And......now rituals are back

[Guest guest]

Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we should. He

prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I know he gets

really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get depressed. He was up

last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in his room.

in WI

Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall XR 30

mg.

[Guest guest]

Awww, I hope it settles down once he settles into that online class. I used to

give some extra Celexa at start of school year or before

Christmas...times when anxiety (good and bad) would show and then go back to his

regular dose soon after. Same with inositol powder he was on, just gave more.

His OCD seemed to spike at times, and probably would with some new course, like

your son's.

If doctor increased, wonder would you do the Prozac or the Buspar.... Can he

get therapy more often? (as insurance sometimes limits visits)

((hugs)) Sigh, hang in there, and find some extra time for yourself right now to

enjoy, plus distract from thinking about him/OCD for a bit each day!

>

> Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to

[Guest guest]

I know you hate to see that , and so do I. Lee Baer stresses in his book

that ERP really needs someone to stand alongside and help the person through.

Also need rewards and motivations to make it worthwhile. Any chance Roy would

let you come alongside with the erps?

Rhonda

And......now rituals are back

Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we should.

He prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I know he

gets really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get depressed. He

was up last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in his room.

in WI

Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall XR

30 mg.

[Guest guest]

I know you hate to see that , and so do I. Lee Baer stresses in his book

that ERP really needs someone to stand alongside and help the person through.

Also need rewards and motivations to make it worthwhile. Any chance Roy would

let you come alongside with the erps?

Rhonda

And......now rituals are back

Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we should.

He prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I know he

gets really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get depressed. He

was up last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in his room.

in WI

Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall XR

30 mg.

[Guest guest]

I know you hate to see that , and so do I. Lee Baer stresses in his book

that ERP really needs someone to stand alongside and help the person through.

Also need rewards and motivations to make it worthwhile. Any chance Roy would

let you come alongside with the erps?

Rhonda

And......now rituals are back

Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we should.

He prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I know he

gets really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get depressed. He

was up last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in his room.

in WI

Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall XR

30 mg.

[Guest guest]

Rhonda, he seemed better yesterday. I asked him if his OCD was worse and he said

not really. He also said his class was difficult but manageable. He spent time

on the class yesterday, so maybe the anticipation of the class was worse than

the class itself.

As far as the ERP, I see him doing it but he needs to focus so hard that I

don't know if I would help or not. He has ADD and so that makes focusing hard.

He seems embarrassed when he does his rituals. I should prob. talk again to his

therapist.

It does help him with cognitive restructuring when I am out with him and I can

help him see what is real in a situation. He often comes to conclusions based on

his own fears,etc. that aren't the reality of the situation. For example, I

believe people are generally good with good intentions. He is more distrustful

and assumes the worst about people. I need to point out things so he can be

more comfortable with people in general.

>

> I know you hate to see that , and so do I. Lee Baer stresses in his book

that ERP really needs someone to stand alongside and help the person through.

Also need rewards and motivations to make it worthwhile. Any chance Roy would

let you come alongside with the erps?

> Rhonda

>

> And......now rituals are back

>

>

>

> Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

> Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we should.

He prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I know he

gets really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get depressed. He

was up last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in his room.

> in WI

> Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall

XR 30 mg.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Just reading your update to last post. Glad he seems better now. Have to say

we go through this with our son too. Anticipation of something new, or an event

will really amp up the OCD, sometimes shockingly, then it eases right off once

new thing is started. If Roy is saying the OCD is not worse, then I would

suspect this is it, the anticipation. Might have been a specific OCD thing tied

to doing the course - perfection come to mind???

Just thinking of what is going to be involved, ie OCD stuff, before staring

whatever, can be overwhelming in itself - good that he didn't let him stop him

from going forward - think this is often when the depression come, get locked

into the OCD and don't move.

Our son also believe worst of others, or expects/anticipates negative -

apparently this is " classic " with OCD. Glass half-empty, pessimistic, expect

negative then it's confirmed when it happens. Almost a kind of paranoia, but

not really, tied to the OCD, again, anticipation stuff of anxiety, what's the

worst that can happen stuff.

