Need advice

[Guest guest]

Well, first of all get her a copy of SWOE and then UTB! She's so lucky

to have you!!! BPs are threatened big time when their children grow up

and leave the nest...I hate you, don't leave me.....Plenty of people

here have had the same experience and she may have to find financial

aid. I was manipulated into staying at home and going to college in

order to keep nada happy. Your brother is major codependent so you

won't get help there. If you help your niece, then her nada will

certainly take out her anger and frustrations on you, hope you can

handle it. Families split over this stuff! She can join this group,

too, if she wants support.

College is her ticket to freedom so encourage to go for it, but also

expect that she has major strings attached to her parents just like the

rest of us KOs here. She's going to need a lot of support and

encouragement to break free. Good luck!

Ilene

mobycatus wrote:

> Hi, my name is Tina and I am asking for any advice on helping my

> niece whose mother (my brother's wife) is BP. My niece, who is

> 19yrs old, has been going through hell for the last year. Her mother

> has thrown tantrums before and raged and made sure her needs were

> always first but in the last year has really gone off the deep end!

> While my brother has condoned her behavior or is emotionally absent

> and refuses to see the damage he and his wife are doing to their

> daughter.

>

> My niece is a straight A-student, never got into trouble, very

> personable and extremely caring. She survived by complying with

> everything her parents asked. But now she is starting to break away,

> like most people do.

>

> Six months before she graduated high school she was accepted to a

> good college and was looking forward to going. Then things took a

> turn for the worst when she started dating a guy who her mother

> didn't approve of. (My family is white and he is Hispanic. ) My

> niece probably didn't think this would be a problem as my own

> husband is Hispanic.. But her mother has it in her mind that he has

> a wife somewhere, lost his job, will steal from them etc. None of it

> is true but she BELIEVES these lies SHE MADE UP! There was a strange

> guy in her neighborhood and she is convinced that this is a friend

> of the boyfriend casing the house. I've have met this boyfriend and

> he is actually very nice. He's still employed and sincerely cares

> for my niece. He must - to put up with the things her parents are

> doing.

> Since then my sister-in-law has:

>

> Threatened not to help her pay for college unless she stopped seeing

> this guy. Then criticized her for not going to college when my niece

> refused to be manipulated.

>

> Threatened to never speak to her again. Told her she had to move

> out. Then told her she would never make it on her own and said she

> was a failure.

>

> Told her she was fat (she's not), belittled her, humiliated her and

> sabotaged her. Then said that their (her and her daughter's)

> relationship would be fine. Then called her at her work just to

> scream at her.

>

>

> And so much more.....

>

> Any advice on what to do to help my niece would be appreciated.

>

>

>

>

> To get off the list, send a blank message to

> ModOasis-unsubscribe . Send questions & amp; concerns to

> ModOasis-owner . & quot;Stop Walking on Eggshells, & quot;

> a primer for non-BPs can be ordered via 1-888-35-SHELL ().

> For the table of contents, see http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone,

I already realized that there might be " fallout " from helping my

neice but I have been what I like to call " banished from the

Kingdom " before. There was a time that I didn't speak to my brother

or his wife for years. She has done this with her mother, her

father, her sister, her aunt, and now my mother - so it's nothing

new. However, my niece and I are not telling her parents that we

talk about it because I don't want it to get worse for her at home.

It finally got so bad for her that both my mother and I have offered

to have her move in with one of us. We all know that this is going

to cause problems, but strangely both my mother and I are apathetic.

We've been through it before and not talking to them is a relief.

Last week, after a huge fight with her parents, she decided to take

my mother up on her offer. She's planning to move in after the

holidays. She said she isn't planning to tell them where she's

moving because she doesn't want THAT fight. They will eventually

find out but all of us are prepared for it. I told her that when she

does, her mother is going to be furious, just so she's prepared.

