Re: New to all this and looking for support and encouragement.

[Guest guest]

Hi there and welcome to our group.

Hugs to you, I empathize with your feeling sad about all this. I found I needed

to grieve the loss of " normal " , and learn how to be with our son with the OCD

right there with him.

I think you WILL find the kind of support you are looking for here. Many will

relate to all that you describe and will empathize at minimum, and can offer

practical suggestions and most of all hope that you WILL learn how to manage all

this.

Our son is almost 21. His severe onset was at 15, but the OCD was always there

to some degree. At 15, when the OCD walked in our door, life changed overnight.

Our son was in a panic state around the clock, with moments that were not filled

with OCD obsessions. It was shocking and horrifying. Medication was started

after ERP therapy was tried but not possible. I can say that the medication

dialed back both the intensity of the obsessions and the anxiety. Without it he

had no relief. So, for many this is a big part of the answer to recovery.

It's good that you are starting therapy first, because this is definitely the

way out - but is it ERP(exposure and response prevention) based CBT(cognitive

behavior therayp)? This is critical, if it is not ERP that they are doing, then

it is not the proper treatment for OCD. Some are able to learn how to manage

the OCD through ERP, and do not need medication, just depends.

The reason the medication is sometimes needed, even if just temporarily, is that

the level of anxiety will go up every time they do an " exposure " to an obsessive

thought, and " prevent " themselves from responding to it by doing a " ritual " .

The doing of the rituals is what " feeds " the OCD and perpetuates it and makes it

grow bigger. So, as critical as it is to slow this process down, and can feel

impossible for them to do it, because of how the fear and anxiety goes up with

the exposures.

At 14, your daughter is in the teen years. When they need to assert their

independence, etc. When you mention her " struggling with if she wants to get

better or not " . There are a few things around this.

The rituals, ie. the things she says repeatedly to you, etc, are serving to keep

her feeling safe, and keep the anxiety down. It is a very big fear for her to

think this coping mechanism might be taken away from her. You might explain

that she will not be " made " to do anything that she does not feel ready to do,

that she will determine what she works on and the pace at which she does

exposures etc. She has lost control to the OCD, often they fear losing further

control to a doctor, a parent, to life/exposure of what they fear.

Reassuring her about OCD in general, ie. what it is and that others have this

etc is fine. But repeated reassurance around an obsession is feeding it, so you

want to limit this as much as possible. You can reassure once and then if

asked again, say that you have given this already and will do so once. May have

to go easy with this, until she starts therapy. Just planting the awareness is

something.

As a teen, this part gets tangled up in all of it. Maturity develops alongside

the OCD. It is a very big thing to have to come to terms with a chronic based

disorder at any age. Who wouldn't want to reject this? My son often talked

about it not being fair, no one else understood, we, his parents had no idea

what he was going through - and he was right! But try not to get pulled into

any of this, and instead listen and empathize, and keep encouraging and

supporting the process, even when it seems like it is going no where - because

it may seem this way for a while!

That's where this group comes in. Many will be able to share their own

experiences of all this, and encourage you to hang in there. It takes time, but

with proper treatment (critical), your daughter can learn to manage the OCD and

you will all find a way to " live " with the OCD in your house, and not have it

take over. (how it feels to me, because it truly can take over everyone's life

and the entire household).

Just scanned your post to see your questions. If you can externalize the OCD,

and address it rather than making any behavior about your daughter. Maybe

something like, I see you are finding it hard to talk about the glass being

yours, I'm guessing that's the OCD talking/doing that. She may not like this at

first. She will let you know based on her reactions to what you say what words

you can use - ideally you can use any words, but in the beginning stages you

don't want to trigger stuff, for both your sake and hers. It can feel like

walking on eggshells all day long, I remember it well. Feel like a prisoner in

your own house - and that's exactly how it is for them, in their head, but they

can't escape it - or at least until they learn ERP.

It might seem a bit impossible to do the " right " thing for some time, or even to

know what that is. Know that with time you will figure it out. Since you are

close with your daughter and she is open, this gives you the ability to talk

about it all and brainstorm it together. Just know that when you talk directly

about the OCD it does trigger it and the resulting anxiety, so she may be

hesitant, or simply not want to.

