Re: Re: Tara - ian Brothers

[Guest guest]

Thanks , I am so tired of thinking about this, it's a break to hear your

thoughts!! It sounds like my son is going to be released about the same place

where your son was. Hey, your son survived, so maybe mine will too.

House having triggers is an issue, but he came home yesterday for first time and

he was in same room with Dad for 1/2 hour, and was able to sit and keep working

on laptop. He played video games on laptop the whole time to distract himself.

However he would not sit in any chair except his chair and says he will not

sleep in his bed or bedroom since we moved it across the hall (we did this with

his knowledge and the consent of SW).

He returned to hospital last night and went to bed without cleaning issues, they

said, though they had to prompt many times to get through shower. He said

there's now dirt all over hospital unit since Dad & I were there. So I'm not

sure if he's getting used to dirt or getting bored with it or what. I sure hope

so. He also said that once he comes home, he won't have to take all those

showers.

He definitely would be good for but $$ is issue. We do not have

insurance; we need to call and see perhaps if they are taking Medicaid now -

some places are starting to.

IOP - ian is IOP for OCD but you have to find and pay for off-campus

housing. They also said Dad would need to be available for erp as needed. Not

sure how Dad can work and do that too. We could swing a week of vacation if

we had housing.

We have a local option for IOP -- it is not OCD-specific but the folks there

have worked with OCD and do the CBT approach, and just letting it " be there "

rather than trying to get rid of OCD altogether. Son would have to come home at

night, and get up to get back there the next day. I also found an OCD specialist

whose covered by Medicaid and could take him ASAP. I'm not sure if I should try

to do those two at the same time or what.

www.ocdchallenge.com is also online now - Mcingvale from the OCD

Foundation has put it together and you can do all the therapy steps at home

uisng this program. I wondered about at least starting him with that while in

hospital or IOP so he is still working on OCD.

My sis had anorexia in high school too and same thing happened - once she got

away from home, she could work on it. We would do ian in a minute if we

thought that would work. It would just take a lot from our family - driving,

finding lodging, would someone need to stay out there with him, etc, etc.

Rhonda

Re: Any advice?

>

>

>

> In 1st grade my son who was then 6 began crying during the day in school, it

was completely disruptive.

>

> We had more trouble on Mondays than other days. Some time I just took him

with my in the morning to the library, and then tried to bring him in at lunch

time. It was all he could tolerate. The private therapist supported this. Other

days in the week were less difficult, but Mondays were the worst. So making the

day shorter was helpful. The whole thing lasted a few months, and I pulled him a

total of 4 or 5 times. It was helpful during the crisis for coping.

>

> Then the therapist suggested scheduling his in-school Social work session

for first thing Monday morning. It was so helpful for him to start the day in

her office playing a game and talking. Maybe an in-school social worker can help

with coping?

>

> If the classroom teacher is not experienced with OCD, the responses can make

anxiety worse. We and the teacher used to say, " Don't worry about x, it will

never happen. " But the OCD mind will always search for the outrageous

possibility that x WILL happen. And he felt compelled to obsess and debate those

possibilities endlessly. Instead, we learned responses to help diffuse the

anxiety. " Yes that is possible, but it has never happened in 20 years in this

classroom, so the odds are pretty good it won't happen today. And if it does, I

will be here to help you through it. " The OCD person has to learn to tolerate a

degree of uncertainty.

>

> I will say a rather silly but effective strategy was humor. We went a bought

a few joke books. When he was feeling really jazzed up the teacher could ask him

to get his joke book and tell a few knock knock jokes. Once he got giggling the

anxiety really settled down.

>

> Another factor we learned in retrospect... in 1st grade my son had to walk

into class alone (without parents). Separating at the door was so hard. He would

hold it together for a while, then fall apart in class. We completely changed

the routine in 2nd grade. I walked him all the way to the classroom to meet his

teacher. He asked her any questions that were worrying him, and settled those

right away. Then he told her a knock knock joke. This took all of 3 minutes, and

he happily separated and completed full school days. Without any meds- therapy

and these routine changes turned around his day completely. He was also placed

into a more challenging math group- it was a better fit and somehow this helped

as well.

>

> Maybe something here will be useful for you. OCD does wax and wane, so when

things are very difficult take a deep breath and remember that in three weeks it

may look completely different than it does today. OCD is a mysterious fellow.

