Re: Re: Threatening punishments to control behavior

[Guest guest]

My daughter has OCD issues that include fear of eating most foods. She also is

afraid of places like the bowling alley. Well, she had a bowling party on

Saturday night, and at the therapy session on Friday, I spoke about how she

needs to eat at the bowling alley or it will look weird to her friends. She

said she couldn't. She also said she wanted to go to her favorite ice cream

place that is near where the party was. I told her that there was not going to

be a stop at the ice cream place if she didn't promise to eat at the bowling

alley. She looked at the therapist for help in saying that this wasn't fair. I

said that I am not going to encourage her desire to only eat ice cream, that the

ice cream would only follow the party if she agreed to eat food there. The

therapist told her that this was a parenting decision. You know what? Suddenly

she agreed to eat at the party, when the therapist hadn't been able to get her

to agree. I do think that having boundaries set by us can help our children to

fight their fears better. I wish I had my late mom around to be able to do that

for me with regard to my own OCD; I miss her dearly.

Re: Threatening punishments to control behavior

Well, my thoughts are that if threatening the punishment is helping to get her

unstuck, and break through her outbursts, so she calms down, then that's what

I'd do too. Shows she does have some control once you can get her attention.

I remember when my oldest son was young, around that age, he occasionally would

get upset and it was like he was " zoned out " while in his tantrum. So it's

either let them tire themselves out with it or find a way to " break through " and

get their attention to where they listen and are aware and start to calm down a

bit.

used to " get stuck " in some compulsions/rituals and with some I learned

that prompting him go get him " unstuck. " Not always. In his situation it was

prompting by saying things like " get your socks on " or " we leave in 15 minutes "

or " quit tracing, move on " ...where it seemd to get him moving/unstuck. I could

see me doing as you are with consequences if it worked to break the outbursts,

get them to start calming themselves.

It's sort of trial & error sometimes. With OCD we know that it's the OCD

causing it, and don't want to punish them for something that is out of their

control, but I think we can try to regulate how they react in some situations

(like we don't allow hitting, throwing, maybe remove themselves to their

rooms...).

Just some quick thoughts, you're doing great!

>

> Hi,

>

> My 4 1/2 year old is struggling terribly and it seems like some OCD and big

problems with emotional regulation.

>

> Every time she goes potty OCD makes her feel she needs to go again - she

doesn't but she spends anywhere from a few minutes to an hour struggling,

flailing, crying and screaming about it. It can be quite dramatic - coming into

the hallway, dropping to the ground, and screaming and flailing.

>