So, you then can try working on behavior, as it affects you and work on

boundaries around the OCD - also critical. Since they feel they have lost

control to the OCD, you need to hold your own boundaries, remain as calm and

neutral as you can (impossible!), but this will help your daughter come back to

a calm state faster.

Know that nothing you did, ie. leaving the navy caused the OCD. Stress and

change can trigger the onset, but not cause it. It is there waiting to express

itself. The teen years are common for onset, because of all the changes

internally and externally, so this alone can trigger it.

Hang in there. It is all so hard in the beginning. But you will find your way

and there are many here to connect with. You are not alone.

Many hugs to you!

Barb

Canada

Son, 20, OCD, LD Plus

>

> Our daughter is about to start getting therapy. She hasn't been " officially "

diagnosed with OCD but we are about 100% sure that's what it is.

>

> She has the classic symptoms like constant hand washing and the inability to

give direct answers to questions without " taking stuff back " or just looking at

you like she has no answer.

>

> Today I saw a glass of water sitting beside her on a table without a coaster

under it. I asked her if it was her glass of water and it turned into a minute

long discussion. She couldn't tell me it was her glass of water. She told me

that she got a glass and put ice and water in it but she could not say, " Yes,

that's my water " .

>

> We are just beginning our journey with this. Obviously it can be so

frustrating as a parent because it makes no sense to us and it's not supposed

to. Only someone with OCD can truly understand what it's like. I know that and

that certainly helps me. I have become more patient in recent weeks but

sometimes it's just tough.

>

> What do some of you do in situations like the example I just gave? I am so

worried about my girl and her ability to just hold a normal conversation. She

also can't hardly say anything without saying " I take that back " right away,

even if she repeats the same phrase she just took back. She has trouble giving

her opinion on stuff too. For instance, she can say that a movie she watched was

good but she can't tell you if she liked it or not.

>

> I know some of these things probably aren't new to anyone here but I really

would just love to know there are others who have dealt with or are dealing with

the exact same type of thing. I know that therapy is going to help all of us but

I just really want another form of support for this. I feel so helpless and it

hurts my heart so much when I actually have to fight the urge to ask her a

simple question because I know it may not be so simple for her. I'm feeling very

sad today.

>

> Our daughter is 14 now. To be honest we saw signs of this years ago. Even when

she was about 6 years old she would often wash her hands throughout a day. That

time it didn't go on very long. We even mentioned back then, " Our daughter might

be borderline OCD " . The hand washing went away for years and she spent some time

obsessing over her room. She wouldn't even let friends in her room because she

didn't want it messed up.

>

> That didn't last a long time either and from about 9-13 things were normal

from what we could tell. I then retired from the military after 20 years of

service and we moved from MD to SC. Since we moved to SC her symptoms have

ramped up incredibly. Constant hand washing. So much it's affecting her skin and

making it dry and cracked sometimes. And what used to be a simple question a few

years ago is no longer that. Sometimes she can barely hold a conversation. She

likes to " take that back " and she says " for right now " constantly.

>

> Ex. " Can I have a snack for right now? " ; " Can I take a shower for right now? " ;

" I love you.....I take that back....I love you. "

>

> She also has to say " Goodnight, love you, sweet dreams " to us multiple times

every night. Then sometimes she will come back in the room after and say

something like " Does sweet dreams mean sweet dreams or something else? "

>

> She was sad that I was leaving the Navy since it's all she knew up to that

time. I'm wondering if that wasn't a huge trigger for her? I know we will

probably learn more about this as we go. Things are just so confusing right now.

>

> The one great thing that my wife and I understand though is that our daughter

ALWAYS has communicated with us. She has never tried to hide her rituals or

anything so that is a good thing and we are constantly reassuring her that this

is a common thing and she's not alone. She also knows she's about to start

treatment but I think she's struggling with if she wants to get better or not.