We get this when our son is driving - he is sure people are tailgating him, no

matter how far away they are, absolutely no perception on this - all OCD!!! Now

I go the other way and tell him, " yup " and they are probably going to crash into

you just for fun -this works for him, humour, and going to the extreme of what

could happen to make what is happening seem like nothing. He also worries about

road rage, and someone coming out of their car to fight - so to counter that he

will talk about what he will do - you can imagine the " fun " verbal nonsense of

that. I've started not allowing that even, because I suspect it has become a

ritual - either way, I don't want to hear it!

Glad you can use cognitive restructuring and it works. I try, but usually he is

so locked in he can't hear me. Often feel like I'm talking to myself, then he

will repeat something I've said, so you never know what gets in.....

Hang in there. Sounds like he's back on track. Keep us posted.

Warmly,

Barb

> >

> > I know you hate to see that , and so do I. Lee Baer stresses in his

book that ERP really needs someone to stand alongside and help the person

through. Also need rewards and motivations to make it worthwhile. Any chance Roy

would let you come alongside with the erps?

> > Rhonda

> >

> > And......now rituals are back

> >

> >

> >

> > Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

> > Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we

should. He prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I

know he gets really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get

depressed. He was up last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in

his room.

> > in WI

> > Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall

XR 30 mg.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Lol about the driving. Roy is very focused with his driving, no OCD and our best

driver. My husband, however, sounds like your son and Roy is the one who uses

humor for reality check in driving and alot of other situations. We call my

husband Mr. Safety.

>

> Hi ,

>

> Just reading your update to last post. Glad he seems better now. Have to say

we go through this with our son too. Anticipation of 11:46 AM

> > > Subject: And......now rituals are back

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

that makes sense - real relief to hear that it sounds like pretty normal

anxiety! It sounds like he trusts you a lot - just knowing you believe in him

must help him. Lee mainly uses the helper for accountability (let's look at the

checklist - did you do your erp today? how did it go? you're doing great, you

are awesome, now we get to go out to eat! etc etc).

Rhonda

And......now rituals are back

>

>

>

> Trying to deny it because I am tired of Roy's OCD and was so happy for the

break. I had seen some new rituals before the trip but was hoping they would be

short lived. Now they seem to be longer and more intense. Hand washing, head

jerks, arm shakes. I think it is connected to him starting an online math class,

that he decided he wanted to take. He told me in Cal. that he always has this

need to show people he is smart. He decided to take the class so he could lessen

his stress during the year. He always seems to be playing catch up b/c he wants

to go to college to be an engineer but he struggles with getting through math

and science. He keeps telling me he wants to be a real engineer, not a

technician.

> Anyway, I don't want to mess with his meds unless the pdoc thinks we should.

He prob. needs to increase his therapy appt. and step up on the ERP. I know he

gets really frustrated with the OCD. Just don't want him to get depressed. He

was up last night at 2. Said he couldn't sleep and took the dog in his room.

> in WI

> Roy-17 Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Prozac 50 mg., Busbar 20 mg., Adderall

XR 30 mg.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Rhonda, we are very close. Have been through alot together with his anxiety

stuff going on pretty much his whole life. His dad has been a trigger so it can

be hard sometimes being the buffer.

It is such a balance for me to direct him and not increase the anxiety. Too much

direction/interference is interpreted as controlling, which is what his dad

does. Rewards don't really work. Paper pencil, worksheets don't work. Must be

creative with which direction I want him to go and leading him there. Lots of

forward and then backstepping.

Had to laugh though when he told his dad what he wanted for his 18th birthday. I

am thinking, suitcase (because we were traveling), new camera, something for his

computer. He says a casting mold made of his face. For his wood project in

school, everyone makes gun cases,etc. He makes a huge throne, designed like it

is from the renaissance period. Luckily for him, his tech teachers let him go

with his offbeat ideas. Regular academics, not so much.

>

> that makes sense - real relief to hear that it sounds like pretty

[Guest guest]

, makes a lot of sense - prob as he gets out of the teen stage, things will

settle down a bit too. It sounds like you are awesome in knowing how to read him

and keep him going forward. Love his ideas!

Rhonda

Re: And......now rituals are back

Rhonda, we are very close. Have been through alot together with his anxiety

stuff going on pretty much his whole life. His dad has been a trigger so it can

be hard sometimes being the buffer.

It is such a balance for me to direct him and not increase the anxiety. Too

much direction/interference is interpreted as controlling, which is what his dad

does. Rewards don't really work. Paper pencil, worksheets don't work. Must be

creative with which direction I want him to go and leading him there. Lots of

forward and then backstepping.

