Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Hi! Three cheers for you and your daughter for overcoming this. I used to tell my kids to step on the cracks while I was with them and then jokingly moan and groan like they were breaking my back. We did this to see how silly these old superstitions are, e.g. Step on a crack and you'll break your mother's back. As far as telling your family member, if it was a close family member, I think it would be fine to tell him about the OCD if it's okay with your daughter, but in general, at least how it has been for me when I was younger and my own tweens now, the less labeling of your child to others the better. This will also make your child be more willing to work with you on it because she won't worry about you revealing her OCD secrets. If you want to tell someone why that game isn't one for your daughter, you can just say that she tends to believe superstitions and is easily frightened. Again, great going for both you and her in fighting back her OCD. She is at that age where she can start to truly understand what OCD is and with the right child behavior therapist, she should do well. some progress I am writing to share a breakthrough since I joined this group just a few weeks ago. I had emailed previously about a family member who had taken our daughter almost 8 to the park and they played a game, that they would not step on any sidewalk cracks or other cracks or they would become a Monster. I believe that email went to and he forwarded on to the group. After much prayer I found a time when my daughter would be in a listening mode and asked her about the game. At first she got mad, then blaming and then just listened, after I had asked her " honey what would happen if you stepped on a crack, really? " She could see the pattern with other OCD rituals. I pointed out with care that our cul-de-sac and even our garage have cracks and she rides her bike there. **to my amazement her reply was the cracks in the cul-de-sac are her obstacle course, she never rides on them, and she could tell me we only have two cracks in the garage floor and exactly where they are.** I had no idea she knew all this. I didn't know it myself. So, I asked her if she would watch me walk on the cracks---long pause---- then she yelled " I will do it first, not you! I know it is my OCD and nothing will happen to me and I have to walk on the cracks to prove it to myself " . A part of me as her Mother wanted to rejoice, while another part of me wanted to weep. I am still searching for a good match in a therapist for her. At least we are making progress at home while we search. This talk with her took close to an hour. She can ride on the cracks and walk on them at least for now. I am prepared for backsliding...... I also had a conversation with the family member who took her to the park a few weeks ago. Who attempted to say he thought up the game not my daughter. Regardless, of who thought it up I explained to him in love what she needs is to step on the cracks and eventually not have the cracks be the object of any walk, but to see beyond the cracks in the path at the park to birds and other beauty. He was a bit stunned at first, then agreed. I did tell him he had it really close he just needed to tweak his game with her a bit for her own good. He got it. Especially after hearing about the obstacle course in our street. I will also say my daughter was really mad at me, yelling " why don't you just tell the whole world I have OCD " . So, I looked her in the eye and reminded her last week she asked me to help her manage her OCD. That this is what managing OCD looks like, and it is not suppose to be fun, it is hard, but not as hard as not facing it. I told her for now since she is younger, she just looks like a very active kid. However, jumping from square to square at the grocery store will let people know about her OCD as she gets older if she does not learn to manage it now. I also reassured her there is a cement foundation under the grocery store floor. So, no cracks will open up on her. She seemed pleased by that and had not considered how safe the floor was until that moment. We also had a fairly large meltdown of emotional outbursts on Friday morning that was high energy and hard to go through with her. She was " upset " because she was trying to type a book. It was not working. The computer was not being helpful and the words were not working the way she wanted. I am teaching 2nd grade in the fall. I told her typing is for an older grade of school. That she did well. No amount of praise was enough. Finally just shut the computer off and gave her a pen and piece of paper. After about 2 hours she was back to her usual self. That two hours was long and very hurtful to watch her go through. She starts a swim class today at a new pool. So far is looking forward to it. I am praying it goes well. Often I feel on guard for what might set her off. The OCD is really tricky for me. She can be fine one minute and the next I cannot reach her emotionally at all. , Mom to 7 year old daughter with OCD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Thanks for the feedback!! I completely agree about labeling and yes, this