Is this a common thing with some in the beginning? It's almost like she's scared

of the potential of NOT having to wash her hands constantly. Thanks for your

reply!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi welcome! Barb covered everything so well I can't really add to it. I have a

son, now 23, whose OCD began in 6th grade. Though like you, I noticed the

" quirks " at younger ages. Like I'd see him tracing over & over letters on his

homework when younger and think " hmm...a little OCD there " but I'd just prompt

him to " move on " and he seemed to get unstuck with no problem.

But a couple weeks or so after starting 6th grade, all sorts of stuff popped up

and it was 24/7 OCD! All kinds of compulsions and rituals, a lot of it involved

touching things, couldn't stop until it " felt right " and same with repeating

some things until it felt " right. " He also had to do those things because he

had a feeling that something bad would happen to him if he didn't. Those were

his reasons, OCD " reasons " or " logic " can vary with everyone as to what they are

feeling, the " why " they do it.

He also when reading had to repeat the sentences or a word in his read (re-read)

until it sounded " right. " I wonder if that is similar to your daughter's taking

some things back and re-saying them, maybe it doesn't feel/sound " right " the

first time; or maybe it's just a pattern she has to do each time.

That example with the glass of water makes perfect sense in OCD logic. She may

not be 100% sure it's her's with OCD nagging her or maybe there's no " correct "

way to say it's hers, she may have to be " precise " with what she says...really

it can vary as to why she can't make decisions or decisively answer questions.

OCD is also called the " doubting disease. " There's been other parents here

over the years describing pretty much the same type compulsions, so you're

definitely not alone in these types.

Do let us know how the first therapy appointment goes. Finding someone

experienced with treating OCD can be difficult sometimes, hope your's is a

winner!

single mom, 3 sons

, 23, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

> Our daughter is about to start getting therapy. She hasn't been " officially "

diagnosed with OCD but we are about 100% sure that's what it is.

>

> She has the classic symptoms like constant hand washing and the inability to

give direct answers to questions without " taking stuff back " or just looking at

you like she has no answer.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son 14 yrs at the time also had contamination ocd. Although I believe he had

signs at an earlier age. His hands were raw from all the washing. After finding

him a therapist experienced in treating ocd with erp, he has shown no signs of

the ocd for 10 months. He was in therapy for about 3 months. Ds was afraid

starting therapy, the ocd becomes such a part of their life so fast. Ds once

said to me, " I don't remember not having ocd. " But we worked really hard at the

erp, and had great guidance from the therapist. In the beginning I just had to

be neutral about the ocd, the therapist should be able to guide you in how to

handle situations. Now ds says " I don't remember having ocd. " . It can/will get

better, hang in there!

Sue

[Guest guest]

Thank you for sharing your stories. We have told our daughter that this isn't

a 'life sentence' that we will do everything we can to help her find a way to

take control over her OCD.

Poor thing had TERRIBLE/SEVERE eczema for 11 years of her life (and still gets a

few flair ups here and there), but we were able to get in under control about 3

years ago...and now she has to deal with this. I wish more than anything I

could just snap my fingers and make life easier again on her.

>

> My son 14 yrs at the time also had contamination ocd. Although I believe he

had signs at an earlier age. His hands were raw from all the washing. After

finding him a therapist experienced in treating ocd with erp, he has shown no

signs of the ocd for 10 months. He was in therapy for about 3 months. Ds was

afraid starting therapy, the ocd becomes such a part of their life so fast. Ds

once said to me, " I don't remember not having ocd. " But we worked really hard at

the erp, and had great guidance from the therapist. In the beginning I just had

to be neutral about the ocd, the therapist should be able to guide you in how to

handle situations. Now ds says " I don't remember having ocd. " . It can/will get

better, hang in there!

> Sue

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome! I have an 11 year old daughter with OCD, as well as an almost 24 year

old daughter (neurotypical) and an almost 8 year old daughter (I suspect she has

some level of OCD as well). We also live in SC, by the way. My daughter’s

OCD manifests itself in obsessive thoughts and anxiety mostly. I’ve been a

member here for a few months and it’s been a great experience. There’s

nothing like talking with other parents who have walked this road.

Kim A.