>

> Good luck,

> Tara from Chicago

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Barb for ideas. Marj is outpatient therapist working from an office and

it would be weekly. I hope she will design intensive ERP but it 's going to take

awhile to get it all rolling with her. Yes, keeping the guns pointed at the

accomodation is what we are trying to do - as in NO ACCOMMODATION. But when

needed, give him the leeway, as long as he's moving.

Here's what happened tonight:

He got checked out of inpatient today, and we stopped at intensive outpatient to

meet the staff. That went great. I had said we would then go bowling, thinking

it would give us a group activity w/Dad, etc., but it got very late and son

wanted to use laptop. Plus I had to take off for meeting. So I left them all at

home. He used laptop starting at 6:30. I told him earlier he would have to stop

at 9:00 for shower. I got home right at nine and asked him to shut it down.

After a snack and second prompt, amazingly he got up, shut it down and took his

Risperdal at 9:00. Then he just stood there. For awhile. I finally said, is it

the shower? He said, yes. And he said, and I have nowhere to sleep.

I said, so you can't sleep in your room? He said, not if I have to take a

shower. I said, ok, you've done such a tremendous job shutting down your

computer, we will lower expectations tonight and work on the shower tomorrow. He

went right upstairs, used the bathroom, and went to bed. IN HIS NEW ROOM.

I am ecstatic. I know he can crash any time, but I really do have to stop and

appreciate each success as it happens.

Thanks for your line about " let them do what they need to but communcate that

they WILL be able to . . . " You have the greatest one-liners.

and thanks for hug!!

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Thanks Barb for ideas. Marj is outpatient therapist working from an office and

it would be weekly. I hope she will design intensive ERP but it 's going to take

awhile to get it all rolling with her. Yes, keeping the guns pointed at the

accomodation is what we are trying to do - as in NO ACCOMMODATION. But when

needed, give him the leeway, as long as he's moving.

Here's what happened tonight:

He got checked out of inpatient today, and we stopped at intensive outpatient to

meet the staff. That went great. I had said we would then go bowling, thinking

it would give us a group activity w/Dad, etc., but it got very late and son

wanted to use laptop. Plus I had to take off for meeting. So I left them all at

home. He used laptop starting at 6:30. I told him earlier he would have to stop

at 9:00 for shower. I got home right at nine and asked him to shut it down.

After a snack and second prompt, amazingly he got up, shut it down and took his

Risperdal at 9:00. Then he just stood there. For awhile. I finally said, is it

the shower? He said, yes. And he said, and I have nowhere to sleep.

I said, so you can't sleep in your room? He said, not if I have to take a

shower. I said, ok, you've done such a tremendous job shutting down your

computer, we will lower expectations tonight and work on the shower tomorrow. He

went right upstairs, used the bathroom, and went to bed. IN HIS NEW ROOM.

I am ecstatic. I know he can crash any time, but I really do have to stop and

appreciate each success as it happens.

Thanks for your line about " let them do what they need to but communcate that

they WILL be able to . . . " You have the greatest one-liners.

and thanks for hug!!

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Thanks for good thoughts and time. He is 17 and HOME! Partial hosp is now

in motion, we will drive 1 1/4 hours each way so I'm gearing myself for some

driving. He knows he has some anxiety from Dad's BPD but also knows that some

is OCD. Hopefully they will work on this at partial. Reading your ideas this

morning helped me with working with him this evening. The whole idea of letting

him work on things in stages is something I'm still learning about myself.

Rhonda

Re: Tara - ian Brothers

Hi Rhonda, glad to hear he came home for a short visit. I've forgotten, how

old is he?

Doesn't sound like he's quite ready to return home yet, have they said when

he's being discharged/date?

Depending on age, I think he should be involved in what is expected of him

upon returning home. Like, he may refuse at first to sleep in his room, but

should know that at a later point that is something he WILL be working on in

therapy, sort of know what is expected to work on immediately upon return, such

as XX showers a week, and what's down the road; and that it all is for HIM and

his recovery from having OCD bully him around. Does he " get " that it's all OCD,

or still think with dad issues/contam that some isn't OCD?

Glad you found someone who can see him ASAP. Medicaid may have a " number of

visits " limit, but generally therapists can put in to increase the number based

on need, so can get an override hopefully.

It does seem he's made some good progress since he's been there, so hopefully

that just crosses over to making the rest easier to work on too!