Last week she got a storage shed to put her stuff in for the time

being. She told her dad who told her mom - This woman left work in

the middle of the day to go home and yell at her. " What the hell do

you think you're doing? " . She told her she was getting ready to move

out, like they wanted. Her mother told her that if she was so ready

than she could move out by the end of the week. She said okay. Then

her mother wanted to know where she would be going - all my niece

said is that she had " options " .

This girl loves her parents and they are really not bad people, but

they are blaming her for ALL their problems and she is the sweetest

person I know. Her mother is now telling lies about her to the rest

of the family. That she's a slut, she's into drugs, etc. Just

terrible things that aren't true. {Sigh} It's going to be battle for

the rest of her life, isn't it?

Thanks for listening.

> And might I just add--she is sure lucky to have such a caring

> relative! It is nice that you are wanting to help her have some

> peace, of course it isn't always possible for someone else to do

this

> for you--but I can say in my experience, it would have helped me

> tremendously to have someone " on my side. "

> > Stop Walking On Eggshells (by Mason), Understanding the

Borderline

> Mother (by

> > Lawson), and Boundaries (by Henry & Townsend) would make

excellent

> stocking

> > stuffers for your niece. There is no one single thing she can do

to

> overcome

> > this. It will be a long haul, but your neice sounds like a

lovely

> young woman

> > who deserves so much better. Help her get started into a healthy

> adulthood

> > with the most time ahead of her to enjoy it.

> >

> > And tell her often " I love you. You are not alone. Your feelings

> matter to

> > me. "

> > B. Bold

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Tina,

Just to echo what several others have already said...I think that

you are doing a wonderful thing by just listening to and loving your

niece. I hope that the living situation works out, but regardless,

I think it is simply invaluable for her to feel that she is not

alone. Perhaps you could give her a place to stay just until she

gets on her feet. From my personal experience, I can tell you that

one of the worst things about growing up with a BP was feeling so

scared and isolated. The BP does everything in her power to make

the child feel that he/she can not exist without her support. You

are helping your niece to understand that she can make it apart from

them. Establishing her independence won't be easy...it's a long

hard road. BUt it's wonderful that she will have a helping hand.

Best of luck, Gin

[Guest guest]

Thanks Gin, I just posted about 10 minutes before you did. Both my

mother and I have offered for her to live with one of us and she's

planning to move in with my mother after the holidays.

Tina

> Hi Tina,

> Just to echo what several others have already said...I think that

> you are doing a wonderful thing by just listening to and loving

your

> niece. I hope that the living situation works out, but

regardless,

> I think it is simply invaluable for her to feel that she is not

> alone. Perhaps you could give her a place to stay just until she

> gets on her feet. From my personal experience, I can tell you

that

> one of the worst things about growing up with a BP was feeling so

> scared and isolated. The BP does everything in her power to make

> the child feel that he/she can not exist without her support. You

> are helping your niece to understand that she can make it apart

from

> them. Establishing her independence won't be easy...it's a long

> hard road. BUt it's wonderful that she will have a helping hand.

> Best of luck, Gin

[Guest guest]

First two questions...why did you reengage her with a Christmas

present? You had been saying " no I don't want to talk to you " and now

" I want to send you a Gift because I " love " you " ? You need to decide

what your boundaries are and stick to them to avoid confusing the

situation. Second, why does it make you mad that she didn't visit your

nephew? We all have choices and she made her choice - we can't be mad

at some one for making a choice any more than they should be mad at us

for doing the same! She should not be allowed to talk to your children

if she is lying. My kids don't talk to my husband's mother for those

reasons...we don't trust her and her view of things. They don't talk to

mine either except by mail and they have very sound discernment.

Unfortunately, in the early stages of healing ourselves we want to take

our BP and chain them up until they admit to their wrong - doings, but

life doesn't work that way. As SWOE says, we have to set boundaries and

what we are actually doing is changing our responses and our

behaviors....not theirs! You can say most anything to a nada, but

they'll just turn it around and twist is and give it back to you with

hate. You can write a letter if you think it will help you, but don't

expect it to change anything...nadas don't do the " normal " thing.

