Re: Extra curricular activities

[Guest guest]

We have the same exact problem! My daughter with OCD and anxiety absolutely

thrives at dance--she is very talented and it is a great outlet for her--however

it takes away from homework time, which means at night she sometimes has total

breakdowns as she feels overscheduled--even though it is her only after-school

activity, and it's just twice a week. But it is such a huge source of her

self-esteem for her, and so therapeutic, that it would probably be

counterproductive to drop that one activity. Socially, it's helped her identity

at school, as she's known as the " dancer girl " rather than the " OCD girl " . But

then, if there's a lot of homework that day, she totally breaks down and spends

the night sobbing. 

 

I know exactly how you feel--you want to be a source of constant support and

comfort for your child, but sometimes it's just too much and you crack too. 

We all have our breaking points, it's completely human. I'm sure your son knows

you're there for him. Our kids just take it out on the trusted people they know

they CAN take it out on. 

 

On a lighter note, sometimes the simplest things can make a difference. I

mentioned to my daughter this weekend that both Beckham and Leonardo

Dicaprio have struggled with OCD, and this seemed to make her feel much better

and less alone: here are two highly successful, talented people who are open

about their battle with the same condition she has.

 

Take care and have a nice day...

 

Jen

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:52 AM

Subject: Extra curricular activities

 

I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school feeling

anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't there for him... Could use some

suggestions and support!!

[Guest guest]

My son has not been able to do extracurricular activities. NONE. We have

tried tech club, tennis-complete breakdown on court, academic

decathalon-breakdown in eight grade and then tried again this year. Again

huge relapse OCD. Tried academic decathalon-no luck. It has been suggested

he do non-competitive clubs, yearbook. He is not interested. He is talented

in all of his attempts but puts too much preassure on himself, has to quit,

and then feels bad. My husband was the tennis coach and told him he could

be part of the team and not compete. Still was not able to do it b/c he

said if he pushes himself, he breaks down. Then if he takes it easy, he

feels bad for his partner and rest of team. Teacher/advisors have all been

understanding, telling him they respect his decision, which has helped.

Also, academics are difficult for him so he is exhausted when he gets home.

We are disappointed too b/c we have always been involved with our other

kid's activities and love going to their things. But it is not about us

obviously so we have to support his decision. Yes, we had the same thing

with our son about his family doc. wanting out. I think they don't want the

liability. If possible, you may want to try and see a psychiatrist to

manage the meds. It seems like when you start adding on the diag., they

want you to see a psych. Good luck.

> **

>

>

> I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at

> a loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

> doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm

> waiting to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard

> on - but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for

> other parents is this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too

> much for your ocd children? is in high school wrestling - which puts

> a lot of pressure on him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to

> do good. I'm worried though that if he wasn't doing sports after school,

> he'd worry about NOT doing sports after school - if you know what I mean.

> If it's not one thing - it's another. I'm feeling extra sad today because

> the 2nd time he called me from school crying today - I lost it. I told him

> that I can't figure this out for him. Now I know he's in school feeling

> anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't there for him... Could use some

> suggestions and support!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son is a lot like this. He has found his niche in drama and music and it has

helped him so much. OCD kids seem to have so much going on mentally, and it so

good for them to be able to channel that positively. His grades, however, are

really suffering to the point that he may not graduate on time. At first we

struggled with whether we should eliminate the extra-curricular stuff, because

we're always taught that school should come first. With an OCD kid, though,

it's much more complicated. I seriously think he would wither away if we took

that away from him. So we have made the hard choice to let him continue with EC

stuff and deal with school later. It's almost like they just can't handle the

same amount of stress that other people can, but at the same time, they approach

things with such focus that they really aren't normal. And I don't think that's

necessarily a bad thing. I have seen such a change in my son since I've

realized that he doesn't have to fit into society's box to have a happy,

productive life.

>

> I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't

there for him... Could use some suggestions and support!!

>

[Guest guest]

My son (9th grade) does 4 seasons of sports (National level lacrosse in summer).

His sports save his life. He never seems to have much homework so it is not too

much for him and does not take away from his academics. Not sure what we will do

when he is actually challenged with school work

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear your son is having trouble. My dd is in high school too. Until

this yr. (jr. now) she did soccer/cross country with high school teams and has

stuck with soccer as an extra activity. This yr. she's on a recreational team,

so little pressure aside from the time commitment. My dd had extra stress with

those activities & school work, but she managed to do pretty well overall (some

test grades suffered). She was very stressed out toward the end of sports

season & was a mess right after that. The exercise itself helped her get rid of

a lot of stress, so it's a mixed blessing. This yr. she chose not to try out

for high school sports to do more with art. Her dr. has told her to start a

regular exercise program in addition to her rec. soccer team to allieviate

stress.

If your son wants to continue wrestling, I'd try to keep the extra activity &

look for ways he can relieve the stress - maybe doing school work ahead of time,

limiting TV/games/other distractions for awhile. I'm sure you've tried this but

my dd needs reminding so I'll mention it - periodically I have to talk to my dd

about realistic expectations and recognizing when she's having a fit. If my dd's

in the middle of a meltdown she has NO ability to reason and NO ability to see

beyond the present moment. I have to talk to her & make her see the moment of

intense stress/anxiety will pass - just like an exposure. The anxiety comes

down after going up and it won't stay at a high level forever. Ultimately she

has to learn how to handle this problem. Like you said, you can't figure this

out for your son, but you can help him see some options & give him perspective

on the problem. I've gotten phone calls like the one you described, full of

panic. By the time I can pick up dd/send her help, she's usually better & I'm a

mess for days afterwards.