family member is very close. No one else in our family is on the team. So, we do what you mentioned with the others. As hard as it is for this one family member to hear and join in, he is very grateful for the input once he understands what is happening. He also is the only family member my daughter trusts, besides me or my husband. Also, should note that this family member actually saw her OCD long before I could. So....he gets special love for that! I also wont share her stuff, unless it is a huge issue so that she as you mentioned will keep trust with me. She knows the people who she can trust and where she needs to keep things to herself. Ideally, she would like to not have OCD. Yet for her, hearing the term as OCD causes her to know what to work on. In public we go aside to a private spot to talk about OCD needs, such as field trips etc.. She really appreciates that. I love her as she is. For me personally, using the term OCD at least at home or in this forum has greatly helped me to accept what I am working with in her special needs. She also is very anchored in the knowledge that my love for her is unconditional. So, OCD or not, she has a Mommy who adores her. I learn so much from her it amazes me. Thanks for pointing out this as I didn't about the labeling as it is a thing our family agrees with you on, but goes unspoken, as there is a great deal of love to fill up the tank for the hard days. some progress I am writing to share a breakthrough since I joined this group just a few weeks ago. I had emailed previously about a family member who had taken our daughter almost 8 to the park and they played a game, that they would not step on any sidewalk cracks or other cracks or they would become a Monster. I believe that email went to and he forwarded on to the group. After much prayer I found a time when my daughter would be in a listening mode and asked her about the game. At first she got mad, then blaming and then just listened, after I had asked her " honey what would happen if you stepped on a crack, really? " She could see the pattern with other OCD rituals. I pointed out with care that our cul-de-sac and even our garage have cracks and she rides her bike there. **to my amazement her reply was the cracks in the cul-de-sac are her obstacle course, she never rides on them, and she could tell me we only have two cracks in the garage floor and exactly where they are.** I had no idea she knew all this. I didn't know it myself. So, I asked her if she would watch me walk on the cracks---long pause---- then she yelled " I will do it first, not you! I know it is my OCD and nothing will happen to me and I have to walk on the cracks to prove it to myself " . A part of me as her Mother wanted to rejoice, while another part of me wanted to weep. I am still searching for a good match in a therapist for her. At least we are making progress at home while we search. This talk with her took close to an hour. She can ride on the cracks and walk on them at least for now. I am prepared for backsliding...... I also had a conversation with the family member who took her to the park a few weeks ago. Who attempted to say he thought up the game not my daughter. Regardless, of who thought it up I explained to him in love what she needs is to step on the cracks and eventually not have the cracks be the object of any walk, but to see beyond the cracks in the path at the park to birds and other beauty. He was a bit stunned at first, then agreed. I did tell him he had it really close he just needed to tweak his game with her a bit for her own good. He got it. Especially after hearing about the obstacle course in our street. I will also say my daughter was really mad at me, yelling " why don't you just tell the whole world I have OCD " . So, I looked her in the eye and reminded her last week she asked me to help her manage her OCD. That this is what managing OCD looks like, and it is not suppose to be fun, it is hard, but not as hard as not facing it. I told her for now since she is younger, she just looks like a very active kid. However, jumping from square to square at the grocery store will let people know about her OCD as she gets older if she does not learn to manage it now. I also reassured her there is a cement foundation under the grocery store floor. So, no cracks will open up on her. She seemed pleased by that and had not considered how safe the floor was until that moment. We also had a fairly large meltdown of emotional outbursts on Friday morning that was high energy and hard to go through with her. She was " upset " because she was trying to type a book. It was not working. The computer was not being helpful and the words were not working the way she wanted. I am teaching 2nd grade in the fall. I told her typing is for an older grade of school. That she did well. No amount of praise was enough. Finally just shut the computer off and gave her a pen and piece of paper. After about 2 hours she was back to her usual self. That two hours was long and very hurtful to watch her go through. She starts a swim class today at a new pool. So far is looking forward to it. I am praying it goes well. Often I feel on guard for what might set her off. The OCD