing this to happen. more school troubles > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > feels like absolute torture to him. > > Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I > can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just > so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan > on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. > > I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming > school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and > will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The > teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as > much as I can from the administrators at this point. > > I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not > being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break > whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 > weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe > it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. > > This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's > teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. > I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing > that is a perfect fit for him. > > Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable > in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe > havens for him. > > It's really been a tough week for us. > > Fay > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 That really stinks. It's really sad that the school is allowing this to happen. more school troubles > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > feels like absolute torture to him. > > Ds has been saying that if this continues he won't go to school/class. I > can get him in the building, but I don't see the point of sending him just > so he can sit in the office feeling like a failure and out of place. I plan > on keeping him home tomorrow, maybe Friday as well to let him rebound. > > I know it's not recommended to do this as the child may end up becoming > school phobic, but he's already at the point where he's in too deep and > will only end up making more negative associations with the setting. The > teacher ignores my efforts to communicate, and I feel that I've gotten as > much as I can from the administrators at this point. > > I've told them that ds doesn't want to go to school anymore, but am not > being offered any sort of concrete plan, just offers for ds to take a break > whenever he wants. They probably think he can hobble through the next 3 > weeks or so until school ends, which means that they just don't believe > it's as urgent as I have been trying to convey. > > This is a private school with many positives, and I think that next year's > teachers will be better for him. There are really no other options for him. > I searched and visited many schools for him last year, but there is nothing > that is a perfect fit for him. > > Prior to this ds never refused to go to school, even when he was miserable > in public school. It was easier in those larger settings to find safe > havens for him. > > It's really been a tough week for us. > > Fay > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 I recall this discussion but not what she is doing to " bother " him? Is this something you feel comfortable seeing her after school about and just telling her that " she is still doing it " and go back over what was discussed in the meeting/other about the situation? Just what is the therapist saying to your son when he does take a " break " , I mean he's still leaving the room, you'd think the therapist would address it with the teacher. > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can do > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 The general problem is that she 'pushes' him on tasks when he's mentally drained. She does it in a way that dismisses his feelings (She's the same with all students, actually). Ds is extremely perceptive to body language and cues, and hers becomes negative when a student is not responding the way that she wants. She is even overt about it at times. For instance, she will practically throw her hands in the air, and state to a nearby teacher that she can't deal with him anymore. She makes comments which trigger verbal sparring between them. He's not usually disrespectful, but he responds when she becomes ignorant towards him. He has on occasion crossed over into giving her an attitude. A few weeks ago she totally pushed him too far, chasing after him all day to get a minor piece of work completed (it's a very small school, so there is a lot of crossover between teachers and classrooms). That was when his breakdown started ,that I had posted about at the time. She was spoken too and eased up on that sort of overt pushing. There was some improvement initially in her demeanor, but she's always chomping at the bit and can barely restrain herself. The school administrators/therapists take an understanding approach with both teachers and students. So, they consider the teacher's perspective, as well, and probably feel that they cannot put any more pressure on her at this point. That is why they have offered to let ds take a break when he needs, but the problem is that there is no workable safe haven that will not end up making him feel defeated. He was telling me tonight that he feels his life is a burden, which tells me that I did the right thing keeping him home today. He's not depressed, but he seems to be heading that way and overgeneralizing the negativity. He's very verbal and precise with his thinking, but right now he can't exactly identify what