new to group- help, so discouraged!

[Guest guest]

My daughter is nine years old and has high functioning autism, OCD,

anxiety,sensory processing disorder and a possible dx of atypical bipolar

disorder.

I am so very frustrated and disheartened. Her OCD is the " just right " type and

she has many riutals in routine. Particularly in getting dressed and getting

into bed. The big problem with her riutals is that I am involved in all of

them. I have to stand a certain place, hand her her clothing a certain way, do

things in a very specific way, etc. She often has me re-do things because I

didnt do it right or, the big one- she " wasnt ready " . If I try to remove myself

or do it differently, etc. She freaks out and it takes even longer. She can

scream for hours. The other part of it is she talks in a very rude tone of

voice, yells at me often. I do ok with it for a while and then I am just

exhausted by it- it takes 45 mins on a good day for her to do the process of

getting into bed (just arranging the pillow, bedding, stuffed animals)which

should take all of 5 minutes at most. It has taken us up to three hours. It may

take 1 hour to put on a leotard for gymnastics. She has to arrange her

underwear over and over. The funny thing is. Some days she is better. She

still does the same rituals, but she is less agitated, she doesnt have to repeat

it as much, etc. And it takes much less time. When things are bad especially

when I am tired or weve had many bad days in a row, I end up yelling at her,

trying to explain over and over which only makes it worse and then I am left

with feeling so bad after. She constantly says I am so mean. That I am so

unfair to her, etc. Reasoning with her is impossible.

She does so well at school. She displays symptoms of anxiety but no rituals or

meltdowns. And sometimes I just start to feel like its me. I talked to my mom

today about her suggestion for my daughter to take the bus next year to school

(I think I will be having my kinder age son take it, so he's not late to school)

and I feel like that is totally unrealistic b/c we have been in crisis mode with

the transition to school all year. So much so that we have been referred to the

truancy board and now are dealing with a special ed lawyer to get Makenna an

accomodation of a shortened school day. My mom was so dismissive. She said

" well, you never know with kids. They just change all of a sudden... Maybe

taking the bus would be motivation to get out the door on time " . We've had this

discussion before and I can just tell when she disapproves. This would be

motivation? She's afraid to take the bus. I have a behavioral plan in place

for summer school to get her to take it. Am I crazy, here? My own mom doesnt

get it and it hurts.

I am sorry to vent. I just feel very alone. The school doesnt get it I feel

like no one gets it. Does any one have experience with OCD that involves the

control of another person? Its maddening. I need help. Suggestions?

Also, my daughter has a huge fear of wasps and bees and will not go outside.

She has not played outside this summer at all. Any ideas?

She's on risperdal and metadate. Recently taken off celexa due to new cardiac

warnings about the drug.

Thanks,