Re: Huge Vent!

[Guest guest]

Debbie,

Sounds like you are really overloaded!  You have definitely come to the right

place to vent.  There are many of us here who can understand.  Remember that

what you hate is not your son, but his disorders and his behavior and what they

do to your life and family.    I can certainly relate to the anticipatory

anxiety about your child coming home and not knowing how he/she is going to be. 

Our oldest dd, diagnosed with OCD at age 8, is now almost 12 and has a variety

of OCD/anxiety issues about growing up, death/dying, impending puberty, etc.  We

have already started the hormonal moods; I don't look forward to her getting her

period within the next few years.  Her anxiety increases around the holidays as

does mine which makes Christmas rather difficult.  She has really been doing

fairly well lately, but had a huge blowup last weekend about having to clean the

guinea pig cage before she got computer time; it ended with me trying to bear

hug her to

prevent her from kicking, hitting, and biting me!  It was a lot more difficult

than doing the bear hug when she was eight.  She was apologetic later, but I

wish she could identify her feelings and anxieties that made it such a big

deal--as I am sure the guinea pig cage was just the tip of the iceberg.

Walking on eggshells is exhausting.  We have been there with both of our girls,

and no one who has not seen their behaviors would believe it.  That makes it

particularly hard because friends, acquaintances, and teachers will tell us how

lovely they are.  Sometimes they are; they are bright, creative, interesting

girls, but they can also make life very difficult when they are having

meltdowns.  Is it possible for you and your husband or just you to get away

overnight or for a few days just for some relief?  It is amazing how much that

can help.  Do you get support from your husband, or does he leave it all to you

to deal with or assume that you are the problem?  I sometimes get support and

sometimes the attitude that if I would just give dd what she wanted, she would

not have a problem.

Is your son able to process consequences?  My older dd has often said she

doesn't want to go somewhere (library, special event, etc); we used to just

decide it was easier not to go or to have one parent take her sister.  Now, I'm

more likely to say, well I'm going...and she may surprise me by saying wait for

me!  Have you read Ross Greene's The Explosive Child?  It can be a very helpful

book.  I have also worked on learning how to not be fully present when one of

the girls is having a meltdown (I can do it better with the older one).  I can

prevent her from physically harming herself while being mentally absent (haven't

managed to take a mental vacation to the beach or the mountains yet!) so that I

do not respond to as many of the hurtful things she says in such a state. 

Sometimes it works better than others.

Finally, I am sure we are not the only parents who have ever said " My life would

be easier without child X " .  I know a family whose 12 yr old has had two

intestinal transplants and has severe vision problems and another whose three yr

old has been in treatment for a brain tumor since she was one.  I suspect that

they have their days too, when the child is very ill or in pain and says things

that hurt or demands constant attention.

Hang in there; you are not a horrible mom.  You are doing the best you can under

very challenging circumstances, and your son is probably doing the best he can

at this time given his disorders.  One last thought, can you find a support

group for parents of Aperger's kids or kids with mental health issues?  Just

like our group, it can be very helpful to be able to talk to people who

understand and won't say " oh my goodness " and look horrified--or say even less

helpful things.

(mom w/OCD, 11.5 yo dd w/OCD, 9 yo dd w/OCD? and tics)

________________________________

[Guest guest]

You are not a horrible mother. I suspect we have all been there. My DD is 12 and

has been diagnosed with OCD/Anxiety since she was 8. I have too thought those

things. Especially when I feel like she is disrupting my whole house or coming

between me and my husband-as selfish as this sounds.  It does get better with

the right meds. It sounds like your son may not be on the right meds...have they

tried Seroquel XR? That drug has been a miracle for my daughter....its still not

perfect and we have bad days but they are further apart. Hang in there

Subject: Huge Vent!

To:

Date: Friday, December 23, 2011, 7:16 AM

 

I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a mother

to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it to my

son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really know I

do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is more

prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning disabilities. He

can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now having said

that......

I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had him

(he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so much

easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for saying

that....what Mother would

think that of her child!

He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry about

how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a therapist

myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our copays makes

it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much that I can't

get from talking to a friend!