Keep us updated,

>

> Thanks , I am so tired of thinking about this, it's a break to hear

your thoughts!! It sounds like my son is going to be released about the same

place where your son was. Hey, your son survived, so maybe mine will too.

>

> House having triggers is an issue, but he came home yesterday for first time

and he was in same room with Dad for 1/2 hour, and was able to sit and keep

working on laptop. He played video games on laptop the whole time to distract

himself. However he would not sit in any chair except his chair and says he will

not sleep in his bed or bedroom since we moved it across the hall (we did this

with his knowledge and the consent of SW).

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for good thoughts and time. He is 17 and HOME! Partial hosp is now

in motion, we will drive 1 1/4 hours each way so I'm gearing myself for some

driving. He knows he has some anxiety from Dad's BPD but also knows that some

is OCD. Hopefully they will work on this at partial. Reading your ideas this

morning helped me with working with him this evening. The whole idea of letting

him work on things in stages is something I'm still learning about myself.

Rhonda

Re: Tara - ian Brothers

Hi Rhonda, glad to hear he came home for a short visit. I've forgotten, how

old is he?

Doesn't sound like he's quite ready to return home yet, have they said when

he's being discharged/date?

Depending on age, I think he should be involved in what is expected of him

upon returning home. Like, he may refuse at first to sleep in his room, but

should know that at a later point that is something he WILL be working on in

therapy, sort of know what is expected to work on immediately upon return, such

as XX showers a week, and what's down the road; and that it all is for HIM and

his recovery from having OCD bully him around. Does he " get " that it's all OCD,

or still think with dad issues/contam that some isn't OCD?

Glad you found someone who can see him ASAP. Medicaid may have a " number of

visits " limit, but generally therapists can put in to increase the number based

on need, so can get an override hopefully.

It does seem he's made some good progress since he's been there, so hopefully

that just crosses over to making the rest easier to work on too!

Keep us updated,

>

> Thanks , I am so tired of thinking about this, it's a break to hear

your thoughts!! It sounds like my son is going to be released about the same

place where your son was. Hey, your son survived, so maybe mine will too.

>

> House having triggers is an issue, but he came home yesterday for first time

and he was in same room with Dad for 1/2 hour, and was able to sit and keep

working on laptop. He played video games on laptop the whole time to distract

himself. However he would not sit in any chair except his chair and says he will

not sleep in his bed or bedroom since we moved it across the hall (we did this

with his knowledge and the consent of SW).

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, that's exactly it, Chris. Have to tolerate some things, some people, some

anxiety!

Rhonda

Re: Tara - ian Brothers

Home, wow, keep us updated.

I hope he brings home with him his successes to grow on! Also hope he can

manage less anxiety around dad and dad's BPD, realize that that is DAD'S

disorder/problem to work on and maybe learn to ignore/shrug it off as " just

dad. " Doesn't mean it won't bother him but hopefully realize it's not him. Not

the same thing, but I grew up with a critical mom and had to learn that it was

expected from her, it was *her* thing, and not to pay attention; told my sons

the same thing when we had to move in with her, that's just grandma, ignore it,

she'll always say something critical, even with a compliment!

Do keep us updated!

> >

> > Thanks , I am so tired of thinking about this, it's a break to hear

your thoughts!! It sounds like my son is going to be released about the same

place where your son was. Hey, your son survived, so maybe mine will too.

> >

> > House having triggers is an issue, but he came home yesterday for first

time and he was in same room with Dad for 1/2 hour, and was able to sit and keep

working on laptop. He played video games on laptop the whole time to distract

himself. However he would not sit in any chair except his chair and says he will

not sleep in his bed or bedroom since we moved it across the hall (we did this

with his knowledge and the consent of SW).

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds great! Hopefully, tomorrow will be a shower night, but for tonight, it

sounds like a big step.

Re: Re: Tara - ian Brothers

Thanks Barb for ideas. Marj is outpatient therapist working from an office and

it would be weekly. I hope she will design intensive ERP but it 's going to take

awhile to get it all rolling with her. Yes, keeping the guns pointed at the

accomodation is what we are trying to do - as in NO ACCOMMODATION. But when

needed, give him the leeway, as long as he's moving.