is really tricky for me. She can be fine one minute and the next I cannot reach her emotionally at all. , Mom to 7 year old daughter with OCD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Yes, I agree with all you wrote My daughter who will soon be 13, showed signs of OCD from birth and she also has trichotillomania (compulsive skin picking and hair pulling) so we have been working on overcoming this for a very long time. Thankfully with the help of medication, she has long beautiful blonde hair and she is much more rational in how she views things because her OCD was practically on the delusional side. Her twin brother also has OCD, as do I, so it is very much a family project with the three of us to work on not letting any of our OCD issues prevent us from having a good life. They are both doing great despite the OCD; both are at sleepaway camp right now for 4 weeks and I just received their report cards and their final grades for the year are all A's (Well, my son had one A-.) For my daughter, it has impacted more on her being accepted by her peers, and that has been the hardest thing to deal with right now. By the way, I did involve the school with the situation because of how severe it was when she was in grade school. It is hard to believe now, but her 4th grade teacher recommended she had a personal teaching aide accompany her to her classes because of her fears and melt-downs. My daughter's therapist and the school counselor totally disagreed, and we have been blessed that the great therapist she switched to in that summer and the different med she went on, made a huge difference. Re: some progress Thanks for the feedback!! I completely agree about labeling and yes, this family member is very close. No one else in our family is on the team. So, we do what you mentioned with the others. As hard as it is for this one family member to hear and join in, he is very grateful for the input once he understands what is happening. He also is the only family member my daughter trusts, besides me or my husband. Also, should note that this family member actually saw her OCD long before I could. So....he gets special love for that! I also wont share her stuff, unless it is a huge issue so that she as you mentioned will keep trust with me. She knows the people who she can trust and where she needs to keep things to herself. Ideally, she would like to not have OCD. Yet for her, hearing the term as OCD causes her to know what to work on. In public we go aside to a private spot to talk about OCD needs, such as field trips etc.. She really appreciates that. I love her as she is. For me personally, using the term OCD at least at home or in this forum has greatly helped me to accept what I am working with in her special needs. She also is very anchored in the knowledge that my love for her is unconditional. So, OCD or not, she has a Mommy who adores her. I learn so much from her it amazes me. Thanks for pointing out this as I didn't about the labeling as it is a thing our family agrees with you on, but goes unspoken, as there is a great deal of love to fill up the tank for the hard days. some progress I am writing to share a breakthrough since I joined this group just a few weeks ago. I had emailed previously about a family member who had taken our daughter almost 8 to the park and they played a game, that they would not step on any sidewalk cracks or other cracks or they would become a Monster. I believe that email went to and he forwarded on to the group. After much prayer I found a time when my daughter would be in a listening mode and asked her about the game. At first she got mad, then blaming and then just listened, after I had asked her " honey what would happen if you stepped on a crack, really? " She could see the pattern with other OCD rituals. I pointed out with care that our cul-de-sac and even our garage have cracks and she rides her bike there. **to my amazement her reply was the cracks in the cul-de-sac are her obstacle course, she never rides on them, and she could tell me we only have two cracks in the garage floor and exactly where they are.** I had no idea she knew all this. I didn't know it myself. So, I asked her if she would watch me walk on the cracks---long pause---- then she yelled " I will do it first, not you! I know it is my OCD and nothing will happen to me and I have to walk on the cracks to prove it to myself " . A part of me as her Mother wanted to rejoice, while another part of me wanted to weep. I am still searching for a good match in a therapist for her. At least we are making progress at home while we search. This talk with her took close to an hour. She can ride on the cracks and walk on them at least for now. I am prepared for backsliding...... I also had a conversation with the family member who took her to the park a few weeks ago. Who attempted to say he thought up the game not my daughter. Regardless, of who thought it up I explained to him in love what she needs is to step on the cracks and eventually not have the cracks be the object of any walk, but to see beyond the cracks in the path at the park to birds and other beauty. He was a bit stunned at first, then agreed. I did tell him he had it