Re: Feeling Overwhelmed

[Guest guest]

Sucks. My child did the bathroom thing. I buy soap now that is really non soap

so her hands won't get chapped.

 

It's odd. I see a new behavior and think, 'where did that come from?' then read

some more and learn it is common for OCD.

 

I deal with it as it comes, is I guess my point. It's new to me as well.

 

Glad you are here

 

-JuLeah

I could have freed hundreds more if only I had been able to convince them they

were slaves. Harriet Tubman

To:

Sent: Saturday, July 30, 2011 4:38 PM

Subject: Feeling overwhelmed

 

New to the group and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the OCD diagnosis, which

I should have been able to make myself years ago had I given it much

thought.

My 8-yr-old daughter has just been diagnosed with OCD. For years, she has

had on and off episodes where she goes to the bathroom frequently (multiple

times per hour). No UTI, no understandable reason that she goes. I

recently learned that she thinks that she needs to go in order to prevent

robbers from coming into the home? I am a very logical thinker, so this

reasoning doesn't sit well with me. But there you have it.

She is now " getting into " hand-washing. Nothing awful yet, but her hands

were chapped, and I was trying to understand why. And now I do. As I see

the " new " OCD behaviors, I feel so hopeless. Is it always going to be

something, just morphing into something else as we deal with the prior one?

To add to it, posts from members on this group are now making me think she

has Aspergers. She has some issues with social cues (not recognizing when

her audience is bored to tears), random obsessions (earrings, her current

BFF), poor eye contact, and constant " friendship issues. " I thought OCD was

more than I could bear, but now I have this too.

I already feel like I'm shortchanging her 5-yr-old sister. Oh, and I'm a

single mom who works full time. What next?

I recently found a wonderful psychologist who I think will help, and my

daughter actually thanked me after her first session with her for finding

her. (She had been seeing a different therapist for various social issues

for almost 2 years, so I am baffled that the other person didn't pick up on

what is obviously OCD.) We have her starting therapy next week, 2 hr

sessions once a week.

I don't even know what my questions to the group are. I just want assurance

(which I know nobody can give) that my daughter will be OK. Not just " able

to live independently, " as one website suggested, but that she will go to a

good school, have good social relationships, get married, get a job, blah

blah blah. What all parents want for their children. She is only 8, but at

this point has always been at the top of her class, so the notion that her

future is no better than " may be able to hold a steady job " is pretty grim.

My heart breaks when I think about all the difficulty she has had, and to

which I was oblivious. But it breaks even more when I think that we may not

be able to " fix " it. All of it. The OCD, the Aspergers (if it even is

that), whatever else she " has. "

So, some questions:

1 - How do people deal with siblings, when so much of their time and energy

is spent on the " OCD child? " (Apologies if this sounds pejorative. I don't

know all the lingo yet.)

2 - How do you know when an odd or unacceptable behavior is OCD, a quirk, or

something that warrants discipline?

3 - How do you maintain sanity when it looks like one OCD compulsion (e.g.,

going to the toilet) is being extinguished, only to be replaced by another

(e.g., arranging stuffed animals in a certain way and requiring me to

" promise everything, " whatever that means at bedtime)?

That's probably enough for now. I'm going to go to a movie with friends now

and pretend that I don't have these issues to deal with when I return.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

S

[Guest guest]

>>>But it breaks even more when I think that we may not be able to " fix " it. All

of it. The OCD, the Aspergers (if it even is that), whatever else she " has. " <<<

 

Actually, you can fix it.  All of these disorders are biomedically based.  They

used to think they were strictly psychological/neurological.. But doctors are

now realizing there is a brain/gut connection to autism and other psychiatric

disorders and kids are being recovered left and right from all of these issues..

It just takes dedication, the right doctor, and A LOT of homework on your part. 

 

My 8yr old daughter had severe OCD and Asperger's.  After biomedical

interventions, she has ZERO issues with OCD and her Asperger's is barely

noticeable.  She is almost like a normal child. 

