Re: Revealing OCD to friends

May 10, 2012

I don't think sharing the word OCD is a great idea because 9 year olds can be

really mean and if the friendship does end, the other child may tell others and

it can backfire. Also, even if the other child knows about the OCD, it won't

make the constant questions and repetitive reassurance seeking any more pleasant

to the friend. What is needed is good OCD treatment so that your child can get

this under control. I remember being teased as a kid for doing this myself, but

back then, I had no clue I had OCD and it led to rejection and teasing. What

kind of OCD treatment has your child had? Is your child aware of the behavior

and how it impacts on others?

Revealing OCD to friends

Hi all, I'm just wondering if any of you have had the experience of yor child

telling their close friends about having OCD. Has telling them made things

worse or better? My 9year old dd has a close friend who is getting tired of my

dd's constant questions, repetitive reassurance questions and maybe even her

scab picking. The friend has been the in charge friend forever and I don't want

this information to give her any more power over my dd. however, if it could

help the friend to understand my daughter better and to stop her from ignoring

and shutting my dd out I would want dd to tell her. My daughter is okay with

sharing the info with the friend.

Thanks in advance for any sharing any advice or experiences.

May 10, 2012

We have gone through this with our 12 year old daughter. And we have talked

with our therapist about it. While we didn;t discourage her desire to tell a

friend, we did caution her. She has told one friend in the past then kind of

paused any further sharing. While you might expect that it would help your

daughter's friend understand, we found that it raised more questions. If you

can imagine how adults stereotype or misunderstand OCD, multiply that for a

child. While we thought it would have a negative effect (and possible cause

some viral effect amongst friends, etc.) I don't think it affected the

relationship at all, for better or worse. My question to my daughter, was,

" what do is your objective for providing this explanation right now " ? If you

think your child is prepared to give an age-appropriate explanation, and can

answer questions that won't alienate or confuse her friend, it may be OK. The

con is that kids share with other kids. BFF or otherwise. And for ahwile, at

this age, kids like to blend a bit rather than stand out, especially for

something other than a typical " achievement. " So my daughter's friends think of

her " quirks " or sensitivities, as being part of her, without label, and they

accept her. They disagree like kids do, sometimes judge her for crying at the

drop of a hat or insisting on hand sanitizer. We see it as part of a life-long

series of relationships that she will need to manage, so for now, we've backed

away from telling other kids about OCD. That may change in a few years. But

for now, since it raises more questions than answers, it seems to work out

better. btw, we feel like rookies every day, so as she matures or we find a

different response from older kids, we may adopt to those new circumstances. 9

seems young to be put in a position to answer questions, though....

>

May 11, 2012

If the intent is to " understand her better and stop ignoring/shutting her out " ,

then she does not sound like a " friend " that one would share personal

information with. Girls can be pretty mean starting around fourth grade and girl

bullying involves excluding other girls.

If she has a true friend who is beyond her years in ability to empathize and

accept differences, then I would recommend sharing. Most 9 yr. old girls are

not there yet and I think it would hurt your daughter to share and then have it

backfire. Sometimes, you can ask her teacher what she observes for potential

friendships. Sometimes girls push for friendships that are not healthy for them

b/c the girl is popular, not b/c they are true friends. Teachers can let you

know who she hangs out with and suggest possible girls to encourage friendships.

We get this alot at work where a child with a disability (these are the kids I

work with) is so attached to one child, b/c that child " gets " them. It becomes

so exclusive that it isn't healthy for either one. So teachers are good about

encouraging broadening their circle of friends.

My son was able to share his OCD/anxiety with friends that were twins, in second

grade. They told him they understood b/c their own brother had anxiety. He

usually just had a few friends but now he has a really good group of about 10

friends. His friends have been tolerant of his OCD rituals and just tell him if

he is annoying. But he is a boy and I think there is a dif. He also has never

been popular and has never cared about that.

>

> Hi all, I'm just wondering if any of you have had the experience of yor child

telling their close friends about having OCD. Has telling them made things

worse or better? My 9year old dd has a close friend who is getting tired of my

dd's constant questions, repetitive reassurance questions and maybe even her

scab picking. The friend has been the in charge friend forever and I don't want

this information to give her any more power over my dd. however, if it could

help the friend to understand my daughter better and to stop her from ignoring

and shutting my dd out I would want dd to tell her. My daughter is okay with

sharing the info with the friend.

>

> Thanks in advance for any sharing any advice or experiences.

>

May 12, 2012

>

> I would be reluctant to share information with this particular girl, as

> she doesn't sound particularly empathetic or understanding. There are kids

> out there that instinctively want to include kids who seem different, and

> won't ignore or shut anyone out. I'd reserve this info for a friend like

> that. Maybe there is some way to help her make new connections, possibly

> with a therapy group? Fay

>

> >

> > Hi all, I'm just wondering if any of you have had the experience of yor

> child telling their close friends about having OCD. Has telling them made

> things worse or better? My 9year old dd has a close friend who is getting

> tired of my dd's constant questions, repetitive reassurance questions and

> maybe even her scab picking. The friend has been the in charge friend

> forever and I don't want this information to give her any more power over

> my dd. however, if it could help the friend to understand my daughter

> better and to stop her from ignoring and shutting my dd out I would want dd

> to tell her. My daughter is okay with sharing the info with the friend.