really close he just needed to tweak his game with her a bit for her own good. He got it. Especially after hearing about the obstacle course in our street. I will also say my daughter was really mad at me, yelling " why don't you just tell the whole world I have OCD " . So, I looked her in the eye and reminded her last week she asked me to help her manage her OCD. That this is what managing OCD looks like, and it is not suppose to be fun, it is hard, but not as hard as not facing it. I told her for now since she is younger, she just looks like a very active kid. However, jumping from square to square at the grocery store will let people know about her OCD as she gets older if she does not learn to manage it now. I also reassured her there is a cement foundation under the grocery store floor. So, no cracks will open up on her. She seemed pleased by that and had not considered how safe the floor was until that moment. We also had a fairly large meltdown of emotional outbursts on Friday morning that was high energy and hard to go through with her. She was " upset " because she was trying to type a book. It was not working. The computer was not being helpful and the words were not working the way she wanted. I am teaching 2nd grade in the fall. I told her typing is for an older grade of school. That she did well. No amount of praise was enough. Finally just shut the computer off and gave her a pen and piece of paper. After about 2 hours she was back to her usual self. That two hours was long and very hurtful to watch her go through. She starts a swim class today at a new pool. So far is looking forward to it. I am praying it goes well. Often I feel on guard for what might set her off. The OCD is really tricky for me. She can be fine one minute and the next I cannot reach her emotionally at all. , Mom to 7 year old daughter with OCD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 - glad to hear you are feeling encouraged in working with your daughter! She sounds like a real sweetie. Her insight is really good too with knowing it was her OCD with the cracks! Good for her. I hope you find a good therapist who can help with ERP - it will take the pressure off you and give you a structured path to walk down. Rhonda some progress I am writing to share a breakthrough since I joined this group just a few weeks ago. I had emailed previously about a family member who had taken our daughter almost 8 to the park and they played a game, that they would not step on any sidewalk cracks or other cracks or they would become a Monster. I believe that email went to and he forwarded on to the group. After much prayer I found a time when my daughter would be in a listening mode and asked her about the game. At first she got mad, then blaming and then just listened, after I had asked her " honey what would happen if you stepped on a crack, really? " She could see the pattern with other OCD rituals. I pointed out with care that our cul-de-sac and even our garage have cracks and she rides her bike there. **to my amazement her reply was the cracks in the cul-de-sac are her obstacle course, she never rides on them, and she could tell me we only have two cracks in the garage floor and exactly where they are.** I had no idea she knew all this. I didn't know it myself. So, I asked her if she would watch me walk on the cracks---long pause---- then she yelled " I will do it first, not you! I know it is my OCD and nothing will happen to me and I have to walk on the cracks to prove it to myself " . A part of me as her Mother wanted to rejoice, while another part of me wanted to weep. I am still searching for a good match in a therapist for her. At least we are making progress at home while we search. This talk with her took close to an hour. She can ride on the cracks and walk on them at least for now. I am prepared for backsliding...... I also had a conversation with the family member who took her to the park a few weeks ago. Who attempted to say he thought up the game not my daughter. Regardless, of who thought it up I explained to him in love what she needs is to step on the cracks and eventually not have the cracks be the object of any walk, but to see beyond the cracks in the path at the park to birds and other beauty. He was a bit stunned at first, then agreed. I did tell him he had it really close he just needed to tweak his game with her a bit for her own good. He got it. Especially after hearing about the obstacle course in our street. I will also say my daughter was really mad at me, yelling " why don't you just tell the whole world I have OCD " . So, I looked her in the eye and reminded her last week she asked me to help her manage her OCD. That this is what managing OCD looks like, and it is not suppose to be fun, it is hard, but not as hard as not facing it. I told her for now since she is younger, she just looks like a very active kid. However, jumping from square to square at the grocery store will let people know about her OCD as she gets older if she does not learn to manage it now. I also reassured her there is a cement foundation under the grocery store floor. So, no cracks will open up on her. She seemed pleased by that and had not considered