From: Jon and Meg

Sent: Sunday, April 29, 2012 8:07 PM

To:

Subject: Re: New to all this and looking for support and

encouragement.

Thank you for sharing your stories. We have told our daughter that this isn't a

'life sentence' that we will do everything we can to help her find a way to take

control over her OCD.

Poor thing had TERRIBLE/SEVERE eczema for 11 years of her life (and still gets a

few flair ups here and there), but we were able to get in under control about 3

years ago...and now she has to deal with this. I wish more than anything I could

just snap my fingers and make life easier again on her.

>

> My son 14 yrs at the time also had contamination ocd. Although I believe he

had signs at an earlier age. His hands were raw from all the washing. After

finding him a therapist experienced in treating ocd with erp, he has shown no

signs of the ocd for 10 months. He was in therapy for about 3 months. Ds was

afraid starting therapy, the ocd becomes such a part of their life so fast. Ds

once said to me, " I don't remember not having ocd. " But we worked really hard at

the erp, and had great guidance from the therapist. In the beginning I just had

to be neutral about the ocd, the therapist should be able to guide you in how to

handle situations. Now ds says " I don't remember having ocd. " . It can/will get

better, hang in there!

> Sue

>

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

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[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear that you and your daughter are going through all this. I'll just

add that stress is a trigger for many with OCD, so the move & the change in

retirement status may be making the OCD worse right now. It makes sense that it

would increase with those changes.

My daughter also has contamination type OCD & washed her hands until they bled

sometimes. The CBT/ERP did work wonderfully for us; however, it needs to be

continued to be effective (maintenance treatment until things are better or

symptoms are nominal). My child is 17 & knows what to do, but she has gotten

lazy & doesn't do the exposures as she should. Anything you can do to help

motivate your child to do the therapy would be beneficial, as sometimes teens

are less than motivated.

Find a good therapist experienced in treating OCD & teens if possible. The good

news is the therapy DOES work! Be sure to make time for yourself & have breaks

from the OCD as you all work on it. Good luck to you all & hope your daughter is

feeling relief soon.

Dot

>

> Our daughter is about to start getting therapy. She hasn't been " officially "

diagnosed with OCD but we are about 100% sure that's what it is.

>

> She has the classic symptoms like constant hand washing and the inability to

give direct answers to questions without " taking stuff back " or just looking at

you like she has no answer.

>

> Today I saw a glass of water sitting beside her on a table without a coaster

under it. I asked her if it was her glass of water and it turned into a minute

long discussion. She couldn't tell me it was her glass of water. She told me

that she got a glass and put ice and water in it but she could not say, " Yes,

that's my water " .

>

> We are just beginning our journey with this. Obviously it can be so

frustrating as a parent because it makes no sense to us and it's not supposed

to. Only someone with OCD can truly understand what it's like. I know that and

that certainly helps me. I have become more patient in recent weeks but

sometimes it's just tough.

>

> What do some of you do in situations like the example I just gave? I am so

worried about my girl and her ability to just hold a normal conversation. She

also can't hardly say anything without saying " I take that back " right away,

even if she repeats the same phrase she just took back. She has trouble giving

her opinion on stuff too. For instance, she can say that a movie she watched was

good but she can't tell you if she liked it or not.

>

> I know some of these things probably aren't new to anyone here but I really

would just love to know there are others who have dealt with or are dealing with

the exact same type of thing. I know that therapy is going to help all of us but

I just really want another form of support for this. I feel so helpless and it

hurts my heart so much when I actually have to fight the urge to ask her a

simple question because I know it may not be so simple for her. I'm feeling very

sad today.

>

> Our daughter is 14 now. To be honest we saw signs of this years ago. Even when

she was about 6 years old she would often wash her hands throughout a day. That

time it didn't go on very long. We even mentioned back then, " Our daughter might

be borderline OCD " . The hand washing went away for years and she spent some time

obsessing over her room. She wouldn't even let friends in her room because she

didn't want it messed up.