> >

> > Thanks in advance for any sharing any advice or experiences.

> >

>

May 13, 2012

My perspective on this is a little different- I encourage my son to tell(

although he usually does not), because I think by not telling the message to the

kid is that they need to be ashamed of themselves for having it, and the message

to society is that it is shameful. It worsens the stigma around mental health.

I want a whole generation of kids to grow up to know someone and have a friend

with OCd and to know it is just and illness and they can still be friends with

someone with it. HOpefully that will change the world our kids and grandkids

live in.

It is also amazing that when they do tell, their friends open up to them about

their own struggles with stuff emotionally. My son is now almost 16. Some

friends know, others dont but I am always encouraging him to be proud of the

work he has done to fight OCD rather than ashamed of himself for having it

May 13, 2012

My perspective on this is a little different- I encourage my son to tell(

although he usually does not), because I think by not telling the message to the

kid is that they need to be ashamed of themselves for having it, and the message

to society is that it is shameful. It worsens the stigma around mental health.

I want a whole generation of kids to grow up to know someone and have a friend

with OCd and to know it is just and illness and they can still be friends with

someone with it. HOpefully that will change the world our kids and grandkids

live in.

It is also amazing that when they do tell, their friends open up to them about

their own struggles with stuff emotionally. My son is now almost 16. Some

friends know, others dont but I am always encouraging him to be proud of the

work he has done to fight OCD rather than ashamed of himself for having it

May 13, 2012

Thank you for your input. After reading everyone's responses and talking a lot

with my daughter, husband and mother of the my daughter's friends' I am leaning

towards revealing the truth. We won't inundate them with extraneous information

but just enough to help them understand where my daughter is coming from. I

will have a talk with my daughter too about how some kids will be supportive and

some won't, and how there will always be kids who will be bullies no matter what

issue she faces.

Thanks again,

Re: Revealing OCD to friends

My perspective on this is a little different- I encourage my son to tell(

although he usually does not), because I think by not telling the message to the

kid is that they need to be ashamed of themselves for having it, and the message

to society is that it is shameful. It worsens the stigma around mental health. I

want a whole generation of kids to grow up to know someone and have a friend

with OCd and to know it is just and illness and they can still be friends with

someone with it. HOpefully that will change the world our kids and grandkids

live in.

It is also amazing that when they do tell, their friends open up to them about

their own struggles with stuff emotionally. My son is now almost 16. Some

friends know, others dont but I am always encouraging him to be proud of the

work he has done to fight OCD rather than ashamed of himself for having it

May 13, 2012

Thank you for your input. After reading everyone's responses and talking a lot

with my daughter, husband and mother of the my daughter's friends' I am leaning

towards revealing the truth. We won't inundate them with extraneous information

but just enough to help them understand where my daughter is coming from. I

will have a talk with my daughter too about how some kids will be supportive and

some won't, and how there will always be kids who will be bullies no matter what

issue she faces.

Thanks again,

Re: Revealing OCD to friends

My perspective on this is a little different- I encourage my son to tell(

although he usually does not), because I think by not telling the message to the

kid is that they need to be ashamed of themselves for having it, and the message

to society is that it is shameful. It worsens the stigma around mental health. I

want a whole generation of kids to grow up to know someone and have a friend

with OCd and to know it is just and illness and they can still be friends with

someone with it. HOpefully that will change the world our kids and grandkids

live in.

It is also amazing that when they do tell, their friends open up to them about

their own struggles with stuff emotionally. My son is now almost 16. Some

friends know, others dont but I am always encouraging him to be proud of the

work he has done to fight OCD rather than ashamed of himself for having it

May 22, 2012

Hi everyone, I just wanted to update you all on what happened. After talking

with my daughter, some of you all, my daughter's therapist, my husband and my

daughter's friend's mother, it was decided that my daughter would write a letter

about having OCD. Her friend's mom read the letter to her kids and then they

came to our house for questions and answers. It went very, very well! My

daughter's friend, who has been passive agressive to her for some time now,

apparently cried when she found out. She told her mom, " If only I had known

sooner, I wouldn't have been so mean to her " . My daughter was kind of

uncomfortable at the question/answer meeting, nevertheless, she wanted it to

happen. The three kids came up with a code word that they could use to let my

daughter know when she was asking too many questions and they were getting

frustrated. My daughter could also use the word if she had another important,

relevant, non-OCD type question. So far, my daughter reports that they have not

had to use the code word and that her friend has been nice again.

Interestingly, my daughter hasn't been as interested in playing with her lately.

Not sure if she doesn't trust her friend anymore or just on to another

friendship for the moment,.

Thanks again for everyone's input.