how safe the floor was until that moment. We also had a fairly large meltdown of emotional outbursts on Friday morning that was high energy and hard to go through with her. She was " upset " because she was trying to type a book. It was not working. The computer was not being helpful and the words were not working the way she wanted. I am teaching 2nd grade in the fall. I told her typing is for an older grade of school. That she did well. No amount of praise was enough. Finally just shut the computer off and gave her a pen and piece of paper. After about 2 hours she was back to her usual self. That two hours was long and very hurtful to watch her go through. She starts a swim class today at a new pool. So far is looking forward to it. I am praying it goes well. Often I feel on guard for what might set her off. The OCD is really tricky for me. She can be fine one minute and the next I cannot reach her emotionally at all. , Mom to 7 year old daughter with OCD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Jordana - so happy to hear how well they are doing!! I hope they love camp! (and you get some fun in as well!!) Rhonda Re: some progress Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Jcliff I am mom of 7 yr old girl....is ur daughter showing signs of anger when bringing up any rituals? Mine is:( Sent from my iPhone > I am writing to share a breakthrough since I joined this group just a few weeks ago. > > I had emailed previously about a family member who had taken our daughter almost 8 to the park and they played a game, that they would not step on any sidewalk cracks or other cracks or they would become a Monster. I believe that email went to and he forwarded on to the group. > > After much prayer I found a time when my daughter would be in a listening mode and asked her about the game. At first she got mad, then blaming and then just listened, after I had asked her " honey what would happen if you stepped on a crack, really? " She could see the pattern with other OCD rituals. I pointed out with care that our cul-de-sac and even our garage have cracks and she rides her bike there. **to my amazement her reply was the cracks in the cul-de-sac are her obstacle course, she never rides on them, and she could tell me we only have two cracks in the garage floor and exactly where they are.** I had no idea she knew all this. I didn't know it myself. > So, I asked her if she would watch me walk on the cracks---long pause---- then she yelled " I will do it first, not you! I know it is my OCD and nothing will happen to me and I have to walk on the cracks to prove it to myself " . A part of me as her Mother wanted to rejoice, while another part of me wanted to weep. > I am still searching for a good match in a therapist for her. At least we are making progress at home while we search. This talk with her took close to an hour. She can ride on the cracks and walk on them at least for now. I am prepared for backsliding...... > > I also had a conversation with the family member who took her to the park a few weeks ago. Who attempted to say he thought up the game not my daughter. Regardless, of who thought it up I explained to him in love what she needs is to step on the cracks and eventually not have the cracks be the object of any walk, but to see beyond the cracks in the path at the park to birds and other beauty. He was a bit stunned at first, then agreed. I did tell him he had it really close he just needed to tweak his game with her a bit for her own good. He got it. Especially after hearing about the obstacle course in our street. > I will also say my daughter was really mad at me, yelling " why don't you just tell the whole world I have OCD " . So, I looked her in the eye and reminded her last week she asked me to help her manage her OCD. That this is what managing OCD looks like, and it is not suppose to be fun, it is hard, but not as hard as not facing it. I told her for now since she is younger, she just looks like a very active kid. However, jumping from square to square at the grocery store will let people know about her OCD as she gets older if she does not learn to manage it now. I also reassured her there is a cement foundation under the grocery store floor. So, no cracks will open up on her. She seemed pleased by that and had not considered how safe the floor was until that moment. > > We also had a fairly large meltdown of emotional outbursts on Friday morning that was high energy and hard to go through with her. She was " upset " because she was trying to type a book. It was not working. The computer was not being helpful and the words were not working the way she wanted. I am teaching 2nd grade in the fall. I told her typing is for an older grade of school. That she did well. No amount of praise was enough. Finally just shut the computer off and gave her a pen and piece of paper. After about 2 hours she was back to her usual self. That two hours was long and very hurtful to watch her go through. > She starts a swim class today at a new pool. So far is looking forward to it. I am praying it goes well. > Often I feel on guard for what might set her off. The OCD is really tricky for me. She can be fine one minute and the