Re: 13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or anyone)

[Guest guest]

Do everything you can to help him stay safe , healthy, and loved . He needs

time, love, and understanding. His mind is broken... don't break his heart. I

have been where you are.

Dana -Kennedy

( mother of 29year old son who had a severe onset of OCD at 16)

13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or

anyone)

My 13 year old son has severe OCD. We are on the waiting list for a Residential

treatment center. In the meantime I am haveing a very difficult time knowing

how to handle all this. Do we help him eat and get him dressed or leave him to

do it himself. We go back and forth on helping and not helping. We have pretty

much no help in our area as far as therapist trained in E/RP. Treatment centers

in our area just don't sound like they will be of any benefit to him nothing

that does E/RP. He has been in therapy for the last 3 years. My big question

would have to be where do I draw the line as a parent? How much do I help? If I

don't help at all he may end up in the hospital because he hasn't eaten. etc.

At this point it just seems like severe OCD(just right, perfectionism), no ADHD,

BDD maybe anerxia.

[Guest guest]

We also have a 13yo son with a lot of symptoms of OCD and/or other anxiety

disorders. It sounds like you have a more severe case with your son. So first of

all my thoughts are with you. Tough stuff.

 

Our next step is with a neuropsychologist to run a battery of assessments to

help us understand what may be going on. This step was recommended by our

company EAP after we were seemingly going nowhere with traditional therapy. We

are also on a waiting list for both an intensive and outpatient OCD therapy at

clinics in our area. Our challenge is the reticence on the part of our son,

along with severe tempers. We came to a point where I held the phone and

explained what would happen if I called 9-1-1, which helped keep at bay the

extreme behaviors. I am now prepared to use this going forward if necessary.

This would potentially have him hospitalized for 72 hours if he is deemed a

threat to himself or others. Short term you may need to consider a similar

option if he is unwilling or unable to take care of himself. What I had to learn

(from others in this group), is that this is common and okay. No decent parent

wants to take these steps, but at times tough

love is what is needed.

 

Not sure if this helps, but in any case I am thinking of you, your son and

family. Tough, really tough.

[Guest guest]

If it is that severe, he may benefit by starting medication now so that he will

be less caught up in the need for his compulsions and may be able to start

working with you even now. Have you read any of the books on OCD with him?

Does he agree that he has it? Where do you live? Perhaps someone here can

advise you of a place near you that does do ERP work with kids with OCD. Right

now you might want to try sitting down with him and making a list of the

compulsions that you are aware of or that he may be willing to share with you,

that are most affecting his life. Then order the list by how upsetting he would

be to stop doing each. Start tackling his not giving into the obsessions that

are the least anxiety producing for him. Since he is so enmeshed in his fears,

it would probably be helpful to both let him know that you do understand how

hard this is for him and to have him choose rewards he'd like as he moves up his

hierarchy of fears. For example, maybe it would be earning iTunes gift cards,

or something similar. It could also be helpful to let him know that you love

him so much that you don't want to feed his OCD, so you know you have to stop

enabling it, but you are willing to continue doing certain things on the higher

end of his hierarchy if he will work on stopping those that are the least

anxiety producing for now.

Hang in there! This can be tackled and your son can have a wonderful life!

13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or

anyone)

My 13 year old son has severe OCD. We are on the waiting list for a Residential

treatment center. In the meantime I am haveing a very difficult time knowing

how to handle all this. Do we help him eat and get him dressed or leave him to

do it himself. We go back and forth on helping and not helping. We have pretty

much no help in our area as far as therapist trained in E/RP. Treatment centers

in our area just don't sound like they will be of any benefit to him nothing

that does E/RP. He has been in therapy for the last 3 years. My big question

would have to be where do I draw the line as a parent? How much do I help? If I

don't help at all he may end up in the hospital because he hasn't eaten. etc.

At this point it just seems like severe OCD(just right, perfectionism), no ADHD,

BDD maybe anerxia.

[Guest guest]

I agree that he needs love and understanding, but his mind isn't " broken " , just

misperceiving things, and this can be worked on in a systematic way, (with the

help of medication if it is too difficult to do without it) so that he can move

on with his life.

13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or

anyone)

My 13 year old son has severe OCD. We are on the waiting list for a Residential

treatment center. In the meantime I am haveing a very difficult time knowing

how to handle all this. Do we help him eat and get him dressed or leave him to

do it himself. We go back and forth on helping and not helping. We have pretty

much no help in our area as far as therapist trained in E/RP. Treatment centers

in our area just don't sound like they will be of any benefit to him nothing

that does E/RP. He has been in therapy for the last 3 years. My big question

would have to be where do I draw the line as a parent? How much do I help? If I

don't help at all he may end up in the hospital because he hasn't eaten. etc.