I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon as

a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

I find it helpful to remind myself in those moments that it is OCD I hate, not

my son. OCD has taken him over and he cant be seen anymore, but again, it is

OCD. Just like we teach them to seperate it from them, it is important for us

to remind ourselves that it is seperate too. Hang in there. I think we have all

been there.

[Guest guest]

I have a baby picture of my son in my bedroom and in the kitchen that I look at

to remind me (when I am at my wits end) that I really do love this kid. Some

days I take a time out to read over my journal tht I keep about his good

qualities and his accomplishments or anything sweet (cards) he ever gave to me.

You should try it ...get a shoe box, fill it with that kind of stuff, when you

get really upset, take a time out and look at it. It will help you regain the

strangth to remain composed.

Another thing that I try to do is to think about the things my ds does that

really upsets me and then I think about what my best reponse should be, I

rehearse what I will do over the holidays, ect........somehow thinking ahead of

time with anticipation gives us a sense of control and we handle familiar and

unpleasant situations better.

Just some ideas....Obviously, I've been in your shoes too.

Bonnie

> > I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a

mother to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it

to my son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really

know I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me. . . .

> >

> > I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what Mother would think that o

> > f her child! . . .

> >

> > I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked

upon as a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

> >

> > Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

> >

> > Debbie

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I feel your pain. MY 12 year old daughter has ocd hoarding/rage/odd and

I'ts hard to live with. I understand.

In a message dated 12/23/2011 8:23:39 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

jimlayla2002@... writes:

You're not a horrible mother!! I have felt the exact same way!!! EXACT!

This to shall pass! I'll be thinking of you!

Sent from my iPhone

On Dec 23, 2011, at 7:16 AM, " debbie " <_dmastin@..._

(mailto:dmastin@...) > wrote:

> I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a

mother to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will

say it to my son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep

down I really know I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out

of me.

>

> Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety

is more prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning

disabilities. He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now

having said that......

>

> I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired

of walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious

when it's time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his

mood will be. I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how

he treats his siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I

am tired of my holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of

Christmas and him trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas

decorations and CRAP! I am tired of having to wake him up every morning not

knowing what mood he is in. I am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me

feel....like I am the " bad " one. If I had ever known he was going to be

like this, we would've never had him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible

for saying that!! Life would be so much easier without him being here and

again I feel absolutely horrible for saying that....what Mother would think

tha t of her child!

>

> He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused

huge weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and

then he complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds

are also making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually

love because then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a

heavy sleep it takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what

each of these meds do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but

not in layman's terms...or I'm just stupid!

>

> I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has

gotten to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I

worry about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM!

I saw a therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the

increase in our copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing

all that much that I can't get from talking to a friend!

>

> I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked

upon as a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

>

> Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

>

> Debbie

>

>

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Guest guest]

I just read your very frustrating experience. Just an idea, maybe get a second

opinion from another psychiatrist regarding meds and behavior. Has his behaviors

worsen on meds or improved? The side affects,(eating) may not be worth it. My

son on abilify zoned out so much that I took him off, it didn't benefit him at

all. Also if aspergers is involved it may need additional expertise. I met Dr.

Pinto (I hope I have the right name) at the OCD conference and was quite

impressed with her knowledge of kids with OCD and aspergers. Maybe you could

e-mail her. I wish you the best and hope things improve for you.

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, December 23, 2011 4:16 AM

Subject: Huge Vent!

 

I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a mother

to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it to my

son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really know

I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is more

prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning disabilities.

He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now having said

that......

I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what

Mother would think that of her child!

He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry

about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a

therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our

copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much

that I can't get from talking to a friend!

I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon as

a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

I think it is really good that you posted it on here in a " safe " place. I think

we all have felt that from time to time, but we really love our children or we

wouldn't be on here trying to get help in the first place.

It's just hard! And parents of OCD kids don't get the suppport and compassion

that kids with other health issues get because people don't understand it. And

I think that makes it worse. And I often feel resentment to parents of kids

with other issues because they get lots of support while we often go around

dealing with this and no one even knows.

So if it helps you to vent here, I am glad that you were able to do it. I will

pray that things get better.

>

> I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a

mother to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it

to my son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really

know I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

>

> Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is

more prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning

disabilities. He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now

having said that......