it is about his life which feels so burdensome besides school. He says it's not only about school but cannot specify otherwise, only that he's 'a very anxious boy'. I think he's just tired of feeling anxious for so much of his life. I'm going to try to reintroduce the CBT methods that he had learned before, to identify the thoughts he's having so that he can tackle them. But it looks like we're also headed for a zoloft increase. Fay > ** > > > I recall this discussion but not what she is doing to " bother " him? Is > this something you feel comfortable seeing her after school about and just > telling her that " she is still doing it " and go back over what was > discussed in the meeting/other about the situation? > > Just what is the therapist saying to your son when he does take a " break " , > I mean he's still leaving the room, you'd think the therapist would address > it with the teacher. > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can > do > > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2012 Report Share Posted May 10, 2012 Also I forgot to mention that I have tried to talk to the teacher but she is obviously avoiding me. I emailed her earlier this week that I would try to pop in and talk to her while dropping off the kids. At that time in the morning, everyone is settling into a homeroom of sorts, and parents are free to walk in and approach the teachers at that point. She was talking to another teacher, said she was busy and would email me. Even if her discussion with the other teacher was THAT urgent, she never even bothered to email me. She emailed today to say that she hoped ds was okay (she found out from my dd that ds' absence was not due to illness). I replied that no, he was not okay, that school had become unbearable. I've been trying all year not to hurt her feelings but at this point, I should be able to tell her just how much he's struggling. I asked her, once again, to call me, but of course she didn't. Fay ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Thu, May 10, 2012 at 11:36 PM Subject: Re: Re: more school troubles To: The general problem is that she 'pushes' him on tasks when he's mentally drained. She does it in a way that dismisses his feelings (She's the same with all students, actually). Ds is extremely perceptive to body language and cues, and hers becomes negative when a student is not responding the way that she wants. She is even overt about it at times. For instance, she will practically throw her hands in the air, and state to a nearby teacher that she can't deal with him anymore. She makes comments which trigger verbal sparring between them. He's not usually disrespectful, but he responds when she becomes ignorant towards him. He has on occasion crossed over into giving her an attitude. A few weeks ago she totally pushed him too far, chasing after him all day to get a minor piece of work completed (it's a very small school, so there is a lot of crossover between teachers and classrooms). That was when his breakdown started ,that I had posted about at the time. She was spoken too and eased up on that sort of overt pushing. There was some improvement initially in her demeanor, but she's always chomping at the bit and can barely restrain herself. The school administrators/therapists take an understanding approach with both teachers and students. So, they consider the teacher's perspective, as well, and probably feel that they cannot put any more pressure on her at this point. That is why they have offered to let ds take a break when he needs, but the problem is that there is no workable safe haven that will not end up making him feel defeated. He was telling me tonight that he feels his life is a burden, which tells me that I did the right thing keeping him home today. He's not depressed, but he seems to be heading that way and overgeneralizing the negativity. He's very verbal and precise with his thinking, but right now he can't exactly identify what it is about his life which feels so burdensome besides school. He says it's not only about school but cannot specify otherwise, only that he's 'a very anxious boy'. I think he's just tired of feeling anxious for so much of his life. I'm going to try to reintroduce the CBT methods that he had learned before, to identify the thoughts he's having so that he can tackle them. But it looks like we're also headed for a zoloft increase. Fay > ** > > > I recall this discussion but not what she is doing to " bother " him? Is > this something you feel comfortable seeing her after school about and just > telling her that " she is still doing it " and go back over what was > discussed in the meeting/other about the situation? > > Just what is the therapist saying to your son when he does take a " break " , > I mean he's still leaving the room, you'd think the therapist would address > it with the teacher. > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can > do > > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 Fay, Personally, I would pull my child out of school for the rest of the year. You have tried everything and it sounds like that teacher is toxic for your son and unprofessional. How can forcing him to go at this point benefit him in any way? I would think a child would develop school phobia by being forced to endure a situation that is so clearly bad for him. If it is just three weeks left, why not let those three weeks be spent in an emotionally safe environment? He can still do work at home. He can go back to school next year. It truly enrages me to hear how your child has been treated by his teacher. The school protects the school. We have to protect our children. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 You're right, of course. I just had a very stressful morning with ds, to the point that I was brought to tears. Ds was torn about going back today. He finally decided to go. He doesn't feel right about being home. At drop off, he just couldn't go into the building I didn't want to pressure him but we were already there, so I tried to talk him into going inside. Plus, dd had already gone in. I knew that when asked, she would tell the teacher that ds was right behind in the car. I thought it would look really bad to the administrators. I don't care what they think except as it may affect ds. They apparently don't think the situation is as bad as I'm saying, so they must think that I'm giving in to ds when I shouldn't be... " Why wouldn't she just bring him inside when he was already here " , etc. Situations with therapists and schools can so easily become 'about the parent/family' rather than the student, so I always try hard to not give them anything that might feed that inclination. He began crying. I finally decided to drive off, but I was already in a panicky state myself by then. Just now at home, ds received texts from two classmates, asking why he's home and if he's sick. Those two kids are curently sitting in small math group with this teacher, so it's really apparent that she had them text him to find out what is going on. Need I say any more about her unprofessionalism, and how she's only worried about herself right now? If she was truly concerned about ds, she should be contacting me, no matter how uncomfortable she may feel about it. It's also very clear how she has no insight or connection at all to ds. If she did, she would have realized that ds would instantaneously figure out that she had told his classmates to text him. It makes her look even worse in his eyes. Fay On Fri, May 11, 2012 at 7:17 AM, steffles1969 wrote: > ** > > > Fay, > > Personally, I would pull my child out of school for the rest of the year. > You have tried everything and it sounds like that teacher is toxic for your > son and unprofessional. How can forcing him to go at this point benefit him > in any way? I would think a child would develop school phobia by being > forced to endure a situation that is so clearly bad for him. > > If it is just three weeks left, why not let those three weeks be spent in > an emotionally safe environment? He can still do work at home. He can go > back to school next year. > > It truly enrages me to hear how your child has been treated by his > teacher. The school protects the school. We have to protect our children. > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 Fay, this sounds so much like my 17 yr. old son (extremely perceptive to body language and cues, very insightful and precise with language,high school anxiety). I assume with a small school you don't have much choice in teachers. Also, women teachers have generally been the worse for him. Tend to be more moody and unsteady. If the teacher does not have insight into her own behavior, she will not understand why she is a problem and will not change. This has happened to me and when told to talk to the teachers by the principal, the teachers both denied that they caused a problem, as they were screaming in my face 6 in. from me. When I pointed out that they were yelling at me and my son also perceived this as yelling, they denied this. I have been trouble shooting with teachers since he started in kind.some wonderful, some OK, and some downright horrible. When I could, I pulled him out within the first week and changed to another class or teacher. After a while, you get pretty good about sensing if this is a disaster waiting to happen. Since I work for the district and it is a small town, I try to keep the emotion out of it and make up some excuse why he needs to change (class size,time of day, etc.) I pretty much lost my patience in waiting for teachers to change and just get the job done early on. The high anxiety and depression is also familiar. He hit his worst in ninth grade with an extremely demanding Chem teacher. Nice guy and Roy wanted to do well but was basically set up to fail. Crashed and went into major depression/suicidal. Needed to be on homebound. He says similar things too about burdening and at that time, just wanted his thinking to stop/very distraught. As far as the attitude, I am all for him standing up for himself. If he doesn't do that, he gets more anxious/depressed. He is usually just pointing out the obvious, in his keen, perceptive way. I don't know about your son but if he trusts a teacher, he will stand up for him and do anything for them. Hang in there and I would take him out of school. Keep it low emotion like I said. State that you need work to do at home . Document that you have tried to contact teacher. Work can be left in the office for you to pick up. No need to continue being harrassed by teacher. Start next year on a positive note. I go in the first week of school when teachers have their prof. dev. training and talk to each teacher to talk about Roy. It makes them aware of him, but also that you are serious about making sure school works for him. If you have a 504, see if you can write something in there about expectations for teachers. Majority of teachers are wonderful. It is those horrible ones that give teachers a bad name. > > > > > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having in > > > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so the > > > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. At > > > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He has > > > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he can > > do > > > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. It > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 Yes , your ds does sound exactly like mine. Like yours, once he trusts someone he is completely loyal and can tolerate any missteps. I can't tell you how much your reply, as well as the others, mean to me right now. I felt really shaken up this morning. My ds also does better with males, in general. Part of the reason I'm struggling is that this is ds' first year at this school. It's a small private school with speced supports. Ds has had an IEP for years, provided with a para in public school to help manage his anxiety. He no longer wants a para and shouldn't need one in a small school if it wasn't for this teacher. Para match can be an issue as well, just like teacher match. He finally got a great para in 4th grade who was wonderful at managing his anxiety. He would take him for walks when overwhelmed and they would have in depth, stimulating conversations. The para would tell me that the stuff my ds had opinions about at the age of 11, was stuff that most kids have no awareness of prior to high school age. It was perfect for ds to be able to receive that time of mental stimulation, rather than feeling he was just wasting time sitting around when he couldn't tolerate being in class. We are fortunate to have even been accepted to this school. Ds is not a perfect fit there, as many of the speced students have significant LDs, but every other school of this type that we applied to was even less exact fit Ds has some difficulty with organization and rote work, but nothing major in terms of learning. Part of the problem now, though, is that he's starting to become bored with the slower pace of the small group. He brain shuts down when he's bored and doing repetitive work. They plan to put him into a more challenging group next year, but for now it's too late in the year for him to feel comfortable moving up. I worry that if ds seems to be too 'difficult to manage', the school may feel they are not a right fit for him. They certainly wouldn't kick him out so quickly, but I so wanted to have a smoother relationship with the school to start off. Otherwise, in the public schools I would have been all over the administrators and everyone else I could get a hold of at this point. I am taking action but I'm feeling much more tenuous about it right it now. Fay > ** > > > Fay, this sounds so much like my 17 yr. old son (extremely perceptive to > body language and cues, very insightful and precise with language,high > school anxiety). I assume with a small school you don't have much choice in > teachers. Also, women teachers have generally been the worse for him. Tend > to be more moody and unsteady. If the teacher does not have insight into > her own behavior, she will not understand why she is a problem and will not > change. This has happened to me and when told to talk to the teachers by > the principal, the teachers both denied that they caused a problem, as they > were screaming in my face 6 in. from me. When I pointed out that they were > yelling at me and my son also perceived this as yelling, they denied this. > I have been trouble shooting with teachers since he started in kind.some > wonderful, some OK, and some downright horrible. When I could, I pulled him > out within the first week and changed to another class or teacher. After a > while, you get pretty good about sensing if this is a disaster waiting to > happen. Since I work for the district and it is a small town, I try to keep > the emotion out of it and make up some excuse why he needs to change (class > size,time of day, etc.) I pretty much lost my patience in waiting for > teachers to change and just get the job done early on. > The high anxiety and depression is also familiar. He hit his worst in > ninth grade with an extremely demanding Chem teacher. Nice guy and Roy > wanted to do well but was basically set up to fail. Crashed and went into > major depression/suicidal. Needed to be on homebound. He says similar > things too about burdening and at that time, just wanted his thinking to > stop/very distraught. > As far as the attitude, I am all for him standing up for himself. If he > doesn't do that, he gets more anxious/depressed. He is usually just > pointing out the obvious, in his keen, perceptive way. I don't know about > your son but if he trusts a teacher, he will stand up for him and do > anything for them. > Hang in there and I would take him out of school. Keep it low emotion like > I said. State that you need work to do at home . Document that you have > tried to contact teacher. Work can be left in the office for you to pick > up. No need to continue being harrassed by teacher. > Start next year on a positive note. I go in the first week of school when > teachers have their prof. dev. training and talk to each teacher to talk > about Roy. It makes them aware of him, but also that you are serious about > making sure school works for him. If you have a 504, see if you can write > something in there about expectations for teachers. Majority of teachers > are wonderful. It is those horrible ones that give teachers a bad name. > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi everyone. I posted a few weeks back about problems ds was having > in > > > > school. I got a positive response from administrators, but even so > the > > > > teacher that is triggering his anxiety