next I cannot reach her emotionally at all. > , Mom to 7 year old daughter with OCD > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2012 Report Share Posted July 2, 2012 Are you reading any good books on OCD and children? I have been and the anger is there with my child too. I think I am fortunate that for now at least it is only verbal anger at me for bringing up a behavior, however I realize that could change. Would you be open to sharing what form of anger your daughter gives you when you try to help? I have found sometimes the timing of bringing up a ritual makes a difference. Not always though. Meaning if my child is fed, slept well and not distracted (rare) but at those times, she responds sometimes better than when any of them are not in place. Also, with age 7--teething is a huge thing for us. Cutting two molars and other baby teeth going and adult teeth coming in. I think this may add to my child's tension and possibly anxiety. Wish you the best. Hope to hear back from you, Re: some progress Jcliff I am mom of 7 yr old girl....is ur daughter showing signs of anger when bringing up any rituals? Mine is:( Sent from my iPhone > I am writing to share a breakthrough since I joined this group just a few weeks ago. > > I had emailed previously about a family member who had taken our daughter almost 8 to the park and they played a game, that they would not step on any sidewalk cracks or other cracks or they would become a Monster. I believe that email went to and he forwarded on to the group. > > After much prayer I found a time when my daughter would be in a listening mode and asked her about the game. At first she got mad, then blaming and then just listened, after I had asked her " honey what would happen if you stepped on a crack, really? " She could see the pattern with other OCD rituals. I pointed out with care that our cul-de-sac and even our garage have cracks and she rides her bike there. **to my amazement her reply was the cracks in the cul-de-sac are her obstacle course, she never rides on them, and she could tell me we only have two cracks in the garage floor and exactly where they are.** I had no idea she knew all this. I didn't know it myself. > So, I asked her if she would watch me walk on the cracks---long pause---- then she yelled " I will do it first, not you! I know it is my OCD and nothing will happen to me and I have to walk on the cracks to prove it to myself " . A part of me as her Mother wanted to rejoice, while another part of me wanted to weep. > I am still searching for a good match in a therapist for her. At least we are making progress at home while we search. This talk with her took close to an hour. She can ride on the cracks and walk on them at least for now. I am prepared for backsliding...... > > I also had a conversation with the family member who took her to the park a few weeks ago. Who attempted to say he thought up the game not my daughter. Regardless, of who thought it up I explained to him in love what she needs is to step on the cracks and eventually not have the cracks be the object of any walk, but to see beyond the cracks in the path at the park to birds and other beauty. He was a bit stunned at first, then agreed. I did tell him he had it really close he just needed to tweak his game with her a bit for her own good. He got it. Especially after hearing about the obstacle course in our street. > I will also say my daughter was really mad at me, yelling " why don't you just tell the whole world I have OCD " . So, I looked her in the eye and reminded her last week she asked me to help her manage her OCD. That this is what managing OCD looks like, and it is not suppose to be fun, it is hard, but not as hard as not facing it. I told her for now since she is younger, she just looks like a very active kid. However, jumping from square to square at the grocery store will let people know about her OCD as she gets older if she does not learn to manage it now. I also reassured her there is a cement foundation under the grocery store floor. So, no cracks will open up on her. She seemed pleased by that and had not considered how safe the floor was until that moment. > > We also had a fairly large meltdown of emotional outbursts on Friday morning that was high energy and hard to go through with her. She was " upset " because she was trying to type a book. It was not working. The computer was not being helpful and the words were not working the way she wanted. I am teaching 2nd grade in the fall. I told her typing is for an older grade of school. That she did well. No amount of praise was enough. Finally just shut the computer off and gave her a pen and piece of paper. After about 2 hours she was back to her usual self. That two hours was long and very hurtful to watch her go through. > She starts a swim class today at a new pool. So far is looking forward to it. I am praying it goes well. > Often I feel on guard for what might set her off. The OCD is really tricky for me. She can be fine one minute and the next I cannot reach her emotionally at all. > , Mom to 7 year old daughter with OCD > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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