At this point it just seems like severe OCD(just right, perfectionism), no ADHD,

BDD maybe anerxia.

[Guest guest]

Thanks!  He has been on medication for about 10 months.  We live in Knoxville

and he is on the wait list for in WI.  We have been reading the book

Take Control of OCD by Bonnie Zucker.  At times I feel like he is unwilling to

work on it.  I am not sure if he can't work on it or wont work on it.  There

doesn't seem to be any internal motivation. 

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 4:47 PM

Subject: Re: 13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for

DR.or anyone)

 

If it is that severe, he may benefit by starting medication now so that he will

be less caught up in the need for his compulsions and may be able to start

working with you even now. Have you read any of the books on OCD with him? Does

he agree that he has it? Where do you live? Perhaps someone here can advise you

of a place near you that does do ERP work with kids with OCD. Right now you

might want to try sitting down with him and making a list of the compulsions

that you are aware of or that he may be willing to share with you, that are most

affecting his life. Then order the list by how upsetting he would be to stop

doing each. Start tackling his not giving into the obsessions that are the least

anxiety producing for him. Since he is so enmeshed in his fears, it would

probably be helpful to both let him know that you do understand how hard this is

for him and to have him choose rewards he'd like as he moves up his hierarchy of

fears. For example, maybe

it would be earning iTunes gift cards, or something similar. It could also be

helpful to let him know that you love him so much that you don't want to feed

his OCD, so you know you have to stop enabling it, but you are willing to

continue doing certain things on the higher end of his hierarchy if he will work

on stopping those that are the least anxiety producing for now.

Hang in there! This can be tackled and your son can have a wonderful life!

13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or

anyone)

My 13 year old son has severe OCD. We are on the waiting list for a Residential

treatment center. In the meantime I am haveing a very difficult time knowing how

to handle all this. Do we help him eat and get him dressed or leave him to do it

himself. We go back and forth on helping and not helping. We have pretty much no

help in our area as far as therapist trained in E/RP. Treatment centers in our

area just don't sound like they will be of any benefit to him nothing that does

E/RP. He has been in therapy for the last 3 years. My big question would have to

be where do I draw the line as a parent? How much do I help? If I don't help at

all he may end up in the hospital because he hasn't eaten. etc. At this point it

just seems like severe OCD(just right, perfectionism), no ADHD, BDD maybe

anerxia.

[Guest guest]

Your right, misperceiving is more sugar coated word. However, in my son's

words who was a A student for 11years before a severe & sudden onset of OCD

which caused him to drop out of high school - and 3 varsity sports--

" his mind was broken " .

Dana -Kennedy

13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or

anyone)

My 13 year old son has severe OCD. We are on the waiting list for a Residential

treatment center. In the meantime I am haveing a very difficult time knowing

how to handle all this. Do we help him eat and get him dressed or leave him to

do it himself. We go back and forth on helping and not helping. We have pretty

much no help in our area as far as therapist trained in E/RP. Treatment centers

in our area just don't sound like they will be of any benefit to him nothing

that does E/RP. He has been in therapy for the last 3 years. My big question

would have to be where do I draw the line as a parent? How much do I help? If I

don't help at all he may end up in the hospital because he hasn't eaten. etc.

At this point it just seems like severe OCD(just right, perfectionism), no ADHD,

BDD maybe anerxia.

[Guest guest]

i always feel that there are 2 things to consider: What you need to do to treat

the disease ( CBT/ ERP) (plus or minus meds) and what you need to do to get

through life. These 2 are often at odds with eachother and should be looked at

separately. CBT/ERP should be done as " time out of reality " exercises, attaching

easier things first and harder things later. This is why just leaving him to do

it for himself in real life doesnt help, because you are not doing ERP, you are

just letting him fend for himself, without the appropriate structure and support

and rewards of ERP. helping him do stuff is what you need to do to help him get

through life. He has got to eat, drink, bathe, dress etc in order to live.

Helping him do thins does feed the illness, and eventually needs to be stopped,

but needs to be stopped in a stepwise and supported fashion. So, in the end I am

giving you no answer (sorry) except to say that you need to do both- it is a

fine line and a hard line and there are times if you are doing ERP that he will

be very upset and anxious( that is the whole point of ERP), but it is not done

24 hours a day in real life. Take the issues out of life and work on them as

time limited " exercise " . We have no good therapy here either ( actually recently

there is a guy who does ERP, but my son was dx 13 years ago at the age of 3 and

good luck finding someone to work with a 3 year old where we live). We had do it

ourselves most of his life. I would encourage you to read up on CBT/ ERP and

start in a minor fashion yourself while waiting for Rodgers. People on this

board say GREAT things about that place and I am sure they can handle and help

your son, BUT when he gets home you will be in the same boat as far as

therapists go, so you might as well get to work learning how to do it yourself.