If you pointed out that it hurt when she stepped on your toes, she'd

just say that you shouldn't have had your toes there! I hope you

understand what I'm trying to say. Good luck!

Ilene

Petra wrote:

> Hello everyone,

>

> I read this group, but have very little time to participate,

> unfortunately. Now I need some advice though. It is complicated,

> because it involves 2 languages, as I'm Dutch and communicate with Nada

> in Dutch.

> Despite all having read SWOE, I find my dad, my siblings and I are still

> all walking on eggshells. Mainly because we feel there is no use in

> making our true feelings/needs/wants known, as they'll be ignored

> anyway.

> My Nada moved to the Netherlands to live with another woman in

> September. I have not talked to her on the phone since late September,

> as I've refused to answer her calls (she can't stand that). I have

> however sent her a Christmas gift, which somehow sent her the message

> that all was well again (my fear already, but I was the all good child

> for 40 years, one does not just scratch that).

> Anyway, we've been emailing, with me biting my tongue, holding my

> fingers etc.

> Then, on Christmas Eve, she had an instant message conversation with my

> 12 year old and among other things told her that her grandfather was

> mean and that I was lying to her about the Christmas gifts we have not

> received, making me furious!

> Then, yesterday, I got an email from her and it's the usual pleasantries

> with hidden jabs. I wrote back with how I felt and told her the truth

> (my 8 months old nephew was in the hospital the past few weeks, very

> ill, she's 1 hour away and didn't go to visit, just an example of what

> infuriates me). I read it to my dad and my husband and they both think

> it's certainly right on for the truth, but it's sharp and does not spare

> her.

> Should I send it or not?

>

> Petra (mailto:Petra@...)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

First two questions...why did you reengage her with a Christmas

present? You had been saying " no I don't want to talk to you " and now

" I want to send you a Gift because I " love " you " ? You need to decide

what your boundaries are and stick to them to avoid confusing the

situation. Second, why does it make you mad that she didn't visit your

nephew? We all have choices and she made her choice - we can't be mad

at some one for making a choice any more than they should be mad at us

for doing the same! She should not be allowed to talk to your children

if she is lying. My kids don't talk to my husband's mother for those

reasons...we don't trust her and her view of things. They don't talk to

mine either except by mail and they have very sound discernment.

Unfortunately, in the early stages of healing ourselves we want to take

our BP and chain them up until they admit to their wrong - doings, but

life doesn't work that way. As SWOE says, we have to set boundaries and

what we are actually doing is changing our responses and our

behaviors....not theirs! You can say most anything to a nada, but

they'll just turn it around and twist is and give it back to you with

hate. You can write a letter if you think it will help you, but don't

expect it to change anything...nadas don't do the " normal " thing.

If you pointed out that it hurt when she stepped on your toes, she'd

just say that you shouldn't have had your toes there! I hope you

understand what I'm trying to say. Good luck!

Ilene

Petra wrote:

> Hello everyone,

>

> I read this group, but have very little time to participate,

> unfortunately. Now I need some advice though. It is complicated,

> because it involves 2 languages, as I'm Dutch and communicate with Nada

> in Dutch.

> Despite all having read SWOE, I find my dad, my siblings and I are still

> all walking on eggshells. Mainly because we feel there is no use in

> making our true feelings/needs/wants known, as they'll be ignored

> anyway.

> My Nada moved to the Netherlands to live with another woman in

> September. I have not talked to her on the phone since late September,

> as I've refused to answer her calls (she can't stand that). I have

> however sent her a Christmas gift, which somehow sent her the message

> that all was well again (my fear already, but I was the all good child

> for 40 years, one does not just scratch that).

> Anyway, we've been emailing, with me biting my tongue, holding my

> fingers etc.