seems unable to stop herself. > At > > > > this point there is nowhere else to place him besides that class. He > has > > > > the option of leaving the room to go to the office, but then all he > can > > > do > > > > is sit there and wait until the therapist is available to help him. > It > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2012 Report Share Posted May 11, 2012 Well I'm glad the year is almost over. But feel sorry for your ds and the other students. You mentioned his sister goes to the school and would tell teacher he is right behind her (this morning, another post). Are they in the same class? I had in 's 504 Plan that he could bring unfinished work home. Regarding that time your ds teacher nagged him to complete some work, do you think you could get that accommodation? There were times his OCD just " wouldn't let " him do the work, and/or he was much slower at doing it. Stress aggravates OCD, as we all know, so I was plain in meetings about not wanting him stressed, that we were always working towards the goal of his OCD getting better and not having to have these accommodations, etc. But while in the midst of OCD, they were needed. If said he couldn't do it, then they were to just take his word for it. I didn't mind a prompt or two, sometimes it helped, but he didn't need to feel PRESSURE. Wish you could get through to her, it'd benefit all the kids if she could understand and change her approach (or just NOT approach, lol). Keep us updated and ((hugs)) to your son! and you! > > Also I forgot to mention that I have tried to talk to the teacher but she > is obviously avoiding me. > > I emailed her earlier this week that I would try to pop in and talk to her > while dropping off the kids. At that time in the morning, everyone is > settling into a homeroom of sorts, and parents are free to walk in and > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 They are flexible regarding finishing work at home, but the problem is that he can be so drained from school that he may not have the energy to complete HW, never mind classwork. It's not always the case, but in general when he gets behind it's hard to catch up. Work that he doesn't absolutely need to do needs to be let go at times. He doesn't need much volume of work to master material, esp since he's inclined to work very slowly and overthink whatever he is working on. So, he needs to be excused from some work that isn't absolutely essential. He's not one to take advantage of accomodations and if anything, he starts to worry that maybe he's 'not doing enough/maybe is making excuses', unless a clear message is sent to him that it's no big deal (everyone misses work sometimes, we don't HAVE to complete every last bit of work, etc). Thanks for your support! Fay > ** > > > Well I'm glad the year is almost over. But feel sorry for your ds and the > other students. You mentioned his sister goes to the school and would tell > teacher he is right behind her (this morning, another post). Are they in > the same class? > > I had in 's 504 Plan that he could bring unfinished work home. > Regarding that time your ds teacher nagged him to complete some work, do > you think you could get that accommodation? There were times his OCD just > " wouldn't let " him do the work, and/or he was much slower at doing it. > Stress aggravates OCD, as we all know, so I was plain in meetings about not > wanting him stressed, that we were always working towards the goal of his > OCD getting better and not having to have these accommodations, etc. But > while in the midst of OCD, they were needed. If said he couldn't do > it, then they were to just take his word for it. I didn't mind a prompt or > two, sometimes it helped, but he didn't need to feel PRESSURE. > > Wish you could get through to her, it'd benefit all the kids if she could > understand and change her approach (or just NOT approach, lol). > > Keep us updated and ((hugs)) to your son! and you! > > > > > > > > > Also I forgot to mention that I have tried to talk to the teacher but she > > is obviously avoiding me. > > > > I emailed her earlier this week that I would try to pop in and talk to > her > > while dropping off the kids. At that time in the morning, everyone is > > settling into a homeroom of sorts, and parents are free to walk in and > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 12, 2012 Report Share Posted May 12, 2012 Fay, again your son is so much like mine (drained that he doesn't have energy to finish homework, work piles up and gets more anxiety,questions if he is making excuses). Also doesn't want to push self b/c afraid of hitting the anxious state (high adrenaline state). I want to say it does get better. The best thing for Roy is that he hooked up with the tech teachers and goes there for resource and/or power hour, takes alot of tech classes. It is a safe place and tech teachers tend to be steady and flexible with his quirkiness. Can't say enough about how good they have been for him. Not sure what your son's interests are but if he can find one area and make connections there, it helps ALOT. More than any accommodations ever did. > > > > > > Also I forgot to mention that I have tried to talk to the teacher but she > > > is obviously avoiding me. > > > > > > I emailed her earlier this week that I would try to pop in and talk to > > her > > > while dropping off the kids. At that time in the morning, everyone is > > > settling into a homeroom of sorts, and parents are free to walk in and > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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