>

> That didn't last a long time either and from about 9-13 things were normal

from what we could tell. I then retired from the military after 20 years of

service and we moved from MD to SC. Since we moved to SC her symptoms have

ramped up incredibly. Constant hand washing. So much it's affecting her skin and

making it dry and cracked sometimes. And what used to be a simple question a few

years ago is no longer that. Sometimes she can barely hold a conversation. She

likes to " take that back " and she says " for right now " constantly.

>

> Ex. " Can I have a snack for right now? " ; " Can I take a shower for right now? " ;

" I love you.....I take that back....I love you. "

>

> She also has to say " Goodnight, love you, sweet dreams " to us multiple times

every night. Then sometimes she will come back in the room after and say

something like " Does sweet dreams mean sweet dreams or something else? "

>

> She was sad that I was leaving the Navy since it's all she knew up to that

time. I'm wondering if that wasn't a huge trigger for her? I know we will

probably learn more about this as we go. Things are just so confusing right now.

>

> The one great thing that my wife and I understand though is that our daughter

ALWAYS has communicated with us. She has never tried to hide her rituals or

anything so that is a good thing and we are constantly reassuring her that this

is a common thing and she's not alone. She also knows she's about to start

treatment but I think she's struggling with if she wants to get better or not.

Is this a common thing with some in the beginning? It's almost like she's scared

of the potential of NOT having to wash her hands constantly. Thanks for your

reply!

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear that you and your daughter are going through all this. I'll just

add that stress is a trigger for many with OCD, so the move & the change in

retirement status may be making the OCD worse right now. It makes sense that it

would increase with those changes.

My daughter also has contamination type OCD & washed her hands until they bled

sometimes. The CBT/ERP did work wonderfully for us; however, it needs to be

continued to be effective (maintenance treatment until things are better or

symptoms are nominal). My child is 17 & knows what to do, but she has gotten

lazy & doesn't do the exposures as she should. Anything you can do to help

motivate your child to do the therapy would be beneficial, as sometimes teens

are less than motivated.

Find a good therapist experienced in treating OCD & teens if possible. The good

news is the therapy DOES work! Be sure to make time for yourself & have breaks

from the OCD as you all work on it. Good luck to you all & hope your daughter is

feeling relief soon.

Dot

>

> Our daughter is about to start getting therapy. She hasn't been " officially "

diagnosed with OCD but we are about 100% sure that's what it is.

>

> She has the classic symptoms like constant hand washing and the inability to

give direct answers to questions without " taking stuff back " or just looking at

you like she has no answer.

>

> Today I saw a glass of water sitting beside her on a table without a coaster

under it. I asked her if it was her glass of water and it turned into a minute

long discussion. She couldn't tell me it was her glass of water. She told me

that she got a glass and put ice and water in it but she could not say, " Yes,

that's my water " .

>

> We are just beginning our journey with this. Obviously it can be so

frustrating as a parent because it makes no sense to us and it's not supposed

to. Only someone with OCD can truly understand what it's like. I know that and

that certainly helps me. I have become more patient in recent weeks but

sometimes it's just tough.

>

> What do some of you do in situations like the example I just gave? I am so

worried about my girl and her ability to just hold a normal conversation. She

also can't hardly say anything without saying " I take that back " right away,

even if she repeats the same phrase she just took back. She has trouble giving

her opinion on stuff too. For instance, she can say that a movie she watched was

good but she can't tell you if she liked it or not.

>

> I know some of these things probably aren't new to anyone here but I really

would just love to know there are others who have dealt with or are dealing with

the exact same type of thing. I know that therapy is going to help all of us but

I just really want another form of support for this. I feel so helpless and it

hurts my heart so much when I actually have to fight the urge to ask her a

simple question because I know it may not be so simple for her. I'm feeling very

sad today.

>

> Our daughter is 14 now. To be honest we saw signs of this years ago. Even when

she was about 6 years old she would often wash her hands throughout a day. That

time it didn't go on very long. We even mentioned back then, " Our daughter might

be borderline OCD " . The hand washing went away for years and she spent some time

obsessing over her room. She wouldn't even let friends in her room because she

didn't want it messed up.