> Then, on Christmas Eve, she had an instant message conversation with my

> 12 year old and among other things told her that her grandfather was

> mean and that I was lying to her about the Christmas gifts we have not

> received, making me furious!

> Then, yesterday, I got an email from her and it's the usual pleasantries

> with hidden jabs. I wrote back with how I felt and told her the truth

> (my 8 months old nephew was in the hospital the past few weeks, very

> ill, she's 1 hour away and didn't go to visit, just an example of what

> infuriates me). I read it to my dad and my husband and they both think

> it's certainly right on for the truth, but it's sharp and does not spare

> her.

> Should I send it or not?

>

> Petra (mailto:Petra@...)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ilene,

Thanks for responding! You're right, the Christmas gift was something I

agonized over. A year ago, my relationship with Nada still seemed quite

normal and these developments of her living in the Netherlands with

another woman are very recent. I'm still coming to grips with it and

the vicious way she is treating all of us, not just my dad.

I don't find it all as cut and dry as it seems on paper. She and I were

very close, over the past year I've come to realize that this behavior

is not something of just the past year, but the wounds are fresh.

And yes, I do love her, but I don't want to talk to her, because a

normal conversation is not possible. I've tried that, but the

boundaries I try to set keep being ignored.

As for my nephew, I don't know if " mad " was the right word, it just irks

me, that she can get away with all this and we're still tiptoeing around

her, as if she's not hurting everyone left and right.

What gets me, is that, even after reading SWOE, we're still too afraid

of her to put our foot down and say " to here and no further " , I wish I

knew what wisdom was in this case, partly, I'm afraid (and I know my

siblings are too), that what I do will finally drive her to commit

suicide. She has threatened this all through my life and part of me

fears to be the reason behind it (and suicide does run in her family in

a major way, so it's not unlikely she would do it).

Petra (mailto:Petra@...) Homepage: http://www.kjsl.com/~petra

Maaammmiiieee!!! to Katja ('90), Kai ('92) and Saskia ('95)

~~Exercise is important, but too many people confine their exercise to

jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending

over backward, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck.~~

First two questions...why did you reengage her with a Christmas

present? You had been saying " no I don't want to talk to you " and now

" I want to send you a Gift because I " love " you " ? You need to decide

what your boundaries are and stick to them to avoid confusing the

situation. Second, why does it make you mad that she didn't visit your

nephew? We all have choices and she made her choice - we can't be mad

at some one for making a choice any more than they should be mad at us

for doing the same! She should not be allowed to talk to your children

if she is lying. My kids don't talk to my husband's mother for those

reasons...we don't trust her and her view of things. They don't talk to

mine either except by mail and they have very sound discernment.

Unfortunately, in the early stages of healing ourselves we want to take

our BP and chain them up until they admit to their wrong - doings, but

life doesn't work that way. As SWOE says, we have to set boundaries and

what we are actually doing is changing our responses and our

behaviors....not theirs! You can say most anything to a nada, but

they'll just turn it around and twist is and give it back to you with

hate. You can write a letter if you think it will help you, but don't

expect it to change anything...nadas don't do the " normal " thing.

If you pointed out that it hurt when she stepped on your toes, she'd

just say that you shouldn't have had your toes there! I hope you

understand what I'm trying to say. Good luck!

Ilene

Petra wrote:

> Hello everyone,

>

> I read this group, but have very little time to participate,

> unfortunately. Now I need some advice though. It is complicated,

> because it involves 2 languages, as I'm Dutch and communicate with

Nada

> in Dutch.

> Despite all having read SWOE, I find my dad, my siblings and I are

still

> all walking on eggshells. Mainly because we feel there is no use in

> making our true feelings/needs/wants known, as they'll be ignored

> anyway.

> My Nada moved to the Netherlands to live with another woman in

> September. I have not talked to her on the phone since late

September,

> as I've refused to answer her calls (she can't stand that). I have

> however sent her a Christmas gift, which somehow sent her the message

> that all was well again (my fear already, but I was the all good child

> for 40 years, one does not just scratch that).