Here's what happened tonight:

He got checked out of inpatient today, and we stopped at intensive outpatient to

meet the staff. That went great. I had said we would then go bowling, thinking

it would give us a group activity w/Dad, etc., but it got very late and son

wanted to use laptop. Plus I had to take off for meeting. So I left them all at

home. He used laptop starting at 6:30. I told him earlier he would have to stop

at 9:00 for shower. I got home right at nine and asked him to shut it down.

After a snack and second prompt, amazingly he got up, shut it down and took his

Risperdal at 9:00. Then he just stood there. For awhile. I finally said, is it

the shower? He said, yes. And he said, and I have nowhere to sleep.

I said, so you can't sleep in your room? He said, not if I have to take a

shower. I said, ok, you've done such a tremendous job shutting down your

computer, we will lower expectations tonight and work on the shower tomorrow. He

went right upstairs, used the bathroom, and went to bed. IN HIS NEW ROOM.

I am ecstatic. I know he can crash any time, but I really do have to stop and

appreciate each success as it happens.

Thanks for your line about " let them do what they need to but communcate that

they WILL be able to . . . " You have the greatest one-liners.

and thanks for hug!!

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Sounds great! Hopefully, tomorrow will be a shower night, but for tonight, it

sounds like a big step.

Re: Re: Tara - ian Brothers

Thanks Barb for ideas. Marj is outpatient therapist working from an office and

it would be weekly. I hope she will design intensive ERP but it 's going to take

awhile to get it all rolling with her. Yes, keeping the guns pointed at the

accomodation is what we are trying to do - as in NO ACCOMMODATION. But when

needed, give him the leeway, as long as he's moving.

Here's what happened tonight:

He got checked out of inpatient today, and we stopped at intensive outpatient to

meet the staff. That went great. I had said we would then go bowling, thinking

it would give us a group activity w/Dad, etc., but it got very late and son

wanted to use laptop. Plus I had to take off for meeting. So I left them all at

home. He used laptop starting at 6:30. I told him earlier he would have to stop

at 9:00 for shower. I got home right at nine and asked him to shut it down.

After a snack and second prompt, amazingly he got up, shut it down and took his

Risperdal at 9:00. Then he just stood there. For awhile. I finally said, is it

the shower? He said, yes. And he said, and I have nowhere to sleep.

I said, so you can't sleep in your room? He said, not if I have to take a

shower. I said, ok, you've done such a tremendous job shutting down your

computer, we will lower expectations tonight and work on the shower tomorrow. He

went right upstairs, used the bathroom, and went to bed. IN HIS NEW ROOM.

I am ecstatic. I know he can crash any time, but I really do have to stop and

appreciate each success as it happens.

Thanks for your line about " let them do what they need to but communcate that

they WILL be able to . . . " You have the greatest one-liners.

and thanks for hug!!

Rhonda

[Guest guest]

Sounds great! Hopefully, tomorrow will be a shower night, but for tonight, it

sounds like a big step.

Re: Re: Tara - ian Brothers

Thanks Barb for ideas. Marj is outpatient therapist working from an office and

it would be weekly. I hope she will design intensive ERP but it 's going to take

awhile to get it all rolling with her. Yes, keeping the guns pointed at the

accomodation is what we are trying to do - as in NO ACCOMMODATION. But when

needed, give him the leeway, as long as he's moving.

Here's what happened tonight:

He got checked out of inpatient today, and we stopped at intensive outpatient to

meet the staff. That went great. I had said we would then go bowling, thinking

it would give us a group activity w/Dad, etc., but it got very late and son

wanted to use laptop. Plus I had to take off for meeting. So I left them all at

home. He used laptop starting at 6:30. I told him earlier he would have to stop

at 9:00 for shower. I got home right at nine and asked him to shut it down.

After a snack and second prompt, amazingly he got up, shut it down and took his

Risperdal at 9:00. Then he just stood there. For awhile. I finally said, is it

the shower? He said, yes. And he said, and I have nowhere to sleep.

I said, so you can't sleep in your room? He said, not if I have to take a

shower. I said, ok, you've done such a tremendous job shutting down your

computer, we will lower expectations tonight and work on the shower tomorrow. He

went right upstairs, used the bathroom, and went to bed. IN HIS NEW ROOM.

I am ecstatic. I know he can crash any time, but I really do have to stop and

appreciate each success as it happens.

Thanks for your line about " let them do what they need to but communcate that

they WILL be able to . . . " You have the greatest one-liners.

and thanks for hug!!

Rhonda