Re: advice for how to talk to son

[Guest guest]

Rhonda,

I struggled with the same exact thing when my son first went into 's. I

think what you are saying here is the perfect type of thing to say to your son.

In my case, my son would mumble and spell his words so I had to start hanging up

the phone on him to get the message across that my days of enabling his

behaviors were over. It took several times of my hanging up, but he finally got

the message and has stopped doing that.

I'm always supportive and encouraging when we talk, and when he starts fussing

about things at 's (which is often!) I tell him that I understand it is

difficult and I understand he doesn't like it (whatever it is) but this is the

way it has to be and as time goes on these thing will become easier and less

stressful. He too struggles A LOT with showers, so that is often a topic of

conversation. I just keep repeating the same thing to him, that I understand

showers are difficult but it's just not an option for him not to take them.

Hope that helps a little. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job so far!

> I was wondering what to say to my son while at inpatient treatment. They said

he's still working on showering & brushing teeth & has some anxiety coming out

of shower. They haven't tried putting on his regular clothes yet. I don't want

to sound like he's at summer camp, or to put pressure on him, or to sound

uncaring. " I know you're working hard. I'm proud of you. It's not easy what

you're doing. " ????

>

> I have just talked to him a few minutes on the phone but we have a family

meeting today where I will see him.

> tks

> Rhonda

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

thanks so much. i printed this off - as we are leaving in an hour! really

helpful advice. i was having trouble with the enabling bit too. He hasn't

complained to me at all, yet in my mind I still don't want him to suffer (as if

he's suffering MORE from treatment than he was from living in misery??). it's a

challenge working with my own thoughts!

Rhonda

Re: advice for how to talk to son

Rhonda,

I struggled with the same exact thing when my son first went into 's. I

think what you are saying here is the perfect type of thing to say to your son.

In my case, my son would mumble and spell his words so I had to start hanging up

the phone on him to get the message across that my days of enabling his

behaviors were over. It took several times of my hanging up, but he finally got

the message and has stopped doing that.

I'm always supportive and encouraging when we talk, and when he starts fussing

about things at 's (which is often!) I tell him that I understand it is

difficult and I understand he doesn't like it (whatever it is) but this is the

way it has to be and as time goes on these thing will become easier and less

stressful. He too struggles A LOT with showers, so that is often a topic of

conversation. I just keep repeating the same thing to him, that I understand

showers are difficult but it's just not an option for him not to take them.

Hope that helps a little. Sounds like you're doing an amazing job so far!

[Guest guest]

Just seeing this post Rhonda, so that answers my questions re phone calls and

visits. And that he is not coming home anytime soon. Guess you are just

looking around at all the accommodations as you said, and wondering whether to

take things down while he's gone....

I think I would take my house back, and expect to keep it that way, and use that

as a starting point when he returns. That was the place I got to re boundaries,

I was very clear, so same thing really.

I think you are on the right track with just being as supportive as you can,

empathizing. It can be really hard to see them there suffering, and he may pull

on your heartstrings to get you to take him home. Just keep remembering he will

suffer as much at home, but with no positive outcome possible.

Thinking you will read this after your visit, so let us know how it goes.

Hugs to you!

Barb

>

> I was wondering what to say to my son while at inpatient treatment. They said

he's still working on showering & brushing teeth & has some anxiety coming out

of shower. They haven't tried putting on his regular clothes yet. I don't want

to sound like he's at summer camp, or to put pressure on him, or to sound

uncaring. " I know you're working hard. I'm proud of you. It's not easy what

you're doing. " ????

>

> I have just talked to him a few minutes on the phone but we have a family

meeting today where I will see him.

> tks

> Rhonda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Just seeing this post Rhonda, so that answers my questions re phone calls and

visits. And that he is not coming home anytime soon. Guess you are just

looking around at all the accommodations as you said, and wondering whether to

take things down while he's gone....

I think I would take my house back, and expect to keep it that way, and use that

as a starting point when he returns. That was the place I got to re boundaries,

I was very clear, so same thing really.

I think you are on the right track with just being as supportive as you can,

empathizing. It can be really hard to see them there suffering, and he may pull

on your heartstrings to get you to take him home. Just keep remembering he will

suffer as much at home, but with no positive outcome possible.

Thinking you will read this after your visit, so let us know how it goes.

Hugs to you!

Barb

>

> I was wondering what to say to my son while at inpatient treatment. They said

he's still working on showering & brushing teeth & has some anxiety coming out

of shower. They haven't tried putting on his regular clothes yet. I don't want

to sound like he's at summer camp, or to put pressure on him, or to sound

uncaring. " I know you're working hard. I'm proud of you. It's not easy what

you're doing. " ????

>

> I have just talked to him a few minutes on the phone but we have a family

meeting today where I will see him.

> tks

> Rhonda

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Just seeing this post Rhonda, so that answers my questions re phone calls and

visits. And that he is not coming home anytime soon. Guess you are just

looking around at all the accommodations as you said, and wondering whether to

take things down while he's gone....

I think I would take my house back, and expect to keep it that way, and use that

as a starting point when he returns. That was the place I got to re boundaries,

I was very clear, so same thing really.

I think you are on the right track with just being as supportive as you can,

empathizing. It can be really hard to see them there suffering, and he may pull

on your heartstrings to get you to take him home. Just keep remembering he will

suffer as much at home, but with no positive outcome possible.

Thinking you will read this after your visit, so let us know how it goes.

Hugs to you!

Barb

>

> I was wondering what to say to my son while at inpatient treatment. They said

he's still working on showering & brushing teeth & has some anxiety coming out

of shower. They haven't tried putting on his regular clothes yet. I don't want

to sound like he's at summer camp, or to put pressure on him, or to sound

uncaring. " I know you're working hard. I'm proud of you. It's not easy what

you're doing. " ????

>

> I have just talked to him a few minutes on the phone but we have a family

meeting today where I will see him.

> tks

> Rhonda

>

>

>