> Anyway, we've been emailing, with me biting my tongue, holding my

> fingers etc.

> Then, on Christmas Eve, she had an instant message conversation with

my

> 12 year old and among other things told her that her grandfather was

> mean and that I was lying to her about the Christmas gifts we have not

> received, making me furious!

> Then, yesterday, I got an email from her and it's the usual

pleasantries

> with hidden jabs. I wrote back with how I felt and told her the truth

> (my 8 months old nephew was in the hospital the past few weeks, very

> ill, she's 1 hour away and didn't go to visit, just an example of what

> infuriates me). I read it to my dad and my husband and they both

think

> it's certainly right on for the truth, but it's sharp and does not

spare

> her.

> Should I send it or not?

>

> Petra (mailto:Petra@...)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> Hello everyone,

>

> I read this group, but have very little time to participate,

> unfortunately. Now I need some advice though. It is complicated,

> because it involves 2 languages, as I'm Dutch and communicate with

Nada

> in Dutch.

> Despite all having read SWOE, I find my dad, my siblings and I are

still

> all walking on eggshells. Mainly because we feel there is no use in

> making our true feelings/needs/wants known, as they'll be ignored

> anyway.

> My Nada moved to the Netherlands to live with another woman in

> September. I have not talked to her on the phone since late

September,

> as I've refused to answer her calls (she can't stand that). I have

> however sent her a Christmas gift, which somehow sent her the

message

> that all was well again (my fear already, but I was the all good

child

> for 40 years, one does not just scratch that).

> Anyway, we've been emailing, with me biting my tongue, holding my

> fingers etc.

> Then, on Christmas Eve, she had an instant message conversation

with my

> 12 year old and among other things told her that her grandfather was

> mean and that I was lying to her about the Christmas gifts we have

not

> received, making me furious!

> Then, yesterday, I got an email from her and it's the usual

pleasantries

> with hidden jabs. I wrote back with how I felt and told her the

truth

> (my 8 months old nephew was in the hospital the past few weeks, very

> ill, she's 1 hour away and didn't go to visit, just an example of

what

> infuriates me). I read it to my dad and my husband and they both

think

> it's certainly right on for the truth, but it's sharp and does not

spare

> her.

> Should I send it or not?

>

> Petra (mailto:Petra@k...)

>

>

Petra,

I am first very sorry that this happened to your child~ I have not

yet read any responses from others, but my instinct is to send the

letter to your mother. She certainly did not spare you, nor your

child so she has only hurt herself and you are obviously p'd off and

very hurt. To not even care about an innocent 8 month old baby? To

not give a rats behind about your 12 yr old?

If it were me the letter would be in the mail. as a matter of fact I

plan on writing my NADA a letter when I am calm, clear and make my

bounderies known to her + I plan to use an Attorney as well (but I am

in a totally different situation than you).

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Kim

[Guest guest]

Ilene wrote:

> Unfortunately, in the early stages of healing ourselves we

> want to take our BP and chain them up until they admit to

> their wrong - doings, but life doesn't work that way.

This is a great description of how my sister still reacts to my

mother. She wants her to either do " the right thing " or to be

punished in some way. I believe my only responsibility is to set

my own boundaries, do what I believe to be right, and not worry

about whether my mother is doing " the right thing " unless she

violates one of my own boundaries. (an exception may be when

there are children involved who cannot take care of themselves,

e.g. my recent post about my niece/nephew).

> If you pointed out that it hurt when she stepped on your toes,

> she'd just say that you shouldn't have had your toes there!

Yes, that is a great example! My husband summarizes my mother's

attitude as, " Whatever the problem is, it's your fault! " My favorite

phrase is that for Mom, " give and take " means " You give and I take. "

Hugs,

Marjorie in Oregon

ahimsa@...