Good luck & I hope your son is able to chose what he wants to do then handle his

choice with minimal stress. It is exhausting dealing with this stuff so take a

moment for yourself.

Dot

>

> I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't

there for him... Could use some suggestions and support!!

>

[Guest guest]

We try to have just ONE thing going on at a time.  Doing something for dd is

good - too much free time = too much time to worry.  She can manage 2 things at

once, as long as one is low key.  We have done Girl Scouts the last 2 years. 

She can manage soccer with that.  GS is only 2 times a month, soccer is 2 times

a week - but only for 8 wks.  Weeks we end up with both going on are tougher

for her.  But she likes the social outlet of the activities and the exercise of

soccer is good.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:52 AM

Subject: Extra curricular activities

 

I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school

feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't there for him... Could use

some suggestions and support!!

[Guest guest]

We try to have just ONE thing going on at a time.  Doing something for dd is

good - too much free time = too much time to worry.  She can manage 2 things at

once, as long as one is low key.  We have done Girl Scouts the last 2 years. 

She can manage soccer with that.  GS is only 2 times a month, soccer is 2 times

a week - but only for 8 wks.  Weeks we end up with both going on are tougher

for her.  But she likes the social outlet of the activities and the exercise of

soccer is good.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:52 AM

Subject: Extra curricular activities

 

I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school

feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't there for him... Could use

some suggestions and support!!

[Guest guest]

We try to have just ONE thing going on at a time.  Doing something for dd is

good - too much free time = too much time to worry.  She can manage 2 things at

once, as long as one is low key.  We have done Girl Scouts the last 2 years. 

She can manage soccer with that.  GS is only 2 times a month, soccer is 2 times

a week - but only for 8 wks.  Weeks we end up with both going on are tougher

for her.  But she likes the social outlet of the activities and the exercise of

soccer is good.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:52 AM

Subject: Extra curricular activities

 

I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school

feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't there for him... Could use

some suggestions and support!!

[Guest guest]

I am sorry and totally understand, it is hard to figure just what causes that

extra push to send into relapse but we have that too, we have continued with

swimming club once a week,and drama half day weekend, so feels like have enough

going on, i know what you mean when they dont attend always asking what we doing

today-i just realised this is another OCD, if there is any rush or lateness

coming out of school and not much time to get to club we hav meltdowns because

my son(13) cannot be late or everything is a disaster, and totally ruined, he

cannot get back from that, most times, and then needs a lot of time talking

down,and sometimes I just cant do it, or get snippy, and that makes it worse,

and my son is more upset, it is very hard.

The sports where there is competition/pressure makes life difficult, but if he

choses to do that then that is fine, and keeps him occupied, was he calling from

school particularly about the sports club, or just general anxiety? this is very

hard, and yes i too have had reaction like you as you feel so cross at yourself

for not being able to help, Id say so long as he choses to just go with that and

always know he can opt out if it is not working, and know that you are doing the

best you can for him in very difficult circumstances,

maree

>

> I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't

there for him... Could use some suggestions and support!!

>

[Guest guest]

I can relate so well to the comment that " sports saved his life " , . That's

how I feel with my son's EC activities. It is who he IS and I can't take that

away from him. But, man, it's gonna be a hard day when he has to face the music

when graduation rolls around. He may surprise us all and get caught up over the

summer. That's one funny thing about OCD kids. They are so good at adapting that

they can be surprisingly successful. I had to laugh when he told me he wrote a

suck-up letter to his first period teacher telling her how much he had learned

from her. I'm not saying that's good, but I had to admire his negotiating

skills. Also, the comment " no ability to reason or think beyond the present

moment " . That says it all. I wasted so much time trying to reason with him,

until I realized that I needed to wait for the right time to speak to him, when

his anxiety was down and he was more receptive.

>

> We try to have just ONE thing going on at a time.  Doing something for dd is

good - too much free time = too much time to worry.  She can manage 2 things at

once, as long as one is low key.  We have done Girl Scouts the last 2 years. 

She can manage soccer with that.  GS is only 2 times a month, soccer is 2 times

a week - but only for 8 wks.  Weeks we end up with both going on are tougher

for her.  But she likes the social outlet of the activities and the exercise of

soccer is good.

> Sharon

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To:

> Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2012 9:52 AM

> Subject: Extra curricular activities

>

>

>  

> I am exhaused today. Son with OCD and anxiety has had a relapse and I'm at a

loss as to how to help him. Family doctor that has been managing his meds

doesn't want to take him. He wants him to see a pediatric doc - so I'm waiting

to hear back on an appointment with one. Change is especially hard on -

but in the past he was able to get thru it. My question for other parents is

this, do you find that extra curricular activities is too much for your ocd

children? is in high school wrestling - which puts a lot of pressure on

him. He is very talented so he feels this pressure to do good. I'm worried

though that if he wasn't doing sports after school, he'd worry about NOT doing

sports after school - if you know what I mean. If it's not one thing - it's

another. I'm feeling extra sad today because the 2nd time he called me from

school crying today - I lost it. I told him that I can't figure this out for

him. Now I know he's in school

> feeling anxiety because he thinks his mom isn't there for him... Could use

some suggestions and support!!

>

>

>

>

>