>

> I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what Mother would think that of her child!

>

> He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

>

> I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry

about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a

therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our

copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much

that I can't get from talking to a friend!

>

> I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon

as a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

>

> Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

>

> Debbie

>

[Guest guest]

The statement that I quoted below regarding the weight gain really hit home with

me. I have been on medication for OCD for most of my adult life and it causes

huge increase in appetite for me and lots of weight gain. The comment " DUH STOP

EATING " seems incredibly off the mark and insensitive because the appetite is

actually a physiologically caused issue that no one on such medication wants or

is very able to control. You have to think about how you would feel if you

fasted for a few days....That is just how hungry he feels and also for me, it

caused huge craving of sweet things so that I actually would open up my parents'

cupboards to sneak chunks of brown sugar.

I realize that you are over the top with frustration regarding your son and his

issues and that this is a place to vent, but now that you have vented, you also

need to find counseling for yourself from an OCD specialist who can help you to

understand your son and what he is going through and help you to find ways to

cope so that both of you can have a better quality of life. You need to find a

way to accept your son's issues with love and also to be on board with helping

him to achieve the best life possible for him. Do you have any good friends or

relatives who might be willing to have him spend a day/days with them? Could

you hire someone to watch your son for a few days at your house while you take a

break and go someplace that you would enjoy or at least be able to find rest and

relief?

As someone who has struggled with severe OCD, although not Aspergers, I know

that having a kid with this was really hard on my parents. I was really lucky

in that it seemed that when one of my parents tired of dealing with it, the

other seemed able and willing to be my strength.

Hang in there!

which has caused huge weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his

face and then he complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!!

Huge Vent!

I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a mother

to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it to my

son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really know

I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is more

prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning disabilities.

He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now having said

that......

I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what

Mother would think that of her child!

He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry

about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a

therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our

copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much

that I can't get from talking to a friend!

I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon as

a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie,

I too have a child with OCD and aspergers. One of the most stressful

moments of our day was getting her out the door to school (long story).

I found that doing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) tapping was really

helpful in those moments to lower my level of anxiety. I was working

with a therapist but here is a link to a YouTube video that you can tap

along with. This guy has many different tapping videos so you can find

one that fits for you - or you can learn the technique and then make up

your own tapping routine. It sounds weird and simplistic but it helped

me tremendously. I think it changed my focus and allowed me to calm

myself a bit so I could approach her differently.

I am also a big believer in homeopathy. My daughter has made really good

progress with classical homeopathy. So much so, that I went back to

school to become a homeopath and am starting my own practice.

Sandy

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[Guest guest]

That's why I started my post apologizing for what I was about to say. It is not

my intention to upset anyone. I do understand that the medicine is a HUGE part

of his weight gain. In fact, I am the one who is always telling my husband and

other kids that he can't help it, it's the side effect of the medicine. I was

venting here....I never said that to my son, only thought it....I was just

venting! But I have also been told by one of our pediatrician that it is not

just the medicine; that it is his appetite as well and his lack of exercise. My

son has actually told me he is unhappy with his weight and wants to lose weight,

but then when I suggest other things for him to " snack " on, he gets all pissed

at me. He is currently watching me lose weight thru weight watchers and has

mentioned he wants to do this as well. I told him he cannot come to my meetings

with me, but I can certainly help him. Is this selfish of me....probably, but

this is my one time where I can be away from home without anyone tagging along

(even if the meeting is only 1/2 hour long, it's still time away)

I'm sorry if I offended you, but like I said, I was just blowing off steam here

where I know people would understand. I figure that's better than screaming at

my kids.

Debbie

>

> The statement that I quoted below regarding the weight gain really hit home

with me. I have been on medication for OCD for most of my adult life and it

causes huge increase in appetite for me and lots of weight gain. The comment

" DUH STOP EATING " seems incredibly off the mark and insensitive because the

appetite is actually a physiologically caused issue that no one on such

medication wants or is very able to control. You have to think about how you

would feel if you fasted for a few days....That is just how hungry he feels and

also for me, it caused huge craving of sweet things so that I actually would

open up my parents' cupboards to sneak chunks of brown sugar.