Free your books! See books I've set free at:

http://bookcrossing.com/referral/ahimsa

[Guest guest]

My 6 yr old son with autism, OCD, pans, and severe

Anxiety seems to have a new problem come

Up everyday. For the past couple of weeks

He won't watch tv unless he can eat. He is on

Medication for an ulcer so he can't eat within

2 hrs of a dose. If its not time to eat he refuses to watch

Tv. Normally u would say great my kid doesn't

Want to watch tv but my son obsesses on the fact

That he can't eat or watch tv until he can eat. Now...

Tonite I give him dinner at the tv and 10 minutes

Later I come in and he isn't eating. Something in his

Show grossed him out or upset him somehow

And he couldn't eat. It was pasta one of about

5 foods that he eats. He has fear of tasting new things

And sensory issues. He doesn't have rituals he just

Gets stuck on thoughts and at times he can't function

From all the thoughts in his brain ( usually when

He is sick ( Pans) that the OCD gets so severe.

I'm living on egg shells and feel she'll shocked most of the

Time. Was in hospital with him for two days last week

Due to dehydration and gastritis and he was an anxious

Mess the Entire time, it was horrible. I just feel

That I get started with one thing and am waiting

For the next thing if that makes any sense. I'm babbling.

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie, so I get he won't watch TV unless he can eat. But does he eat other

times of the day when he's not watching TV? (or is that the only time he can

eat, while watching)

My OCD/Aspergers son also was a picky eater. Probably less than 15 foods he

would eat growing up. I didn't worry too much about diet/nutrition (well, yeah,

I did) but just wanted him to get something in his stomach some days. It eased

up some as he got older than your son. But around your son's age, probably less

than 10 foods he'd eat, get that. Some due to texture, some due to just not

willing to try new things, some I think due to smell or looks. So I always tried

to have 2 things at meals he'd eat, and several times a week that meant mashed

potatoes (or some type potato) and biscuits. He also liked pasta, just no red

sauce allowed.

Is there a nutritious type drink he likes, like one of the Ensure or other

types? I hate he got so dehydrated! Did that motivate him to try a bit more

liquids or foods so it wouldn't happen again??

At one time it did seem things new would often pop up with OCD. Eventually it

settled so it didn't happen so often. But at times when his OCD would increase

(like with a fever), new stuff would pop up or the " regular " things increased;

took a few weeks to settle back down, newer stuff would stop.

I saw asked you some of the same questions I had, so will wait to comment

more when you reply to her. But on the bright side, my son eventually tried

more foods, this began a bit in middle school and much more in high school. He

now eats a better variety of foods than me, except fruits, he still won't eat

fruits.

>

> My 6 yr old son with autism, OCD, pans, and severe

> Anxiety seems to have a new problem come

> Up everyday. For the past couple of weeks

> He won't watch tv unless he can eat. He is on

> Medication for an ulcer so he can't eat within

> 2 hrs of a dose. If its not time to eat he refuses to watch

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie, so I get he won't watch TV unless he can eat. But does he eat other

times of the day when he's not watching TV? (or is that the only time he can

eat, while watching)

My OCD/Aspergers son also was a picky eater. Probably less than 15 foods he

would eat growing up. I didn't worry too much about diet/nutrition (well, yeah,

I did) but just wanted him to get something in his stomach some days. It eased

up some as he got older than your son. But around your son's age, probably less

than 10 foods he'd eat, get that. Some due to texture, some due to just not

willing to try new things, some I think due to smell or looks. So I always tried

to have 2 things at meals he'd eat, and several times a week that meant mashed

potatoes (or some type potato) and biscuits. He also liked pasta, just no red

sauce allowed.

Is there a nutritious type drink he likes, like one of the Ensure or other

types? I hate he got so dehydrated! Did that motivate him to try a bit more

liquids or foods so it wouldn't happen again??

At one time it did seem things new would often pop up with OCD. Eventually it

settled so it didn't happen so often. But at times when his OCD would increase

(like with a fever), new stuff would pop up or the " regular " things increased;

took a few weeks to settle back down, newer stuff would stop.