( I have a lot of old posts about CBT/ERP if you search my name and am also

happy to discuss offline). See booklist in files section. Pinto Wagner has a 3

part series ( book for parents, book for children ( a little young for your

child- but still) and book for therapist- I ordered all 3 and learned to do it

myself). You could also consider an IOP program which might have a shorter

waiting list ( I know the one at USF in St Pete FL is great- run by

Storch)- the good thing about IOP is that you will learn to be a therapist at

the same time, or someone to do videophone therapy ( we did Scype therapy under

a study protocal that no longer exists, but some people have found therapists

who are doing it). Good luck

[Guest guest]

Wow that must have been tough! My son also took a dive right around age 16 and

became housebound from contamination fears. Can you share more what your son's

recovery was like and how he is doing now?

Barb (on this board) has talked about her son's treatment involving reconnecting

with parts of himself that were separated - I think different people describe it

in different ways. I wouldn't see " broken mind " as something derogatory about

OCD but rather how it feels inside.

Rhonda

13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for DR.or

anyone)

My 13 year old son has severe OCD. We are on the waiting list for a

Residential treatment center. In the meantime I am haveing a very difficult time

knowing how to handle all this. Do we help him eat and get him dressed or leave

him to do it himself. We go back and forth on helping and not helping. We have

pretty much no help in our area as far as therapist trained in E/RP. Treatment

centers in our area just don't sound like they will be of any benefit to him

nothing that does E/RP. He has been in therapy for the last 3 years. My big

question would have to be where do I draw the line as a parent? How much do I

help? If I don't help at all he may end up in the hospital because he hasn't

eaten. etc. At this point it just seems like severe OCD(just right,

perfectionism), no ADHD, BDD maybe anerxia.

[Guest guest]

That is soooooo interesting! During the past spring, both my son and I tried a

new med for OCD (a new SSRI) to see if it would affect our appetite less. What

happened was both of us fell into deep depressions and much increased OCD. How

we combatted it while we waited to see if the drug would finally do what it was

supposed to do for us (it didn't) was to watch crazy over the top tv shows that

would have us peeing in our pants with laughter. Ironically it was so healing

for us that I thought I should share these shows with good friends, but my

friends thought they were just plain ridiculous. I guess you need to be so

depressed to appreciate these shows ridiculously stupid humor.

Re: Re: 13 year old son with severe OCD (Question for

DR.or anyone)

As far as getting thru life meanwhile: we watched lots and lots of comedy movies

on DVD.

> i always feel that there are 2 things to consider: What you need to do to

treat the disease ( CBT/ ERP) (plus or minus meds) and what you need to do to

get through life. These 2 are often at odds with eachother and should be looked

at separately. CBT/ERP should be done as " time out of reality " exercises,

attaching easier things first and harder things later. This is why just leaving

him to do it for himself in real life doesnt help, because you are not doing

ERP, you are just letting him fend for himself, without the appropriate

structure and support and rewards of ERP. helping him do stuff is what you need

to do to help him get through life. He has got to eat, drink, bathe, dress etc

in order to live. Helping him do thins does feed the illness, and eventually

needs to be stopped, but needs to be stopped in a stepwise and supported

fashion. So, in the end I am giving you no answer (sorry) except to say that you

need to do both- it is a fine line and a hard line and there a

re times if you are doing ERP that he will be very upset and anxious( that is

the whole point of ERP), but it is not done 24 hours a day in real life. Take

the issues out of life and work on them as time limited " exercise " . We have no

good therapy here either ( actually recently there is a guy who does ERP, but my

son was dx 13 years ago at the age of 3 and good luck finding someone to work

with a 3 year old where we live). We had do it ourselves most of his life. I

would encourage you to read up on CBT/ ERP and start in a minor fashion yourself

while waiting for Rodgers. People on this board say GREAT things about that

place and I am sure they can handle and help your son, BUT when he gets home you

will be in the same boat as far as therapists go, so you might as well get to

work learning how to do it yourself. ( I have a lot of old posts about CBT/ERP

if you search my name and am also happy to discuss offline). See booklist in

files section. Pinto Wagner has a 3 part serie

s ( book for parents, book for children ( a little young for your child- but

still) and book for therapist- I ordered all 3 and learned to do it myself). You

could also consider an IOP program which might have a shorter waiting list ( I

know the one at USF in St Pete FL is great- run by Storch)- the good thing

about IOP is that you will learn to be a therapist at the same time, or someone

to do videophone therapy ( we did Scype therapy under a study protocal that no

longer exists, but some people have found therapists who are doing it). Good

luck

>