Had to laugh though when he told his dad what he wanted for his 18th birthday.

I am thinking, suitcase (because we were traveling), new camera, something for

his computer. He says a casting mold made of his face. For his wood project in

school, everyone makes gun cases,etc. He makes a huge throne, designed like it

is from the renaissance period. Luckily for him, his tech teachers let him go

with his offbeat ideas. Regular academics, not so much.

>

> that makes sense - real relief to hear that it sounds like pretty

[Guest guest]

,

" For example, I

believe people are generally good with good intentions. He is more distrustful

and assumes the worst about people. I need to point out things so he can be

more comfortable with people in general. "

This really stood out for me as I notice this with my son also. Can you give an

example of how you deal with that?

Judy

[Guest guest]

Could it be that he has had more negative experiences socially that makes him

feel this way?

Re: And......now rituals are back

,

" For example, I

believe people are generally good with good intentions. He is more distrustful

and assumes the worst about people. I need to point out things so he can be

more comfortable with people in general. "

This really stood out for me as I notice this with my son also. Can you give an

example of how you deal with that?

Judy

[Guest guest]

Judy, if he comes home from school and reports something about a teacher or

student, I have to be careful about how I respond. I can say general things

like, " must be hard for the teacher with so many students " or yea, Mondays are

hard days for everybody, or yes, the teacher could be more creative, but maybe

she is just having a bad day. I don't want to excuse some people's behaviors but

I know he is able to be empathetic and he can learn to cut people some slack.

What doesn't help is when my husband gets into lecture mode and responds with a

huge explanation of why the teacher needs to teach something or how it is so

important to learn something.

The most effective is when I am right there when the interaction occurs. He is

already stressed because he is in a stimulating environment like Walmart. So he

is on edge anyway. Somehow he assumes some person is looking at him negatively.

I am right there so I can see the person is waiting to get by or whatever. He

points out something negative and I can usually say, maybe that is true but also

maybe he is tired or overwhelmed in the store or worked all day. something along

that line since he is usually feeling the same way ( I am anyway). Usually that

shifts his thinking. He is really a kind person, that is what the teachers

always say. So I know he has that side to him.

Another thing I see his friends do is draw out his humor. He can look at the

negative side of situations so he could be a real downer to be around. He is

quite funny with his comments and his perceptions/imitations of people. I tell

him he would be a good comedian. So the friends laugh and say " Oh, Roy " . This

works to get him to shift into dry humor mode.

He has had social experiences that have been difficult but has found some good

friends now. These kids with anxiety are so sensitive to things around them. It

can be a negative time now with the energy crisis, wars, economy, us in turmoil

about our jobs, losing our right to negotiate, losing the recall election,

taking cuts in salaries. It has been helpful for him to study history and see

that history repeats itself and people get through tough times. Also, HE is the

one who tells my husband that we need to meet in the middle and not be so

extreme with taking sides politically. He got alot out of hearing Cory

Booker(mayor from N. Jersey) speak at Stanford grad. Very inspirational and

believable for Roy.

>

> ,

>

> " For example, I

> believe people are generally good with good intentions. He is more distrustful

> and assumes the worst about people. I need to point out things so he can be

> more comfortable with people in general. "

>

> This really stood out for me as I notice this with my son also. Can you give

an example of how you deal with that?

>

> Judy

>

[Guest guest]

" What doesn't help is when my husband gets into lecture mode and responds with a

huge explanation of why the teacher needs to teach something or how it is so

important to learn something. "

Thanks for that, I think I've played that role too often.

" He can look at the negative side of situations so he could be a real downer to

be around. He is quite funny with his comments and his perceptions/imitations of

people. I tell him he would be a good comedian. "

J is the same way, he has a great sense of humor and can have all of us

laughing. I've said the same thing about being a comedian.

" These kids with anxiety are so sensitive to things around them. "

I need to remind myself of this more often. Thanks for the response, it's really

helpful and encouraging.

I saw my therapist this morning and the conversation centered around me letting

go of external expectations of where a 19yr old male should be. I need to look

to J for that and be appreciative of the positive steps he's taking, not so

focused on the negatives.

" Everything will be all right in the end and if it's not all right, it's not the

end. "

Judy