I saw asked you some of the same questions I had, so will wait to comment

more when you reply to her. But on the bright side, my son eventually tried

more foods, this began a bit in middle school and much more in high school. He

now eats a better variety of foods than me, except fruits, he still won't eat

fruits.

>

> My 6 yr old son with autism, OCD, pans, and severe

> Anxiety seems to have a new problem come

> Up everyday. For the past couple of weeks

> He won't watch tv unless he can eat. He is on

> Medication for an ulcer so he can't eat within

> 2 hrs of a dose. If its not time to eat he refuses to watch

>

[Guest guest]

My son does this for a couple of months and then

It just stops. He always does something though.

Now it's tounge clicking and chewing his blanket

When he's home. He also has chewelry which

Are necklaces that he can chew on. He used to wear

It to preschool but as he gets older the kids notice.

So, which is worse the chewed up shirt or a rubber necklace?

I got them at an Ot store online. I don't remember

Which one but just google chewelry.

> My 8 year old has been medicated for about a year now. Previously we

> did not medicate him because his OCD was not a problem, but since he is

> now in school, well you know....

> The problem that has manifested lately is his chewing on shirts. He is

> just tearing the collar right out of them not even realizing it until

> it is done. I know he can't help it, but it is quite frustrating

> watching all his clothes get tore up and it is frustrating for him

> because he can't stop. Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it

now.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son does this for a couple of months and then

It just stops. He always does something though.

Now it's tounge clicking and chewing his blanket

When he's home. He also has chewelry which

Are necklaces that he can chew on. He used to wear

It to preschool but as he gets older the kids notice.

So, which is worse the chewed up shirt or a rubber necklace?

I got them at an Ot store online. I don't remember

Which one but just google chewelry.

> My 8 year old has been medicated for about a year now. Previously we

> did not medicate him because his OCD was not a problem, but since he is

> now in school, well you know....

> The problem that has manifested lately is his chewing on shirts. He is

> just tearing the collar right out of them not even realizing it until

> it is done. I know he can't help it, but it is quite frustrating

> watching all his clothes get tore up and it is frustrating for him

> because he can't stop. Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it

now.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son used chew bracelets at that age because he chewed his sleeves. I dont

think this was a compulsion- more of a habit but still. He since has stopped (

maybe around 6th grade). He still bites his fingers til they almost bleed.

[Guest guest]

My son used chew bracelets at that age because he chewed his sleeves. I dont

think this was a compulsion- more of a habit but still. He since has stopped (

maybe around 6th grade). He still bites his fingers til they almost bleed.

[Guest guest]

My son used chew bracelets at that age because he chewed his sleeves. I dont

think this was a compulsion- more of a habit but still. He since has stopped (

maybe around 6th grade). He still bites his fingers til they almost bleed.

[Guest guest]

The level of anxiety that our kids have is truly over the top, and it seems to

flow over into these different behaviors. Two years ago I noticed that my son's

new athletic pants were all getting holes in the legs in the front. It took me

a while, but after noticing that these holes all involved starting with a pulled

thread, I realized that my son was doing it to help cope with his constant

anxiety. With medication and therapy, this got much better, but unfortunately

he now is a skin picker. Whenever he doesn't realize I am looking, I see him

picking the skin on his fingers. My daughter has compulsive hair pulling which

she has undercontrol now, but she seems to have substituted picking at her skin

for that. I bought a ton of fidget toys that you can get on-line, and I keep

them in a box in my den and they can go wherever my kids take them if it will

help them. Sometimes when my son is nervous while studying for school, I will

encourage him to play with one in his hands. I also keep several in my car for

the same reason.

Re: Need advice

My son does this for a couple of months and then

It just stops. He always does something though.

Now it's tounge clicking and chewing his blanket

When he's home. He also has chewelry which

Are necklaces that he can chew on. He used to wear

It to preschool but as he gets older the kids notice.