>

> That didn't last a long time either and from about 9-13 things were normal

from what we could tell. I then retired from the military after 20 years of

service and we moved from MD to SC. Since we moved to SC her symptoms have

ramped up incredibly. Constant hand washing. So much it's affecting her skin and

making it dry and cracked sometimes. And what used to be a simple question a few

years ago is no longer that. Sometimes she can barely hold a conversation. She

likes to " take that back " and she says " for right now " constantly.

>

> Ex. " Can I have a snack for right now? " ; " Can I take a shower for right now? " ;

" I love you.....I take that back....I love you. "

>

> She also has to say " Goodnight, love you, sweet dreams " to us multiple times

every night. Then sometimes she will come back in the room after and say

something like " Does sweet dreams mean sweet dreams or something else? "

>

> She was sad that I was leaving the Navy since it's all she knew up to that

time. I'm wondering if that wasn't a huge trigger for her? I know we will

probably learn more about this as we go. Things are just so confusing right now.

>

> The one great thing that my wife and I understand though is that our daughter

ALWAYS has communicated with us. She has never tried to hide her rituals or

anything so that is a good thing and we are constantly reassuring her that this

is a common thing and she's not alone. She also knows she's about to start

treatment but I think she's struggling with if she wants to get better or not.

Is this a common thing with some in the beginning? It's almost like she's scared

of the potential of NOT having to wash her hands constantly. Thanks for your

reply!

>

[Guest guest]

For parents new to OCD there are two books that were so helpful for our family.

 

http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Brain-Stuck-What/dp/1591478057

The first is a book by Dawn Huber, and it is written for kids.  We sat and read

it aloud with our son, and then did it again a year later.  This has been the

foundation of our fight against OCD.  We actually got it at the library but the

link above is to Amazon.  It changed the issue from us fighting against our son

about his rituals, to us fighting with our son against OCD, in small steps, as

he was able. 

 

The second books is by Tamar Chansky

http://www.amazon.com/Freeing-Your-Child-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder/dp/081293\

1173/ref=sr_1_1?s=books & ie=UTF8 & qid=1335884296 & sr=1-1

 

This as a thicker read, but it was so helpful for me as a parent to have a

better in depth study of the disorder.

 

I have also been told anything my Jon March is helpful.

 

When we went looking for a therapist, the take away advice was to find someone

with training in behavioral cognitive therapy.  We have social worker with that

training and experience with OCD in kids.  He was in network with insurance

which was huge, people can charge so much per hour for therapy.  It can be

psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker. 

 

Meds may be in the picture for us in the future, but we have had enormous turn

around with education and social work therapy.  I recommend that to all families

whether medication enters the picture or not, since that is what will help them

long term to cope with OCD.

 

Hope that is helpful, good luck!

Tara  in Chicago

[Guest guest]

Hi! Welcome! I have 12 year old twins with OCD and have it as well, so I

totally get both what your daughter is going through and what you are going

through. As a matter of fact, just as I am writing this my son came to me to

ask if it is cheating to read the chapter summary notes of the book that he has

a test on tomorrow. This makes no sense when I add the info that these notes

have been posted by his own teacher on her class web page. Clearly she meant

them to help her students, but my son has hypermorality and always worries that

something would be " wrong " so he feels the need to seek reassurance that it

isn't. I tried to help him by saying, " I'm sure that the teacher doesn't want

you to use the notes she placed on the class website. Surely she just

accidentally posted it there! " He did study by reading those notes, as he

obviously was supposed to, so I guess that helped, but hopefully he will get to

the point that he won't need reassurance. The ironic part is that I have

struggled with similar issues as my son, so if I sometimes find dealing with it

frustrating, I can just imagine how frustrating it must be to understand your

child's OCD when you don't have it. I am so glad that your daughter will be

starting therapy soon. It is really important that it is behavior therapy with

exposure and response prevention because that has been shown to be the gold

standard for treatment for OCD. I wasted a lot of money and time with a

therapist who claimed she knew how to treat my daughter's OCD, but just spent

the whole time letting her talk about anything she wanted to without ever

setting up and working through a plan for my daughter to tackle each compulsion.