 

There is information about this all over the web.. but here is a little news

broadcast video I found about one family's recovery through biomedical

interventions..

 

The very first step in biomedical intervention is the GFCF diet.  Removing

gluten and dairy is the first step to get your child's body back on track, which

in turn, allows the brain to function normally.. The other therapies mentioned

in the above video are optional and not every child will need them.. Especially

the higher functioning ones like your daughter.  Diet and supplements could be

enough to give your daughter some relief and allow her to grow up and live a

normal, productive life.  And changing the diet costs almost nothing.. The

supplements can be costly, but you will only need a few.  Let me know if you

have any questions.

 

Misty

[Guest guest]

Hi I can totally relate. It is very exhausting dealing with OCD. Unless you live

it noone can truly understand it. I pray as time goes on things will get easier.

We have been living with it for 4 years (diagnosed). We try to take things day

by day and not worry too much about tomorrow. I will try to answer some of your

questions based on my experiance

 

1 - How do people deal with siblings, when so much of their time and energy

is spent on the " OCD child? " (Apologies if this sounds pejorative. I don't

know all the lingo yet.)..It is tough. I sometimes feel bad because I have no

energy for my 5 year old and he also bears the brunt of her OCD...One suggestion

is to see of a grandparent can take the OCD child for a few hours on occasion to

give you 1-1 time with your other child. This helps us alot.

2 - How do you know when an odd or unacceptable behavior is OCD, a quirk, or

something that warrants discipline?...This is also tough. I also struggle with

this but overtime you will see patterns of behavior. When something new pops up

I wait to see if she repeats it before assuming its OCD. However sometimes its a

very grey line. Discipline is very hard with OCD> The firmer we are the worse it

gets. My daughter is 12 and was diagnosed at age 8. The first few years were the

hardest and it is still hard. We have our ups and downs.

3 - How do you maintain sanity when it looks like one OCD compulsion (e.g.,

going to the toilet) is being extinguished, only to be replaced by another

(e.g., arranging stuffed animals in a certain way and requiring me to

" promise everything, " whatever that means at bedtime)?  I try to give myself a

break ...We try to get a sitter at least one night a month overnight. (Grandmas

are great). You need that downtime so you can recharge. I have found that some

OCD compulsions are easier to live with than others. I try very hard to ignore

the minor ones. The more attention I pay to them the worse they are. 

 

Hang in there! And really try to make some time for you

Subject: Feeling overwhelmed

To:

Date: Saturday, July 30, 2011, 7:38 PM

 

New to the group and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the OCD diagnosis, which

I should have been able to make myself years ago had I given it much

thought.

My 8-yr-old daughter has just been diagnosed with OCD. For years, she has

had on and off episodes where she goes to the bathroom frequently (multiple

times per hour). No UTI, no understandable reason that she goes. I

recently learned that she thinks that she needs to go in order to prevent

robbers from coming into the home? I am a very logical thinker, so this

reasoning doesn't sit well with me. But there you have it.

She is now " getting into " hand-washing. Nothing awful yet, but her hands

were chapped, and I was trying to understand why. And now I do. As I see

the " new " OCD behaviors, I feel so hopeless. Is it always going to be

something, just morphing into something else as we deal with the prior one?

To add to it, posts from members on this group are now making me think she

has Aspergers. She has some issues with social cues (not recognizing when

her audience is bored to tears), random obsessions (earrings, her current

BFF), poor eye contact, and constant " friendship issues. " I thought OCD was

more than I could bear, but now I have this too.

I already feel like I'm shortchanging her 5-yr-old sister. Oh, and I'm a

single mom who works full time. What next?

I recently found a wonderful psychologist who I think will help, and my

daughter actually thanked me after her first session with her for finding

her. (She had been seeing a different therapist for various social issues

for almost 2 years, so I am baffled that the other person didn't pick up on

what is obviously OCD.) We have her starting therapy next week, 2 hr

sessions once a week.