So, which is worse the chewed up shirt or a rubber necklace?

I got them at an Ot store online. I don't remember

Which one but just google chewelry.

> My 8 year old has been medicated for about a year now. Previously we

> did not medicate him because his OCD was not a problem, but since he is

> now in school, well you know....

> The problem that has manifested lately is his chewing on shirts. He is

> just tearing the collar right out of them not even realizing it until

> it is done. I know he can't help it, but it is quite frustrating

> watching all his clothes get tore up and it is frustrating for him

> because he can't stop. Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it

now.

>

>

[Guest guest]

The level of anxiety that our kids have is truly over the top, and it seems to

flow over into these different behaviors. Two years ago I noticed that my son's

new athletic pants were all getting holes in the legs in the front. It took me

a while, but after noticing that these holes all involved starting with a pulled

thread, I realized that my son was doing it to help cope with his constant

anxiety. With medication and therapy, this got much better, but unfortunately

he now is a skin picker. Whenever he doesn't realize I am looking, I see him

picking the skin on his fingers. My daughter has compulsive hair pulling which

she has undercontrol now, but she seems to have substituted picking at her skin

for that. I bought a ton of fidget toys that you can get on-line, and I keep

them in a box in my den and they can go wherever my kids take them if it will

help them. Sometimes when my son is nervous while studying for school, I will

encourage him to play with one in his hands. I also keep several in my car for

the same reason.

Re: Need advice

My son does this for a couple of months and then

It just stops. He always does something though.

Now it's tounge clicking and chewing his blanket

When he's home. He also has chewelry which

Are necklaces that he can chew on. He used to wear

It to preschool but as he gets older the kids notice.

So, which is worse the chewed up shirt or a rubber necklace?

I got them at an Ot store online. I don't remember

Which one but just google chewelry.

> My 8 year old has been medicated for about a year now. Previously we

> did not medicate him because his OCD was not a problem, but since he is

> now in school, well you know....

> The problem that has manifested lately is his chewing on shirts. He is

> just tearing the collar right out of them not even realizing it until

> it is done. I know he can't help it, but it is quite frustrating

> watching all his clothes get tore up and it is frustrating for him

> because he can't stop. Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it

now.

>

>

[Guest guest]

The level of anxiety that our kids have is truly over the top, and it seems to

flow over into these different behaviors. Two years ago I noticed that my son's

new athletic pants were all getting holes in the legs in the front. It took me

a while, but after noticing that these holes all involved starting with a pulled

thread, I realized that my son was doing it to help cope with his constant

anxiety. With medication and therapy, this got much better, but unfortunately

he now is a skin picker. Whenever he doesn't realize I am looking, I see him

picking the skin on his fingers. My daughter has compulsive hair pulling which

she has undercontrol now, but she seems to have substituted picking at her skin

for that. I bought a ton of fidget toys that you can get on-line, and I keep

them in a box in my den and they can go wherever my kids take them if it will

help them. Sometimes when my son is nervous while studying for school, I will

encourage him to play with one in his hands. I also keep several in my car for

the same reason.

Re: Need advice

My son does this for a couple of months and then

It just stops. He always does something though.

Now it's tounge clicking and chewing his blanket

When he's home. He also has chewelry which

Are necklaces that he can chew on. He used to wear

It to preschool but as he gets older the kids notice.

So, which is worse the chewed up shirt or a rubber necklace?

I got them at an Ot store online. I don't remember

Which one but just google chewelry.

> My 8 year old has been medicated for about a year now. Previously we

> did not medicate him because his OCD was not a problem, but since he is

> now in school, well you know....

> The problem that has manifested lately is his chewing on shirts. He is

> just tearing the collar right out of them not even realizing it until

> it is done. I know he can't help it, but it is quite frustrating

> watching all his clothes get tore up and it is frustrating for him

> because he can't stop. Does anyone have any suggestions?

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it

now.

>

>