By the way, for my kids and myself, our OCD fears are so strong that without

medication, we aren't able to fight the OCD so well. This is true for many with

OCD.

New to all this and looking for support and

encouragement.

Our daughter is about to start getting therapy. She hasn't been " officially "

diagnosed with OCD but we are about 100% sure that's what it is.

She has the classic symptoms like constant hand washing and the inability to

give direct answers to questions without " taking stuff back " or just looking at

you like she has no answer.

Today I saw a glass of water sitting beside her on a table without a coaster

under it. I asked her if it was her glass of water and it turned into a minute

long discussion. She couldn't tell me it was her glass of water. She told me

that she got a glass and put ice and water in it but she could not say, " Yes,

that's my water " .

We are just beginning our journey with this. Obviously it can be so frustrating

as a parent because it makes no sense to us and it's not supposed to. Only

someone with OCD can truly understand what it's like. I know that and that

certainly helps me. I have become more patient in recent weeks but sometimes

it's just tough.

What do some of you do in situations like the example I just gave? I am so

worried about my girl and her ability to just hold a normal conversation. She

also can't hardly say anything without saying " I take that back " right away,

even if she repeats the same phrase she just took back. She has trouble giving

her opinion on stuff too. For instance, she can say that a movie she watched was

good but she can't tell you if she liked it or not.

I know some of these things probably aren't new to anyone here but I really

would just love to know there are others who have dealt with or are dealing with

the exact same type of thing. I know that therapy is going to help all of us but

I just really want another form of support for this. I feel so helpless and it

hurts my heart so much when I actually have to fight the urge to ask her a

simple question because I know it may not be so simple for her. I'm feeling very

sad today.

Our daughter is 14 now. To be honest we saw signs of this years ago. Even when

she was about 6 years old she would often wash her hands throughout a day. That

time it didn't go on very long. We even mentioned back then, " Our daughter might

be borderline OCD " . The hand washing went away for years and she spent some time

obsessing over her room. She wouldn't even let friends in her room because she

didn't want it messed up.

That didn't last a long time either and from about 9-13 things were normal from

what we could tell. I then retired from the military after 20 years of service

and we moved from MD to SC. Since we moved to SC her symptoms have ramped up

incredibly. Constant hand washing. So much it's affecting her skin and making it

dry and cracked sometimes. And what used to be a simple question a few years ago

is no longer that. Sometimes she can barely hold a conversation. She likes to

" take that back " and she says " for right now " constantly.

Ex. " Can I have a snack for right now? " ; " Can I take a shower for right now? " ;

" I love you.....I take that back....I love you. "

She also has to say " Goodnight, love you, sweet dreams " to us multiple times

every night. Then sometimes she will come back in the room after and say

something like " Does sweet dreams mean sweet dreams or something else? "

She was sad that I was leaving the Navy since it's all she knew up to that time.

I'm wondering if that wasn't a huge trigger for her? I know we will probably

learn more about this as we go. Things are just so confusing right now.

The one great thing that my wife and I understand though is that our daughter

ALWAYS has communicated with us. She has never tried to hide her rituals or

anything so that is a good thing and we are constantly reassuring her that this

is a common thing and she's not alone. She also knows she's about to start

treatment but I think she's struggling with if she wants to get better or not.

Is this a common thing with some in the beginning? It's almost like she's scared

of the potential of NOT having to wash her hands constantly. Thanks for your

reply!

[Guest guest]

