Tragedy

[Guest guest]

I am beside myself right now with emotion, I feel horrible that I didn't see this post about Phyllis sooner, man I am upset. I cannot stand that thought that another woman has lost her life over implants. While I of course realize that suicide is never a solution, I too have been there, at deaths door, I felt like I was dying everyday that I had those implants in my body and that was almost 18 months, and many many times I played a deadly game or two with myself, one night, the night I finally chose to get explanted, I sat in my living room in my double wide trailer in Redwood City California, depressed, crying, sick, dizzy and in agony and cried out to god that I couldn't do it anymore, to forgive, for what I was going to do. I took all my many prescriptions, including a bottle of 200 7.5mg lortabs and several other potent drugs and lined them up, got some water and was ready to take them all.

I thought about several things, my daughter, the man I loved who at that moment was far away, my family, and then about the chance that I would maybe be unlucky enough to live through all the pills and not die, and that was when the answer came to me, remove the implants.

I made the right choice of course, because my life is full of blessings now, but at that time, I had been under such extreme pressure and illness that I really didn't see things clearly.

I can only imagine that was what Phyllis must have been feeling, the way that illness messes with your mind, both physical and emotional illness can make us totally helpless and not responsible for our actions.

I believe that Phyllis is with god now, despite taking her life, because god knows and only god can judge us, he knows what all of us implant victims have been through and in that we can all take comfort, that she is with heavenly father, and that her pain is gone now.

This of course doesn't mean suicide is ok, but I do believe that god knows the truth.

I will pray for our lost sister.

Love