I don't even know what my questions to the group are. I just want assurance

(which I know nobody can give) that my daughter will be OK. Not just " able

to live independently, " as one website suggested, but that she will go to a

good school, have good social relationships, get married, get a job, blah

blah blah. What all parents want for their children. She is only 8, but at

this point has always been at the top of her class, so the notion that her

future is no better than " may be able to hold a steady job " is pretty grim.

My heart breaks when I think about all the difficulty she has had, and to

which I was oblivious. But it breaks even more when I think that we may not

be able to " fix " it. All of it. The OCD, the Aspergers (if it even is

that), whatever else she " has. "

So, some questions:

1 - How do people deal with siblings, when so much of their time and energy

is spent on the " OCD child? " (Apologies if this sounds pejorative. I don't

know all the lingo yet.)

2 - How do you know when an odd or unacceptable behavior is OCD, a quirk, or

something that warrants discipline?

3 - How do you maintain sanity when it looks like one OCD compulsion (e.g.,

going to the toilet) is being extinguished, only to be replaced by another

(e.g., arranging stuffed animals in a certain way and requiring me to

" promise everything, " whatever that means at bedtime)?

That's probably enough for now. I'm going to go to a movie with friends now

and pretend that I don't have these issues to deal with when I return.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

S

[Guest guest]

Hi S, welcome! Boy, " overwhelmed " is something we can all relate to! OCD

taking over our children affects the whole family/parent.

I'm a single mom, 3 sons, all grown now. Understand that pressure, I left their

dad when my youngest (twins) were a couple months old and raised them all on my

own, while living with my mom (long story in itself).

My OCD son, now 22, began in 6th grade with OCD. Oh, there were little things

before that, but OCD seemed to erupt overnight then, all these compulsions,

rituals, going on 24/7. Panic! Short version - couldn't find help locally,

researched OCD, found this group, worked on things on our own, we used inositol

powder back then and luckily it helped with the OCD, and things got better. In

high school he took Celexa for his OCD for 2 years, it also helped. After

stopping the Celexa, his OCD returned in a new way - bad thoughts, scrupulosity

type OCD, and he's refused meds since, has managed on his own. He just finished

college at UNC-Chapel Hill (yay!) so now we (or he) has to decide where to go

from here (job hunting to come!). And he also has Aspergers, got that diagnosed

in 8th grade, tho I'd suspected before that.

So far as your feeling she may have Aspergers - what you can do is just approach

her problem areas that relate to Aspergers from that direction and help her with

those. Like the talking on & on about things (can relate to that!), I more or

less just told that he does that - goes on & on way too long about a

subject and people stop listening. So he may be talking and I'd finally

interrupt with, " you know I'm no longer listening, right? " I told him it wasn't

said to hurt his feelings but to make him aware that he does this and I'd let

him know when he's doing it. That worked for us, he got better about that, but,

yeah, felt bad sometimes stopping him. Or helping with the social things. If I

was there and observed his non-reaction or heard what he said (odd/not typical

or whatever), I'd coach him on what a better response or initial comment would

be.

OCD can have new things pop up, even while other behaviors get better. A lot

relate it to the game " whack a mole " ! 's seemed to finally settle down,

but occasionally something new still would start. That first year there were a

lot of new ones, some going away on their own, some staying around for the ride.

Generally you don't punish OCD, as that doesn't help. Stick with the plan to

work on it, that the therapist should come up with. She'll have a few (or 1 or

2) things that your daughter will work on and basically you ignore the rest of

OCD that's not being worked on in treatment. It can be hard to tell sometimes

what is OCD and what isn't, but if you know her triggers then hopefully you can

know what outbursts are related to it. Bedtime, I generally let OCD have it's

way so he could get to bed/sleep and so could I! Bed was a huge issue for him,

he had to have things feel " right " and getting into bed was one of them. I also

tried to keep things calm for him in the evenings so we could get to his

homework.

Glad you found a good therapist that your daughter also likes. OCD could act up

a bit more once she starts working on things, don't get alarmed, that will pass.