Hi! Welcome! I have 12 year old twins with OCD and have it as well, so I

totally get both what your daughter is going through and what you are going

through. As a matter of fact, just as I am writing this my son came to me to

ask if it is cheating to read the chapter summary notes of the book that he has

a test on tomorrow. This makes no sense when I add the info that these notes

have been posted by his own teacher on her class web page. Clearly she meant

them to help her students, but my son has hypermorality and always worries that

something would be " wrong " so he feels the need to seek reassurance that it

isn't. I tried to help him by saying, " I'm sure that the teacher doesn't want

you to use the notes she placed on the class website. Surely she just

accidentally posted it there! " He did study by reading those notes, as he

obviously was supposed to, so I guess that helped, but hopefully he will get to

the point that he won't need reassurance. The ironic part is that I have

struggled with similar issues as my son, so if I sometimes find dealing with it

frustrating, I can just imagine how frustrating it must be to understand your

child's OCD when you don't have it. I am so glad that your daughter will be

starting therapy soon. It is really important that it is behavior therapy with

exposure and response prevention because that has been shown to be the gold

standard for treatment for OCD. I wasted a lot of money and time with a

therapist who claimed she knew how to treat my daughter's OCD, but just spent

the whole time letting her talk about anything she wanted to without ever

setting up and working through a plan for my daughter to tackle each compulsion.

By the way, for my kids and myself, our OCD fears are so strong that without

medication, we aren't able to fight the OCD so well. This is true for many with

OCD.

New to all this and looking for support and

encouragement.

Our daughter is about to start getting therapy. She hasn't been " officially "

diagnosed with OCD but we are about 100% sure that's what it is.

She has the classic symptoms like constant hand washing and the inability to

give direct answers to questions without " taking stuff back " or just looking at

you like she has no answer.

Today I saw a glass of water sitting beside her on a table without a coaster

under it. I asked her if it was her glass of water and it turned into a minute

long discussion. She couldn't tell me it was her glass of water. She told me

that she got a glass and put ice and water in it but she could not say, " Yes,

that's my water " .

We are just beginning our journey with this. Obviously it can be so frustrating

as a parent because it makes no sense to us and it's not supposed to. Only

someone with OCD can truly understand what it's like. I know that and that

certainly helps me. I have become more patient in recent weeks but sometimes

it's just tough.

What do some of you do in situations like the example I just gave? I am so

worried about my girl and her ability to just hold a normal conversation. She

also can't hardly say anything without saying " I take that back " right away,

even if she repeats the same phrase she just took back. She has trouble giving

her opinion on stuff too. For instance, she can say that a movie she watched was

good but she can't tell you if she liked it or not.

I know some of these things probably aren't new to anyone here but I really

would just love to know there are others who have dealt with or are dealing with

the exact same type of thing. I know that therapy is going to help all of us but

I just really want another form of support for this. I feel so helpless and it

hurts my heart so much when I actually have to fight the urge to ask her a

simple question because I know it may not be so simple for her. I'm feeling very

sad today.

Our daughter is 14 now. To be honest we saw signs of this years ago. Even when

she was about 6 years old she would often wash her hands throughout a day. That

time it didn't go on very long. We even mentioned back then, " Our daughter might

be borderline OCD " . The hand washing went away for years and she spent some time

obsessing over her room. She wouldn't even let friends in her room because she

didn't want it messed up.

That didn't last a long time either and from about 9-13 things were normal from

what we could tell. I then retired from the military after 20 years of service

and we moved from MD to SC. Since we moved to SC her symptoms have ramped up

incredibly. Constant hand washing. So much it's affecting her skin and making it

dry and cracked sometimes. And what used to be a simple question a few years ago

is no longer that. Sometimes she can barely hold a conversation. She likes to

" take that back " and she says " for right now " constantly.

Ex. " Can I have a snack for right now? " ; " Can I take a shower for right now? " ;

" I love you.....I take that back....I love you. "

She also has to say " Goodnight, love you, sweet dreams " to us multiple times

every night. Then sometimes she will come back in the room after and say

something like " Does sweet dreams mean sweet dreams or something else? "

She was sad that I was leaving the Navy since it's all she knew up to that time.

I'm wondering if that wasn't a huge trigger for her? I know we will probably

learn more about this as we go. Things are just so confusing right now.

The one great thing that my wife and I understand though is that our daughter

ALWAYS has communicated with us. She has never tried to hide her rituals or

anything so that is a good thing and we are constantly reassuring her that this

is a common thing and she's not alone. She also knows she's about to start

treatment but I think she's struggling with if she wants to get better or not.

Is this a common thing with some in the beginning? It's almost like she's scared

of the potential of NOT having to wash her hands constantly. Thanks for your

reply!