>

> I realize that you are over the top with frustration regarding your son and

his issues and that this is a place to vent, but now that you have vented, you

also need to find counseling for yourself from an OCD specialist who can help

you to understand your son and what he is going through and help you to find

ways to cope so that both of you can have a better quality of life. You need to

find a way to accept your son's issues with love and also to be on board with

helping him to achieve the best life possible for him. Do you have any good

friends or relatives who might be willing to have him spend a day/days with

them? Could you hire someone to watch your son for a few days at your house

while you take a break and go someplace that you would enjoy or at least be able

to find rest and relief?

>

> As someone who has struggled with severe OCD, although not Aspergers, I know

that having a kid with this was really hard on my parents. I was really lucky

in that it seemed that when one of my parents tired of dealing with it, the

other seemed able and willing to be my strength.

>

> Hang in there!

>

>

>

>

> which has caused huge weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing

his face and then he complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Huge Vent!

>

>

>

> I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a

mother to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it

to my son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really

know I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

>

> Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is

more prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning

disabilities. He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now

having said that......

>

> I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what

> Mother would think that of her child!

>

> He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

>

> I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry

about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a

therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our

copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much

that I can't get from talking to a friend!

>

> I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon

as a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

>

> Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

>

> Debbie

>

>

[Guest guest]

You are not a horrible mother, you are normal, I think most of us feel this way

sometimes and this should be a safe place to vent.

Hugs

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, December 23, 2011 6:16 AM

Subject: Huge Vent!

 

I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a mother

to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it to my

son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really know

I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is more

prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning disabilities.

He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now having said

that......

I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what

Mother would think that of her child!

He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry

about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a

therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our

copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much

that I can't get from talking to a friend!

I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon as

a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Huge Vent!

>

>

>

> I will start by apologizing for what is going to be horrible words for a

mother to say, but I need to get this off my chest and I'm afraid I will say it

to my son and that would be the worst thing I could ever do. Deep down I really

know I do not mean these words, but I just got to get them out of me.

>

> Our son, is 12 (13 in Feb) and has OCD/anxiety, although I feel anxiety is

more prevalent than the OCD. He also has Aspergers and some learning

disabilities. He can be the sweetest, kindest of kids when he wants to be. Now

having said that......

>

> I HATE MY SON THESE DAYS! I am tired of him ruining things. I am tired of

walking on eggshells around him. I am tired of myself feeling anxious when it's

time for him to walk in the door from school not knowing what his mood will be.

I am tired of how he treats my day care kids. I am tired of how he treats his

siblings. I am tired of how he treats me and my husband. I am tired of my

holiday stress being heightened because of his huge love of Christmas and him

trying to get me to spend more and more on Christmas decorations and CRAP! I am

tired of having to wake him up every morning not knowing what mood he is in. I

am sick and tired of HIM! I HATE how he makes me feel....like I am the " bad "

one. If I had ever known he was going to be like this, we would've never had

him (he is our youngest) and I feel horrible for saying that!! Life would be so

much easier without him being here and again I feel absolutely horrible for

saying that....what

> Mother would think that of her child!

>

> He is on Fluoxetine, Gabapentin, Guanfacine and Abilify which has caused huge

weight gain and I can't convince him to stop stuffing his face and then he

complains to me that he is overweight....DUH STOP EATING!!! The meds are also

making him tired and he falls asleep very easily, which I actually love because

then I don't have to deal with his crap! He goes into such a heavy sleep it

takes a bomb to wake him up! I still do not understand what each of these meds

do for him and the psychiatrist has explained it, but not in layman's terms...or

I'm just stupid!

>

> I sit here pouring my heart out while sobbing because he once again has gotten

to me. Now I will be anxious all day while he is at school because I worry

about how he will be when he gets home. Another day " ruined " by HIM! I saw a

therapist myself, but will no longer be going because of the increase in our

copays makes it so I can't justify it....he really wasn't doing all that much

that I can't get from talking to a friend!

>

> I think I am done now and I apologize for it all. I hope I am not looked upon

as a horrible Mom, but I'm hoping someone out there will understand.

>

> Thank you for letting me vent. I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

>

> Debbie

>

>