Anxiety will be up and bossing back OCD isn't easy or all our kids would zoom

through therapy in weeks instead of months. Once she gets the idea of how to

boss back OCD and has a little success with 1 or 2 issues, she may " zoom "

through a few other behaviors or they'll just disappear.

Glad you found our group!

>

> New to the group and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the OCD diagnosis, which

> I should have been able to make myself years ago had I given it much

> thought.

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome.  My dd is 10, was dx at 4.  As for changing/adding OCD behaviors, I

can tell you our experience.  There is always one " main " issue.  It seems to

last for a few months, then she moves on to something else.  But there is

always something there.  And then there is little issues in the background, and

those change, as well.  There is usually something that brings up the new

issue.  Right now she is afraid there is going to be something contaminating in

her water cup.  It started because our dishwasher is not working very well and

every once in awhile, there will be some food left on our dishes.  She is sure

that is poison.  So she went to only drinking bottled water.  Then she was

worried she would get dehydrated because she wasnt drinking enough water, since

she " couldnt " drink from our regular cups.  And it goes on and on.

 

For your questions.  I have a 21 yo ds, he lives at home, but doesnt " need " me

anymore, so OCD dd isnt taking time away from him.  I also have an 8 yo dd. 

Every once in awhile she tells me she feels invisible.  I try to be sure to

have one on one time with her every day - even if it is 5 minutes of sitting

together and talking just the two of us.  I also talk to her in private and

tell her she is a good sister and handles things with her sister very well. 

She knows this is how her sister just is, she accepts that.  She knows a lot of

her sister's fears is way out there and I make sure to tell her that the things

her sister worries about are not real and are not going to happen (most of the

time it isnt an issue, but sometimes her sister's worries scare her). 

 

Discipline does not work for OCD.  Most of my dd's issues are wanting

reassurance from me.  I try to answer her one time and be done with it.  Some

of her questions I just turn around and ask her.  Sometimes she wants to show

me things and I just dont look.  I do tell her it isnt that I dont care, it is

because I know it is her OCD and I dont want to help it continue. 

 

When she changes compulsions, I am usually just relieved that one has ended! 

For me, it is easier/less stressful to deal with changing compulsions.

Sharon

 

 

From: " -owner "

<-owner >

To:

Sent: Sunday, July 31, 2011 8:52 AM

Subject: Feeling Overwhelmed

 

New to the group and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the OCD diagnosis, which

I should have been able to make myself years ago had I given it much

thought.

My 8-yr-old daughter has just been diagnosed with OCD. For years, she has

had on and off episodes where she goes to the bathroom frequently (multiple

times per hour). No UTI, no understandable reason that she goes. I

recently learned that she thinks that she needs to go in order to prevent

robbers from coming into the home? I am a very logical thinker, so this

reasoning doesn't sit well with me. But there you have it.

She is now " getting into " hand-washing. Nothing awful yet, but her hands

were chapped, and I was trying to understand why. And now I do. As I see

the " new " OCD behaviors, I feel so hopeless. Is it always going to be

something, just morphing into something else as we deal with the prior one?

To add to it, posts from members on this group are now making me think she

has Aspergers. She has some issues with social cues (not recognizing when

her audience is bored to tears), random obsessions (earrings, her current

BFF), poor eye contact, and constant " friendship issues. " I thought OCD was

more than I could bear, but now I have this too.

I already feel like I'm shortchanging her 5-yr-old sister. Oh, and I'm a

single mom who works full time. What next?

I recently found a wonderful psychologist who I think will help, and my

daughter actually thanked me after her first session with her for finding

her. (She had been seeing a different therapist for various social issues

for almost 2 years, so I am baffled that the other person didn't pick up on

what is obviously OCD.) We have her starting therapy next week, 2 hr

sessions once a week.

I don't even know what my questions to the group are. I just want assurance

(which I know nobody can give) that my daughter will be OK. Not just " able

to live independently, " as one website suggested, but that she will go to a

good school, have good social relationships, get married, get a job, blah

blah blah. What all parents want for their children. She is only 8, but at

this point has always been at the top of her class, so the notion that her

future is no better than " may be able to hold a steady job " is pretty grim.

My heart breaks when I think about all the difficulty she has had, and to

which I was oblivious. But it breaks even more when I think that we may not

be able to " fix " it. All of it. The OCD, the Aspergers (if it even is

that), whatever else she " has. "

So, some questions:

1 - How do people deal with siblings, when so much of their time and energy

is spent on the " OCD child? " (Apologies if this sounds pejorative. I don't

know all the lingo yet.)

2 - How do you know when an odd or unacceptable behavior is OCD, a quirk, or

something that warrants discipline?

3 - How do you maintain sanity when it looks like one OCD compulsion (e.g.,

going to the toilet) is being extinguished, only to be replaced by another

(e.g., arranging stuffed animals in a certain way and requiring me to

" promise everything, " whatever that means at bedtime)?

That's probably enough for now. I'm going to go to a movie with friends now

and pretend that I don't have these issues to deal with when I return.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

S

[Guest guest]

Hi

My heart went out to you when I read your message.

I have a 6 year old daughter who has OCD but we think aspergers too. We are

having some tests done this month to confirm.

My daughter started when she was 4. We have had a complete nightmare getting a

diagnosis or any sort of help in the UK - there is no therapy available due to

her age so it's great theat you are getting help.

We have read a lot : 'What to do when you worry too much' and 'What to do when

your brain gets stuck' are great books for this age, you can work through the

exercises with your daughter. We call the OCD 'Grump' and we have to beat him

when he appears making my daughter do 'silly jobs'. We often run around the

house as a family flushing him down the loo, putting him out of the window etc.

We get our 7 year old son to join in. Thank the lord he is chilled out and

occupies himself but he often complains its so unfair that he is treated

differently. I do try and spend time with him at bedtime chatting and reading

when my daughter is in a calmer period. I have explained the condition to him

so he can understand.

In terms of discipline. It is so difficult. My daughter blames everything on

Grump. He makes her have the temper, the aggression, the rude comments, the

rages! The list goes on. My daughter is super sensitive so if I speak to her in

a tone that conveys my disapproval she goes into uproar. I have found the only

thing that works is to try and chat to her after the behaviour when she is calm,

as there is no reasoning with her at the time. It's very embarrassing when you

are in public as you feel that other parents don't think you are disciplining.

If only they knew! I would also welcome any tips out there.  My daughter has

such a tough time anyway, it's hard to punish her for her behaviour when I think

it is due to the condition.

 

My daughters rituals have gone from handwashing, kissing things, walking in a

certain way to all sorts of strange things.  She often replaces them, but I am

quick to notice them and interject so that we can beat them together.  I tell my

daughter Grump is like a horrible person knocking at your door.  If you let him

in once he will keep coming back and disturbing you.  If you close the door on

him now, he won't come back as much.  We have fun shutting all the doors and

shouting go away.  My neighbours must think I am mad!  I also try and remind my

daughter we are a team and we are all fighting this together.  My daughter is

very open with me now and tells me when Grump is here and we get rid of him

rather than let the OCD build up.  My daughter also tells her teacher too, who

helps before it gets out of control.

 

My daughters rituals are very slight now so maybe you can try these tips.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

Baby Sleep Shop

 

email : babysleepshop@...

 

web: www.baby-sleepingbags.co.uk. Save more when you buy direct.  Low prices

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[Guest guest]

WoW! I feel for you It's alot to deal with at once, I know. I've been away from

the group for quite some time now and wanted to respond to your message in

particular because I understand. My son is 15. Diagnosed at around 2nd grade but

no real signs until 6th grade. He hasn't been in therapy for at least 2 years

now although most of his issues he has worked out by himself he still has

obvious signs of anxiety and OCD. he is in a 504 plan at the high-school. I

certainly don't feel like an expert when it come to giving advice but I want you

to deal with each day as it comes. Don't look beyond tomorrow because in reality

today is all any of us have. Mostly try to not forget YOU. I became so lost in

my sons problems. be well and any questions let me know

Pam L.